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I saw his text messages. Is he cheating or is it over?

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Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Dear Cyber Dating Expert,

I desperately need some online dating advice. I met a guy on OkCupid last week and we had the perfect date. The next day he reached out to hang out again and even introduced me to his engaged friends and we went on a double-date. That night we ended up sleeping together and I thought everything was going so well.

We continued to talk and he remained sweet and attentive. We made plans to meet up a few days later and I went to his place and we watched a movie. Again, he was very affectionate, held my hand, kissed me on the head/check, etc.

What threw me was when I saw his cell phone light up with text messages from random numbers he hadn’t saved to his phone. Immediately I knew these were probably other girls he was communicating with from OKC. My heart sank. I thought everything was great until I saw those texts! He seems SO into me, but now I feel like I have something to prove and other girls to beat out. I just don’t want to get involved and get my heart broken, but I like him and don’t want to lose out on getting to know him better.

Read: He Texts Me Daily, Are We in a Relationship?

Do I play it cool, let him take the reins for now? Or should I be proactive & initiate more dates with the chance of coming off aggressive/desperate?

Please help!

Amber

Dear Amber,

Thanks for your email.

I understand why you’d be upset about seeing text messages you believe were from other women that your new guy might be chatting with.

Because you both met on an online dating site, unless you’ve had the conversation about being exclusive, assume that you’re not. After all, you were only dating for one week when you noticed these anonymous texts.

Sleeping together while you both have active online dating profiles isn’t something that I recommend, unless you don’t mind if he’s seeing other people.

Once a woman sleeps with a man, the hormones kick in and women get very attached and bonded, even if the guy isn’t really good for you. When the sex is good, it’s natural to hope and think that he won’t want to be with anyone else. Maybe he’s ignoring those text messages, after all you’ve only known him for a short while.

My advice is to keep it cool and date him if he asks you out on a proper date, but don’t sleep with him again. Sure you can hug, kiss, fool around, etc. Please don’t make a big deal out of the text messages, as men don’t like a high-drama, clingy or possessive woman in their lives. Just show him that you’re the confident great woman that you are. If he calls, return his calls. If he texts, return his texts. If he asks you out and you’re free, go out on a date with him, but let him know that you like him, but realize that you aren’t into casual sex if it comes up. Let him know how much you’re enjoying getting to know him. I know it’s hard to go backwards, but it’s worse to sleep with him and then wonder if he’s logging on to find someone to sleep with the next night. That’s the risk with online dating. If he tells you it’s not acceptable, then he doesn’t really want you as his girlfriend. He might just be looking for a booty call or friends with benefits relationship. Throwing yourself at him won’t help. It will kill the chances to have a relationship with this guy. Being great in the bedroom doesn’t mean he won’t look elsewhere. Being the confident girl he can’t be without will make him want you to be his girl. Let him take the lead and initiate dates with you.

If he really wants to make you his girlfriend, he’ll take down his profile and do whatever it takes. At this point, you haven’t set your boundaries so he doesn’t think it’s a requirement. Don’t be in competition with other women. Just be yourself and feel great about who you are. Please don’t get possessive or start to interrogate him about his text messages or cell phone. Insecurity will kill a relationship. Since he didn’t put those phone numbers in his phone to save them, nor is he hiding his phone, they probably don’t mean much to him anyway. Still, I know it hurts.

I hope this helps and please do keep me posted.

Julie

Do you have an online dating question for Julie Spira? Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for more dating advice.

 

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He Texts me Daily. Are We in a Relationship?

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Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Dear Cyber Dating Expert,

I met this wonderful guy online and we connected on our first date. Yes, it was exciting to have chemistry and we kissed at the end of the date.

By the time I got home, my new guy had already sent me a text message saying how much he enjoyed our date and wanted to get together again. I went to sleep with a smile on my face.

Suddenly, he was sending me a text message saying “Good morning” every day, checked with me during the day, and even to say good night. Because of our busy work schedules, we had a difficult time putting a second date on the calendar. Actually, we tried several times and one of us, usually him, had to cancel due to business or for some other reason, but I did go to his house to watch a movie a few times. I kept suggesting a real date, like one where we’d go to dinner at a restaurant, but it didn’t happen.

