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Should I Change My Name in my Profile? Online Dating Advice

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Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

 

In this week’s Ask the Cyber Dating Expert column, we heard from Jennifer…or was it Valerie?

What’s in a name you might ask?

USA Today reported this week that the top baby names for girls were Sophia and Isabella.

So when Valerie contacted me to critique her online dating profile, I questioned why her user name was “MeetJennifer.”

According to Valerie, she believed that 47% of men liked the name Jennifer. She truly believed that she’d get more views of her online dating profile, with the result of meeting more men.

Apparently this trick didn’t work. In the top 20 list of most popular baby names for girls, Jennifer didn’t appear anywhere. It was all in her head.

You see, men don’t want to be tricked. They’ll view a large bouquet of profiles and decide which thumbnail photos appeal to them. Then, if intrigued by what they see, they’ll try to remember your screen name and will read a few sentences of your profile, which would hopefully lead to a short introduction email to get the digital ball rolling.

Although men are used to women lying about their weight and age, they would prefer that women would be honest about it. They’ll even go to great lengths and look at a potential date’s Facebook or Linkedin page to see if the photos match up. Once you start with a trick or a lie, they’ll always wonder what else you might be hiding.

While it might seem innocent to change your name on your profile, it isn’t wise. If you say your name is Jennifer, they’re hoping that Jennifer will answer the phone when they call. They’re happy to go on a date with Jennifer. But men are visual. It really doesn’t matter what your first name is, as long as you’re honest.

Valerie was going on coffee dates and explaining to guys that her real name wasn’t Valerie. This became confusing to men and took up a lot of time in the conversation. Many men wondered what else Valerie was making up if she’d change her first name to attract their attention. Valerie no longer became a top prospect to men, because of misleading advertising. She rarely went on second dates.

While you think I’m overreacting, I beg to differ. Valerie’s date card is empty and she’s still single.

The best advice I gave her was to change her profile name completely and not to include the first name of any woman, including herself. Have a catchy screen name that expresses what she’s passionate about. Let the real Valerie answer the phone, emails, and show up on a date.

A confident woman is what a man wants. It doesn’t matter what her name is. All that matters is that she’s real and he wants her to be his girlfriend.

My best advice is to toss out any insecurities or tricks to try to get the guy. If he’s interested, you’ll know it. When he’s lying in bed next to you at night, let him whisper your real name.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is an Online Dating Expert and was an early adopter of the Internet. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

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Online Dating Advice – Are We in a Relationship?

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Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

When there’s mutual chemistry with someone you’ve met online and you start texting daily, are you in a relationship just yet? A young woman asks the Cyber-Dating Expert for help on what to do when she sees his active profile online.

Dear Julie,

I signed up for eHarmony as a one month experiment and wasn’t sure what to expect. I got lucky and the first guy I met I felt instant chemistry with and he felt the same way!

We went on a second date the following week and also had a great time. We both work a lot so it was hard to schedule our third date before I left for an out-of-town trip, but he has been texting me everyday since I’ve been gone and today even sent me a message that he is kind of missing me : ) I have been missing him, which seems so weird for someone I have only hung out with twice, and my reply was that : You just made me smile.

I’ve been busy traveling and was trying to be focused on one person rather than adding 2-3 more guys to the mix.

My membership renewed automatically for a second month, but I hadn’t logged on since I met this wonderful guy. Today, I logged on after receiving a renewal notice only to see that he had been ‘active’ today on the site. I’m not sure what that means, but my stomach dropped. We aren’t exclusive, he isn’t my boyfriend, but it bothers me. Is this normal? Do I just let the chips fall as they may?

He texted me again this morning and last night but I am totally freaked out now and want to protect myself from getting hurt.

Janet

Dear Janet,

Take a deep breath.

Your new guy who you had just two dates with is a member of a dating site and is receiving matches and emails from women who have written to him or would like to start the communication process. Out of curiosity, he’s probably reading them and may not be responding to them, especially since he’s now texting you at night and in the morning, and perhaps other times throughout the day.

