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Dating in a Tinder World

Tinder, now into its second year has captured the hearts of millions and has a flame that seems to be burning hot. Once suggested as a hook up app, Tinder is now a social discovery and dating app that’s responsible for many relationships. Recently, Tinder was estimated at a value of $5 billion. That’s a big number for the new kid in town. They’re also now validating celebrity profiles, because even many in Hollywood have jumped on the Tinder bandwagon.

So how does one find love on the fastest growing mobile dating app?

Finding love on your mobile phone has become all the rage. We no longer have to go home to check our inboxes to see if there’s been an email received by a potential suitor. I believe the reason that Tinder is so successful is because it’s so simple to use.

1. Singles download the mobile app to their phone and sign up through Facebook. The app will grab your profile and some photos, of which you can edit to your liking and you’re ready to start swiping left or right to find your dream match.

2. Make sure you use the filters available to select your age range, distance, and preference of meeting a man or a woman.

3. When you swipe to the right or click on the “heart” icon, you’ve accepted the profile as a potential match and lets you know that you’re a mutual match and can start chatting privately. When you swipe to the left or click on the “x” icon, you anonymously take a pass on the profile.

4. Those who are serious about finding a relationship, should take the time to read the profile by clicking on the “i” icon to see shared interests from Facebook and also see if you have mutual friends in common.

5. Tinder sends you a push notification if you receive a message from a match or if you’re a mutual match so you can start chatting privately.

6. If someone is bothering you on Tinder, you can block their profile or report it.

Is it a game or are you dating?

It’s quite simple, but how do those get out of the frenzy game approach? After all, it does give you a choice to “keep playing.”

Those who are having fun with the app or are using it as a distraction at lunch, may be taking a more voyeuristic approach to see if they’re a mutual match or not. Sure it can boost your ego, but if you’re not taking the relationship from online to offline, plain simply, you’re not dating.

In a recent conversation with two of the co-founders, Sean Rad and Justin Mateen at the LA Tech Summit, Rad explained that when they started Tinder, they had the fundamental belief that in a couple of years, the computer will be extinct and every application will be on the mobile phone. This is a huge shift in social behavior and Tinder is riding this wave.

My hairdresser met her boyfriend on Tinder. I know many successful relationships that credit Tinder for helping them to find love from the convenience of their mobile phones. I’m helping singles who are connecting on Tinder with the dating process and the trend is going to continue to rise.

Is there Tinder Anxiety Disorder?

But can someone suffer from Tinder anxiety disorder? What happens if you swipe the wrong way? A single man from Los Angeles called me with this very dilemma. He swiped to the left in error and had meant to swipe right. He was quite upset because he really liked this girl’s profile. He managed to find her on Facebook and wrote her a lengthy email on Facebook to let her know he swiped the wrong way and was hoping that she had swiped to the right and would remember him. He didn’t hear back. When you’re playing the game of Tinder, I caution you not to rush into the process and be caught up in a swiping frenzy.

Just like those who thought online dating was something to be hush-hush about ten years ago, those who are embracing Tinder and other mobile dating apps are finding this an efficient way to date, while having fun in the process. As with all dating sites and apps, you must state your dating goals and intentions. After you start chatting with someone for a while, it’s time to meet in person. Even if there’s not a love connection, you just might have made a new friend in the process.

Are you using the Tinder dating app?

Your comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is an online dating and mobile dating expert who’s been helping singles find love online for 20 years. She’s the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert and is the host of Mobile Dating BootCamp. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

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Advice – Why Do You Keep Staring At His Profile?

radioshowlogo3 150x150The good news is, you’ve met someone you’re crazy about online.

While it’s normal to log on and read your emails and search for others until you’re exclusive, it’s often painful when your new love interest hasn’t taken his or her profile down.

Just because they haven’t unplugged their profile, doesn’t mean they’re looking for someone else to put in rotation on the dating docket.

