It’s getting very blurry these days to determine whether you’re actually dating someone, or just hanging out as friends.
A 25-year old college student told me that she’s never been more confused about dating in her life.
After chatting and texting with a guy she met online for several weeks, he sent her a text to say, “Hey, let’s hang out tonight.”
So, what does hanging out mean?
Hanging out could be several things.
1. He might have a party to go with and they’d be hanging out with a group of friends.
2. It’s his way of saying I’d like to have a date with you tonight.
3. He’d like to hook up for a casual fling.
4. He’s testing the waters, so keeping it cool to see if he likes you or not.
Whatever the intention means when someone says, let’s hang out, one thing is for sure, singles are confused about their relationship status with members of the opposite sex. Whether they’ve met while cyberdating or out-and-about, dating in groups has added to the confusion for many singles.
When I digged a bit more into her “relationship” with her texting beau, I found out he her took her out to dinner. He paid for dinner. He gave her a short kiss after dinner. He went back to texting with her for several weeks and then asked her to hang out again.
The Digital Dating Process
The digital dating process does include flirting via text to stay in touch, emails back-and-forth, and putting actual dates on the calendar.
The rise in popularity of group dating, where singles who like each other hang out in a group and go to an event together, makes most women unsure of where they stand in the relationship, or if they’re even in a relationship at all.
My response to her was, “Yes, you did go on a date.” She wasn’t sure if he was just being chivalrous and kind by paying for her dinner, but they didn’t go “Dutch” treat and he did ask her out again.
Is he her boyfriend? No. Just because he sends texts daily, doesn’t mean you’re status has been elevated to boyfriend or girlfriend. Chances are he’s playing the field, having fun, and doesn’t really want a steady girlfriend. More than likely, it’s a flirtationship, which is a common place in between friends and being in a relationship. He has an active online dating profile and she has an active online dating profile.
If a man really wants to make you his girlfriend, he’ll let you know. He won’t want anyone to claim you as his and will make his intentions known.
Are you confused about your relationship status?
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Need help with your dating life? Find out how our Irresistible Coaching programs can help you date better and find love online.
We’ve already changed the clocks to enjoy more sunset dates, so it’s time to start changing your wardrobe colors and get out and smell the digital roses. It’s springtime and we all know that Spring fever is in the air and singles are hoping to find love this season, or maybe even have a spring fling, depending on your dating goals.
With this in mind, here are some online dating tips and advice for a little digital facelift to help ramp up your cyberdating search for the new season.
It’s time to turn up the volume and download a few mobile dating apps and start flirting. By now most of you have either used the hot mobile app Tinder, where you swipe to the right to connect with a potential date, or swipe to the left to send them into Internet heaven. Tinder has announced they’ve reached 1 million matches. It’s time to join the digital party.
Don’t forget the mobile versions of the dating sites you already belong to. If you’re a member of eHarmony, JDate, Match, OkCupid, PlentyOfFish, make sure you turn on their locals features and be on a date in minutes.
Start using additional mobile apps such as AreYouInterested, CupidRadar, and Zoosk that we feature in our Mobile Dating BootCamp.
Check out Lulu
Want to see what others think of your potential date? Guys, register with the Lulu mobile app for the women to see how you rank on the dating totem pole. Your ego will get a lift when the ladies give you a high score and your profile views go up. Ladies, before you go on a date, check the rating of your potential hottie. Plus, they have fun and flirty dating advice as well sent to your mobile phone.
Log on Twice Daily
If you brush your teeth at least every morning and night, take a ½ hour to 1 hour twice a day and log on to your favorite dating sites. Just by having your profile listed online often raises your visibility in a search.
Cast a Wider Net
Not getting much activity in your inbox? Expand your search from 15 miles to 60 or even 200 miles. If you find the one, it’s worth the commute, or even relocating for love. Are you limiting yourself to searching for a narrow age range? Revise your search parameters by 10 years. That’s right, 5 years lower and 5 years higher than what you’ve already been looking for.