You’ve had two dates with your dream guy. You have a major crush on each other. This is very exciting, but it was only your first online date. Enjoy staying in touch with your guy and respond to his text messages while you’re out of town. You’re definitely on his mind and men tend to miss women when they’re gone. I know of a man who logged onto his profile after six months of dating someone exclusively. He took one last peek and one week later, he proposed marriage.

Men are allowed to look at other women, online and offline. At some point, if you decide to become exclusive, you should talk about taking your profiles down together. Let’s get to the third date and see how it goes. This is a brand new dating experience for you, and as you said, he’s not your boyfriend yet.

Let him take the lead and yes, let’s see where the chips may fall. Don’t cancel your online dating membership just yet, but if in your heart you don’t want to log on, then just stay the busy happy person that you are.

Julie

Do you have a question for Cyber-Dating Expert Julie Spira? Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact

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Online Dating Advice – How Often Can He Cancel?

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Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

A reader is concerned that her date isn’t that into her due to how frequently he cancels his dates.  Are you experiencing this? Here’s our expert advice for this online dater.

Dear Cyber-Dating Expert,

I met this great guy online and we’ve been emailing each other back-and-forth for three weeks now. He left to go on a business trip right after we connected, but managed to email me daily to stay in touch. When he returned, he had to cancel our first date due to a work conflict, so I understood. We rescheduled for later in the week, but the night before he canceled as he said he was getting ready to go out of town again and wanted to reschedule in a week or so.

If it’s this hard to put a first date on the calendar, is he just a busy guy or do you think he’s juggling me with several other women and is waiting to see if he likes someone better?

Confused in Atlanta

Dear Confused,

Online dating can be overwhelming, especially when you’re writing to multiple people and your hopes get high when you think you’ve connected with someone who could be “the one.”

Men are frequently defined by their business success and if he’s truly a busy executive, he might not have the time to put into a relationship and meeting right now. It’s easier to become a digital pen pal and write emails late at night when the work day is over than to schedule a date on the calendar which might conflict with a work obligation.

Also, remember that you’re both members of an Internet dating site with active profiles. Not everyone thinks they’re in an instant relationship, even if you’re texting each other daily and flirting digitally. If he’s dating multiple women, that’s fine. You should be dating multiple men and not putting all of your eggs into one digital basket. Play the field and talk to several men. He’s not your boyfriend and if he can’t find time to schedule a first date with you, you might get frustrated when he won’t be able to schedule follow up dates either.

One thing I know for sure is when a man wants you to be his girlfriend and doesn’t want other men pursuing you, he’ll do whatever it takes to make that happen and to show his level of interest. Without meeting you in person, you’re still a bunch of photos and someone he might connect with, when he has the time.

The best advice I can give you is to be busy and date others. If he asks you out and it fits in with your schedule, then go ahead and meet this man you’ve been excited about for almost a month. If he continues to cancel on you after you’ve met in person, then he’s just not an available guy.

Some people believe in a three-strike rule and if a date cancels three times, it’s just not worth your while. Give him the benefit of the doubt about his job, but realize that you will probably be lower on the totem pole than his career, should you get involved with him.

Do keep us posted if you meet this mystery man.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira

 

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Online Dating Advice – Gone Fishing, or Is it Over?

radioshowlogo4Dear Julie,

I met my boyfriend on Plenty of Fish and we’ve been dating for about six months. We took your advice and both took our profiles down together as a bit of a ceremony and celebration after two months of dating and have even been talking about the future.

Last week, my friend saw a new POF profile that he posted with a different name, as he viewed hers while he was searching.

My heart is broken. I confronted him on it and he said it was an old profile, one he had before he met me, but deep down I think he always had two profiles up and that I’ve been played.

I’m not sure if I can trust him or not or if I’m overreacting. Please help.

Disappointed in Baton Rouge

Dear Disappointed,

I can feel your pain and what you’re going through is not uncommon. As a matter of fact, I hear this all the time.

Often when a man gets too close to a woman, especially around the 6-month mark, he starts to panic. Men are very basic. The thought of never sleeping with another woman again feels like death to him. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, or that you aren’t the best thing that’s ever happened to him in the whole wide world.

