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Match.com Users in 2014 Were Down to Earth [infographic]

Screen Shot 2014 12 12 at 9.42.28 AM 300x105As 2014 is now winding down, our friends at Match.com have come up with a fun infographic showing the trends of their millions of single users who were looking for love online. In 2014, the site was responsible for setting up 5.48 million dates!

Among the popular terms, singles included the following:

  • Down to earth (mentioned in 232,348 profiles)
  • Travel (mentioned in 1,005,346 profiles)
  • The film, “Frozen” (mentioned in 5,501 profiles)
  • The word, “selfie” (mentioned in 5,613 profiles)

Other popular words included: electrician, warmhearted, welcoming, crochet, welder, zumba, quickest, cosmetology, ladies, and sewing.

Wondering how your profile stacks up to the others on Match? Check out this infographic for more details.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Match Year End Infographic FINAL 472x1024

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Holiday Dating Survival Guide

holidaysurvival 300x283It’s safe to say that emotions are flying high during the holidays for singles, new couples not sure how to define themselves, those who have had a recent breakup, and those who are tired of hearing from their relatives about their relationship status.

The holiday period from Thanksgiving to New Year’s brings up a lot of emotions. In the words of Fleetwood Mac’s Stevie Nicks from the song Dreams, it’s natural to think of memories of what you had and what you lost. The band also sings about how “You make loving fun” so don’t turn down the volume just yet.  Listening to music this time of year can give you both strength and send you down memory lane.

One thing I know for sure, is my phone is ringing with singles wanting to connect and meet someone new to share the holidays with, so there are plenty of singles looking for love online now.

Still, I know how tough it is at the holidays being single. I’ve been there. I’ve been watching the abundance of posts on Facebook of couples who are changing their relationship status to “In a Relationship.” If your status isn’t that in that category, it can be a digital stab to your heart.

I’m here to tell you that this is actually the best time of year to meet someone wonderful to date. Filling your date card with quality people is quite possible, so take away that frown and look at my tips in our holiday survival guide.

The Cyber-Dating Expert Survival Guide to Help you Through the Holidays, Online and IRL.

1. Don’t rely on Social Media to go down memory lane

Sure I know it’s natural to take a peek to see what your ex is up to, but if they’re jetting off to Paris, heading for sunshine in Hawaii and kissing under the mistletoe, you’re hurting yourself big time. Instead, try to create your own new memories. Walk down a festively decorated street and snap a few photos of trees, store windows, and cheerful pictures and post them on your Facebook wall. So what if you’re alone or with your BFF. You’re out of the house and not living in the past. Digital snooping is also on the rise, especially during the holidays. It brings out the worst in many. At PlentyofFish, they surveyed over 9000 of their users between the ages of 20 -40 to find out what their holiday dating habits were. POF found that 82% of the women were actually checking the Facebook statuses of guys they were dating to see what they were doing when they weren’t around. Wouldn’t you be better off out, than attached to your phone?

2. Fill that date card and stay organized

Anxiety can be at an all time high, but joining a few dating sites and using mobile dating apps will be a great ego boost. It will also give you the chance to meet a lot of people. However, don’t embarrass yourself by calling Don, Doug or introduce yourself as Jackie from PlentyOfFish if you met him on eHarmony. The easiest way to do this is by creating an excel spreadsheet and logging your conversations. You would do this for a job, right? Well this is a job with a possibility of a lifetime of love. It’s worth the effort.

3. Block your ex’s profile

If you’ve recently ended a relationship with someone you met online and it wasn’t on good terms, chances are you’ve both rejoined the site to meet others. Make sure you block his or her profile so they don’t appear in a search and to avoid the obsessiveness that results when you check to see when they last logged on or if they’ve deactivated their profile. Don’t assume if their profile is gone that they’ve ridden off into the sunset with someone else. Sometimes people just take a break or they may have blocked you.

4. Don’t jump into a rebound relationship

They say the easiest way to get over someone is by replacing them in a New York minute with someone new, but is it right? Sure the initial infatuation stage is a lot of fun and it’s nice to have a warm body around, but finding someone new when you aren’t ready to date isn’t always the answer. Spend time with friends, hang out with an ex that you’re still on good terms with and can be yourself with, and spend time alone reading, writing, or taking a cooking class or French lesson.