Trina wrote to me saying she knew she had met ‘the one.’ Her new guy told her on the second date that he was crazy about her and started talking about the future. He wanted to see her all the time and everything was moving in a normal direction except, his profile was still active. This caused Trina great stress and as a result, she started logging on under a different user name over-and-over again to see when the last time he had signed in. For Trina, it became a downward spiral that she couldn’t stop.

I told Trina, before she started sabotaging her relationship by becoming a cyber-sleuth, she needed to know that there are many reasons why his profile is still active.

1. He might be too busy with work to take it down
2. He might be curious as to who has written to him, but isn’t responding
3. He might be too busy juggling his children
4. He might realize her profile is still up

The bottom line is, a man often doesn’t see taking his profile down as a priority if he’s courting a woman and behaving like a boyfriend. It falls into the category of digital housekeeping. Instead, this guy was keeping his family and work commitments in order, while trying to court Trina. She receives daily text messages and phone calls from her new guy. From where I stand, he was showing her by his actions, that he wanted her to be his girlfriend.

If this story sounds familiar, I urge you to stop peeking at his profile. Stop obsessing what he’s doing when he’s not with you. When a man is juggling, work, joint-custody of children, and his career, he’s got a full and justifiable plate.

The best thing you can do during this in-between period is to stop logging on. Keep yourself busy and be the confident beautiful woman you are. In time, both of you will know when it’s time to have the profile unplugging conversation, but do you really think he’d like to know you’ve been spying on him?

If you have a burning dating question, send them to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

 

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Dating in an Instagram World

instagramworld 150x150Most people seem to be obsessed with photo sharing sites these days.

If a picture tells a thousand words, how does this digital habit affect your dating and love life?

With over 200 million users and 20 million photos shared daily on Instagram, dating can bring authenticity for single daters who are looking for love online on their mobile phones. These days, it’s not unusual for singles to check out both Facebook and Instagram photos of potential dates so see their recent activity, favorite restaurants, what interests and passions they have, and to find out if they have friends in common.

Are you ready to hop onboard for a tutorial on photo love?

In a recent interview with the New York Post, I explained how to successfully date with the help of Instagram.

How to Find Love on Instagram

1. First find someone who interests you, and start following him or her.
2. Start liking a couple of his or her photos.
3. After a week or so, start commenting on the photos.
4. Finally, find your potential crush on Facebook and send him or her a private message.

New Mobile App Glimpse Helps Daters Find Love on Instagram

If you’d like to find a simple way to flirt and date on ‘Insta’ without approaching someone who isn’t single, there’s a new mobile dating app called Glimpse, which helps singles get to know each other with more than a swipe.

How it works, is you’ll sign up with your Instagram account and select a primary photo from your Instagram account or your Camera Roll on your mobile phone.

Then you can select nine of your favorite photos that describe your personality and you?re ready to go. Users can specify their age filters and sexual orientation to help find the best matches.

Once you’re signed up, they’ll send you profiles of people nearby first. Then you’ll start receiving profile matches from singles in other cities to expand your horizons. When you view a profile that interests you, swipe up to see their nine selected photos. Sure there are a lot of food shots, but if you’re a sushi lover, you just might find the perfect date based upon his or her photos. If you think you’ll click, tap on the smile button and your potential date will be notified and you can start chatting.

Elan Miller, co-founder and CEO of Glimpse says the reply rate to first contact is over 70%. “I can tell you that number is huge as compared to most traditional online dating sites and many mobile dating apps. Photos (of how we see the world) are really effective icebreakers. Instead of the generic “hi” or “pickup line” people have something natural to talk about. Early feedback has been the tone/environment of Glimpse is way different from anything else out there,” says Miller.

With over 200 billion photos now shared on Instagram, isn’t it time you gave it a shot for dating?

Would you use Instagram to check out a date or to actively pursue a relationship? Your comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and coaches singles on the dating scene with her Irresistible Profiles programs. For more dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.

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Dating Advice – Are We Dating or Just Hanging Out

radioshowlogo4 150x150In this week’s “Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert” post, we’re going to tackle the issue of the relationship status.