Before the New Year, I realized it wasn’t going anywhere, but had remorse about it over the holidays. I am finding this is common, I mistook his daily texts as effort when he hadn’t made any real plans. He would want to see me day of and I would already have plans. Nonetheless, I wished him a Merry Christmas via text then he wished me Happy New Year so I thought we weren’t entirely over.

Last week, he messaged me again and we flirted and talked about doing dinner on Wednesday. I shared with him that we had amazing chemistry on our first date and I wanted us to get to know each other better over dinner. Sunday night he messages me to come over to his place and stay the night with him and that kind of showed me where I stood. I have been to his place 3 times already! He has never been to my place and why would I stay the night with him prior to reconnecting at dinner?!?!

He called me Wednesday and we postponed getting together to Friday night. He mentioned possibly moving for work, which raised my guard even further. Thursday we exchanged some texts and I haven’t heard from him since. Fortunately I can laugh at it all. I’m glad we never slept together. I don’t go from 0 to 360. A part of me is still a little hurt and disappointed that what I had hoped would happen didn’t. But it takes two to tango and two to make an effort and while passion are SUPER important to me, I need to be romanced a little before I go there.

How could I really believe we were in a relationship and that he was courting me? Did he texts mean nothing?

Disappointed in California

 

Dear Disappointed,

Texting is so easy to do and has become a part of most daters’ regime. However, I view texting as a flirty way of keeping in touch, while you’re courting, dating, or even in an exclusive relationship. Your guy sends you texts to keeping you on the hook, sucked in, with the hope that you’ll think a real relationship is in the cards. He knew your relationship goals, but he was clearly on a different page. Quite simply, he was looking for a relationship of convenience and was hiding behind his mobile phone.

How many women was he texting while making you feel like you were special? Probably many. Invitations to come to his home may have been sent to several women, with the first one to bite ending up in bed with him. I once knew a man who like clockwork on Friday sent a text message to 10 women he either had slept with, were ex-girlfriends, or women he wanted to pursue. He was a classic player. He invited them each out to drinks and whoever responded first was the one he ended up spending the night with. Be happy that you didn’t jump at the chance to be in a girl in rotation.

You did nothing wrong other than open your heart to the possibilities and fortunately not more.

So, keep true to yourself and know there is someone else out there. I would not have ANY contact with this guy. Be open to meeting someone else. I always quote Stevie Nicks from the song “Dreams.” “Players only love you when they’re playing.”

It Sounds like he wanted a relationship of convenience, a hookup, or whatever. When a man wants you to be his girlfriend, he?ll do whatever it takes to let you know and to make sure he claims you as his.

?It didn’t mean there wasn’t real chemistry. Let’s not confuse lust with the desire for love. It didn’t mean that he didn’t like and adore you. Men love the game and love the chase.? As a woman with a huge heart, it’s easy to get sucked in to the possibility of romance and finding someone special.

It’s a new year and time to find someone who’s on the same page. Enjoy the flirty texting, but until two people agree that they’re dating exclusively, they’re not in a relationship.

Julie

Do you have a question about dating, love and romance? Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for online dating advice.

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Does it Matter if We’re Facebook Official

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Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Dear Cyber-Dating Expert,

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about two months. We met online and decided to become exclusive. I took your advice and we both took down our online dating profiles at the same time.

Everything seems to be going well so far, except for one thing. I’ve changed my status on Facebook to “In a Relationship” and he refuses to do so. He tells me he loves me and I know he’s not looking for someone else, but it makes me uncomfortable.

Why won’t he change his facebook status if he’s proud and excited about our relationship? Should I worry about us, or does it really matter?
Please help.

Rhonda

Dear Rhonda,

In today’s busy connected world, becoming “Facebook official” means a lot to some people, but not to everyone. If your boyfriend is connected on Facebook with his boss, clients, or other work associates, it’s likely he doesn’t want to mix business with pleasure. There may not be reason to be alarmed.

More often than not, women change their relationship status on Facebook before men do, or if they even the do it at all. Considering he’s your boyfriend and not your fiance or spouse, changing his status shouldn’t really matter. If he has no status at all and isn’t listed as “Single” I wouldn’t be focusing on this one aspect of your relationship.