5. Discuss holiday gift giving

Before you run off to Tiffany to get him sterling silver cufflinks engraved with his initials after three weeks of dating, ask yourself how overwhelming it would feel if he showed up with an engagement ring one month in. It could be over the top, right? Come up with a reasonable budget. Perhaps you can get him a cashmere scarf or sweater, tickets to a concert or sporting event, and make home made cookies. You could get her a gift certificate to a spa, gourmet chocolates, a fun accessory for her mobile phone, tickets to a show or a museum exhibition, or a piece of costume jewelry in her favorite color. Avoid giving her just lingerie, unless it’s something she picks out for herself.

6. It’s Peak Season for Online Daters

The good news is that more singles are signing up for dating sites between Thanksgiving and Valentine’s Day. Match reports they see a jump of about 25-30% in new members signing up between Christmas and Valentine’s Day and at Cyber-Dating Expert, it’s the busiest holiday season ever with new singles joining online dating sites and brand new dating profiles being created.

7. Accept ALL holiday invitations

If your inbox is filled with invitations for holiday mixers, fill your calendar and put on your party dress. Remember to smile at everyone. Business networking events are in abundance now, so you won’t have to feel that you’re the only single person there. Walk in with confidence and you’ll be turning heads and filling your date card.

8. Online Love is a year-round event

People meet online and fall in love all year long. I know a couple that met online on Christmas Eve on Facebook who are now engaged. I know of another couple that met online on eHarmony on Valentine’s Day who are now happily married. One couple fell in love at first sight that met on Match. She hadn’t had a serious relationship in over 10 years and now they’re married. Yes online dating is a numbers game. You’ll be juggling dates, canceling dates, rescheduling dates, it’s exhausting, but it can be so very rewarding as it has been for millions of others.

9. Fall in love with you

At the holidays, please take a deep breath; log on to fill your date card if and when it feels good to you, not because you’re feeling lonely. If you need to take a break from dating, that’s fine. There are no rules, other than to fall in love with yourself first. It’s the best place to be to start any new relationship.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace this holiday season, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and was a very early adopter of Internet dating. She’s the CEO of CyberDatingExpert.com, author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For online dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

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Cyber Monday – Free Irresistible Dating Profile Critique

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Welcome to our Cyber Monday special at Cyber-Dating Expert.

This year, we’re making Cyber Monday so irresistible, that we’re providing 15 Magic Minutes of critiquing your dating profile, LIVE for FREE!.

That’s right. There’s no road rage, trampling on people in parking lots or getting out your credit card. We know the holidays are tough, so on Monday, December 1st and Tuesday, December 2nd, sign up for our 15 Magic Minutes and schedule your free session to review your profile.

If you’re new to online dating, take that time to talk about your dating dilemmas for free. If you need some extra hand holding, we’re offering 25% off our popular Internet dating packages including The Flirt, Going Steady, and Totally in Love.

To schedule your free session via phone or Skype, sign up below. This is limited to those who sign up on December 1st and 2nd, 2014 and sessions will take place during the month of December, 2014. Offer available to new clients only.

Thank you for signing up for our Cyber Monday special offer of a FREE online dating profile critique! We offer this irresistible special only once a year, so hurry before this offer expires on December 2, 2014 at midnight!

To schedule us, please fill out the contact form below. We’re also offering 25% off our Irresistible Coaching programs.

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What are you waiting for? Sometimes the best things in life are free.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene and was an early adopter of Internet dating. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter

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Top 9 Ways to Get your eMail Noticed

Fotolia 18812125 XS 150x150So you’ve made it this far. You like what you’ve read in his online dating profile and everything is checking out. Now, there’s only one thing left to do; get the conversation started. Don’t worry, it’s a lot easier than it seems. After all, you don’t have to be spontaneous or quick on your delivery. You can take all the time you might need to write a gripping email that will engage him.

Here are Nine tips for snagging him with email

1)   Write a clever subject line. On many local dating sites your subject line is your first impression, so you need to make it pop! The key is to somehow relate to him using various approaches. Perhaps he’s a foodie as well. If so, consider writing, “from a fellow foodie” or if you know he’s into art try something like, “art event on a first date?” Pick something that really stood out to you and use it to your advantage to capture his attention.