It’s getting very blurry these days to determine whether you’re actually dating someone, or just hanging out as friends.

A 25-year old college student told me that she’s never been more confused about dating in her life.

After chatting and texting with a guy she met online for several weeks, he sent her a text to say, “Hey, let’s hang out tonight.”

So, what does hanging out mean?

Hanging out could be several things.

1. He might have a party to go with and they’d be hanging out with a group of friends.

2. It’s his way of saying I’d like to have a date with you tonight.

3. He’d like to hook up for a casual fling.

4. He’s testing the waters, so keeping it cool to see if he likes you or not.

Whatever the intention means when someone says, let’s hang out, one thing is for sure, singles are confused about their relationship status with members of the opposite sex. Whether they’ve met while cyberdating or out-and-about, dating in groups has added to the confusion for many singles.

When I digged a bit more into her “relationship” with her texting beau, I found out he her took her out to dinner. He paid for dinner. He gave her a short kiss after dinner. He went back to texting with her for several weeks and then asked her to hang out again.

The Digital Dating Process

The digital dating process does include flirting via text to stay in touch, emails back-and-forth, and putting actual dates on the calendar.

The rise in popularity of group dating, where singles who like each other hang out in a group and go to an event together, makes most women unsure of where they stand in the relationship, or if they’re even in a relationship at all.

My response to her was, “Yes, you did go on a date.” She wasn’t sure if he was just being chivalrous and kind by paying for her dinner, but they didn’t go “Dutch” treat and he did ask her out again.

Is he her boyfriend? No. Just because he sends texts daily, doesn’t mean you’re status has been elevated to boyfriend or girlfriend. Chances are he’s playing the field, having fun, and doesn’t really want a steady girlfriend. More than likely, it’s a flirtationship, which is a common place in between friends and being in a relationship. He has an active online dating profile and she has an active online dating profile.

Read: How Do You Know if You’re in Flirtationship Mode?

If a man really wants to make you his girlfriend, he’ll let you know. He won’t want anyone to claim you as his and will make his intentions known.

Are you confused about your relationship status?

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Need help with your dating life? Find out how our Irresistible Coaching programs can help you date better and find love online.

 

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6 Online Dating Tips for Spring Fever

springfever 300x300It’s officially Spring!

We’ve already changed the clocks to enjoy more sunset dates, so it’s time to start changing your wardrobe colors and get out and smell the digital roses. It?s springtime and we all know that Spring fever is in the air and singles are hoping to find love this season, or maybe even have a spring fling, depending on your dating goals.

With this in mind, here are some online dating tips and advice for a little digital facelift to help ramp up your cyberdating search for the new season.

 Going Mobile

It?s time to turn up the volume and download a few mobile dating apps and start flirting. By now most of you have either used the hot mobile app Tinder, where you swipe to the right to connect with a potential date, or swipe to the left to send them into Internet heaven. Tinder has announced they’ve reached 1 million matches. It’s time to join the digital party.

WATCH MOBILE APPS TO SPEED UP YOUR SEARCH

Don’t forget the mobile versions of the dating sites you already belong to. If you’re a member of eHarmony, JDate, Match, OkCupid, PlentyOfFish, make sure you turn on their locals features and be on a date in minutes.

Start using additional mobile apps such as AreYouInterested, CupidRadar, and Zoosk that we feature in our Mobile Dating BootCamp.

READ: 12 MOBILE APPS IN 2013

Check out Lulu

Want to see what others think of your potential date? Guys, register with the Lulu mobile app for the women to see how you rank on the dating totem pole. Your ego will get a lift when the ladies give you a high score and your profile views go up. Ladies, before you go on a date, check the rating of your potential hottie. Plus, they have fun and flirty dating advice as well sent to your mobile phone.

Log on Twice Daily

If you brush your teeth at least every morning and night, take one hour twice a day and log on to your favorite dating sites. Just by having your profile listed online often raises your visibility in a search.

