This entry for The Peril of the Week comes from Amanda, a 27-year old native New Yorker who’s living with her parents in Long Island.
We’ve talked a lot about men and women who say they’re single, when in fact, their relationship status is, “Separated, divorce pending.” Amanda’s been dating online and thought she met a great guy with “Jerry.” Can you relate?
Read about Amanda’s dating dilemma and feel free to share yours as well.
My mother always told me I should try dating a man with children. “They can commit and you like to cook…” She said. (That’s the same logic behind dating a man in prison right? They can commit to hard time and I can bake them pies?) I decided to scope out the single daddy-scene and met “Jerry,” a self described bachelor, father, financier and as I would learn later problem drinker. I arrived at the Jade hotel for dinner wearing leather Prada heels, (which I should have done a lap in beforehand) Paige denim jeans (that made my legs look like stilts), and a sheer blouse which my mother kindly says indicates “an obvious padded bra.” I may not have Victoria Beckham’s body or budget but I promise you one thing, I am workin’ it. “
Jerry” was shockingly better looking in person. (Contrary to most dates where the photo sent online looks like George Clooney and you end up meeting his 3rd cousin, a Japanese sumo wrestler.) “Jerry” and I were instantly attracted to one another and we immediately delved deep into conversation. He whipped out his iPhone, displaying a gallery of pictures, his heart melting each time he spoke of his gorgeous children. This quickly switched to talk of his “ex” wife who I could have easily mistaken for Cruella Deville.
“Jerry,” a well-known financial executive, traveled often which made me realize a relationship would be impossible. (Why didn’t this occur to me beforehand? Well that would indicate a trace of commonsense yes? ) As our meal progressed, I noticed “Jerry’s” story regarding his “situation” began to crumble.
Although I don’t drink, I do prefer my dates to consume copious amounts of liquor. I find it acts as a form of Sodium Thiopental (Pentothal), commonly referred to as “truth serum.” At the opening of the date, “Jerry’s” story began with, “my “ex” wife and I are divorced and I live in the city.” Two drinks later, “I sleep in the basement of our home.” (I asked if he would care for some dessert wine.)
“Jerry’s” divorce turned out to be in litigation and nowhere near final. I was afraid what I would find out if I offered him some SAKE! Was he really a woman? My friend “Demi” told me something very smart once. “It’s very easy for a man to remove a ring. Who knows how many men say they are divorced that we have dated.” Seven glasses of wine later and it was time for the check. “Jerry” pulled out his black card and handed it to the waitress. “I’m sorry sir, it’s declined!” She SHOUTED! I was actually under the impression that black cards had an unlimited spending limit but did someone not pay their bill? He looked as if he had seen a dead relative (shocked) and handed the server another card.
Here is a tip to all men: Call your credit card company before going to dinner and be sure to conjure up a convincing story. Even if it is a lie learn your lines.
Read more of Amanda’s shenanigans at theyoungandthefearless.com
Do you have a dating disaster story to share?
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. She creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
Tinder, now into its second year has captured the hearts of millions and has a flame that seems to be burning hot. Once suggested as a hook up app, Tinder is now a social discovery and dating app that’s responsible for many relationships. Recently, Tinder was estimated at a value of $5 billion. That’s a big number for the new kid in town. They’re also now validating celebrity profiles, because even many in Hollywood have jumped on the Tinder bandwagon.
So how does one find love on the fastest growing mobile dating app?
Finding love on your mobile phone has become all the rage. We no longer have to go home to check our inboxes to see if there’s been an email received by a potential suitor. I believe the reason that Tinder is so successful is because it’s so simple to use.
1. Singles download the mobile app to their phone and sign up through Facebook. The app will grab your profile and some photos, of which you can edit to your liking and you’re ready to start swiping left or right to find your dream match.
2. Make sure you use the filters available to select your age range, distance, and preference of meeting a man or a woman.
3. When you swipe to the right or click on the “heart” icon, you’ve accepted the profile as a potential match and lets you know that you’re a mutual match and can start chatting privately. When you swipe to the left or click on the “x” icon, you anonymously take a pass on the profile.
4. Those who are serious about finding a relationship, should take the time to read the profile by clicking on the “i” icon to see shared interests from Facebook and also see if you have mutual friends in common.
5. Tinder sends you a push notification if you receive a message from a match or if you’re a mutual match so you can start chatting privately.
6. If someone is bothering you on Tinder, you can block their profile or report it.
Is it a game or are you dating?
It’s quite simple, but how do those get out of the frenzy game approach? After all, it does give you a choice to “keep playing.”
Those who are having fun with the app or are using it as a distraction at lunch, may be taking a more voyeuristic approach to see if they’re a mutual match or not. Sure it can boost your ego, but if you’re not taking the relationship from online to offline, plain simply, you’re not dating.
In a recent conversation with two of the co-founders, Sean Rad and Justin Mateen at the LA Tech Summit, Rad explained that when they started Tinder, they had the fundamental belief that in a couple of years, the computer will be extinct and every application will be on the mobile phone. This is a huge shift in social behavior and Tinder is riding this wave.
My hairdresser met her boyfriend on Tinder. I know many successful relationships that credit Tinder for helping them to find love from the convenience of their mobile phones. I’m helping singles who are connecting on Tinder with the dating process and the trend is going to continue to rise.
Is there Tinder Anxiety Disorder?
