Read the latest book review from Cupid’s Pulse along with my personal interview about The Perils of Cyber-Dating.
More than 40 million singles are dating online. With around 2,500 online dating sites to choose from, how can you navigate your way safely and find love on the Internet? Julie Spira’s tell-all memoir, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, can help. You’ll follow her on her 15-year journey – which included 250 online dates – as she navigated the web in hopes to find an Internet mate to replace someone she thought was the love of her life. Through her romances, heartbreaks, and personal rules of “netiquette,” Spira shares invaluable first-hand knowledge on the best ways to date online.
Online dating has it’s own set of rules. Remember to be safe and savvy when on the web. Cupid caught up with the Spira via e-mail this week. Here’s what the author had to say:
Cupid: You were one of the first people to delve into the world of online dating. Were you scared? What were other people’s reactions?
Julie Spira: At the time I created my first online dating profile in 1994, I wasn’t scared at all. I fully embraced the Internet both personally and professionally. But, since online dating was not mainstream at that point, I told very few people that I was meeting my dates from online dating sites. I told some close friends who I thought could benefit from online dating and helped them with their online dating profiles.
Cupid: What’s different about cyberdating (as compared to traditional dating), and how can people adapt to it?
JS: The main difference between cyberdating and traditional dating is that you are meeting someone that you haven’t met before in real life and you are getting to know them from behind their computer screen. Online dating, Internet dating, and cyberdating are all terms used for those using online dating sites, chat rooms, video dating, and social dating sites. This also includes social networking sites such as Facebook and MySpace. In order to completely embrace online dating, one needs to be comfortable using their computer. It’s also important to be very organized as you may receive hundreds of emails in the first day or two. I[n] order to be successful, if you create a system that helps keep all of the replies and emails sent, you’ll be able to communicate with your dates with their background information. If you are already using Facebook to communicate with friends, it’s the next logical step.
Cupid: What have you seen change about the online dating world since you started?
JS: When I first started dating online, Match.com hadn’t been launched yet. There were very few sites to pick from. It was a much simpler process without all the Web 2.0 bells and whistles. You weren’t seeing video dating and text messaging wasn’t an option in the U.S.
Cupid: What is your relationship to online dating now?
JS: As an online dating coach, I help singles create their irresistible online dating profiles and work with them to search the best possible matches. I also help them decide which sites to join and teach them how to craft and email introduction and response that will grab the attention of those profiles they select.
Cupid: What are your top 5 netiquette rules for cyberdating?
JS: My Rules of Netiquette from my book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, include:
1. The Google Rule – If you Google your date before you meet them, don’t let them know on the first date. You’d be surprised how some people actually print out the Google results and start questioning their date about specific entries. It’s not appropriate first date material and no one wants to feel like they are on a job interview or under the microscope.
2. The Food and Beverage Rule – If you ask a date out for coffee, be prepared to order a beverage for her and yourself. I have heard stories many times where either someone arrives with their own water, or simply does not order a coffee or tea for their date. You should assume that a coffee date includes a drink, and a dinner date includes some form of food.
3. The Ex Rule – Don’t talk about your ex-wife or husband, ex girlfriend or boyfriend, or spend time talking about the past. You’d be surprised that some talk about their spousal support, or a relationship that didn’t work out on the first date. Keep it light and leave the baggage at home.
4. The Send Button Rule – My mother always says, “If you don’t have anything nice to say about someone, don’t say anything at all.” Too often someone gets mad and drafts an email and pushes the send button. When in doubt, send it to yourself. You might feel differently in the morning. Once you push the send button, you can’t take it back.
5. The Break Up Rule – Never break up with a significant other in an email or a text message. It’s just common courtesy to have a conversation and preferably in person. Do you really want to go down in history as the one who frequently dumps their dates in an email or text? Sure, celebrities are ending relationships in text messages and on Twitter these days. But is it right?