The Internet makes it so easy for people to take a peek to see who else is out there, especially if he’s thinking about a more permanent relationship with you. In the bestselling book, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus , author John Gray talks about the rubber-band man. The guy who gets really close to you and then has to retreat and disappear when he needs time for the tension in the rubber band to build up again. Sometimes he goes into his cave and doesn’t want to be with you. Other times, he pulls back because he isn’t sure of his feelings about love and commitment. Either way, don’t chase after him and ask what’s wrong.

Before you think he’s breaking your heart, give it a little time. A pull back and new Internet dating profile are both something to be concerned with, but don’t overreact just yet. Accusing him of messing around on you isn’t the answer. If he wants to be with you, let him know you’d appreciate him taking down the second profile, but don’t insist on it. It’s up to him to decide if he wants to continue fishing and run the risk of losing a lifetime of love with you.

Now is not the time to get even and put up your profile and start dating until you’ve resolved this issue together. If he truly wants to date others, wish him well and do so as well.

There are over 1500 dating sites on the Internet, so if you decide it’s time to move on find a different site to hang your digital hat so you don’t find yourself staring at his profile and obsessing whether he?s found someone else or not.

Looking at other women online is very hurtful, I know. It’s emotional cheating, even if he isn’t setting up other dates. But it also gives him the time to look at some photos and decide if you’re the one he wants to move forward with. Think of it as if he’s looking at photos in a magazine. I know it’s worse, but remember, your friend saw his profile online, she didn’t catch him in bed with another woman.

Please keep us posted.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Do you have a dating question for Cyber Dating Expert Julie Spira?

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, sign up for our Weekly Flirt, and learn how our Irresistible Profiles help you find your dream date.

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Help! My friends say I’m addicted to online dating

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Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Dear Julie,

After my divorce three years ago, one of my single friends suggested I try online dating. I wasn’t sure if it was for me, but now my ego is invested and I’m going on at least five dates a week. When the dates are over, I log back on to see who else I can meet.

While I’m excited to meet so many different people, I never can get to the point of wanting to be with just one guy. I’m not sleeping with anyone, but my friends think I’ve got commitment issues and the thought of taking down my profile makes me anxious.

Then when I see a guy I’ve dated has met someone else and moved on, I feel bad.

Is this normal?

Online Dating Addict

Dear ODA,

Joining an online dating site after a divorce is a great way to rebuild your self-esteem. Sure the ego is being stroked with so many men writing to you and watching your inbox fill up with male suitors. There?s no magic timetable of how long you should play the digital field, but at some point, being a permanent member of an online dating site can be demoralizing.

Decide exactly what you’re looking for and make sure you’re upfront about it both on your profile and during your dates. Let men know that you’re newly single and will be casually dating multiple guys for a while. At some point, you need to decide if you really want to be in a relationship or not. Becoming one who needs to log on for hours a day every day without ever finding a relationship doesn’t mean you’re an online dating addict. It just means you’re enjoying meeting many different types of people online that you wouldn’t have had the chance to meet offline.

If it’s truly your goal to find one special person to share your life with, when you find chemistry and mutual interests with someone, you need to give the guy the chance to be your one and only to see what it’s like to be in a relationship. Yes, that means taking down your profile. If it doesn’t work out, then just reactivate your profile and keep searching.

When you’re ready to go steady, you’ll know it. Until then, enjoy meeting a variety of people. I always say there are 64 colors in the Crayola crayon box. I feel the same way about online dating. It’s not an addiction unless you feel it’s a problem. Don’t let your friends comments influence how you feel about dating after a divorce.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira

Do you have a question for Cyber-Dating Expert Julie Spira? Send your questions here and read other Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert columns for online dating advice.

Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating. She was an early adopter of online dating and creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt.

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Dating Advice – Help, Did I get moved to the friend zone?

radioshowlogo4 150x150Dear Cyber-Dating Expert,

I have a few questions about the girl I’m talking to.

I’ve been talking to this girl for almost 2 months now and everything was going perfect. She was texting me first and I was texting her first. Also she even messaged me on a social site saying her phone broke and she was sorry.