Everyone’s feelings about social media and digital dating vary. Women tend to post more lovey-lovey couple photos on Facebook than men do. It’s how women tick.

Enjoy the beginning of your new committed relationship and if it continues to bother you, change your status late at night from “In a Relationship” to no relationship. When the timing is right, perhaps you’ll have a digital celebration together.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira

xo

Do you have a question for the Cyber-Dating Expert? Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter

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Should I Change My Name in my Profile? Online Dating Advice

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Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

 

In this week’s Ask the Cyber Dating Expert column, we heard from Jennifer…or was it Valerie?

What’s in a name you might ask?

USA Today reported this week that the top baby names for girls were Sophia and Isabella.

So when Valerie contacted me to critique her online dating profile, I questioned why her user name was “MeetJennifer.”

According to Valerie, she believed that 47% of men liked the name Jennifer. She truly believed that she’d get more views of her online dating profile, with the result of meeting more men.

Apparently this trick didn’t work. In the top 20 list of most popular baby names for girls, Jennifer didn’t appear anywhere. It was all in her head.

You see, men don’t want to be tricked. They’ll view a large bouquet of profiles and decide which thumbnail photos appeal to them. Then, if intrigued by what they see, they’ll try to remember your screen name and will read a few sentences of your profile, which would hopefully lead to a short introduction email to get the digital ball rolling.

Although men are used to women lying about their weight and age, they would prefer that women would be honest about it. They’ll even go to great lengths and look at a potential date’s Facebook or Linkedin page to see if the photos match up. Once you start with a trick or a lie, they’ll always wonder what else you might be hiding.

While it might seem innocent to change your name on your profile, it isn’t wise. If you say your name is Jennifer, they’re hoping that Jennifer will answer the phone when they call. They’re happy to go on a date with Jennifer. But men are visual. It really doesn’t matter what your first name is, as long as you’re honest.

Valerie was going on coffee dates and explaining to guys that her real name wasn’t Valerie. This became confusing to men and took up a lot of time in the conversation. Many men wondered what else Valerie was making up if she’d change her first name to attract their attention. Valerie no longer became a top prospect to men, because of misleading advertising. She rarely went on second dates.

While you think I’m overreacting, I beg to differ. Valerie’s date card is empty and she’s still single.

The best advice I gave her was to change her profile name completely and not to include the first name of any woman, including herself. Have a catchy screen name that expresses what she’s passionate about. Let the real Valerie answer the phone, emails, and show up on a date.

A confident woman is what a man wants. It doesn’t matter what her name is. All that matters is that she’s real and he wants her to be his girlfriend.

My best advice is to toss out any insecurities or tricks to try to get the guy. If he’s interested, you’ll know it. When he’s lying in bed next to you at night, let him whisper your real name.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is an Online Dating Expert and was an early adopter of the Internet. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

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Online Dating Advice – Are We in a Relationship?

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Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

When there’s mutual chemistry with someone you’ve met online and you start texting daily, are you in a relationship just yet? A young woman asks the Cyber-Dating Expert for help on what to do when she sees his active profile online.

Dear Julie,

I signed up for eHarmony as a one month experiment and wasn’t sure what to expect. I got lucky and the first guy I met I felt instant chemistry with and he felt the same way!

We went on a second date the following week and also had a great time. We both work a lot so it was hard to schedule our third date before I left for an out-of-town trip, but he has been texting me everyday since I’ve been gone and today even sent me a message that he is kind of missing me : ) I have been missing him, which seems so weird for someone I have only hung out with twice, and my reply was that : You just made me smile.

I’ve been busy traveling and was trying to be focused on one person rather than adding 2-3 more guys to the mix.

My membership renewed automatically for a second month, but I hadn’t logged on since I met this wonderful guy. Today, I logged on after receiving a renewal notice only to see that he had been ‘active’ today on the site. I’m not sure what that means, but my stomach dropped. We aren’t exclusive, he isn’t my boyfriend, but it bothers me. Is this normal? Do I just let the chips fall as they may?

He texted me again this morning and last night but I am totally freaked out now and want to protect myself from getting hurt.

Janet

Dear Janet,

Take a deep breath.