Reorder your photos
If you have 3-5 of your favorite photos on your profile and can’t find time to grab a new one from your Facebook page, change the primary photo so your profile looks fresh. When you get the time, add a few more recent shots, wearing something colorful and retire those that are 5 years old.
View and hotlist profiles
If you’re a bit shy about initiating contact, view profiles of those you might be interested in. Chances are they’ll see that you’ve viewed them and will contact you if they’re interested in you. Take it one step further and rate them with 5 stars or put them on your hotlist. Often they’ll be notified, will be flattered, and you just might put a date on your calendar.
If you still need some help to make your profile stand out from the rest, contact us about our Irresistible Profiles to help you find your dream date.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.
Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She was an early adopter of onlien dating and has been helping singles find love on the Internet for 20 years. For more dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt, and visit our Facebook page.
Photo credit: © berezovskyi – Fotolia.com
Have you taken a look at your OkCupid profile lately?
The online dating site has added a new category to your dating profiles in the my detail section called “Relationship Type.”
Sandwiched in between income and offspring, daters looking to connect on OkCupid can now let potential dates know if they’re interested in having a monogamous relationship, or not. Taking it a step further, you can advertise whether you’re strictly monogamous, mostly monogamous, or strictly or mostly non-monogamous.
New Ok Cupid Relationship Types
While most women will state that they’re monogamous to attract a guy who won’t expect to sleep with them on the first date, it will be interesting to see how the men will fill in the blanks, if they fill in the blanks at all.
Up until now, members have listed their status as single, seeing someone, married, or in an open-relationship. The questions that members answer have further identified whether you’d sleep with someone on dates 1-2, 3-5, 6 or more, or after the honeymoon.
This new feature allows you to focus on whether you’ll be sleeping with multiple people or not. Does this mean members should represent themselves as casual daters or those who’ll be playing the field?
How would you describe your relationship type?
Do you think this feature will focus on more casual relationships?
Your comments are welcome.
Contact us to learn more about how to create an Irresistible Profile.
Finding love on an dating website can be exciting. On FOX 11, I shared online dating tips with Christine DeVine and talked about how to do a background search.
Singles should be concerned about possible romance scams. Even the FTC, FBI and BBB are warning singles to be safe around Valentine’s.
Meeting singles online should be a fun and safe experience. Daters need to protect their hearts and their wallets and 71% of those polled by Harris Interactive on behalf of Spokeo said they would conduct a search on someone they’re dating or are considering dating.
1. Meet someone in a public place and let a friend know who you’re planning on meeting. Text your friend to let them know you’re safe.
2. Ask a lot of questions to get to know someone. Where did they go to school? How long have you lived in in this city?
3. Do a search to feel safer that the person behind the keyboard is who they claim to be by going to Spokeo.com. (marital status, age, reverse email/phone number search)
4. Check to see if social media profile photos match their dating profile photos.
5. Be careful of communicating with people from another country. Often they are originally from the U.S. and are working abroad. They will feel like they’ve fallen in love with you instantly and ask for money after a few email exchanges.
6. Don’t accept a late night date for drinks.
7. Use recent photos and tell your accurate age. Be honest and authentic.
Remember, there are 40 million singles dating online. You might just be that one in 40 million and find your digital sweetheart.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. Julie is a paid Spokesperson for Spokeo and believes in practicing safe online dating. For dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Being single on Valentine’s isn’t the end of the world. Sure you go into stores and see nothing but boxes of red candy and roses throughout the grocery stores, but a new survey from U.K. online dating site Smooch.com shows that only 10% of the 2000 singles polled actually love Valentine’s Day. Are the other 90% pretending to go along with the program?
Do you find this a bit shocking? According to Smooch, Valentine’s is a time for singles to feel even more single.