Cast a Wider Net

Not getting much activity in your inbox? Expand your search from 15 miles to 60 or even 200 miles. If you find the one, it’s worth the commute, or even relocating for love. Are you limiting yourself to searching for a narrow age range? Revise your search parameters by 10 years. That’s right, 5 years lower and 5 years higher than what you’ve already been looking for.

Reorder your photos

If you have 3-5 of your favorite photos on your profile and can’t find time to grab a new one from your Facebook page, change the primary photo so your profile looks fresh. When you get the time, add a few more recent shots, wearing something colorful and retire those that are 5 years old.

READ: WHEN IN DOUBT, WEAR RED

View and hotlist profiles

If you’re a bit shy about initiating contact, view profiles of those you might be interested in. Chances are they’ll see that you’ve viewed them and will contact you if they’re interested in you. Take it one step further and rate them with 5 stars or put them on your hotlist. Often they’ll be notified, will be flattered, and you just might put a date on your calendar.

If you still need some help to make your profile stand out from the rest, contact us about our Irresistible Profiles to help you find your dream date.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She was an early adopter of online dating and has been helping singles find love on the Internet for 20 years. For more dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt, and visit our Facebook page.

Photo credit: berezovskyi – Fotolia.com

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OkCupid Adds Relationship Type to Dating Profiles

Have you taken a look at your OkCupid profile lately?

The online dating site has added a new category to your dating profiles in the my detail section called “Relationship Type.”

Sandwiched in between income and offspring, daters looking to connect on OkCupid can now let potential dates know if they’re interested in having a monogamous relationship, or not.? Taking it a step further, you can advertise whether you’re strictly monogamous, mostly monogamous, or strictly or mostly non-monogamous.

New Ok Cupid Relationship Types

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While most women will state that they’re monogamous to attract a guy who won’t expect to sleep with them on the first date, it will be interesting to see how the men will fill in the blanks, if they fill in the blanks at all.

Read: Dating in an OkCupid World

Up until now, members have listed their status as single, seeing someone, married, or in an open-relationship. The questions that members answer have further identified whether you’d sleep with someone on dates 1-2, 3-5, 6 or more, or after the honeymoon.

This new feature allows you to focus on whether you’ll be sleeping with multiple people or not. Does this mean members should represent themselves as casual daters or those who’ll be playing the field?

How would you describe your relationship type?

Do you think this feature will focus on more casual relationships?

Your comments are welcome.

For more online dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt Newsletter.

Contact us to learn more about how to create an Irresistible Profile.

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Julie Spira on FOX Studio 11 – Online Dating Advice [video]

At least half of the singles in the United States are dating online.

On Fox News in Los Angeles, I spoke with Christine DeVine on how to find love online safely, this Valentine’s Day.

1. Make sure your photos are accurate, ditch the prom shots.
2. Practice truth-in-advertising, be honest about your age.
3. Be careful of romance scams and research your dates.
4. Do a search of their email address and names to see who your date really is
5. Meet someone in a public place and let a friend know who you are meeting and where you’re meeting.
6. Text your buddy from your date to let them know you’re safe.
7. Avoid late night dates, could be a booty call or a hookup.
8. Don’t give up hope, there are 40 million singles online, you just might find your one in 40 million.

Los Angeles Local News | FOX 11 LA KTTV

Julie Spira is America’s Top online dating expert and Digital Matchmaker. She creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

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Would You Text an Ex?

smoochthumbnail 238x300Being single on Valentine’s isn’t the end of the world. Sure you go into stores and see nothing but boxes of red candy and roses throughout the grocery stores, but a new survey from U.K. online dating site? Smooch.com shows that only 10% of the 2000 singles polled actually love Valentine’s Day. Are the other 90% pretending to go along with the program?

Do you find this a bit shocking? According to Smooch, Valentine’s is a time for singles to feel even more single.