Your new guy who you had just two dates with is a member of a dating site and is receiving matches and emails from women who have written to him or would like to start the communication process. Out of curiosity, he’s probably reading them and may not be responding to them, especially since he’s now texting you at night and in the morning, and perhaps other times throughout the day.

You’ve had two dates with your dream guy. You have a major crush on each other. This is very exciting, but it was only your first online date. Enjoy staying in touch with your guy and respond to his text messages while you’re out of town. You’re definitely on his mind and men tend to miss women when they’re gone. I know of a man who logged onto his profile after six months of dating someone exclusively. He took one last peek and one week later, he proposed marriage.

Men are allowed to look at other women, online and offline. At some point, if you decide to become exclusive, you should talk about taking your profiles down together. Let’s get to the third date and see how it goes. This is a brand new dating experience for you, and as you said, he’s not your boyfriend yet.

Let him take the lead and yes, let’s see where the chips may fall. Don’t cancel your online dating membership just yet, but if in your heart you don’t want to log on, then just stay the busy happy person that you are.

Julie

Do you have a question for Cyber-Dating Expert Julie Spira? Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact

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Online Dating Advice – How Often Can He Cancel?

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Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

A reader is concerned that her date isn’t that into her due to how frequently he cancels his dates.  Are you experiencing this? Here’s our expert advice for this online dater.

Dear Cyber-Dating Expert,

I met this great guy online and we’ve been emailing each other back-and-forth for three weeks now. He left to go on a business trip right after we connected, but managed to email me daily to stay in touch. When he returned, he had to cancel our first date due to a work conflict, so I understood. We rescheduled for later in the week, but the night before he canceled as he said he was getting ready to go out of town again and wanted to reschedule in a week or so.

If it’s this hard to put a first date on the calendar, is he just a busy guy or do you think he’s juggling me with several other women and is waiting to see if he likes someone better?

Confused in Atlanta

Dear Confused,

Online dating can be overwhelming, especially when you’re writing to multiple people and your hopes get high when you think you’ve connected with someone who could be “the one.”

Men are frequently defined by their business success and if he’s truly a busy executive, he might not have the time to put into a relationship and meeting right now. It’s easier to become a digital pen pal and write emails late at night when the work day is over than to schedule a date on the calendar which might conflict with a work obligation.

Also, remember that you’re both members of an Internet dating site with active profiles. Not everyone thinks they’re in an instant relationship, even if you’re texting each other daily and flirting digitally. If he’s dating multiple women, that’s fine. You should be dating multiple men and not putting all of your eggs into one digital basket. Play the field and talk to several men. He’s not your boyfriend and if he can’t find time to schedule a first date with you, you might get frustrated when he won’t be able to schedule follow up dates either.

One thing I know for sure is when a man wants you to be his girlfriend and doesn’t want other men pursuing you, he’ll do whatever it takes to make that happen and to show his level of interest. Without meeting you in person, you’re still a bunch of photos and someone he might connect with, when he has the time.

The best advice I can give you is to be busy and date others. If he asks you out and it fits in with your schedule, then go ahead and meet this man you’ve been excited about for almost a month. If he continues to cancel on you after you’ve met in person, then he’s just not an available guy.

Some people believe in a three-strike rule and if a date cancels three times, it’s just not worth your while. Give him the benefit of the doubt about his job, but realize that you will probably be lower on the totem pole than his career, should you get involved with him.

Do keep us posted if you meet this mystery man.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira

 

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Online Dating Advice – Gone Fishing, or Is it Over?

radioshowlogo4Dear Julie,

I met my boyfriend on Plenty of Fish and we’ve been dating for about six months. We took your advice and both took our profiles down together as a bit of a ceremony and celebration after two months of dating and have even been talking about the future.

Last week, my friend saw a new POF profile that he posted with a different name, as he viewed hers while he was searching.

My heart is broken. I confronted him on it and he said it was an old profile, one he had before he met me, but deep down I think he always had two profiles up and that I’ve been played.

I’m not sure if I can trust him or not or if I’m overreacting. Please help.

Disappointed in Baton Rouge

Dear Disappointed,

I can feel your pain and what you’re going through is not uncommon. As a matter of fact, I hear this all the time.

