When it comes to love and romance, that good morning text or smiley face emoticon can make your day. Receiving a text when your date gets home to say he had a great time will help you fall asleep with a smile on your face. Hearing the chime on your phone with a simple, “Sweet dreams” is an almost guarantee that you’ll be dreaming about him.
On the opposite end of the digital spectrum, the absence of a daily text or a change in routine can send many in new relationships and the lovelorn into an unnecessary panic attack. Let’s face it. Women often tend to over-analyze the word count and sentence structure of every text they receive from men. What’s intended to just make sure you have a connection and to keep the momentum going often ends up with a bad reaction of sending a text you wish you hadn’t pushed the send button on, or not sending any reply at all. It’s enough to make you lose sleep at night, grab a pint of ice cream, or dial ten girlfriends to ask them what to do. It’s exhausting and unnecessary. It’s just a text or a way to ping someone to stay in touch, not a relationship measuring stick on whether he’s into you or not.
Most people are so attached to their cell phones that they sleep with them at night or would put them in the shower with them if they were waterproof. Texting can be addicting, but is a great form of digital foreplay.
If the rhythm of your texts has gone awry from your digital crush, here are some of the reasons why and tips on how to stay calm when your phone isn’t chirping or vibrating.
1. He’s Busy. Men are typically goal-oriented and work and projects are at the top of their list. He might be stuck in a meeting all day out of the office and forgot to tell you his schedule. He might be compartmentalizing and getting his tasks done for the day before he starts to think about romance with you. He might be on an airplane without WiFi. The list goes on. If he isn’t texting you, it doesn’t mean you’re not on his mind. Women on the other hand are great at multitasking. They text, talk, tweet, and blow-dry their hair at the same time.
What to do: Take a deep breath. It’s just a text and not a life-threatening illness. Understand he may not even realize the last time he sent you a text. If you’re on his mind, he might think things are fine.
2. He Responds with One Word. Does it upset you when you write a sweet long text and he replies, with, “ok” or “yep” or “nope?” If so, you’re not alone.
What to do: Reply back with a short text. Use an emoticon such as a happy face to acknowledge it. Women tend to be more gabby. Guys who are busy read the text reply quickly and move on. Don’t look at his word-count as a lack of interest. He’s not keeping score, nor should you.
3. He Hasn’t Figured Out Your Relationship Status.If you started out as friends and moved into casual dating, he might not be sure if it’s time to get serious or not. Going steady is a big deal to guys. It means they typically won’t be keeping their options open anymore. Rather than disappearing permanently, his texts might become less frequent while he sorts it out.
What to do: Stop living and judging the health of your new relationship based upon the frequency of texts. Take the time to enjoy the moments you have together and don’t over think or spend your precious time projecting to the future. Allow your relationship to progress at its own pace. Women worry about relationship labels. Men think about how they feel when they are around you and miss you when you’re apart. When he realizes you’re a catch and doesn’t want anyone stealing his girl, he’ll amp it up. Don’t ask him why he hasn’t sent you a text in five days. When you hear from him, be happy and respond to keep the digital dialog going.
4. He has a girlfriend or is involved. Some guys are just flirts by nature. They like to engage in digital conversations with women to boost their egos to keep their options open. If he’s texting you sporadically, but not putting a date on the calendar or changing plans last minute, he just might be setting you up as a back-up girl or might have had a bump on the road with his steady sweetie.
What to do: Ask him. Be blunt and honest. If he can’t schedule something with you on the weekends, but loves to text with you during the week, you should be filling up your date card and keeping your options open. Let him know you’d like to be friends, but don’t allow yourself to get invested in a relationship where you’re just the backup girl. Who really wants to play second fiddle?
5. He always replies a day later. Most of us are attached to our phones, but sometimes the battery life gets depleted, the phone is turned off, someone went to sleep early, family commitments get in the way, or they glanced at your text and decided to reply in the morning. All of these scenarios are natural. However if every text is returned 24 hours later, then realize that he just isn’t that interested in you or is playing hard to get. The digital flow just isn’t happening.
What to do: You can mirror his actions by taking another 24 hours to reply, but it’s just game-playing. Let him know that you enjoy receiving texts from him and the daily banter. If he still doesn’t up the ante, find someone else who can’t wait to see your text or emoticon on his phone.
Remember, communication in relationships is key and everyone these days use their cell phones for calls, texts, tweets, and facebook comments or likes. Let your guy know that staying in touch when you’re apart and that his texts put a smile on your face. Don’t play texting games and punish him by not replying to his texts when he sends them. No one wants to be with someone who is playing too hard to get. Show that you appreciate it when he takes the time to send you a text. Keep those smiley face emoticons in your text replies when you’re happy to hear from him.