Smooch.com Marketing Manager, Lucy Clarke, said of the findings;
“Valentine’s Day is a time to celebrate dating, whether you’re single or in a relationship. But with Valentine’s Day campaigns aimed at couples everywhere you turn at this time of year, it’s hardly surprising that the day makes singletons feel even more single.
Their findings even included that 16% of singles actually lied about receiving a Valentine and 63% wish they did have a date on Valentine’s Day.
So let’s get to the subject of texting. It’s rare on any holiday to NOT hear from an ex. Whether it’s Thanksgiving, New Year’s, Christmas, or Valentine’s, some singles can’t help but reach for the phone to connect with an ex. It’s a non-threatening way of sending a little digital love.
How should you say “Happy Valentine’s Day” to an ex via text? Are you concerned that sending a text doesn’t mean you’re looking to rekindle a spark or end up in bed? Not necessarily. Often singles have fond memories of spending Valentine’s with someone from their past. Perhaps that romantic trip you took 5 years ago is still on his or her minds.
Although Smooch discourages singles from texting an ex, I disagree. Valentine’s can be a warm and fuzzy day or a day that can be filled with disappointments from the unrealistic expectations. I’m all for texting an ex, as long as it’s not to rekindle the spark within a few hours. Keep it friendly. Say, “Happy Valentine’s Day….Thinking of you and hope you’re doing great.”
The best times to send a text to an ex is in the morning. Keep it simple and friendly. Don’t ask your ex if he or she has a Valentine or is in a relationship. You broke up for a reason. If you do receive a text from an ex, don’t read more into it than just a simple friendly exchange. If you’re in a relationship, hold back from texting an ex. If your current sweetheart happens to see your text exchange on your phone on the most romantic day of the year, you might end up getting the cold shoulder or be sleeping alone that night.
Would you text an ex on Valentine’s Day? Your comments are welcome.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and celebrity dating coach. She’s the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com and author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating. Julie creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt.
As Valentine’s Day is practically around the corner, one of the most popular questions I receive as an online dating expert is how to have the best online dating profile to find a date in time for Valentine’s. Match now reports that online dating is the #1 way for singles to find a date, with 31% of singles finding love online.
Since Internet dating is available 24-hours a day, it’s time to grab your mobile phone and give your Internet dating profile a simple digital facelift.
Here are 8 tips to help your profile stand out.
1. Create a catchy screen name. Some sites just provide you with a number or variation of a screen name if your chosen name isn’t selected. Using your first name and a handful of digits isn’t catchy. Try to find a name that is unique to you and describes your personality. An example would be MusicLoverNYC if you live in New York and love music. Others would be YogaGirlLA or NurseLori.
2. Leave the novel at home. The best profiles are short and will pique the interest of a potential date. I always recommend 100-125 words in your essay. If it’s shorter, it shows that you’re not taking online dating seriously. If it’s too long, there will be nothing left to talk about on the date. Plus, men don’t like to read long-winded profiles. It seems overwhelming and leaves the perception that you could be a high drama person.
3. Post 3-5 photos. Both men and women are visual. Every profile must have 3-5 photos in it, with the primary photo being a close-up shot with a smile. I always recommend that a woman wear red in her profile, as men see too many little black dresses, so you won’t blend into the thousands of thumbnail shots. Red is also the color of love and passion. Statistics show that women wearing red do receive more views and emails. Remember to include a full-length body shot, so it doesn’t appear that you’re hiding anything and don’t wear sunglasses in your photos.
4. Ditch the selfies. Although the word ‘Selfie’ made it into the Oxford dictionary, a selfie isn’t the most flattering photo, so keep it off of your profile. Remember, this is your love life resume and if you’re hoping to attract the man of your dreams, make sure you look like his dream girl.
5. Ask a question. The goal of online dating is to make your profile come alive and be approachable. If you ask a question in your profile, it makes it easier for your potential date to engage in a conversation with you. After all, you’re trying to develop a rapport with someone, not just be a stagnant billboard.