2)   Personalize it. Once again, select specific elements from his profile and incorporate them. For example, if he says that he’s optimistic and has a sense of humor then mention that those things are important to you. Perhaps you like his smile – mention that as well and even add a smiley face emoticon.

3)   Don’t write a novel. That’s not to say keep it short. Though he might be interested in your life story, chances are he doesn’t want to hear it all at once. Leave the longer conversation for the first date. The goal in writing this email should be to pique his interest and leave some mystery so he responds. Writing too much in an initial email could mean more effort for him to reply and he might put your message on the backburner as a result. Keep it simple and don’t over think it. Try to focus on a couple of things that are important and let the conversation grow from there.

4)   Ask a question. He will be more likely to respond if you ask him a question – this could be anything. Make it lighthearted or serious to get the conversation started.

5)   Show your personality. Everyone loves someone with personality. This makes dating more fun. Show him a slice of who you are in your tone and delivery. If you’re soft spoken and shy, there’s nothing wrong with mentioning that. If you have a sense of humor, crack a few jokes. Perhaps you have a type-A personality. If so, there’s nothing wrong with sharing a story about your personality type. Just make sure to be you and be honest and authentic. He will appreciate it a lot more than receiving a generic message.

6)   Don’t sound desperate. No one wants to date someone who is needy, so try to keep your email casual. Try not to come on too strong, otherwise he might label you as needy or desperate. The first email is just an introduction and exploration to see if you two are even on the same page. And remember, you are just as much the chooser as he is the picker.

7)   Be clear in your message. The last thing you want to do is confuse him. You have all the time in the world to string together thoughts and ideas of why you’re writing to him. Take your time, relax and have fun with it. Just make sure that your email flows and it’s relevant to something that he can relate to.  Communicating a strong, clear, and concise message says a lot about someone and he will notice the effort you’ve taken in contacting him.

8)   Use bold text. Not everywhere. Just the main points you’re trying to get across. For example, if you really want him to know that you love dogs, write I really love dogs too and he’ll know just how much dogs mean to you. Do this for anything you might be passionate about.

9)   Reference date ideas – Mention a few local activities that you are into, see what kind of responses you get. Positive reactions to these outings could be good indications for where you might end up going on a first date.

We hope these tips will lead to more clicks that lead to better conversations. Good luck!

Just remember that love is always the answer, so the question becomes, how do you find it if you’re dating over 50? We’re offering an opportunity to win a free eHarmony 3 or 6 month membership. eHarmony gives singles a clear advantage, matching you with only deeply compatible singles! Lots of people are beating the odds by betting on love. And if you register now at Cyber Dating Expert you could win a FREE eHarmony account. Sounds like a win-win while looking for love online.

Contest runs from November 13, 2014 – December, 13 2014

Contest Rules

For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Cyber-Dating Expert Weekly Flirt.

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How to Get Lucky on Tinder

TinderGraphic 300x197Since swiping right and left has become part of our digital vocabulary, those enjoying or obsessing over their Tinder account on their mobile phones might need a bit more help on how to optimize their Tinder profiles.

With over 1 billion matches and 100 marriages to date, isn’t it time you tried Tinder?

This infographic shows two active Tinder users who experimented to increase the number of matches on the hottest mobile app on the planet.

Here are some tips on how to have the best Tinder profile.

1. Swipe right on every profile to increase the chances of a match.

2. Log on daily.

3. Ditch the group shots and make it all about you.

4.  Have a great bio!

If you need some hand holding on how to make Tinder work for you so you can find a quality person to date, contact us for details.

Have you met anyone on Tinder?

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Cyber-Dating Expert Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Read our blog for more mobile dating and Tinder dating advice.

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20 Flirty Text Messages To Capture His Heart

photo e1414096505874Wondering how to start your day and let your crush know that you’re thinking about him?

Flirting via text messages is the best digital foreplay and is guaranteed to keep your guy attached to his mobile phone waiting for the sound of your custom chime tone.

Between emoji’s and xoxo’s, here are 20 text messages guaranteed to reach his digital heart for every relationship stage.

