In the News

Love and the Mobile Phone

It’s no secret that the cell phdinner smartphone galone plays an important part of the online and digital dating courting process. From scheduling a first date and listening to his or her voice for the first time, to receiving the first fun flirty text messages, to the wake up texts in the morning from your digital crush, there’s reason to love your smartphone.

A survey of 3,583 women conducted by Huffington Post and Real Simple called Finding Balance in a Wired World shows just how dependent the relationship between social media and cell phones has become.

Table Manners

12 percent of those polled actually keep their phones on the table during dinner. This should NOT be a focal point of your date. A guy wants to think he’s important in your life and on a date. Still, it’s not unusual to see couples on a date with both phones present on the table. A good rule of thumb is to ask the person you’re on a date with if they don’t mind if their mobile phone is on the table, and give a good reason why. Perhaps you’re waiting for a call from your children or from your boss. Some people love taking photos of food and posting them on Instagram, myself included. However you should make sure you mention this to a date if taking photos of food to memorialize your meal is something you enjoy doing.  Ask their permission to make sure they don’t mind. Once that photo is taken, make sure to share it with your date, so he’s a part of the experience and then quickly place it back in your purse.

Frequency of Checking your Mobile Phone

76 percent of respondents say they check their smartphones at least once an hour. Of those busy gazing at their mobile phones, 15% said they looked every 15 minutes. How often are you checking your mobile phone? Are you doing this while on your date? If so, you’re sending a message that the next date could be more important than the person you should be focused on.

Bed Habits

bedtime smartphone galAlmost half of the women in the poll admitted to keeping their smartphones on their nightstands so they can check them when they wake up. Did that cute guy from last night send you a text? Out with the teddy bears and in with the cell phones. Five percent of the women polled admit to sleeping with their phones in bed with them and almost half polled would give up having sex for month to keep their smartphones in their lives during that same one month period.

                                 Are you Addicted to Your Mobile Phone?

At the end of the digital day, almost ¾ of respondents think they aren’t addicted to their digital devices, but just how honest are they being with that answer? With the rise of Social Media Anxiety disorder and an increase in stress when the battery life is depleted in their phones, we’re living in a mobile world, and mobile dating apps, which inform you that your digital crush has contacted you or your sweethearts sends you a text to say good night are still on the top of the digital dating ladder.

How important is your mobile device to you? Would you let it interfere with a date?

Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She writes about the marriage of love and technology and is the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating. For almost 20 years, Julie has been helping singles find love on the Internet with her Irresistible Profiles programs.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for online dating advice and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

 

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Love Potions – Carl’s Chocolate Chunk Cookies by @JoeYonan

cookies 300x218At a recent book signing and cooking class with Joe Yonan, Food and Travel Editor at the Washington Post. Joe treated us to a small private cooking demonstration hosted by SingularCity.

When I asked the columnist of “Cooking for One” for his most romantic recipe for our Love Potions, Joe immediately knew his chocolate chip recipe he made for his boyfriend Carl was the one that all single daters would enjoy. Joe proudly told me this was the most romantic recipe in his new book, Eat Your Vegetables: Bold Recipes for the Single Cook.

In an excerpt in Joe’s book, he say, “Perhaps it’s not wise, but I judge a relationship potential by how a guy eats. That is, a man who consumes food with gusto stands a better chance with me than one who pokes around at his plate, complains about a (large) portion sizes, or declares dessert off-limits.

One day when Joe’s boyfriend Carl wasn’t feeling well, Joe made him chicken soup with ginger and green onions. After a half-hour of finishing the soup, Carl felt better and said, “Got any cookies?” Joe whipped up a new recipe for this cookies, which I had the pleasure of nibbling on during our cooking session.

If a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, jot down this recipe and serve it to your guy at dessert.

Carl’s Chocolate-Chunk Cookies

Makes 8-10 very large cookies

Ingredients

  • 1/2 cup raw unsalted pecan halves
  • 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
  • 1/4 cup whole wheat flour
  • 1/4 cup rolled oats
  • 2 tablespoons unsweetened finely shredded coconut
  • 1 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 8 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened
  • 3/4 cup packed light brown sugar
  • 1 egg
  • 1 teaspoon Fiori di Sicilia or vanilla extract, or 1/2 teaspoon orange oil plus 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract (optional)
  • 6 ounces bittersweet chocolate, shaved with a knife into irregular slivers and chunks

Instructions

Sprinkle the pecans into a small skillet over medium-high heat. Cook, shaking the pan frequently, until the nuts start to brown and become fragrant, a few minutes. Immediately transfer them to a plate to cool; if you leave them to cool in the pan, they can burn. Once they are cool, chop them.

