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Peril of the Week – Black Card Denied

blackcardThis entry for The Peril of the Week comes from Amanda, a 27-year old native New Yorker who’s living with her parents in Long Island.

We’ve talked a lot about men and women who say they’re single, when in fact, their relationship status is, “Separated, divorce pending.” Amanda’s been dating online and thought she met a great guy with “Jerry.” Can you relate?

Read about Amanda’s dating dilemma and feel free to share yours as well.

My mother always told me I should try dating a man with children. They can commit and you like to cook…She said. (That’s the same logic behind dating a man in prison right? They can commit to hard time and I can bake them pies?) I decided to scope out the single daddy-scene and met ‘Jerry,’ a self described bachelor, father, financier and as I would learn later problem drinker. I arrived at the Jade hotel for dinner wearing leather Prada heels, (which I should have done a lap in beforehand) Paige denim jeans (that made my legs look like stilts), and a sheer blouse which my mother kindly says indicates ?an obvious padded bra.? I may not have Victoria Beckham?s body or budget but I promise you one thing, I am workin’ it.

Jerry was shockingly better looking in person. (Contrary to most dates where the photo sent online looks like George Clooney and you end up meeting his 3rd cousin, a Japanese sumo wrestler.) ‘Jerry’ and I were instantly attracted to one another and we immediately delved deep into conversation. He whipped out his iPhone, displaying a gallery of pictures, his heart melting each time he spoke of his gorgeous children. This quickly switched to talk of his ‘ex’ wife who I could have easily mistaken for Cruella Deville.

‘Jerry,’ a well-known financial executive, traveled often which made me realize a relationship would be impossible. (Why didn’t this occur to me beforehand? Well that would indicate a trace of commonsense yes? ) As our meal progressed, I noticed ‘Jerry’s’ story regarding his ‘situation’ began to crumble.

Although I don’t drink, I do prefer my dates to consume copious amounts of liquor. I find it acts as a form of Sodium Thiopental (Pentothal), commonly referred to as ‘truth serum.’ At the opening of the date, ‘Jerry’s’ story began with, ‘my ex wife and I are divorced and I live in the city.’ Two drinks later, I sleep in the basement of our home. (I asked if he would care for some dessert wine.)

‘Jerry’s divorce turned out to be in litigation and nowhere near final. I was afraid what I would find out if I offered him some SAKE! Was he really a woman? My friend ‘Demi’ told me something very smart once. “It’s very easy for a man to remove a ring. Who knows how many men say they are divorced that we have dated?” Seven glasses of wine later and it was time for the check. ‘Jerry’ pulled out his black card and handed it to the waitress. “I’m sorry sir, it’s declined!” she SHOUTED! I was actually under the impression that black cards had an unlimited spending limit but did someone not pay their bill? He looked as if he had seen a dead relative (shocked) and handed the server another card.

Here is a tip to all men: Call your credit card company before going to dinner and be sure to conjure up a convincing story. Even if it is a lie learn your lines.

Read more of Amanda’s shenanigans at theyoungandthefearless.com

Do you have a dating disaster story to share?

 

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Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. She creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

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Peril of the Week – The Donny Downer

Fotolia 35005787 XS 150x150First dates can often be compared to first job interviews. With online dating, there are several dating phases you must successfully go through?The irresistible profile, the email introduction, and the pre-date phone call. If all goes well, after the phone date, you?ll agree to meet in person for a first date.

The process is similar while looking for your dream job. You?ve hopefully perfected your resume, sent a captivating cover letter via email, went through the pre-interview via phone, with the result of scheduling an in-person interview with the hiring manager. It sounds like a lot of work, doesn?t it? But if this is what it takes to find the love of your life, isn?t it worth paying attention to all of the phases of digital courting?

Meet Donny, our latest Peril of the Week story. He described himself as a happy person in his profile, indicated that he was looking for a serious relationship, and listed interesting places he had traveled to, including China, New Zealand, Japan, and Australia. ?His profile successfully made it past the first phase of online dating.