  1. Thinking of you. Everyone wants to feel like they are special and thinking of you is a sweet way to make him smile. Don’t be surprised if he sends back a quick smiley face.
  2. Good Morning Handsome. This text goes right to the heart of his ego and will warm his heart throughout the day. Don’t be surprised if he sends a text that says, “Good morning beautiful” or “Good morning gorgeous.”
  3. You were hot last night! You can never go wrong the morning after when you tell your guy how hot he was in bed. He’ll be scheduling the next date for an encore ASAP. Don’t be surprised if he sends a text that says, “smokin hot.”
  4. Guess what I’m wearing? Whether you’re in sexy lingerie or just got out of the shower, the visual of what you’re wearing won’t matter. He’ll be thinking about how to undress you while staring at his phone. Don’t be surprised if he responds with, “What color?”
  5. I long for your delicious kisses. Kissing is first base and we all know what happens next. If he thinks you believe he’s an amazing kisser, he’ll be ready to come home to press his lips against yours in a New York moment. Don’t be surprised if he replies with a smiley face or an xoxo.
  6. I have a feeling tonight will be delicious. The ambiguity of this text is what makes it so exciting. Whether you’re cooking up a spicy dish in the kitchen or are saving yourself for dessert, he’ll know you’re flirting big time. Don’t be surprised if he responds with a smiley face or a text that says, “can’t wait!”
  7. What are you up to tonight? When your guy is hanging out at the office and realizes he has no plans for the evening, a casual get together with you just might be a great way to end the day. This text doesn’t necessarily mean you’re looking for a booty call. You may just want to catch a film or watch episodes of “Breaking Bad” on Netflix. Don’t be surprised if he responds with, “Not much. And you?” This is your cue to suggest getting together for a spontaneous date or adding a future date to the calendar.
  8. I had a dream about you last night. This flirty text will let his imagination run wild. Who wouldn’t want someone dreaming about them? He’ll be fantasizing about details of your dream and might lose track of time before he responds. Don’t be surprised if he responds with, “and how was it?” or “cool” or “sweet.”
  9. Wait until you see what I’m wearing tonight! Playing dress up can spice up your relationship. Whether he fantasizes about you wearing your cheerleader outfit or you have some new hot lingerie, his mind will be wandering all day. Don’t be surprised if he responds with, “can’t wait!”
  10. Last night was amazing. [wait for his response and then type] Ready for a repeat performance? When your guy rocks it in the bedroom, he really wants to know that he has pleased you as well. Letting him know just how amazing it was will be the perfect morning text. When he responds with, “I know” or “sure was” then follow it up with the repeat performance request. He’ll be scheduling you on his calendar in a digital heartbeat.
  11. I can’t stop thinking about you. You know that feeling you both get in a new relationship when you think you might be smitten? Now’s the time to let him know, rather than keeping him waiting. Don’t be surprised if he responds with, “me too!”
  12. Last night was fun. Can’t wait to see you again. Early on in a relationship, a guy’s got to get some feedback ladies.  There’s no better way to capture his digital heart than through his phone. This one’s clean and appropriate and gives him the confidence that you’ll say yes if he asks you out again. Don’t be surprised if he responds with, “I had a blast” or “great time.”
  13. How did you sleep last night? Regardless of your relationship status, everyone imagines falling asleep in the arms of their crush someday. This sweet pillow talk text lets him know you’re thinking of him and is a great way to start the day. Don’t be surprised if he responds with, “would have been better with you” or “not bad” or “ok” or “good….and you?”
  14. Hey you! If you’re still in the friend zone with someone, here’s a casual text just to let them know you’re thinking about them. It’s similar to “thinking of you” but a bit more casual. Don’t be surprised if he writes back with, “hey!” Guys are simple. One word responses suit them quite well.
  15. Miss you. [wait for his response and type] Wish you were here. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. When you or your beau are traveling, chances are he will miss your presence. These affectionate texts will warm his heart. Don’t be surprised if he responds with, “Me too.”
  16. I’ve been thinking about you all day. I know you don’t want to be obsessive, but if you’ve already exchanged a few text messages with your guy, why not reach out after lunch and let him know he’s on your mind. Don’t be surprised if he responds with a smiley face.
  17. Can you sneak away for coffee? While you might not be having an illicit affair with your beau, there’s something sexy and mysterious about sneaking away from work to see your sweetie for 15 minutes. If he’s free, don’t be surprised if he responds with, “sure.” Then it’s up to you to suggest the locale.
  18. Good night and sleep tight xo. Sending a good night text with an xo is as close to saying “I love you” as it gets for those who don’t text those three special words. Don’t be surprised if he responds with “nite” or “xo.”
  19. Sweet dreams. Xo. Sure dreams would be sweeter if you were in them, so why not send him into dreamland with you on his mind. Don’t be surprised if he responds with “xo” or “you too.”
  20. Trying to fall asleep…can’t stop thinking about you. When you’re not falling asleep in his arms, sometimes you can get restless and your mind will wander. No need to fret. Let him know that you can’t get to sleep. Chances are he might still be awake as well and a little late night flirting with texts back-and-forth might just be the medicine you need for a good night’s sleep.