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. In a mixing bowl, whisk together the all-purpose and whole wheat flours, oats, coconut, baking soda, and salt. In a separate bowl, using an electric hand mixer on medium-high, beat the butter and sugar until fluffy. Beat in the egg and Fiori di Sicilia.

Reduce the mixer speed to low, add the flour mixture, and mix just until incorporated. Stir in the chocolate chunks and pecans. Line two baking sheets with parchment paper. Drop 1/4-cup mounds of dough onto the sheets, 4 inches apart.

Bake, rotating the sheets halfway through, until golden brown on the edges, 12-15 minutes. Remove the cookies and let them cool on the baking sheets. The cookies can be stored in an airtight container at room temperature for up to three days.

Note: You can freeze these before baking. Just drop the mounds onto just one baking sheet, as close together as you need without touching, and freeze them until firm. Then transfer them to heavy-duty freezer bags and store in the freezer for up to six months. To bake from frozen, increase the time to 25 minutes or longer.

Many thanks to Joe Yonan and Ten Speed Press for permitting us to feature this love potion recipe.

Click here to purchase your copy of the book.

Looking for more Love Potions romantic recipes? We’ve got you (and your date) covered.

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Holiday Dating Online: Does It Make You Anxious?

periloftheweekperri 300x300It happens to the best of us. You go home for Thanksgiving to see friends and family, only to be questioned about your relationship status.  From “Are you seeing anyone special?” to “How’s your love life?” These are common questions that cause many singles to pull the covers over their heads. Others are being smart about it. They’re logging on for love to find someone to keep them warm during the holidays, or perhaps even attend a holiday party with.

Still, I know how tough it is at the holidays being single. I’ve been there. I’ve watched the posts from others on Facebook who are shared their coupledom with everyone, from kissing under the mistletoe to the eight gifts on Hanukkah, which just magnifies how tough it is being single at the holidays.

Here’s a survival guide to help you through the holidays, online and IRL.

Anxiety over your relationship status during the holidays is common. Add a digital element to it of being connected via email, Facebook, or Twitter and it’s magnified big time. Online Dating Anxiety Disorder (ODAD) is overwhelming. While it isn’t a clinical condition, most singles are now members of more than one dating site. Those who suffer from ODAD know that horrible feeling they get when they push the send button too fast to reply to his or her email and then wait by their computer or mobile phone for the reply to come in. When you have ODAD, you’re a member of so many sites, you can’t remember where you met the date you’re about to have dinner with. Text messages become a part of your dating regime and if the time in between the texts is over four hours, you start to feel anxious and catastrophize.

It can be confusing to hear someone say, “It’s Doug from PlentyOfFish, um, no I mean Match; actually, it was eHarmony right?” This is not how you viewed your first conversation with your soul mate would be, right?

When you suffer from online dating anxiety disorder, you typically log on after a great date to see who else has written to you instead of going to sleep with a smile on your face from a fabulous date.  It’s a condition that many suffer from and don’t know how to get out of the downward spiral, other than to unplug and deactivate for a day or two.

If you’ve recently ended a relationship with someone you’ve met online, it’s more likely than not that you’ll be taking a peek at his or her profile to see their online activity. It’s natural to be curious, but it’s a habit that I urge you to break.

It’s also breakup season

Since the famous Facebook breakup chart was released a few years ago, the trend of breaking up during holiday season became a known fact. Digital snooping is also on the rise, especially during the holidays.  It brings out the worst in us. At Plenty of Fish, they surveyed over 9000 of their users between the ages of 20 -40 to find out what their holiday dating habits were. POF found that 82% of the women were actually checking the Facebook statuses of guys they were dating to see what they were doing when they weren’t around. Their survey also found that 26% of singles slept with an ex over the holidays, because they just didn’t want to be alone and single.