Donny then engaged in an online email communication chain, including sending nine pleasant emails to the woman he wanted to meet. After five months, they finally graduated to a phone call. He was a patient man. However, the phone call didn?t go so well. Donny?s phone chemistry didn?t match the profile and upbeat personality reflected in the emails. Donny actually seemed confused and bothered by the initial call. He complained about the cost of replacing the heater in his swimming pool. He didn?t remember who the woman was when she called, although he had sent her an email with his number a few hours prior to the phone call. Was he ill prepared due to a case of being a serial dater, or did she just catch him at a bad moment?

To be gracious, she accepted a date to meet Donny for lunch. Unfortunately, Donny didn?t look anything like his profile. He had lied about his age by several years and posted old photos, which is not uncommon. He was no longer working and had been retired for quite some time. The life he described was the old Donny, not the one who arrived at the table.

Donny spent the course of their lunch complaining about money, while speaking with food in his mouth. She wondered, didn?t his mother teach him about table manners? He once again complained that it would cost $1200 to fix the heater in his pool, so his pool’s water was always cold. Then he complained about five of his businesses which had failed miserably and how much money he had lost in each of those five instances. Then he complained about how one business he’d lost had been sold for $21 million to the investor who came in after him. Donny?s date didn?t expect to be having a conversation about accounting during their first date.

Donny?s conversation changed from financial woes to conversations about his ex-wife. He mentioned details about her and her family problems seven times to his date. The conversation then moved to health problems. Donny?s date was empathetic when Donny talked about his mother?s Alzheimer?s condition, but the attention to details of everything she forgot ran it?s course quite quickly after ten minutes. Finally Donny pulled out a plastic bag and dumped a pile of vitamins on the table at the restaurant. One-by-one, he took his vitamins after dessert.

At the end of the lunch, she was emotionally drained and exhausted. She left the date and wondered why didn?t Donny put his best foot forward? Why couldn?t he talk about more positive things such as what he loved about the interesting countries he had visited? Why did every topic end with a sad story, financial loss, or medical problem?

We know that life gets in the way and our journeys are filled with bumps in the road, but if you told your prospective job employer all the reasons why you’d been fired from previous jobs, should they want to hire you? Should you remember to have proper table etiquette on a date and not continue to talk with food falling out of your mouth? Shouldn’t you excuse yourself to go to the Men?s room to take your vitamins privately or wait until the date was over?

As a dating expert and coach, I tell singles to ask themselves the following question before they go on a date. Would you actually date yourself? Think about keeping the conversation light and upbeat. Write up a list of positive things that you’d like to share with your date and read them before you arrive. Remember to leave the baggage and the vitamins behind.

No one wants to date a Debbie or Donny Downer. Let us know if you have a dating disaster story to share for the Peril of the Week.

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Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert and the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice and share your online dating stories. Follow Julie on twitter @JulieSpira and like her at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

Don’t become the next Peril of the Week. Contact us about our Irresistible Coaching programs.

Photo credit: ? zsuzsuc – Fotolia.com

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Peril of the Week – The Shark in the Dating Pool

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I received an email on Facebook from a former radio colleague of mine telling me that he was getting divorced at 60. He was petrified about dating after being married for 25 years.? He bought my book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating and joined a boomer online dating site.

Within a week, he submitted his first story for The Peril of the Week.

?I was just putting my toe in the dating water when I met a woman who had already gone off the deep end. “Rita” had a profile that reflected that she was smart, sassy, and had movie star looks. She messaged me about getting together for a glass of wine, and I said to myself “self, why not?” First bad sign for someone like me looking for honesty and trust in a relationship – she arrived looking much older than her picture, which was a glamour shot taken 15 years ago. The years had not been that kind to Rita, with a big weight gain and much sadder eyes.

By her 3rd glass of wine, Rita was getting very loud and in full party mode. By her 5th, she was talking about how great a lover she was, in graphic detail. After her 6th glass, I was able to pry her away from the bar and out to her car. Rita proceeded to pounce, with aggressive kisses and that extra hand women always complain about men having that seems to go right for the privates. I decided I really didn’t want my privates to go public with this woman.