So one night we ended are conversation because she had to get up early the next day so she said goodnight icon smile and I did the same. Then after that she didn’t text me again, so I initiated conversation after 2 days of not talking. The conversation we had was nothing like it was and she told me she’s been pretty busy lately. So then after that the same thing happened… There was nothing from her, so I texted her and again she said she’s been busy. So I asked if there was anything I did to upset her and she said no not at all she’s just been really busy and that were still gonna be friends even if we don’t text all the time. So what my real question is, is that have I been friendzoned? Please help!

Dear Friend Zoned Guy,

It appears that you projected to the future with this girl and considered her your girlfriend, when all you had was a digital pen-pal and a texting relationship.

Texting is becoming the most popular way for singles to communicate. It’s fun, flirty, and less threatening than talking about your real feelings in real life.

What you have my friend is something we call a “Flirtation.” It’s that period where you have a fun and flirty relationship with someone, but they aren’t your steady girlfriend or boyfriend. When you’re getting brushed off with excuses that she’s been busy, it’s her way of politely letting you know she isn’t interested, but wants to keep the door open. Just like men like to be with a confident woman, women like to be with guys who don’t appear needy. I say take a break from your texting pal and stop chasing her. You didn’t get moved to the friend zone. It’s where you’ve been the whole time. She’s set the digital rules here that you won’t be texting all the time, but will still be friends. It’s time to believe her and find someone who truly wants a relationship.

Keep us posted.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Cyber-Dating Expert Julie Spira

Do you have a question for online dating expert Julie Spira? Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact

For more dating advice, sign up for our Free Weekly Flirt and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter

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Should I email my ex, whose online dating profile is active?

radioshowlogo 150x150Dear Cyber-Dating Expert,

I desperately need some online dating advice. My ex-boyfriend and I broke up about a year ago. I know he hasn’t had a serious girlfriend since me, but I see that his profile is back up on OkCupid.

I know you told me I could block him online and unfriend him on Facebook so I wouldn’t be uncomfortable when I logged on looking for love. I don’t want him out of my life permanently. Do you think I should email him on the site with a friendly hello? I can’t stop thinking about him. ~Linda

Dear Linda,

This is a question that single daters ask me all of the time. If he’s online and I’m online, why shouldn’t we give it a second shot? Chances are he’s well aware that you also have an active profile as well. Although every break up is different, a year is enough time for the anger and disappointment to have waned. Since I don’t know who ended the relationship, it’s hard to say what his reaction might be. If you still can’t get him out of your head, don’t write to him to rekindle the romance. Men know they need to be hunters and he isn’t contacting you. If you must write to him, do it in a friendly, humorous way, without the intentions of falling in love, going steady, and riding into the digital sunset together.

The best advice I can give you is to find someone else. There are millions of singles hoping to start a new relationship online that will go the distance. Yours did not. If you decide to write to him, before doing so, get out a piece of paper or create a document on your computer. List the pros and cons of your past relationship. Knock him off the pedestal and be honest about why you broke up and what really irritated you. Did he forget important holidays? Did he refuse to introduce you to his friends and family? Did his job, pets, and buddies rank higher on the totem pole than you did? If so, forget about writing and look for someone new.

If after completing the exercise, you still want to contact him, do it as a friend only. Type something in the subject line that’s non threatening such as “The Computer.” In the body of the email, simply say “Hi! The computer thought you were a good match (sigh). I hope you’re doing great.” That’s it two sentences.

Don’t ask for a reply and don’t expect one. You reached out in a non-threatening way and wished him well. If your former beau goes down memory lane on his own and remembers the good times and suggests getting together, be open to doing so, without jumping for joy with excitement. Even if you have lunch with him, you can’t pick up where you left off. A new friendship may develop. Don’t compare notes as to your good and bad dates during the time you were apart. Be his friend first if the opportunity arises. Then be open to the possibilities. The door is in his court, but you’re the one opening it.

Keep us posted.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira

Cyber-Dating Expert

Do you have a question for Julie Spira? Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact

Find out how our Irresistible Profiles can help you find your dream date.

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Would You Sleep with Your Cell Phone Waiting for His Text?