Often when a man gets too close to a woman, especially around the 6-month mark, he starts to panic. Men are very basic. The thought of never sleeping with another woman again feels like death to him. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, or that you aren’t the best thing that’s ever happened to him in the whole wide world.

The Internet makes it so easy for people to take a peek to see who else is out there, especially if he’s thinking about a more permanent relationship with you. In the bestselling book, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus , author John Gray talks about the rubber-band man. The guy who gets really close to you and then has to retreat and disappear when he needs time for the tension in the rubber band to build up again. Sometimes he goes into his cave and doesn’t want to be with you. Other times, he pulls back because he isn’t sure of his feelings about love and commitment. Either way, don’t chase after him and ask what’s wrong.

Before you think he’s breaking your heart, give it a little time. A pull back and new Internet dating profile are both something to be concerned with, but don’t overreact just yet. Accusing him of messing around on you isn’t the answer. If he wants to be with you, let him know you’d appreciate him taking down the second profile, but don’t insist on it. It’s up to him to decide if he wants to continue fishing and run the risk of losing a lifetime of love with you.

Now is not the time to get even and put up your profile and start dating until you’ve resolved this issue together. If he truly wants to date others, wish him well and do so as well.

There are over 1500 dating sites on the Internet, so if you decide it’s time to move on find a different site to hang your digital hat so you don’t find yourself staring at his profile and obsessing whether he?s found someone else or not.

Looking at other women online is very hurtful, I know. It’s emotional cheating, even if he isn’t setting up other dates. But it also gives him the time to look at some photos and decide if you’re the one he wants to move forward with. Think of it as if he’s looking at photos in a magazine. I know it’s worse, but remember, your friend saw his profile online, she didn’t catch him in bed with another woman.

Please keep us posted.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Do you have a dating question for Cyber Dating Expert Julie Spira?

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, sign up for our Weekly Flirt, and learn how our Irresistible Profiles help you find your dream date.

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Help! My friends say I’m addicted to online dating

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Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Dear Julie,

After my divorce three years ago, one of my single friends suggested I try online dating. I wasn’t sure if it was for me, but now my ego is invested and I’m going on at least five dates a week. When the dates are over, I log back on to see who else I can meet.

While I’m excited to meet so many different people, I never can get to the point of wanting to be with just one guy. I’m not sleeping with anyone, but my friends think I’ve got commitment issues and the thought of taking down my profile makes me anxious.

Then when I see a guy I’ve dated has met someone else and moved on, I feel bad.

Is this normal?

Online Dating Addict

Dear ODA,

Joining an online dating site after a divorce is a great way to rebuild your self-esteem. Sure the ego is being stroked with so many men writing to you and watching your inbox fill up with male suitors. There?s no magic timetable of how long you should play the digital field, but at some point, being a permanent member of an online dating site can be demoralizing.

Decide exactly what you’re looking for and make sure you’re upfront about it both on your profile and during your dates. Let men know that you’re newly single and will be casually dating multiple guys for a while. At some point, you need to decide if you really want to be in a relationship or not. Becoming one who needs to log on for hours a day every day without ever finding a relationship doesn’t mean you’re an online dating addict. It just means you’re enjoying meeting many different types of people online that you wouldn’t have had the chance to meet offline.

If it’s truly your goal to find one special person to share your life with, when you find chemistry and mutual interests with someone, you need to give the guy the chance to be your one and only to see what it’s like to be in a relationship. Yes, that means taking down your profile. If it doesn’t work out, then just reactivate your profile and keep searching.

When you’re ready to go steady, you’ll know it. Until then, enjoy meeting a variety of people. I always say there are 64 colors in the Crayola crayon box. I feel the same way about online dating. It’s not an addiction unless you feel it’s a problem. Don’t let your friends comments influence how you feel about dating after a divorce.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira

Do you have a question for Cyber-Dating Expert Julie Spira? Send your questions here and read other Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert columns for online dating advice.

Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating. She was an early adopter of online dating and creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt.

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Dating Advice – Help, Did I get moved to the friend zone?

radioshowlogo4 150x150Dear Cyber-Dating Expert,

I have a few questions about the girl I’m talking to.