Other Flirting Tips:

1. Use spell-check before pushing the send button. Often the auto-correct feature will kick in and your text might be misinterpreted, or worse yet, even be offensive.

2. Don’t send a sext or nude photo. Remember, your guy might be rushing to a meeting and his cell phone might be sitting on his desk. Other times your text might be sent to the wrong person in error if you’re sending multiple text messages. Remember, if you wouldn’t want his boss or co-workers seeing your text, it isn’t worth pressing the send button.

3. Keep it simple. This is where “less is more” works the best. Leave the novel at home as it screams heavy drama and keep your texts short, so the back and forth digital banter can begin.

4. Remember, you’re interrupting his busy workday and he might not be able to respond right away if he’s in a meeting. That doesn’t mean he hasn’t seen your text and is feeling quite distracted with thoughts of you. Don’t angst over the response time. If he’s into you, you’ll be hearing the chime of his text on your phone within a few hours.

5. Know that a man is visual and reactive. He’ll enjoy seeing a cute photo of the object of his affection and will want to brag about you to his friends, so start texting your smiling face to your guy today.

How are you using text messages to flirt?

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.

 

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5 Red Flags and Tips for Online Dating

ODheart 150x150Every once in a while a story comes out in the news about a person who has had a bad dating experience with someone they’ve met online. Men are fearful that every woman will turn out to be crazy. Women on the other hand need to know that they will be safe with their date.

I’m here to tell you that the same people who date online also date offline, so when it comes to dating safety, these rules will apply for both.

Let’s start with the fact that about one-half of the single population in the United States are now dating online. This number is huge and should give you the comfort of knowing that you’re not alone in cyberspace.

Here are my rules for safe online dating.

1. Have a phone pre-date.

Not everyone gives good phone, but if the phone call is awful and you’re struggling to keep the conversation going, chances are you’ll have a bad experience on your date. After a few email or text exchanges, I recommend scheduling a phone date. Keep the phone call to 20 minutes or less, as you don’t want to reveal everything about yourself before you meet IRL. If you click on the phone, that’s terrific. Suggest putting a date on the calendar, sooner rather than later. If you feel like you’re sitting in the dentist’s chair or in a deposition, be kind and let the person know that you don’t think you have enough in common and wish them the best with their search. If someone is unwilling to take the time to call you, then move on to someone who values your desire to hear his or her voice.

2. Do a Google search.

I’m often asked if someone should search their date on Google and the answer of course is yes! Everyone does. However, just like you shouldn’t kiss-and-tell, you should not Google-and tell. By revealing and questioning your date about your findings on Google, you will come across as a stalker and just might get canceled on. Knowledge is power, up to a point.

3. Check their Facebook photos.

A picture tells a thousand words, or does it? Those posting old prom shots or photo-shopped pictures can get old when you go on a date and barely recognize him or her. My recommendation is to hop over to Facebook or Instagram and view real-life photos. If the photo from last night’s concert resembles his or her online dating profile shots, you’re in pretty good shape. Better yet, view some of their selfies, which are less than polished.