I guess I have matured a little bit since the hormone raging days where I would have hit on her in a second (and probably lasted that long, too). I followed Rita home to make sure she was able to drive OK, and took off, telling her I just wasn’t ready to get intimate with anyone again. I don’t mean to make light of anyone with a drinking problem, but I have decided that coffee dates are better first dates than wine dates. Coffee opens your eyes to what she’s like, while drinking clouds your feelings and potentially your judgment. Note to self: Self, if you are not ready to swim, don’t dive into the deep end of the dating pool.”

The Peril of the Week was contributed by Suddenly Single at 60. Photo credit: Fotolia.

Do you have a dating disaster story to share?

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Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert and the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice and share your online dating stories. Follow Julie on twitter @JulieSpira and like her at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

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Peril of the Week – Tacos for Two

PeriloftheWeek Tacos for Two 300x250Dating in your 30s and 40s often means dating men with kids and vice versa. The exact time to introduce your children to your new boyfriend or girlfriend is still up for debate. What?s absolutely not appropriate is bringing your child along when meeting a potential suitor for the first time.

In this Peril of the Week story, a woman agreed to go on a dinner date with a man she met online. When she arrived, the woman was shocked that her date had brought his six-year-old daughter, whom he had never mentioned nor made any indication of having a child on his profile, with him on their first date. Apparently, it was his weekend to have her. Why he didn?t reschedule, or, better yet, hire a babysitter, she never found out. But the girl proved to be a royal pain in the behind.

While deciding what to order, his daughter wanted to get a burrito, but her dad reminded her that she didn?t like the burrito last time and suggested she get the fish tacos instead. Well that didn?t go over smoothly. The little girl threw a whiny fit until she got what she wanted and ordered the burrito. Of course, when the burrito came it wasn?t what she wanted. Instead, she wanted her father?s date?s tacos. Wanting to eat the tacos instead of the burrito, she assumes she must have given her date some sort of look because the man yelled, ?Just give her the damn tacos!?

At a complete loss of what to do, the woman felt like she had to give his daughter her tacos. Since she was really looking forward to the fish tacos, she placed a second order and sat there watching her date and his daughter chow down without her (which is just so rude in it of itself). By the time her tacos arrived, they were both done eating and the daughter was ready to go.

Finally, when the check came, her date asked for the second order of tacos to be on a separate bill, paid his portion and left her sitting there to finish her meal alone along with the check. Thankfully, the waiter seemed to understand her predicament and told her that her tacos were on the house.

Do you have a dating disaster story to share? The Peril of the Week was contributed by Big Red Flags.

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Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert and the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice and to share your online dating stories. Follow Julie on twitter @JulieSpira and like her at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

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Peril of the Week – Facebook Love Affair Ends with a Lawsuit

logo bookIn the category of Peril of the Week, this week’s news story of the Michigan woman who met her online boyfriend while playing Mafia Wars on Facebook makes it to the top of the list and on the court docket.

According to the Seattle Times, 50-year old Cheryl Gray, who initially claimed to be 42, claims Wylie Iwan from Washington state led her on, publicly humiliated her on Facebook, and cost her to spend money on an airplane ticket for a trip that was abruptly cancelled.

According to the Seattle Times, Gray was planning on visiting Iwan in Washington and had paid for an airline ticket that cost about $900. Just days before she was to fly to see him, he advised her that he had met someone else. It was a facebook breakup and she didn’t see it coming.

The Seattle Times reports:

Cheryl Gray says Wylie Iwan led her on, caused her to spend money on gifts and a trip to the Tri-Cities, then humiliated her when he posted vulgar comments on her Facebook wall.

They became Facebook friends in September and had about 300 friends in common, she said. During the next couple of months, they began talking through Facebook messages, and Gray said Iwan wanted to exchange personal information and get to know her.

Although they met on Mafia wars, they created their own Facebook war after the relationship ended with Gray setting up a hate group on Facebook. She accused Iwan of being an online predator. Iwan then allegedly posted bitter messages about her on Facebook, where Gray is now seeking damages in the amount of $8,368.88. Gray’s attorney is seeking damages for misrepresentation, promissory estoppel, defamation of character, and intentional infliction of emotional distress. So much for being social, on the world’s largest social network.