A few years ago, I wrote a post called, Recycling an Ex at the Holidays about my own personal experience of being invited to my former Match.com boyfriend’s holiday party after having had no contact for six months. While I did attend his company party with him, I made sure there were ground rules put in place; specifically, that we weren’t getting back together and were going as friends.

While recycling an ex over the holidays is common, the feelings after the holiday parties have worn off will leave you in a worse place emotionally than if you put your energies into spending time with friends or trying to cultivate a new relationship.

It’s Peak Season for Online Daters

The good news is that more singles are signing up for dating sites between Thanksgiving and Valentine’s Day. Match reports they see a jump of about 25-30% in new members signing up between Christmas and Valentine’s Day and at Cyber-Dating Expert, it’s the busiest holiday season ever with new singles joining online dating sites and brand new dating profiles being created.

It’s peak season in the Internet dating business, which typically coincides with holiday breakup season.  It’s the perfect time to start filling your date card, but how do you coordinate holiday dating without feeling overwhelmed and a bit anxious? My biggest recommendation is to look at online dating and flirting on Facebook as ways to expand your social circle. Think of it as meeting new friends at the holidays and enjoying the company of someone you like, not necessarily someone you’re about to fall in love with.

Online Love is a year-round event

People meet online and fall in love all year long. I know a couple that met online on Christmas Eve on Facebook who are now engaged. I know of another couple that met online on eHarmony on Valentine’s Day who are now happily married. Just yesterday I learned of a couple fell in love at first sight that met on Match. She hadn’t had a serious relationship in over 10 years and now they’re smitten. Yes online dating is a numbers game. You’ll be juggling dates, canceling dates, rescheduling dates, it’s exhausting, but it can be so very rewarding as it has been for millions of others.

Stop Stalking Your Ex

I’m here to tell you that being single on the holidays is fine. We get over it. Stalking an ex online or on Facebook isn’t fine. You’ll feel anxious if you see him or her logging on looking for your replacement. You’ll feel anxious if you don’t see him or her logging on assuming you’ve been replaced. Your heart will fall to the floor when they delete their profile, assuming they’ve ridden off into the sunset with someone else. You’ll be burning up the phone lines if you see a Facebook relationship status change or a photo posted with someone else.

You really don’t know what’s going on in your ex’s mind and it doesn’t matter. All you can control is how you feel about it and what you’d like to do to add more positive people in your life. He or she is an ex for a reason, so please knock them off their pedestal.

Fall in love with you

At the holidays, please take a deep breath; log on to fill your date card if and when it feels good to you, not because you’re feeling lonely. If you need to take a break from dating, that’s fine. There are no rules, other than to fall in love with yourself first. It’s the best place to be to start any new relationship.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace this holiday season, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and was a very early adopter of Internet dating. She’s the CEO of CyberDatingExpert.com, author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For online dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

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Should I Change My Name in my Profile? Online Dating Advice

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Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

 

In this week’s Ask the Cyber Dating Expert column, we heard from Jennifer…or was it Valerie?

What’s in a name you might ask?

USA Today reported this week that the top baby names for girls were Sophia and Isabella.

So when Valerie contacted me to critique her online dating profile, I questioned why her user name was “MeetJennifer.”

According to Valerie, she believed that 47% of men liked the name Jennifer. She truly believed that she’d get more views of her online dating profile, with the result of meeting more men.

Apparently this trick didn’t work. In the top 20 list of most popular baby names for girls, Jennifer didn’t appear anywhere. It was all in her head.

You see, men don’t want to be tricked. They’ll view a large bouquet of profiles and decide which thumbnail photos appeal to them. Then, if intrigued by what they see, they’ll try to remember your screen name and will read a few sentences of your profile, which would hopefully lead to a short introduction email to get the digital ball rolling.

Although men are used to women lying about their weight and age, they would prefer that women would be honest about it. They’ll even go to great lengths and look at a potential date’s Facebook or Linkedin page to see if the photos match up. Once you start with a trick or a lie, they’ll always wonder what else you might be hiding.

While it might seem innocent to change your name on your profile, it isn’t wise. If you say your name is Jennifer, they’re hoping that Jennifer will answer the phone when they call. They’re happy to go on a date with Jennifer. But men are visual. It really doesn’t matter what your first name is, as long as you’re honest.