Fotolia 47563249 XSAt Cyber-Dating Expert, we like to report on the latest trends in online dating and mobile dating apps. Is the digital world getting more complicated or becoming easier with reliance on text messages?

Our friends at JDate and ChristianMingle just released their study on the impact of mobile phones and relationships based on a survey of 1500 singles aged 21-50, which we’d like to share with you.  I read the in-depth study, The Dating Game: Mobile Technology Redefines the Rules for Singles and realized one thing for sure; the cell phone has replaced a fancy purse as the accessory of choice, that is, unless there?s room for your mobile phone in your purse.

While we know the increase in cell phone usage has resulted in a dramatic increase in sending text messages to schedule a date or to stay in touch in between dates, the alarming data of who sleep with their phone in bed with them is startling. According to the survey, 50% of singles think they might be addicted to their cell phones, with 25% of singles 21-26 reporting that they actually sleep with their cell phones in bed with them. For those who don’t feel the need to cuddle with your mobile phone, we found out that many of you are just an arm?s length away from your phone, which is prominently placed on the table next to your bed or on the floor close by.

Data Before Hygiene

When it’s time to wake up in the morning, what do singles do first? Ahead of brushing their teeth, they reach for their mobile phones. According to the survey a whopping 56% of singles aged 21-26 check their mobile devices for e-mails, text messages, or voicemail (44% overall) as compared to 19% of singles who diligently brush their teeth first before grabbing onto their favorite mobile device.

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Scheduling Dates

When it’s time to schedule your online date, the survey found that texting is the most popular for those aged 21-26 with 50% saying they’ll text several times a day before their first date. In addition, approximately 1/3 of both men and women believe it’s less intimidating to ask someone out on a date instead of picking up the phone to call. Singles are using texting for digital foreplay and flirting leading up to a date and making reservations for restaurants.

Call me old-fashioned, but I still like to hear the sound of someone?s voice on the end of the phone, even if details of scheduling are done via text. Apparently I’m not alone as the study reported that 68% of singles prefer scheduling a date on the phone as compared to 20% who prefer texting.

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Cell Phone and Dating Etiquette

Now that we know the cell phone isn’t going to be locked in a trunk while on a date, who can’t resist keeping it on the table or sneaking a peek? 98% of singles say they put the phone away on a date, but does that mean they’re still not attached? Not really. Somehow 67% of those surveyed found a way to check their phones, either at the table or in a bathroom break.

To the benefit of making us feel good after a date, 78% say they’ll send a text or communication within 24 hours if the date went well. Immediate gratification does have its place.

‘Til Text Do Us Part

When it’s time to part ways, how should you end your relationship? Of course I believe you should have the conversation in person if geographics allow, but at least by telephone so it’s a two way dialog. According to those surveyed, more than 50% said they would consider ending the relationship in a text message if they were casually dating and 24% would break up in a text message, even if it was a serious relationship. Where are your manners?

Read The Text Message Breakup: Who’s Doing It?

At the end of the digital day, I believe in treating someone the way that you want to be treated. Don’t let your mobile phone end up higher on the totem pole than your date when you’re sitting at the table, or you might be the recipient of a breakup text, no remorse included.

Are you using your mobile phones to schedule dates? Would you check your messages while on a date?

Photo Credit – Fotolia.com

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and writes about the marriage of love and technology. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating and coaches singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt.

 

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Does Online Dating Really Work?

Fotolia 2157988 XS 150x150The big news in the online dating world is that couples who have met through an online dating site have a higher marital satisfaction rate than those who met offline.

In a Harris Interactive study, commissioned by eHarmony, the new statistics show that over 1/3 of recent marriages have actually met online. This clearly shows that more people are interested in finding a serious relationship through a digital connection. The findings were published in the journal, Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.  The study, titled “Marital satisfaction and break-ups differ across on-line and off-line meeting venues,” is based on a survey of almost 20,000 people who wed between 2005 and 2012.

Just how much more satisfied are these relationships? On a scale of 1-10, relationships from online dating ranked 5.64 as compared to offline relationships at 5.48. Of those who met online, 45% met in a traditional online dating site and almost 21% met on a social networking site.