Smooch.com Marketing Manager, Lucy Clarke, said of the findings;

“Valentine’s Day is a time to celebrate dating, whether you?re single or in a relationship. But with Valentine?s Day campaigns aimed at couples everywhere you turn at this time of year, it’s hardly surprising that the day makes singletons feel even more single.”

Their findings even included that 16% of singles actually lied about receiving a Valentine and 63% wish they did have a date on Valentine’s Day.

So let’s get to the subject of texting. It’s rare on any holiday to NOT hear from an ex. Whether it’s Thanksgiving, New Year’s, Christmas, or Valentine’s, some singles can’t help but reach for the phone to connect with an ex. It’s a non-threatening way of sending a little digital love.

How should you say “Happy Valentine’s Day” to an ex via text? Are you concerned that sending a text doesn’t mean you’re looking to rekindle a spark or end up in bed? Not necessarily. Often singles have fond memories of spending Valentine’s with someone from their past. Perhaps that romantic trip you took 5 years ago is still on his or her minds.

Although Smooch discourages singles from texting an ex, I disagree. Valentine’s can be a warm and fuzzy day or a day that can be filled with disappointments from the unrealistic expectations. I’m all for texting an ex, as long as it’s not to rekindle the spark within a few hours. Keep it friendly. Say, “Happy Valentine’s Day….Thinking of you and hope you’re doing great.”

The best times to send a text to an ex is in the morning. Keep it simple and friendly. Don’t ask your ex if he or she has a Valentine or is in a relationship. You broke up for a reason. If you do receive a text from an ex, don’t read more into it than just a simple friendly exchange. If you’re in a relationship, hold back from texting an ex. If your current sweetheart happens to see your text exchange on your phone on the most romantic day of the year, you might end up getting the cold shoulder or be sleeping alone that night.

Would you text an ex on Valentine’s Day? Your comments are welcome.

Smooch.com Valentines Infographic1

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and celebrity dating coach. She’s the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com and author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating. Julie creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt.

 

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How to Create the Best Online Dating Profile

onlinedatingprofile 250x300One of the most popular questions I receive as an online dating expert is how to have the best online dating profile to find a date in time for Valentine’s or a milestone birthday. Match now reports that online dating is the #1 way for singles to find a date, with 31% of singles finding love online.

Since Internet dating is available 24-hours a day, it’s time to grab your mobile phone and give your Internet dating profile a simple digital facelift.

Here are 8 tips to help your profile stand out.

1. Create a catchy screen name. Some sites just provide you with a number or variation of a screen name if your chosen name isn’t selected. Using your first name and a handful of digits isn’t catchy. Try to find a name that is unique to you and describes your personality. An example would be MusicLoverNYC if you live in New York and love music. Others would be YogaGirlLA or NurseLori.

2. Leave the novel at home. The best profiles are short and will pique the interest of a potential date. I always recommend 100-125 words in your essay. If it’s shorter, it shows that you’re not taking online dating seriously. If it’s too long, there will be nothing left to talk about on the date. Plus, men don’t like to read long-winded profiles. It seems overwhelming and leaves the perception that you could be a high drama person.

3. Post 3-5 photos. Both men and women are visual. Every profile must have 3-5 photos in it, with the primary photo being a close-up shot with a smile. I always recommend that a woman wear red in her profile, as men see too many little black dresses, so you won’t blend into the thousands of thumbnail shots. Red is also the color of love and passion. Statistics show that women wearing red do receive more views and emails. Remember to include a full-length body shot, so it doesn’t appear that you’re hiding anything and don’t wear sunglasses in your photos.

4. Ditch the selfies. Although the word ‘Selfie’ made it into the Oxford dictionary, a selfie isn’t the most flattering photo, so keep it off of your profile. Remember, this is your love life resume and if you’re hoping to attract the man of your dreams, make sure you look like his dream girl.

5. Ask a question. The goal of online dating is to make your profile come alive and be approachable. If you ask a question in your profile, it makes it easier for your potential date to engage in a conversation with you. After all, you’re trying to develop a rapport with someone, not just be a stagnant billboard.