Valerie was going on coffee dates and explaining to guys that her real name wasn’t Valerie. This became confusing to men and took up a lot of time in the conversation. Many men wondered what else Valerie was making up if she’d change her first name to attract their attention. Valerie no longer became a top prospect to men, because of misleading advertising. She rarely went on second dates.

While you think I’m overreacting, I beg to differ. Valerie’s date card is empty and she’s still single.

The best advice I gave her was to change her profile name completely and not to include the first name of any woman, including herself. Have a catchy screen name that expresses what she’s passionate about. Let the real Valerie answer the phone, emails, and show up on a date.

A confident woman is what a man wants. It doesn’t matter what her name is. All that matters is that she’s real and he wants her to be his girlfriend.

My best advice is to toss out any insecurities or tricks to try to get the guy. If he’s interested, you’ll know it. When he’s lying in bed next to you at night, let him whisper your real name.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is an Online Dating Expert and was an early adopter of the Internet. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

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Online Dating Mistakes You Must Avoid

Many thanks to ABC TV in Los Angeles for interviewing me on the subject of online dating and mobile dating in a recent segment on the news. They were kind enough to come up with this cute graphic of some of my Top mistakes you must avoid with Internet dating. Ready to fill your date card?  I thought so.

With the holiday surge of singles joining online dating sites, here are some expert dating tips to help you stand out in the crowded digital playing field. In 20 years of online dating coaching, there is definitely a method to the madness.

Here are some Online Dating Dos and Don’ts.

1. Don’t include a list of turnoffs in your profile. We know you don’t like a guy who smokes, so rather than insisting on it in your essay portion, leave it for the multiple choice questions where you say you prefer dating a non-smoker. Once you start listing your dating don’ts, your potential date will view you as difficult and not being able to measure up to everything on your list. Stay positive and talk about things you’d like to do together as a couple instead.

2. Don’t say you want a drama-free woman. Unless you hated studying acting in college, saying you want a drama-free woman sends the message that your ex must have been emotionally draining. No one goes through life without “life lessons.” It gives people character. Guys who write about “drama-free” women are the one’s who have expectations that are too high. Besides, it’s a cliche that needs to be tossed out.

3. Don’t mention sex in your profile. Everyone knows that guys undress women with their eyes, so saying you’d like to meet someone sexy or having a profile user name with a few X’s in it isn’t going to score points. It’s the ultimate turn-off for a woman to read that in a man’s profile. She’ll assume you’ll want to sleep with everyone and anyone. Get it?

4. Don’t start instant messaging right away. Sure the squeaky wheel can get the deal, but being an eager beaver will backfire online. We know your digital crush is hot and you think no one else will get you the way he or she will. Stay out of the fantasy of feeling like you’re in an instant relationship. Sending an IM immediately after viewing his or her profile will send the message that you’re online all the time and could be IM’ing just about everyone. Don’t be that available. Send an email instead and ask if the person is comfortable with chatting online. Not everyone moves at the same digital pace.

5. Don’t tell a woman she is hot. Sending an email to a woman saying she’s “hot” is the equivalent of asking her to go to bed with you immediately. Don’t be surprised if she deletes your email and blocks you. Yes, ouch it hurts, but women want to be appreciated and loved, not looked at as a physical object. Think it, but don’t say it. Find another way to compliment her. Say you like her hot pink dress and that it looks amazing on her. She’ll feel flattered.

6. Don’t wait to long to ask her out. Most people don’t join online dating sites looking for a digital pen pal. Writing back-and-forth for a few weeks will make his or her feelings fizzle, not sizzle. If you feel there’s a connection online, graduate to a phone call and see if there’s any chemistry. If so, make a date to meet IRL. If you don’t someone else will.

If you practice some of these Internet dating tips, you’ll be filling your date card for the holidays. Who knows? You must just be kissing under the mistletoe this year.

What are some of your dating dos and don’ts?

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo.

Watch Julie Spira on ABC-TV.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and was an early adopter of Internet dating. She created her first dating profile 20 years ago and today, coaches singles on the dating scene who are looking for love online. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt.

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Cyber Monday Free Irresistible Profile Critique

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Welcome to our Cyber Monday special at Cyber-Dating Expert.

This year, we’re making Cyber Monday so irresistible, that we’re providing 15 Magic Minutes of critiquing your dating profile, LIVE for FREE!.