6. It’s not All About You. A man would like to imagine what a life with you could be like, so make it easier for him to know. Talk about what date night with you would be like and say, on a weekend, it would be great to go hiking with you on a Saturday morning and maybe take in a film matinee in the afternoon. When you talk about your life’s passions, end the sentence with, “what about you?” If you name some of your favorite travel spots, include a question to ask him where his dream trip would be.
7. Be specific. Profiles that are more specific help start the conversation. From a man’s point of view, profiles all look about the same. So say you like to travel, and list some of your favorite travel spots. Talk about how you like music and how the Red Hot Chili Peppers are one of your favorite bands and that you enjoyed watching them in the Super Bowl half time show.
8. Dump the cliches. Men know that women love going on beach walks, but if your profile says I like beach walks, sunset dinners, and love to laugh, your online dating profile is filled with cliches. Leave those conversations for your first few dates and laugh when you’re together, not on your profile.
At the end of the digital day, online dating is a numbers game. You need to play to win.
Here’s more information on how you can get an Irresistible Online Dating Profile.
Photo credit: © JiSIGN – Fotolia.com
Romance scams have been in the news lately from singles who are members of online dating sites and social networking sites. Every time I hear one of these stories, it breaks my heart. With Valentine’s Day putting extra pressure on dating, it’s extremely important to make sure that singles are doing their research when looking for a date, whether online or offline.
Know that online dating safety is of the highest importance here at Cyber-Dating Expert.
As a result, I’ve become a Spokesperson for Spokeo, an online search service which provides publicly available data to help you research your dates.
New research provided by Spokeo and Harris Interactive was just released which shows that 71% of Americans are willing to conduct some kind of informational search about the person they are dating. This tells me that singles are taking dating safety very seriously.
Here are 7 tips to help avoid being a victim of a romance scam.
1. If your date’s photos are either blurry or look like they are from a stock photo gallery, or look model-like or too good to be true, it’s time to do some digging.
2. Those involved in perpetrating a romance scam want to take the conversation off the dating site quickly and onto a private chat or instant messenger service. This avoids having the conversations documented or traceable by the dating site’s software. Until you’re sure about your date, keep the conversations on the dating site.
3. If he or she says they’re in love with you very quickly, don’t jump for joy just yet. Romance scammers often will say they’ve never felt this way before about anyone before and they’ve waited their whole life to meet you. Their grammar often isn’t correct and they have an accent if you speak to them on the phone.
4. If he or she lives out of town or out of the country, find out where they really live. If their efforts to visit you get repeatedly canceled due to a work or family emergency, you should be raising a digital eyebrow.
5. If your potential date has a work or family emergency and asks you to wire them money, don’t fall for it. It’s likely they’ll say if you really love them, you’ll help them out and they’ll pay you back quickly. Often the excuse is their funds are temporarily tied up. Don’t fall for it.
6. Make sure to look up the data that you have on someone you’re dating. This can be easily done by plugging the information you have into an online search engine to see if what you find online matches up with what the other person is claiming. Sites like Google and Spokeo can be very informative to research your date.
7. If any of these things happen to you, never ever send money. Do not sent money via Western Union or a foreign bank. Report the profile in question to the dating site and understand that you’re one of many that this person is writing to try try to sweep you off your feet and promise you a life of love and happiness.
Know that you can do a simple search of your potential date’s email address, phone number, or even user name by going to Spokeo.com.
Happy safe dating this Valentine’s Day.
Enjoy the Infographic below and feel free to share this with all of your single friends.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.Julie Spira is an online dating expert and was an early adopter of Internet dating. She creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Disclaimer: Cyber-Dating Expert is a paid Spokesperson for Spokeo
35% of Americans Willing to Pay for Dating Research in Order to Feel Safer – An infographic by the team at Spokeo People Search
Ten years later, Facebook boasts over 1.2 billion users. One has to ask, is Facebook now the world’s largest digital dating site?