Most importantly, be authentic. Authenticity is really in style now. With over 400 million members on Facebook, it’s easy for someone to see if your photo on your online dating profile does not match the recent birthday or vacation pictures on Facebook. We know that many singles lie about their age in their online dating profiles to fit into a search, but the truth will come out when you meet in real life. You start out on a bad foot if you are lying about your age, weight, and height. Enjoy the process and look at cyberdating as a way to increase your social and business networks in the event it doesn’t turn into a romantic relationship.
Cupid thanks Spira for her time! For more information and dating advice, visit her site, CyberDatingExpert.com.
It’s an honor to be listed as one of the 5 must-read books for women this season by Sherri Langburt of Single Edition.
Ladies, step away from the Kindle. Leave your Nook on the night table. It’s time you pick up a real paperback novel. With this in mind, the Single Edition editors rounded up some of our favorite reads from the past year, from the women we love to love! From break-up recovery plans to single gal self-empowerment and relationship tactics, there is something for everyone on this must-read list.
The Perils of Cyber Dating: For the millions of singles searching for love online, author Julie Spira imparts cyber-dating savoir faire, interspersed with her outrageously hilarious virtual experiences. With more than 250 dates under her belt in less than 15 years, Ms. Spira is a matchmaking maven who offers the right tips and pointers to help you get lucky in love online.
The Perils of Cyber-Dating – Julie Spira (2009)
Two failed marriages, four engagement rings and more than 250 cyber-dates . . . Julie Spira brings to us her memoirs of her 15 years of online dating and a range of those memorable moments she has experienced, some great and others not worth the effort. For this book subtitled Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, she has chosen a handful of the dates, telling us a bit about the date and whether it was a success. From the Investment Banker and the Neurologist to the Latin Lover, we laugh, empathise and experience a variety of feelings when we see what Julie went through from being told she looked like a date’s dead wife to being proposed to with skywriting. An amazing read that acts both as a cautionary tale and a witty insight into the highs and lows of dating. (PP) Rating 9/10
Cyber Dating Tales to Tickle Your Fancy
Every cougar and every cub has a few good dating stories in them. If you’re looking for juicy tales from the date hunting ground, we here at Cougared.com recommend you take a look at Julie Spira’s new book, The Perils of Cyber Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.
‘So what?’ you say, ‘another book about online dating? Big deal.’ Ah, but this isn’t just any dating book. Spira is a seasoned online dating expert and the creator of www.CyberDatingExpert.com. Ms Spira also provides her expert dating advice as the LA Dating Advice Examiner, on DateDaily, and is the host of “Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show on BlogTalkRadio. With a career like that, you’d hope she had a bit of dating experience to speak from; and she has.
The book, The Perils of Cyber Dating, lounges languidly over 15 years and tells the tales of 250 dates, each packed with hilarious insights that anyone can relate to, from the freshest frat boy cub to the most mature and sultry cougar. Needless to say, the Cougared.com team have to give this slick and sexy collection of encounters the paw print of approval. Meow!
Book Review: The Perils of Cyber-Dating
SHEKNOWS Love Sexy Single Column
by Margeaux Baulch Klein
Author Julie Spira encounters every breed of man in her new tell-all memoir, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.
Online since 1994, Spira is a self-proclaimed internet dating pioneer, having gone on over 250 blind dates, receiving several marriage proposals and then marrying (and later divorcing) someone she met online. Spira has turned her dating horror stories and romantic journeys – both the good, bad, and, quite literally, ugly – into a witty memoir that every woman whose ever dipped her toe into the online dating pool will appreciate.
For starters, Spira compares a woman’s online dating profile to a real estate listing:
“In real estate, the first week that your house in on the market is important because if it’s priced correctly, professionally staged, and marketed well, it generates a lot of leads. Hopefully a qualified buyer will show.”