4. Listen more than talk.

If your date seems to be a drama queen or catastrophizes and plays the victim, they’ll let you know early on. This is a red flag that if the relationship goes south, it might not be an amicable departure. For this reason, I stress that you should wait before allowing someone to know where you live. You should continue to meet in a public place for your early dates. Let them talk about ex’s, bad dates, and all the reasons why they are still single and sit back and listen.

5. Trust your gut.

Trusting your intuition is the number one way to make a decision whether to go on a date with someone or not. Take your time in getting to know him or her and enjoy the courting process. If stories aren’t adding up or if you feel in your heart there’s something wrong, you just might save yourself from a future heartbreak.

Contact us for more information on how to create an Irresistible Profile to attract your dream date.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the founder of CybeDatingExpert.com and was an early adopter of Internet dating. Julie’s been helping singles find love online for 20 years. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for dating advice and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.

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Online Dating: Should I Ask a Woman Her True Age

onlinedatingage 300x225Dear Julie,

I have an online dating question and would love your opinion on this recent emailed dating exchange of mine, on OK Cupid…

Me: How old are you really? icon smile (Does anyone here tell the truth about his/her age? I mean, besides me.)

Her: How old am I really? I won’t read into this, I’ll just go with it: I’m really not whatever it was I said I was, ha! My photos are recent; age is not something by which I live my life; and I often get mistaken for my daughters’ sister when we’re out together. I don’t look 26 but I don’t look or live like I’m the 50-something I copped to in my profile.

(How’s that for evading the answer? icon smile Her profile says she’s 51, but she obviously is not comfortable revealing her exact age to me. Should I drop it or press it? Is it too sensitive a topic to expect the truth, even if I myself am truthful? I’ve met women before who’ve revealed they’re as much as 15 years older than the ages they’ve indicated on their dating profiles. And I’m not comfortable or sufficiently evolved enough to date someone who’s 66, even if she is mistaken for her daughter. Thoughts?)

Here’s my take on his dating dilemma.

Women are often very sensitive and about their age and will lie about their age to fit into a search on their Internet dating profiles. Call it a double-standard, but they expect the man to be honest about his age.

Most women won’t even engage in conversation when questioned and will evade the subject. They’ll get offended if you ask what her age is, so I’d say it’s an off-limits subject early on.

When a man used to ask me about my age, I would smile and be coy and say, “It’s not polite to ask a lady her age.”  This practice goes back to early etiquette days,  long before online dating became part of everyday life for singles. Even my grandmother wouldn’t reveal her true age when asked.

Know that physical attraction and chemistry are important. Either a guy will be attracted to someone’s actual photos or to the woman when he meets her in person, or he won’t. I say you should never judge someone by their age and respect her desire to be private about her age until she is comfortable in sharing it. Many women past the age of 40 believe they need to lie about their age to attract a man. They realize that men are interested in dating younger, at least while searching online.

I think your potential date was being polite and sweet by saying, “I’ll just go with it.” If her photos are recent it should be enough. She obviously wants to continue to communicate with you and tried to set a boundary where it comes to age.

Think about how disappointed you would be if you were really attracted to someone, thought you both had a lot in common, had a friendly banter via email, and a phone call or two. It looked promising until…. you asked her if her age was accurate. She gets upset, cancels the date and you never meet.

Often if you meet someone out at a party or gathering and strike up a conversation, you won’t ask her what her age is, because it doesn’t matter. I’m not promoting lying whatsoever, as I encourage everyone to be honest about their age. If they fudge, I recommend they post something in their profile or at least tell someone on the first date the truth.

My best advice is to drop the age question. You don’t know that she’s 66 and you don’t know that she’s 55.  You just know that you might be interested in her and are curious about her real age. If you meet and connect, eventually she’ll tell you the truth about her age. If you’re smitten with her, you won’t mind if it’s 5 years more than you had originally thought. Give her a chance and if you think she’s pretty, let her know. Women love to be flattered and don’t like to feel like their being interviewed or in a deposition.

Julie

Do you have a dating and relationship question for Julie Spira? Submit your questions here:

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and like at on Facebook.

Photo credit: Fotolia

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Help! I Found my Boyfriend on Tinder

Dear Julie,

I met my boyfriend on Tinder and we started dating three months ago.