But can someone suffer from Tinder anxiety disorder? What happens if you swipe the wrong way? A single man from Los Angeles called me with this very dilemma. He swiped to the left in error and had meant to swipe right. He was quite upset because he really liked this girl’s profile. He managed to find her on Facebook and wrote her a lengthy email on Facebook to let her know he swiped the wrong way and was hoping that she had swiped to the right and would remember him. He didn’t hear back. When you’re playing the game of Tinder, I caution you not to rush into the process and be caught up in a swiping frenzy.
Just like those who thought online dating was something to be hush-hush about ten years ago, those who are embracing Tinder and other mobile dating apps are finding this an efficient way to date, while having fun in the process. As with all dating sites and apps, you must state your dating goals and intentions. After you start chatting with someone for a while, it’s time to meet in person. Even if there’s not a love connection, you just might have made a new friend in the process.
Are you using the Tinder dating app?
Your comments are welcome.
Julie Spira is an online dating and mobile dating expert who’s been helping singles find love online for 20 years. She’s the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert and is the host of Mobile Dating BootCamp. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
The good news is, you’ve met someone you’re crazy about online. While it’s normal to log on and read your emails and search for others until you’re exclusive, it’s often painful when your new love interest hasn’t taken his or her profile down.
Trina wrote to me saying she knew she had met ‘the one.’ Her new guy told her on the second date that he was crazy about her and started talking about the future. He wanted to see her all the time and everything was moving in a normal direction except, his profile was still active. This caused Trina great stress and as a result, she started logging on under a different user name over-and-over again to find out when the last time he had logged on.
Just because they haven’t unplugged their profile, doesn’t mean they’re looking for a better option
For Trina, it became a downward spiral that she couldn’t stop. I told Trina, before she started sabotaging her relationship by becoming a cyber-sleuth, she needed to know that there are many reasons why his profile is still active.
- He might be too busy with work to take it down
- He might be curious as to who has written to him, but isn’t responding
- He might be too busy juggling his children
- He might realize her profile is still up
The bottom line is, a man often doesn’t see taking his profile down as a priority if he’s courting a woman and behaving like a boyfriend. It falls into the category of digital housekeeping. Instead, this guy was keeping his family and work commitments in order, while trying to court Trina. She receives daily text messages and phone calls from her new guy. From where I stand, he was showing her by his actions, that he wanted her to be his girlfriend.
If this story sounds familiar, I urge you to stop peeking at his or her profile. Stop obsessing what they’re doing when they’re not with you. When a man is juggling, work, joint-custody of children, and his career, he’s got a full and justifiable plate.
The best thing you can do during this in-between period is to stop logging on. Keep yourself busy and be the confident beautiful woman you are. In time, both of you will know when it’s time to have the profile unplugging conversation, but do you really think he’d like to know you’ve been spying on him? It just might send him running for the digital hills.
If you have a burning dating question for Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert, send it to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace or wherever you may roam.
If a picture tells a thousand words, how does this digital habit affect your dating and love life?
With over 200 million users and 20 million photos shared daily on Instagram, dating can bring authenticity for single daters who are looking for love online on their mobile phones. These days, it’s not unusual for singles to check out both Facebook and Instagram photos of potential dates so see their recent activity, favorite restaurants, what interests and passions they have, and to find out if they have friends in common.
Are you ready to hop onboard for a tutorial on photo love?
In a recent interview with the New York Post, I explained how to successfully date with the help of Instagram.
How to Find Love on Instagram
1. First find someone who interests you, and start following him or her.
2. Start liking a couple of his or her photos.
3. After a week or so, start commenting on the photos.
4. Finally, find your potential crush on Facebook and send him or her a private message.
New Mobile App Glimpse Helps Daters Find Love on Instagram
If you’d like to find a simple way to flirt and date on ‘Insta’ without approaching someone who isn’t single, there’s a new mobile dating app called Glimpse, which helps singles get to know each other with more than a swipe.
How it works, is you’ll sign up with your Instagram account and select a primary photo from your Instagram account or your Camera Roll on your mobile phone.
Then you can select nine of your favorite photos that describe your personality and you’re ready to go. Users can specify their age filters and sexual orientation to help find the best matches.
Once you’re signed up, they’ll send you profiles of people nearby first. Then you’ll start receiving profile matches from singles in other cities to expand your horizons. When you view a profile that interests you, swipe up to see their nine selected photos. Sure there are a lot of food shots, but if you’re a sushi lover, you just might find the perfect date based upon his or her photos. If you think you’ll click, tap on the smile button and your potential date will be notified and you can start chatting.
Elan Miller, co-founder and CEO of Glimpse says the reply rate to first contact is over 70%. I can tell you that number is huge as compared to most traditional online dating sites and many mobile dating apps. “Photos (of how we see the world) are really effective icebreakers. Instead of the generic “hi” or “pickup line” people have something natural to talk about. Early feedback has been the tone/environment of Glimpse is way different from anything else out there,” says Miller.
With over 200 billion photos now shared on Instagram, isn’t it time you gave it a shot for dating?
Would you use Instagram to check out a date or to actively pursue a relationship? Your comments are welcome.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and coaches singles on the dating scene with her Irresistible Profiles programs. For more dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.
The Cyber-Dating Expert Weekly Flirt is now ready for your reading pleasure. We’re live from Las Vegas from the NAB Conference with 100,000 broadcasters.
In this edition of the Weekly Flirt, read about online dating tips for spring fever, meet a lovely couple who fell in love on eHarmony, and find out if you’re dating or in the friend zone. Enjoy!