She also offers a “Top Ten Rules of Cyber Dating Netiquette” in Chapter 9 that is one of the best parts of the book. Here are a few tips she endorses:
ONLINE DATING TIP #1:
Don’t knock-off more than 5-10 pounds off of your weight or 5-10 years off of your age on your dating profile. “It’s always best to be authentic and tell the truth,” she says, “but anything more than that is just too noticeable. You will find yourself meeting someone who won’t be so happy to see you.” In her list of common profile definitions, she also notes that if a man lists his age as 40-something, it means that he’s a 50-something who wants a 30-year-old female.
ONLINE DATING TIP #2:
Don’t Google a potential date before having the opportunity to see if there is a connection. Partly due to her own embarrassment over a New York Times wedding announcement that she wishes didn’t come up when people searched for her, Spira believes that it’s too easy to misconstrue or jump to an incorrect conclusion about a piece of informationwithout knowing its context.
ONLINE DATING TIP #3:
“A man should not suggest sharing an appetizer on the first date, nor should he meet his date for coffee without the intention of ordering a beverage.” Spira hates cheap men.
ONLINE DATING TIP #4:
Don’t discuss ex-boyfriends, ex-husbands, or anything to do with body parts, extramarital affairs, and long lost loves on a first date. Spira declares that information should be rationed over the course of getting to know someone.
ONLINE DATING TIP #5:
Don’t cyber-fight. Although it’s tempting to hit ‘send’ and launch an angry missive into cyberspace, Spira recommends sleeping on any upset or hurt feelings. “When in doubt, pick up the phone to get that real connection,” she says.
Even after two failed marriages and four engagements, Spira believes in remaining a “hopeful romantic.” She is still in search of her happily ever after.
For more info on The Perils of Cyber-Dating, visit CyberDatingExpert.com
Book Review, The Perils of Cyber Dating
By Julie Spira
By DateDaily Staff
Online dating has become the norm for many people seeking a soul mate. With full-time jobs and the like, it’s hard to devote every weekend to finding the perfect person. That’s why Julie Spira wrote The Perils of Cyber Dating.
The book is so interesting you’ll probably read The Perils of Cyber-Dating in one day. From the second I picked it up, I knew it was going to be an interesting read. I was sucked in right away – Julie Spira has a way of describing her experiences that makes the reader feel like they were there with her, experiencing her feelings. You’ll laugh at times and open your mouth in amazement at others.
Although Julie Spira offers up a real-life guide to help others who want to get their feet wet in online dating via stories that might send others running in the other direction, her objective is to help readers hone their skills on the World Wide Web and come out unscathed.
Having experienced over 250 dates in almost 15 years, some marriage proposals and a divorce to boot, Julie Spira takes readers on her journey, which started in the mid ‘90s.
From The Investment Banker to the Plastic Surgeon, Julie Spira allows us to be that fly on the wall as she vividly describes her dating experiences. But that
is not all Julie Spira does; she also provides us with her “Rules of Netiquette.”
Some of the Netiquette rules include:
The Google Rule – Don’t tell your date that you did a Google search before the first date – She was Googled by a date and learned more about herself than she even knew.
The Body Parts Rule - Don’t discuss body parts – one date went into great detail about a colonoscopy that he had while they were eating lunch.
So if you’re a single looking for love online without much success, use Julie Spira’s The Perils of Cyber Dating as your guide to get over some of your worst dates and to look at online dating as an adventure, rather than yet another chore.
Highly recommended for both men and women.
LA Singles Examiner reporter, Niki Payne stopped by Singles Day at Tikkun Spa and gave her report of the event as well as her book review of the Internet dating memoir, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online by Julie Spira.
In short, Payne stated, “This inspiring book is a definite must-read, particularly if your hope in ever finding love online is beginning to wane. Whether you’re into online dating or just need a good laugh, there is sure to be something for everyone. While women will learn the ropes of Internet dating, men will learn all the things that turn off classy women.”
Looking for Love Online? The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, is just the book you need to take from the city to the beach this summer!