6. It’s not All About You. A man would like to imagine what a life with you could be like, so make it easier for him to know. Talk about what date night with you would be like and say, on a weekend, it would be great to go hiking with you on a Saturday morning and maybe take in a film matinee in the afternoon. When you talk about your life’s passions, end the sentence with, “what about you?” If you name some of your favorite travel spots, include a question to ask him where his dream trip would be.

7. Be specific. Profiles that are more specific help start the conversation. From a man’s point of view, profiles all look about the same. So say you like to travel, and list some of your favorite travel spots. Talk about how you like music and how the Red Hot Chili Peppers are one of your favorite bands and that you enjoyed watching them in the Super Bowl half time show.

8. Dump the cliches. Men know that women love going on beach walks, but if your profile says I like beach walks, sunset dinners, and love to laugh, your online dating profile is filled with cliches. Leave those conversations for your first few dates and laugh when you’re together, not on your profile.

At the end of the digital day, online dating is a numbers game. You need to play to win.

Here’s more information on how you can get an Irresistible Online Dating Profile.

For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Photo credit:  JiSIGN – Fotolia.com

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Researching Dates Can Prevent a Romance Scam

SpokeoValentinesInfographic

Romance scams have been in the news lately from singles who are members of online dating sites and social networking sites. Every time I hear one of these stories, it breaks my heart. With Valentine’s Day putting extra pressure on dating, it’s extremely important to make sure that singles are doing their research when looking for a date, whether online or offline.

Know that online dating safety is of the highest importance here at Cyber-Dating Expert.

As a result, I’ve become a Spokesperson for Spokeo, an online search service which provides publicly available data to help you research your dates.

New research provided by Spokeo and Harris Interactive was just released which shows that 71% of Americans are willing to conduct some kind of informational search about the person they are dating. This tells me that singles are taking dating safety very seriously.

Here are 7 tips to help avoid being a victim of a romance scam.

1. If your date’s photos are either blurry or look like they are from a stock photo gallery, or look model-like or too good to be true, it’s time to do some digging.

2. Those involved in perpetrating a romance scam want to take the conversation off the dating site quickly and onto a private chat or instant messenger service. This avoids having the conversations documented or traceable by the dating site?s software. Until you’re sure about your date, keep the conversations on the dating site.

3. If he or she says they’re in love with you very quickly, don’t jump for joy just yet. Romance scammers often will say they’ve never felt this way before about anyone before and they’ve waited their whole life to meet you. Their grammar often isn’t correct and they have an accent if you speak to them on the phone.

4. If he or she lives out of town or out of the country, find out where they really live. If their efforts to visit you get repeatedly canceled due to a work or family emergency, you should be raising a digital eyebrow.

5. If your potential date has a work or family emergency and asks you to wire them money, don’t fall for it. It’s likely they’ll say if you really love them, you’ll help them out and they’ll pay you back quickly. Often the excuse is their funds are temporarily tied up. Don’t fall for it.

6. Make sure to look up the data that you have on someone you’re dating. This can be easily done by plugging the information you have into an online search engine to see if what you find online matches up with what the other person is claiming. Sites like Google and Spokeo can be very informative to research your date.

7. If any of these things happen to you, never ever send money. Do not sent money via Western Union or a foreign bank. Report the profile in question to the dating site and understand that you’re one of many that this person is writing to try try to sweep you off your feet and promise you a life of love and happiness.

Know that you can do a simple search of your potential date’s email address, phone number, or even user name by going to Spokeo.com.

Happy safe dating this Valentine’s Day.

Enjoy the Infographic below and feel free to share this with all of your single friends.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.Julie Spira is an online dating expert and was an early adopter of Internet dating. She creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Disclaimer: Cyber-Dating Expert is a paid Spokesperson for Spokeo

business of love dating and safety

35% of Americans Willing to Pay for Dating Research in Order to Feel Safer – An infographic by the team at Spokeo People Search

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