Just how many couples are flirting, connecting, hooking up, and even finding love on Facebook?
When I launched Facebook Love Stories on Valentine’s Day last year, I was intrigued to see the variety of ways that people found love on the world’s largest social network.
Here are six couples whose love stories will warm your digital heart.
“Working in different departments meant that our professional paths didn’t cross much, but we often rode the Fifth Avenue bus home together, as our apartments were in the same neighborhood,” said Bonnie. The two married others and lost touch, until Bonnie’s son created a Facebook page for her a few years ago.
Bonnie decided to look for old friends and thought about Josh. “I sent him a message asking if he remembered me and he responded within hours, so excited to hear from me,” said Bonnie. Within three days they were talking on the phone for hours at a time, and within weeks made a date for dinner. Josh showed up with carrot cake and a dozen bagels and Bonnie was hooked. The two were engaged the following New Year’s Eve, and were married August of 2012.
The couple’s wedding cake was a delicious Fifth Avenue bus. “In my wildest dreams I’d never have imagined that Facebook would change my life, but it did. It reconnected me with Josh, and I consider it a miracle,” said Bonnie.
Sophie and Trevor were both members of a “Star Wars” Facebook group when they became friends in 2007. Sophie lived in Leeds, England and Trevor resided in Indiana where he was attending University. Neither were interested in developing a long-distance relationship. The two became fast friends as they shared their mutual love of fan fiction.
After three months, Sophie and Trevor decided to meet in person and selected Berlin as the city for their first date. Later that year, they realized they were falling in love.
Over the next several years, the two commuted between Indiana and England, as their relationship flourished.
Both Sophie and Trevor acknowledge that Facebook played a huge part in keeping them connected, during the time of their long-distance relationship.
In 2012, the two finally got married in New York City and are finally living on the same continent, in each others’ arms in the Big Apple.
For about four years, Meca and Anthony were digital friends on Facebook, but they never really had much contact with each other. The two shared a lot of mutual Facebook friends and even attended offline events at the same time twice, but they never actually met in person.
As a divorced woman, Meca started blogging about her dating experiences and posted her stories on Facebook. Anthony silently enjoyed reading about Meca’s latest dates and started sending her private messages on Facebook.
“I wanted to know why a girl like her was single,” said Anthony. Their romance developed on Facebook chat privately and finally one day they decided to exchange phone numbers.
Meca was very hesitant at first, especially as Anthony was an artist. As an accessory designer, Meca didn’t think she wanted to date an abstract painter. “I don’t date artists,” she proclaimed. Soon they discovered that they were indeed soul mates.
The two have decided to save the mushy stuff for the privacy of their inbox.
Patience had a secret crush on Sam in high school, but felt that he was out of her league. They never dated and barely acknowledged each other in the halls. During a formal high school dance, after her date had ditched her, Patience was shocked when Sam asked her to dance and pulled her into a random picture.
Fast forward twenty-six years later, where Sam was divorced and teaching college in Israel. Patience was busy with her publishing career in New York and had serial dated for two decades. When Sam noticed her familiar face in the “Suggested Friends” feature, he immediately sent Patience a “friends’ request.
For Patience, it was a no-brainer to be in contact with such a popular guy from high school. She started “liking” his status updates. Sam picked up the phone and called her. After several months of Skype and Facebook chats, the two fell in love.
Sam asked Patience if he could visit and possibly “marry and father her children.” All of her girlfriends thought she was crazy, but she knew there was a connection there. In fact, they had a deal. He would come visit and would leave if they thought it was weird. Fortunately, that was not the case. The two are now happily married and are living in New York. Sam still has the photo from their first dance in high school.
Alexa was hoping to find someone on an online dating site, but was frustrated with the process. Her friends said she’d find someone when she least expected it. That someone was Devin who she met on Facebook.
Devin thought Alexa was cute when he noticed her photo in the “People You Should Know” feature.