To you have an online dating story or dating disaster story to share?

Submit your story for consideration in the Peril of the Week

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Julie Spira is the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit CyberDatingExpert.com for online dating advice and to share your online dating stories. Follow Julie on twitter @JulieSpira?and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

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Peril of the Week ? Advanced Warning Issued

periloftheweekperri 150x150It started out as an email sent from a man in New York who was a member of a popular online dating site. The recipient, an attractive intelligent single female shared the introductory email with some of her friends on Facebook, myself included. She wanted to know if she should go out with the man with the red flags. At first she thought it was hilarious. I told her not to go. Her curiosity got the best of her, so without further adieu, here?s an example of a date destined to go bad.

His first email appeared to be a ?cut and paste? to many filled with a negative attitude. It read as follows:

?This may sound rude/odd but…what’s wrong with you? I have found there has to be a catch if I come across a cute, seemingly intelligent, well manner girl on this site.?

?I have tried this online dating thing for a while and to be honest… IT SUCKS!!!

“In the last month or so, I have been: stood up three times, canceled on at the last minute, met a girl who started to make out with another random guy at the bar while I watched, found out mid-date that the girl was inky 21 when her profile said she was 29, had a girl tell me how she is still in love with her ex, been told the day after a first date that she was getting back with her fianc?, but would love to use me for sex and my favorite…told that I was part of a “30 dates with 30 guys in 30 days” dare and that I had no shot. Fun times, right?????

?Now…based on the fact that you seem pretty awesome and the fact that I am apparently not cool enough to have plans on what should be a beautiful Friday night…How would you feel about being totally spontaneous and meeting me this evening? (who knows we might even like each other and get to make out?)?

?Now, I know you may want to email back and forth for days and then build up all this excitement hoping you found “the one”…but…I have found that usually leads to disappointment and then possibly therapy and sadness, right? Let’s skip all that nonsense and meet right away…OK? It will save us the let-down in the long run.”

?Now if you call/text/email, we can have possibly the blindest of dates…(assuming you don’t stand me up) or we can flirt via text from now until we do meet and build up expectations. Your choice, but first, please warn me about what is wrong with you so I know going into this that there will be little surprise! ;-)?

With an email like this, I would have done one of two things. Either deleted it without response and forgotten about it, or send an email saying ?No thank you. Best of luck with your search.?

Comments from her friends included, ?Just be careful” to “This is hilarious. Go and report back to us.” ?I explained that it was a mass email sent to many other women and told her not to go. Online dating safety is a hot button for me. I had a bad feeling about this from reading just the first sentence of his email. ?I thought she should use her time wisely and find a man who is positive, emotionally healthy and worthy of her. I told her to do her homework, Google his email and phone number to find out more about him if she really wanted to pursue this. I had a bad feeling. I was told that I was too serious and that this was hilarious.

She did indeed go on a date with him, which was a disaster. She said she should have known that he was going to be crazy. After resfusing to tell him where she worked or lived, he left her in the bar. That would have been fine if it was over, but it wasn?t. He started to send her mean and nasty text messages. She asked him not to contact her again, and he said ?no.?

Not only does this date qualify for The Peril of the Week, but it?s a warning message to spot the red flags and remember how to date safely. Don?t give out your home or work address, create a separate phone number on Google voice so you can change it if you continue to get harassed by a date gone badly, and trust your intuition. Listen to your friends if they are concerned about you. There are many wonderful singles looking for love online, but if you come across a situation or profile like this, report it to the Internet dating site you met on.

Do you have an online dating story to share?
Send your submissions and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

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Peril of the Week – I Swear He Shouldn’t Swear

wtf 150x150There’s nothing flattering about using the “F” word, whether on a date or not, so I’m perplexed when a man finds it so easy to say over-and-over on a date.

One of our favorite contributors Susana went on a date with a guy who was a big talker. He bragged about his accomplishments, name-dropped a few times about his Hollywood connections, discussed how much money he made 20-years ago, and spent most of his time talking about himself.