At the end of the digital day, texting is just one ingredient in the recipe for love, it’s not the sole defining factor in your relationship.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com, where they create Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene and help daters swipe right on mobile apps such as Tinder. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
On Friday, April 22nd, the world will celebrate Earth Day. The awareness of Earth Day has grown dramatically since it was first started in 1970. Now, we are taking it further and are honoring our earth all week long, so you can continue throughout the weekend.
According to PartyEarth.com, Earth Day is now celebrated by over one billion people in nearly 200 countries around the globe. They have a list of activities you can attend in a variety of cities around the world.
Here are some fun and romantic suggestions on what to do with your date on Earth Week
- Attend a cleanup of local bodies of water in your area.
- Plant a tree in a botanical garden.
- Go to a park and recite nature poems.
- Wear green and brown or Earth Day tee shirts.
- Cook a meal with organically grown vegetables.
- Turn off your cell phone and enjoy the moments together without technology.
- Go to a beach or park and have a picnic with organic wine and organic food.
ABC News has provided a list of freebies and specials for Earth Day here.
Happy Earth Day to you and your loved ones.
How will you be celebrating Earth Day?
It was a joy and pleasure to be a guest on Larry King Now, with guest host Katherine Schwarzenegger on the topic of mobile dating, Tinder, online dating, and dating in the Digital Age.
In the full segment, “Swipe Right: Dating in the Digital Age,” I was joined by Grant Langston from eHarmony, Psychologist Rob Weiss, and Johnny Drubel.
From how many photos to put on your profile to finding love and hooking up, watch Katherine and I discuss the segment below:
Expert Opinion: How to Create Your Best Dating Profile
Full interview: Swipe Right: Dating in the Digital Age
It’s an honor and joy to share with you that my friend and bestselling author Ken Page will be hosting a free tele-seminar on Wednesday, March 25th at 5:30pm/PT, 8:30pm/ET.
If you don’t yet know Ken, he’s a renowned psychotherapist, nationally syndicated columnist and the bestselling author of Deeper Dating: How to Drop The Games of Seduction and Discover the Power of Intimacy, of which I contributed to the section on online dating in his book.
Ken believes that the magic and aliveness of our essential self is the bullet train to healthy love, transforming our dating life from an arduous process of too many dead end connections into a soulful, deep and exciting process of discovering self and “other.”
Ken’s focus won’t be on fixing yourself to find love, but rather on honoring and
expressing your innate gifts — and his groundbreaking concepts and techniques are all backed by solid research.
This is life-changing work. I have been personally very moved by the authenticity and wisdom of Ken’s teachings.
I hope to “see” you there! It’s FREE to attend and you’ll receive a recording if you can’t listen live as well.
Sign up here and claim your free seat. I just did!
As always, I wish you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
It’s a great honor to be quoted on Shape.com in the article, Dressing Sexy on a Date – Dating Tips: Beauty Tweaks That Are Big Turn-On’s For Guys.
If you’re wondering if that bright red lipstick says you’re hot, or not to a guy. Here are some highlights, but check out the full article on Shape.com.
“For a first date, red shows confidence, which is the ultimate aphrodisiac.”
“Plus, red is the color of love and romance. Red is the color of the stop sign.”
A survey conducted by Zoosk showed that 66% of men didn’t like dark makeup.
“Most men like a natural look over a heavily made up look, so ditch the smoky eye and red lipstick in favor of a natural gloss and a huge smile.”
Thinking of showing off your cleavage? Not just yet.
“If you dress with too much cleavage, it’s a turn-off.”
“Wear a top completely buttoned-up but form fitted to show off your gorgeous curves.”
Dress like a classic beauty, not the trend queen.
“When you dress over-the-top in a fancy outfit, men often think you’re a high-maintenance girl.”
“Wear a simple dress to show off your feminine side on a date. Or, if it’s a daytime date, jeans and a cute t-shirt are always a good idea.”
Leave the Lingerie at Home
Ready for that first overnight?
“While men fantasize about hot lingerie, it’s usually not with the girl he wants to take home to the family.”
“Wear something comfortable and sexy, but not slutty.”
Many thanks to Jenna Birch for the great interview. Ladies, are you ready for Spring dating?
Full article on Shape.com
Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and join us for #DateChat on Thursdays at 5p/PT, 8p/Et.