“One day I received a ‘friend’ request from someone I didn’t know named Devin,” said Alexa. “We had one mutual friend in common, so I thought I might have met him somewhere and just didn’t remember. He was the first person in my six years of being on Facebook that I added without knowing in real life,” she added.
The rest is history and the two have been inseparable since meeting on Facebook.
It all started twenty years ago when Taunia met Jake while in school. The two dated for 2.5 years and then went their separate ways to pursue their career aspirations. “We always knew we were each other’s ‘true love,’’ said Taunia.
Twenty years and a lot of life lessons went by. Taunia had gastric bypass surgery in 2008. She got married, established her musical career, and developed an online following, particularly on Facebook.
Tania reconnected with one of Jake’s sisters on Facebook. When Jake’s sister noticed Tania’s relationship status as “Divorced,” she told her brother. Jake immediately contacted Taunia to reconnect and their romance reignited. Jake proposed to Taunia in a romantic holiday trip in front of the Eifel Tower and the two were married in the summer of 2013.
Have you found love on Facebook?
Julie Spira is an online dating expert, dating coach, and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene and is Editor-in-Chief of FacebookLoveStories.com.
As we’re counting down to Super Bowl Sunday in New Jersey, whether you’re rooting for the Seattle Seahawks or the Denver Broncos, one thing is for sure, it’s going to be an emotional and exciting two weeks for both men and women alike.
Some questions I always hear from women are, “Do men hate Valentine’s?” Guys want to know, “Do women really love the Super Bowl halftime show, or do they act enthusiastically to keep their guys happy or to met men?
I’ve gone on record as saying the Valentine’s Day for Women is like the Super Bowl for Men. It’s a double-header this month, so enjoy the ride and guys, don’t wait until the last minute to invite the object of your affection or digital crush out for Valentine’s Day.
This weekend is sacred for most American men. It’s showtime as most guys count down the days, hours, and even minutes to their favorite television day of the year, Super Bowl Sunday.
Meanwhile, across the hall, women have their own favorite holiday to think about, Valentine’s Day. With these two major events less that two weeks apart, it’s become obvious that the Super Bowl for men is revered in the same way as Valentine’s Day is for women. Whether you’re a sports fan or a hopeless romantic, comparing the two will help you understand how important these days are for the opposite sex.
Why do I think the Super Bowl for men is like Valentine’s Day for women? Quite simply, both men and women put all of their emotional energies into these two bigger-than-life events. Often, a woman doesn’t understand why watching two teams trying to score is so important to her guy. He just can’t miss this game. Guys on the other hand, simply don’t understand that if you’re dating a woman and forget to plan something, just anything for Valentine’s Day, you probably won’t get a date with her on February 15th, or shortly thereafter.
Men wait all year for the Super Bowl, this big day in television. Women wait for Valentine’s Day with the hope that their special guy will either propose, offer to take his online dating profile down, or say “I love you” for the first time. Women even secretly hope that the guy they are dating might want to change his Facebook status from “Single” to “In a Relationship.”
Men are very prepared for the Super Bowl. They decide which venue and with whom they would like to spend watching the big game. In January, many women start giving little hints about their favorite romantic restaurants, hoping their guy will take the cue and book a reservation before the venue becomes full.
However in contrast, when a man’s favorite team loses the Super Bowl, he will be disappointed but will get over it. He’ll know there’s another chance next year and will spend the entire football season rooting for his team. If a woman’s favorite beau or someone she is dating doesn’t ask her out for Valentine’s Day, she won’t get over it. She’ll assume he’s romancing another woman and will know she’s not on the top of his list. Chances are, his shelf life as her number one guy will immediately expire. Unless he’s out of town on business or in a long-distance relationship, he won’t get another chance to romance her. No woman wants to be at the bottom of the totem pole, especially on Valentine’s Day. Expect to be unfriended, or don’t be surprised if she doesn’t return your phone calls or texts.