I’ve been talking to this girl for almost 2 months now and everything was going perfect. She was texting me first and I was texting her first. Also she even messaged me on a social site saying her phone broke and she was sorry.

So one night we ended are conversation because she had to get up early the next day so she said goodnight icon smile and I did the same. Then after that she didn’t text me again, so I initiated conversation after 2 days of not talking. The conversation we had was nothing like it was and she told me she’s been pretty busy lately. So then after that the same thing happened… There was nothing from her, so I texted her and again she said she’s been busy. So I asked if there was anything I did to upset her and she said no not at all she’s just been really busy and that were still gonna be friends even if we don’t text all the time. So what my real question is, is that have I been friendzoned? Please help!

Dear Friend Zoned Guy,

It appears that you projected to the future with this girl and considered her your girlfriend, when all you had was a digital pen-pal and a texting relationship.

Texting is becoming the most popular way for singles to communicate. It’s fun, flirty, and less threatening than talking about your real feelings in real life.

What you have my friend is something we call a “Flirtation.” It’s that period where you have a fun and flirty relationship with someone, but they aren’t your steady girlfriend or boyfriend. When you’re getting brushed off with excuses that she’s been busy, it’s her way of politely letting you know she isn’t interested, but wants to keep the door open. Just like men like to be with a confident woman, women like to be with guys who don’t appear needy. I say take a break from your texting pal and stop chasing her. You didn’t get moved to the friend zone. It’s where you’ve been the whole time. She’s set the digital rules here that you won’t be texting all the time, but will still be friends. It’s time to believe her and find someone who truly wants a relationship.

Keep us posted.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Cyber-Dating Expert Julie Spira

Do you have a question for online dating expert Julie Spira? Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact

For more dating advice, sign up for our Free Weekly Flirt and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter

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Should I email my ex, whose online dating profile is active?

radioshowlogo 150x150Dear Cyber-Dating Expert,

I desperately need some online dating advice. My ex-boyfriend and I broke up about a year ago. I know he hasn’t had a serious girlfriend since me, but I see that his profile is back up on OkCupid.

I know you told me I could block him online and unfriend him on Facebook so I wouldn’t be uncomfortable when I logged on looking for love. I don’t want him out of my life permanently. Do you think I should email him on the site with a friendly hello? I can’t stop thinking about him. ~Linda

Dear Linda,

This is a question that single daters ask me all of the time. If he’s online and I’m online, why shouldn’t we give it a second shot? Chances are he’s well aware that you also have an active profile as well. Although every break up is different, a year is enough time for the anger and disappointment to have waned. Since I don’t know who ended the relationship, it’s hard to say what his reaction might be. If you still can’t get him out of your head, don’t write to him to rekindle the romance. Men know they need to be hunters and he isn’t contacting you. If you must write to him, do it in a friendly, humorous way, without the intentions of falling in love, going steady, and riding into the digital sunset together.

The best advice I can give you is to find someone else. There are millions of singles hoping to start a new relationship online that will go the distance. Yours did not. If you decide to write to him, before doing so, get out a piece of paper or create a document on your computer. List the pros and cons of your past relationship. Knock him off the pedestal and be honest about why you broke up and what really irritated you. Did he forget important holidays? Did he refuse to introduce you to his friends and family? Did his job, pets, and buddies rank higher on the totem pole than you did? If so, forget about writing and look for someone new.

If after completing the exercise, you still want to contact him, do it as a friend only. Type something in the subject line that’s non threatening such as “The Computer.” In the body of the email, simply say “Hi! The computer thought you were a good match (sigh). I hope you’re doing great.” That’s it two sentences.

Don’t ask for a reply and don’t expect one. You reached out in a non-threatening way and wished him well. If your former beau goes down memory lane on his own and remembers the good times and suggests getting together, be open to doing so, without jumping for joy with excitement. Even if you have lunch with him, you can’t pick up where you left off. A new friendship may develop. Don’t compare notes as to your good and bad dates during the time you were apart. Be his friend first if the opportunity arises. Then be open to the possibilities. The door is in his court, but you’re the one opening it.

Keep us posted.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira

Cyber-Dating Expert

Do you have a question for Julie Spira? Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact

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