That’s right. There’s no road rage, trampling on people in parking lots or getting out your credit card. We know the holidays are tough, so on Sunday, December 1st and Monday, December 2nd, sign up for our 15 Magic Minutes and schedule your free session to review your profile.

If you’re new to online dating, take that time to talk about your dating dilemmas for free. If you need some extra hand holding, we’re offering 15% off our popular packages including The Flirt, Going Steady, and Totally in Love.

To schedule your free session via phone or Skype, sign up below. This is limited to those who sign up on December 1st and 2nd, 2013 and sessions will take place during the month of December, 2013. Offer available to new clients only.

Script by Dagon Design

 

What are you waiting for? Sometimes the best things in life are free.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

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25 Gratitude Quotes to Warm Your Heart on Thanksgiving

CDEThanksgivinglogo 267x300As Thanksgiving rolls around again, it’s time to thank those who mean a lot in our lives and share some gratitude quotes to warm your heart.

These inspirational quotes are worth sharing with your friends and loved ones.

Enjoy!

1. “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.” –Oprah Winfrey

2. “When we focus on our gratitude, the tide of disappointment goes out and the tide of love rushes in.” –Kristin Armstrong

3. “Gratitude is a fruit of great cultivation; you do not find it among gross people.” –Samuel Johnson

4. “If you are really thankful, what do you do? You share.” ~W. Clement Stone

5. “An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.”  –Irv Kupcinet

6. “Gratitude is when memory is stored in the heart and not in the mind.” –Lionel Hampton

7. “Friendships begin with liking or gratitude—roots that can be pulled up.” –George Eliot

8. “Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.” –Erma Bombeck

9. “Gratitude is the inward feeling of kindness received. Thankfulness is the natural impulse to express that feeling. Thanksgiving is the following of that impulse.” –Henry Van Dyke

10. “What soon grows old? Gratitude.” –Aristotle

11. “Gratitude is the inward feeling of kindness received. Thankfulness is the natural impulse to express that feeling. Thanksgiving is the following of that impulse.” –Henry Van Dyke

12. “I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.” –Gilbert K. Chesterton

13. “Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul.” –Henry Ward Beecher

14. “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.” –Marcus Tullius Cicero

15. “Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” –Melody Beattie

16. “Gratitude helps you to grow and expand; gratitude brings joy and laughter into your life and into the lives of all those around you.” –Eileen Caddy

17. “Gratitude changes the pangs of memory into a tranquil joy.” –Dietrich Bonhoeffer

18. “Happiness is itself a kind of gratitude.” –Joseph Wood Krutch

19. “Joy is the simplest form of gratitude.” –Karl Barth

20. “Gratitude is the most exquisite form of courtesy.” –Jacques Maritain

21. “Best of all is it to preserve everything in a pure, still heart, and let there be for every pulse a thanksgiving, and for every breath a song.” –Konrad von Gesner

22. “Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” –William Arthur Ward

23. “As long as thanks is possible, then joy is always possible.” –Ann Voskamp

24. “If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, “thank you,” that would suffice.”  –Meister Eckhart

25. “The unthankful heart discovers no mercies; but the thankful heart will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings.” ?Henry Ward Beecher

As always, we wish you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twiter

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ABC News – Mobile Apps to Speed Up Your Search

BZ ej5vIcAAMJVM 150x150It was an honor and joy to be interviewed by Elex Michaelson of ABC-7 television in Los Angeles about the popularity of mobile dating apps.

As Tinder continues to take the world by storm, the feature included an interview with Tinder’s co-founder, Justin Mateen, as well as featured other mobile dating apps including eHarmony, JDate, Match, OkCupid, Grouper, Grindr, and Coffee Meets Bagel.

Mobile dating is now over a $200 million dollar industry. Are you wondering how it all works?

Watch the video below for highlights.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and mobile dating expert who was an early adopter of Internet dating. She created her first profile almost 20 years ago and coaches singles on the dating scene with her Irresistible Profiles programs and her Mobile Dating BootCamps. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

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Love Potions – Pecan Sweet Potato Pie

pecanpie1It’s Thanksgiving week and never to late to add a sweet addition to your holiday menu.

Last Thanksgiving we featured Pecan Pumpkin Butter Pie, which is still one of my favorites.

