The good news is, you’ve met someone you’re crazy about online. While it’s normal to log on and read your emails and search for others until you’re exclusive, it’s often painful when your new love interest hasn’t taken his or her profile down.
Trina wrote to me saying she knew she had met ‘the one.’ Her new guy told her on the second date that he was crazy about her and started talking about the future. He wanted to see her all the time and everything was moving in a normal direction except, his profile was still active. This caused Trina great stress and as a result, she started logging on under a different user name over-and-over again to find out when the last time he had logged on.
Just because they haven’t unplugged their profile, doesn’t mean they’re looking for a better option
For Trina, it became a downward spiral that she couldn’t stop. I told Trina, before she started sabotaging her relationship by becoming a cyber-sleuth, she needed to know that there are many reasons why his profile is still active.
- He might be too busy with work to take it down
- He might be curious as to who has written to him, but isn’t responding
- He might be too busy juggling his children
- He might realize her profile is still up
The bottom line is, a man often doesn’t see taking his profile down as a priority if he’s courting a woman and behaving like a boyfriend. It falls into the category of digital housekeeping. Instead, this guy was keeping his family and work commitments in order, while trying to court Trina. She receives daily text messages and phone calls from her new guy. From where I stand, he was showing her by his actions, that he wanted her to be his girlfriend.
If this story sounds familiar, I urge you to stop peeking at his or her profile. Stop obsessing what they’re doing when they’re not with you. When a man is juggling, work, joint-custody of children, and his career, he’s got a full and justifiable plate.
The best thing you can do during this in-between period is to stop logging on. Keep yourself busy and be the confident beautiful woman you are. In time, both of you will know when it’s time to have the profile unplugging conversation, but do you really think he’d like to know you’ve been spying on him? It just might send him running for the digital hills.
If you have a burning dating question for Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert, send it to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace or wherever you may roam.
If a picture tells a thousand words, how does this digital habit affect your dating and love life?
With over 200 million users and 20 million photos shared daily on Instagram, dating can bring authenticity for single daters who are looking for love online on their mobile phones. These days, it’s not unusual for singles to check out both Facebook and Instagram photos of potential dates so see their recent activity, favorite restaurants, what interests and passions they have, and to find out if they have friends in common.
Are you ready to hop onboard for a tutorial on photo love?
In a recent interview with the New York Post, I explained how to successfully date with the help of Instagram.
How to Find Love on Instagram
1. First find someone who interests you, and start following him or her.
2. Start liking a couple of his or her photos.
3. After a week or so, start commenting on the photos.
4. Finally, find your potential crush on Facebook and send him or her a private message.
New Mobile App Glimpse Helps Daters Find Love on Instagram
If you’d like to find a simple way to flirt and date on ‘Insta’ without approaching someone who isn’t single, there’s a new mobile dating app called Glimpse, which helps singles get to know each other with more than a swipe.
How it works, is you’ll sign up with your Instagram account and select a primary photo from your Instagram account or your Camera Roll on your mobile phone.
Then you can select nine of your favorite photos that describe your personality and you’re ready to go. Users can specify their age filters and sexual orientation to help find the best matches.
Once you’re signed up, they’ll send you profiles of people nearby first. Then you’ll start receiving profile matches from singles in other cities to expand your horizons. When you view a profile that interests you, swipe up to see their nine selected photos. Sure there are a lot of food shots, but if you’re a sushi lover, you just might find the perfect date based upon his or her photos. If you think you’ll click, tap on the smile button and your potential date will be notified and you can start chatting.
Elan Miller, co-founder and CEO of Glimpse says the reply rate to first contact is over 70%. I can tell you that number is huge as compared to most traditional online dating sites and many mobile dating apps. “Photos (of how we see the world) are really effective icebreakers. Instead of the generic “hi” or “pickup line” people have something natural to talk about. Early feedback has been the tone/environment of Glimpse is way different from anything else out there,” says Miller.
With over 200 billion photos now shared on Instagram, isn’t it time you gave it a shot for dating?
Would you use Instagram to check out a date or to actively pursue a relationship? Your comments are welcome.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and coaches singles on the dating scene with her Irresistible Profiles programs. For more dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.
The Cyber-Dating Expert Weekly Flirt is now ready for your reading pleasure. We’re live from Las Vegas from the NAB Conference with 100,000 broadcasters.