We both agreed to take down our Tinder profiles. Actually it was his idea to do it first and I thought it was a great idea.

We’ve connected on a deep level and are even talking about living together, so I thought everything was great.

Last week, my girlfriend saw his profile on Tinder and it appears he went back on without telling me. He’s been secretive about things lately, complaining that he’s stressed out at work. I’m afraid I’m losing him. What should I do?

GF of Tinder Addict.

Dear GF of TA,

You’re not alone. Tinder is a fun game that singles play on their mobile phones. While it’s a great way to meet someone close by, it’s still a game. I know several couples who have left their Tinder profiles up and just enjoy chatting with others, without the intention of taking it any further.

Let’s start by saying your boyfriend did do something wrong. He rejoined Tinder without telling you. Most likely he knew there would be an eruption like a volcano if he suggested it. He would assume you’d think he was cheating on you, when he was just having fun swiping right and left on Tinder.

Do I know if your relationship is on the way out or not? Of course not. But you’re at a relationship milestone — the three month mark. The honeymoon phase of the newness in your relationship when everything is perfect is changing. The good news is, that you’re still together as a couple and are moving into the next phase. Three months is the time where couples decide do they want to go to the next step, which is beyond the casual stage.

My suggestion is to have a convo with your BF and ask him if he just likes looking at pretty faces. Believe it or not, he might just be viewing girls digitally the way that some guys stare at cute girls at a restaurant. If he says he’d like to see others, then believe him and reactive your profile as well and start dating. If he says he only has eyes for you, let him know how uncomfortable this is making you. Ask him if he can state his relationship status to “in a relationship” and that he’s looking for friends to chat with or take it down completely.  If he’s willing to do this, then understand he looks at Tinder the same way as he would look at a video game.

I’m not saying it’s right and I’d be very unhappy if my boyfriend had an active dating or Tinder profile up while he was spending nights with me. If he refuses to state his relationship status, then you need to decide if you’d like to continue dating him and date others as well.

If he really doesn’t want to lose you, he won’t let his cell phone games get in the way of love. It’s time for some digital housekeeping.

Keep me posted.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Do you have a question for Julie Spira? Click here to submit your dating questions.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and helps singles find love online and IRL. For more dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, like us on Facebook, and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

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15 New Facts About Singles for National Singles Week

Singlesweek 300x191It’s National Singles week and it’s official. The Bureau of Labor Statistics has found that over half of the adult population in America is single. Suddenly being single puts you in the 50.2% majority.

This information, provided by our friends at Match.com also shows that singles aren’t putting looks first, while seeking out a partner.

Match.com has provided some new facts about singles that you might be surprised about, from their most recent ‘Singles in America’ study.

1. Singles want to be with someone who treats them with respect (100% W; 98% M).

2. Singles want to be with someone they can trust and confide in (100% W; 97% M).

3. Singles want a partner they are comfortable in communicating their wants and needs (98% W; 95% M).

4. Singles want to be with someone who has a sense of humor and that can make them laugh (98% W; 91% M).

5. Singles love to exercise, with 65% saying they work out at least once a week.

6. Singles love pets, with 64% saying they own a pet.

7. Singles date online, with 39% say they are using online dating sites.

8. Singles are educated, with 60% having an associates degree or higher.

9. Singles like thinking about sex, with 52% thinking about it at least once a day.

10. Singles are confident about marriage, with 89% thinking they can stay married to one person forever.

11. Singles believe that words of affection in a relationship will bring them closer, with 95% believing words of affection and/or love to be intimate.

12. Single men aren’t scared of an educated and intellectual career woman, with 90% willing to date a woman who made more money than they did and 87% would date someone more intellectual than they are.

13. Racism and religion takes a back seat to self-fulfillment, with 74% willing to date someone with a different ethnic background and 70% willing to date someone with a different religious background.

14. Singles find traveling together more intimate than public displays of affection, with 94% believing that travel is the most intimate experience.

15. Singles want to get married because they want a committed partner to share their lives with, with 86% saying this is the number one reason.

If you’re single, embrace your status and know that finding someone to share your life with goes hand-in-hand with the confidence you own.

For a 20% discount on Match, click here

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, like us on Facebook, and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

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