So whether you like football or not, love or hate Valentine’s Day, remember to talk to the person you are dating about what these days mean to you. If you’re single, use this opportunity to accept all invitations for both the Super Bowl and Valentine’s singles mixers. Even if your team loses and you’re dateless on the 14th, you’ll be casting a wider net and expanding your social circle.
So go ahead and accept that Super Bowl party invitation. If you’re single, you just might find a date in time for Valentine’s as well. It’s a win-win for everyone. If you need help with your profile or online dating advice, our special 15 Magic Minutes is going on through Valentine’s Day.
Which team will you be rooting for this Super Bowl?
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. For more dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, sign up for our Weekly Flirt and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.
Dear Cyber Dating Expert,
I desperately need some online dating advice. I met a guy on OkCupid last week and we had the perfect date. The next day he reached out to hang out again and even introduced me to his engaged friends and we went on a double-date. That night we ended up sleeping together and I thought everything was going so well.
We continued to talk and he remained sweet and attentive. We made plans to meet up a few days later and I went to his place and we watched a movie. Again, he was very affectionate, held my hand, kissed me on the head/check, etc.
What threw me was when I saw his cell phone light up with text messages from random numbers he hadn’t saved to his phone. Immediately I knew these were probably other girls he was communicating with from OKC. My heart sank. I thought everything was great until I saw those texts! He seems SO into me, but now I feel like I have something to prove and other girls to beat out. I just don’t want to get involved and get my heart broken, but I like him and don’t want to lose out on getting to know him better.
Do I play it cool, let him take the reins for now? Or should I be proactive & initiate more dates with the chance of coming off aggressive/desperate?
Thanks for your email.
I understand why you’d be upset about seeing text messages you believe were from other women that your new guy might be chatting with.
Because you both met on an online dating site, unless you’ve had the conversation about being exclusive, assume that you’re not. After all, you were only dating for one week when you noticed these anonymous texts.
Sleeping together while you both have active online dating profiles isn’t something that I recommend, unless you don’t mind if he’s seeing other people.
Once a woman sleeps with a man, the hormones kick in and women get very attached and bonded, even if the guy isn’t really good for you. When the sex is good, it’s natural to hope and think that he won’t want to be with anyone else. Maybe he’s ignoring those text messages, after all you’ve only known him for a short while.
My advice is to keep it cool and date him if he asks you out on a proper date, but don’t sleep with him again. Sure you can hug, kiss, fool around, etc. Please don’t make a big deal out of the text messages, as men don’t like a high-drama, clingy or possessive woman in their lives. Just show him that you’re the confident great woman that you are. If he calls, return his calls. If he texts, return his texts. If he asks you out and you’re free, go out on a date with him, but let him know that you like him, but realize that you aren’t into casual sex if it comes up. Let him know how much you’re enjoying getting to know him. I know it’s hard to go backwards, but it’s worse to sleep with him and then wonder if he’s logging on to find someone to sleep with the next night. That’s the risk with online dating. If he tells you it’s not acceptable, then he doesn’t really want you as his girlfriend. He might just be looking for a booty call or friends with benefits relationship. Throwing yourself at him won’t help. It will kill the chances to have a relationship with this guy. Being great in the bedroom doesn’t mean he won’t look elsewhere. Being the confident girl he can’t be without will make him want you to be his girl. Let him take the lead and initiate dates with you.
If he really wants to make you his girlfriend, he’ll take down his profile and do whatever it takes. At this point, you haven’t set your boundaries so he doesn’t think it’s a requirement. Don’t be in competition with other women. Just be yourself and feel great about who you are. Please don’t get possessive or start to interrogate him about his text messages or cell phone. Insecurity will kill a relationship. Since he didn’t put those phone numbers in his phone to save them, nor is he hiding his phone, they probably don’t mean much to him anyway. Still, I know it hurts.
I hope this helps and please do keep me posted.