This latest recipe comes from PecanPieRecipe.com and is a wonderful addition to our Love Potions.

This two-layer pie has a bottom layer of tender sweet potatoes, combined with cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, cane syrup and vanilla. The pecan pie filling is spread over the top with a garnish of whipped cream and chocolate curls.

Ingredients

1 Prepared Sweet Pie Crust
1 pound Sweet Potatoes, baked until fork tender, peeled and mashed
1/2 cup Pure Cane Syrup
1 teaspoon Ground Cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon Ground Ginger
1/2 teaspoon freshly grated Nutmeg
5 Extra Large Eggs
1 1/2 teaspoons Pure Vanilla Extract
1 1/2 cups Pecan pieces
1/4 cup Light Corn Syrup
1/2 cup Granulated Sugar
1/2 cup firmly packed Light Brown Sugar
pinch Salt
Chocolate Curls
Sweetened Whipped Cream, accompaniment

Instructions

1. Preheat oven to 375 F.
2. Combine sweet potatoes, cane syrup, cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, 1 egg, and 1/2 teaspoon of the vanilla in a large mixing bowl.
3. Spoon sweet potato mixture into the unbaked pastry shell. Spread smooth.
4. Sprinkle pecan pieces onto the filling.
5. Beat 4 eggs in a large bowl. Add 1-teaspoon vanilla, corn syrup, sugar, brown sugar, and salt.
6. Pour egg mixture over pecans.
7. Bake 1 hour, or until pastry edges are golden brown, and filling is set.
8. Cool on wire rack. Allow 1 hour.
9. Remove from the oven and cool on a wire rack for 1 hour before serving.
10. Garnish with chocolate and sweetened whipped cream.

All of us at Cyber-Dating Expert wish you a very Happy Thanksgiving.

Click here for more Love Potions>>>

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Online Dating Advice – Are We in a Relationship?

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Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

When there’s mutual chemistry with someone you’ve met online and you start texting daily, are you in a relationship just yet? A young woman asks the Cyber-Dating Expert for help on what to do when she sees his active profile online.

Dear Julie,

I signed up for eHarmony as a one month experiment and wasn’t sure what to expect. I got lucky and the first guy I met I felt instant chemistry with and he felt the same way!

We went on a second date the following week and also had a great time. We both work a lot so it was hard to schedule our third date before I left for an out-of-town trip,  but he has been texting me everyday since I’ve been gone and today even sent me a message that he is kind of missing me : ) I have been missing him, which seems so weird for someone I have only hung out with twice, and my reply was that : You just made me smile.

I’ve been busy traveling and was trying to be focused on one person rather than adding 2-3 more guys to the mix.

My membership renewed automatically for a second mont, but I hadn’t logged on since I met this wonderful guy. Today, I logged on after receiving a renewal notice only to see that he had been “active” today on the site. I’m not sure what that means, but my stomach dropped. We aren’t exclusive, he isn’t my boyfriend, but it bothers me. Is this normal? Do I just let the chips fall as they may?

He texted me again this morning and last night but I am totally freaked out now and want to protect myself from getting hurt.

Janet

Dear Janet,

Take a deep breath.

Your new guy who you had just two dates with is a member of a dating site and is receiving matches and emails from women who have written to him or would like to start the communication process. Out of curiosity, he’s probably reading them and may not be responding to them, especially since he’s now texting you at night and in the morning, and perhaps other times throughout the day.

You’ve had two dates with your dream guy. You have a major crush on each other. This is very exciting, but it was only your first online date. Enjoy staying in touch with your guy and respond to his text messages while you’re out of town. You’re definitely on his mind and men tend to miss women when they’re gone. I know of a man who logged onto his profile after six months of dating someone exclusively. He took one last peek and one week later, he proposed marriage.

Men are allowed to look at other women, online and offline.  At some point, if you decide to become exclusive, you should talk about taking your profiles down together. Let’s get to the third date and see how it goes. This is a brand new dating experience for you, and as you said, he’s not your boyfriend yet.

Let him take the lead and yes, let’s see where the chips may fall. Don’t cancel your online dating membership just yet, but if in your heart you don’t want to log on, then just stay the busy happy person that you are.

Julie

Do you have a question for Cyber-Dating Expert Julie Spira? Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact

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