Julie Spira dishes it all as a hopeful romantic looking for love online. From her fabulous Rules of “Netiquette” that map out what men and women say vs. what they actually mean, to one hilarious story after another, she has mastered it all in a few clicks of her keyboard. This tell-all memoir spans over 250 dates in almost 15 years online. It’s a must read!
~ Matt Titus and Tamsen Fadal, America’s Love Experts
The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online
by Julie Spira
Published by Morgan James Publishing, LLC
Reviewed by Laura Cococcia
In today’s Internet age, many of us can relate to Julie Spira’s online dating adventures. However, while there have been numerous books and online resources written to cover this trendy topic, Spira’s new memoir,The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Onlineclearly stands out from the rest.
Undoubtedly, this is one of those books you can’t put down. Reading Spira’s stories – all organized by chapters of a particular date set up via the Web – are simply funny, enjoyable and relate to women and men alike.
While clearly an online dating expert, Spira’s writing style is also sophisticated. From each story’s beginning to end, she sets the scene, shares the details of her characters and shares herself with honesty and humility. She ends the novel with the introduction of the Blackberry and its evolving impact on dating life. Any reader into the e-scene could only imagine a “part two” of Spira’s stories – one that includes the many ways we now electronically connect with people globally – and then date them.
It’s also important to note that Spira is dedicating 10% of the proceeds of her book to the Step Up Women’s Network, a national non-profit membership organization dedicated to strengthening community resources for women and girls.
Whether you are dating now, considering jumping into the online dating pool or just want a fun read, Spira has something for everyone.
Armchair Interviews agrees.
‘The Perils of Cyber-Dating’
Julie Spira • Morgan James
More people are doing it now — going online to find mates. It can be a dangerous area to surf in. You don’t know what you are getting nor how truthful those profiles are.
“This book is not intended to scare or discourage anyone from online dating. It is a real-life guide to embrace and navigate the World Wide Web with fun and entertaining stories.” author Julie Spira writes in the introduction.
She states that there are over 40 million singles now online seeking love. It is not always what you see is what you get. “When choosing to go online in search of love, the most critical challenge is creating your online profile.” It seems that most people will fudge on their details. “I used to be honest about my age,” she admits, “I sometimes found myself cutting off a few years to fit into a search. It seems that is the unspoken rule for most women online and men now expect it to be the norm.”
Spira provides us with her list of dates she had through cyber dating. With over 250 dates in almost 15 years, a few marriage proposals and a divorce from a person she met online, she has experience to choose from. Some are humorous and some are fairly sad. She is still single but wiser. She started in her 30s and into her 50s, on and off.
She admits she was one of those early adapters to the scene. She started in the mid-1990s using the online dating possibilities offered on the Internet.
She sums up her reason for writing this book. “I have learned a lot throughout the course of my nearly 15 years of on-again, off-again cyber-dating experiences. While some of these memories have faded, before sending the others up to Internet Heaven — which is my version of the trash icon on my computer where I send my bad cyber-dates to with a one way ticket, I’ve decided to share them with you.”
In her accounting she lets us share in her dates with The Architect, the Neurologist, and the Plastic Surgeon. In between there was the Art Dealer, the Boy Next Door, The Investment Banker, the Drummer Boy. That is just to name a few.
She also gives us some rules of “Netiquette” we should follow if we are inclined to use the Internet for our dating pool. “We are living in the information at your fingertips mode as the Internet has become part of our daily lives, and we can find out more than we probably want to know.”
She therefore advises you don’t “Google” your date before the first date. One of her dates did and it was a disaster. She found out more about herself than she knew was out there. Also don’t discuss body parts on the first encounter. She had one person she dated who gave her the details of his colonoscopy between the entrée and the dessert. When it comes to your profile there should be a cut off rule of five to 10 years on your age and five to 10 pounds on your weight.
Not all cyber-dates were disasters.
This book is a must for this generation of singles, both male and female, who are into cyber-dating. It is possible to find someone if you know the rules.