In this edition of the Weekly Flirt, read about online dating tips for spring fever, meet a lovely couple who fell in love on eHarmony, and find out if you’re dating or in the friend zone. Enjoy!
The NAB is the world’s largest broadcasting conference and electronic media show. They’ve partnered with our friends at the New Media Expo to create a place for broadcasters, technology enthusiasts, and content creators to relax during the conference. There will be over 80,000 people in attendance this year.
Our bags are packed and you’re invited to join in on the festivities.
Monday, April 7th 2:30pm – 3:45pm
Las Vegas Convention Center, Pavillion 9
This panel brings together the experience of international consultants and a broadcaster turned social media strategist with combined experience (50+ years) to counsel about to be graduates on how to land their first gig… and build a career on top of that first gig.
Presenters: Valerie Geller, Expanding Your Connections: Going Mobile
Pat Bryson, Make Your Connections So You Know The Person Who Can Make Your Hiring Decision
Julie Spira, How to Connect Through Social Media to Create Your Personal Brand
Tuesday, April 8th 1:30pm – 2:00pm
On Tuesday, April 9th, Join Julie at the NAB Store in the Central Hall for a book signing for the bestseller, “The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.”
Now’s your chance to get your autographed copy! The book signing will take place from 1:30pm – 2:00pm. Don’t miss it!
PODCASTING AT THE NEW MEDIA LOUNGE
Join Julie Spira as she podcasts Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show LIVE from the NMX New Media Lounge at NAB in Las Vegas on April 8th and 9th at 4pm/PT.
Located at the North Hall of the Las Vegas Convention Center, The NMX at NAB New Media Lounge.
If you can’t make it to Las Vegas, make sure to call in to the radio show with your questions about digital dating and how you can find love online. The call-in number is 646-929-0012 or tweet your questions to @JulieSpira.
Do you assume that once you push the send button, that the person on the other end will decide if you’ve made the cut or not?
In Diane’s words:
Steve was one of the first men I noticed and I was instantly attracted. He said he was too. What clinched it for me was his ability to write and express himself clearly – and with proper spelling and grammar. Silly maybe, but since I’m a writer that’s important to me, plus it gave me real insight into his character.
Somehow, by mistake, we bypassed the controlled communication part of eHarmony and went straight to emailing each other through their website. He quickly explained he was going out of the country for a few weeks to work on a project so we would have to delay meeting. We sent a few emails back and forth before he left, but then there was nothing for about a month. Nada. I feared the worst (he’d found someone else or lost interest). Meanwhile Steve was thinking the same about me.
But what had actually happened was my last email to him had somehow timed out or gone astray so he thought I’d stopped communicating. I thought he hated what I’d written so had backed off.
Fortunately, he took a leap of faith and contacted me again when he returned. I was elated.
We met for the first time over coffee shortly after that, agreeing we’d also go out for dinner that night if all went well. And it did. The rest is history as they say. We more than hit it off. We began seeing each other all the time, going out to concerts, watching movies and cooking beautiful meals together. We shared our life stories, our triumphs and our heartbreaks, and began to blend our two worlds together.
The following spring we flew to Paris for a holiday and while securing our ‘love lock’ to a Paris bridge alongside thousands of others, he pulled a diamond ring from his pocket, dropped to one knee and asked me to marry him. Somewhat shocked and more than a little embarrassed by the public display, I urged him to get up – and awkwardly mumbled ‘ya sure’ in answer to the question. ‘Ya sure’ has since become a loaded phrase for us. “Do you feel like going out for dinner?” “Ya sure.”
That fall Steve moved into my house in a nearby city and we began the process of merging and purging (we had 16 frying pans between us.)
Last summer we had a beautiful backyard wedding with 50 of our closest friends and family members. It was a magical day. Everyone danced – even the old folks in their 80s. Steve was 62, retired and a widower when I met him. I was 56 and divorced. We are deliriously happy in our new life together. Our story proves it’s never too late to find true love.
Congratulations to Steve and Diane who found an other chance at love.
Do you have an online dating story to share?
Are you an Internet dating success couple? Send us your story and you might get featured in our Cyber Love Story series.
Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. Julie was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been helping singles find love online for 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles and Online Dating BootCamp programs.