In a recent radio interview on AmericaWeekend, I discussed the eHarmony findings with Turi Ryder. You can listen to our radio show broadcast here.

To be successful in online dating, I believe that you need to be very specific in what you’re looking for. More-and-more people are joining online dating sites for the first time, due to divorce, death of a spouse, or relationships running their course.

Earlier this year, we launched Facebook Love Stories to focus on the large amount of couples who are finding love through social networking sites.

So does online dating work? It certainly does, but you need to be patient and diligent in the process if you’re seriously interested in finding love on the Internet. Those who give up after a week or a month will be naysayers, but those who understand that finding love or a life partner is probably more important than finding your next job, should take the time and enjoy the journey.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and dating coach. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Julie creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt.

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Is Flirting Online Considered Cheating?

Fotolia 36590412 XS 150x150Imagine this scenario. You met him or her online. You fell in love online. You fell madly in love and took your profiles down together to live your offline life.

The end. Or is it?

When a former boyfriend decided to take his profile down so we could date exclusively, he was excited about our future. He was marriage-minded, gave me an office in his home with a beautiful view so I could write, we met each others’ families, and we were both excited about the possibilities of our new relationship going the distance. It was his decision to take his profiles down. He asked me for my help in removing his online dating profiles from OkCupid, Plenty of Fish, and Senior People Meet. It was a ritual and a milestone in our relationship and he was absolutely sure this is what he wanted to do. But there was a piece of him that still felt uneasy about it.

When a man makes a relationship milestone, he wonders if this is the last woman he’ll ever make love to or ever touch. He wonders if other women would still want him if the relationship doesn’t turn out. My guy was going through a major digital withdrawal and his ego was taking over. He started telling me that his inbox was feeling lonely and he wasn’t getting emails from women anymore. After spending six solid months logging onto three dating sites every day, he had mixed feelings about the situation and felt a bit of a loss in not hearing from admiring women.

Before my guy made the big digital commitment, he would log on to view who wrote to him, but would never write back. He was curious. It was an ego decision, but he wanted to make sure that I knew where he stood and that he didn’t want to date others. I smiled and told him to take his time. There was no rush.

Typically when someone has spent a lot of time on online dating sites, it’s hard to make the final break. They know in the back of their minds if it doesn’t work out, they can go back online at any time and go fishing again for a new date or a mate.

I’ve watched both men and women put up secret profiles or reactivate their profiles temporarily after a bump in the road in their relationships. While this is normal, it’s incredibly hurtful. As big as the digital dating landscape is, there are too many friends and family members who will notice the profile, even if it’s up for a few days or so. They will bust you. It will blow up. It might not be recoverable. Is it worth the risk?

In my book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, I describe the serial online dater or online dating addict in chapter 12. This man said, “I love you,” while on a romantic vacation, while simultaneously logging onto Match.com for hours every night to talk to other women. This, my friends, is emotional cheating.  Even if he never took the relationships offline, this act was so hurtful that it resulted in the ending of the relationship with the woman he really did love.

Often a man or woman might go fishing just before making a major commitment to make sure he or she is not making the wrong decision. More often than not, it’s for the ego. We all want to know that we’re loved. It’s so powerful, isn’t it? But is it worth losing your relationship over? Is it considered cheating?

My online dating advice is: If you?re in a committed relationship, I urge you not to blow it by flirting with a former love interest on Facebook or reactivating your online dating profile while checking out your options. If your significant other finds out you’ve reactivated your profile without discussing it with them, don’t be surprised if they either leave, or start withdrawing from the relationship. You just may lose the person you love so much.

If you’ve agreed to be exclusive or “facebook official,” communicate offline with the person you?re in a relationship with, instead of flirting online and looking for other options. If a relationship runs its course, be a grown up about it. Agree together that it’s time to move on, or talk about what needs of yours need addressing to move together to the next stage. Often the love you have with the person you’ve invested the time with is worth saving and will be worth its weight in gold, compared to the heartbreak you might be creating.

Your comments and thoughts are welcome.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.

Photo credit: Lasse Kristensen – Fotolia.com

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