Susana, listened to his possible fish-tale stories and counted on her fingers from 1-10 how many times he used the F*! word until her frustration built up. She excused herself to go to the ladies room to take a break from the cursing. When she returned to the table, she apologized for the delay and said, “There was a big line at the ladies, room. You know how that goes.” Much to her surprise, her date responded with, “Us guys have it made. We just stand up and take a piss.” On that note, she didn’t care about his big job, fancy car, or to be in his company anymore. She thanked him and excused herself.

My dating advice: You only get a moment to make a first impression. You may get a grace period if you swear once and it slips out of your mouth. But a repeat offender won’t make it to the second date. It was a dating disaster and made it into the Peril of the Week.

If you have an online dating disaster story to share, we’d like to hear from you. Send your submissions to Cyber Dating Expert/contact and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

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Peril of the Week – Too Busy as a Bee

bee 150x150A woman is often attracted to a man based upon his career accomplishments. Men often experience increased self-esteem when they are happy with their career status. When the tables get turned, how do men feel about being lower on the totem pole than a woman?s job?

According to this male online dater, his romance went south fast when he realized he didn?t fit into the busy schedule of his latest date.

The two enjoyed communicating online with instant messages, phone calls, and met quickly within the first few days of contact. Their first date was enjoyable for both. His date revealed that she was a student in medical school along with running her family?s online gift shop. When he asked her if she had time for a romantic relationship with her obligations, she replied with, ?I?m busy, but will make the time for a? relationship.?

Happy about their first date, he appropriately called her the following day and left a message on her answering machine. The call was not returned. Determined to make contact with her again, he called again several tines in the days following their first and only date. He assumed she wasn?t interested. She did resurface via email and said she was out of town on business and would call later that day. Busy focusing on her career, the phone call never arrived. Finally she called him and said she was too busy to focus on romance and apologized.

The moral of the story is that workaholics may attempt to schedule time for a romantic relationship or date, but often their daily planner isn?t big enough to take the time to find love online.

Do you think she just wasn’t into him? Would you re-prioritize your schedule if you met someone special?

If you have an online dating disaster story to share, we’d like to hear from you. Send your submissions to Cyber Dating Expert/contact and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

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Peril of the Week – The Valentine’s Breakup

valentinesbreakup 150x150There’s no good time to break up with the woman or man in your life. However, there are some SACRED days that one should respect when it comes to matters of the heart. These days include Christmas, New Year’s, Birthdays, and of course, Valentine’s Day.

Many of us remember when Jessica Simpson got dumped by football star, Tony Romo the day before her birthday bash. Romo didn’t want to be the “Ken” in her “Ken and Barbie” themed party.? Well, they’ve both moved on and we’ve moved onto the famous Facebook breakup chart, which spread like wildfire on the Internet last year. We’re now once reminded again that breakups are in a peak period leading up to Valentine’s Day.

And so the story goes in our featured Peril of the Week, where a handsome gentleman had been courting a woman that he met in an online dating site. He said he wanted to pursue a romantic relationship with her. He was smitten. He called her daily, told her she was beautiful, and made plans for future dates. Everything seemed to be going well. He said he wasn’t dating anyone else, so naturally she expected an invitation for Valentine’s Day.

Suddenly, one week before Valentine’s Day, he canceled their plans for the weekend without an excuse. He rescheduled for the following week–the week where you should already know if you are on the calendar for February 14th.

Then came the arrival of the e-mail breakup just a few days before Valentine’s Day. The one where he said, “Let’s be friends.”

The email message said, “As for us; I think we are in the friend zone as I am obviously not the man for you. I?ll spare you all the boilerplate of what a wonderful person you are (although it?s true) but the simple reality is that I am not the man who will be able to provide you with happiness, joy and contentment for the balance of your long and very meaningful life. What you are looking for I cannot provide and I?m sorry I?m unable to do so as I?m very attracted to you.”

Was it a polite pre-Valentine’s breakup? Sure. He could have just disappeared. At the end of the day, he didn’t want her to be his Valentine. Happiness, joy and contentment forever? After a few dates, the word forever should have not been in his vocabulary. Was it the pressure of the Valentine’s date? “It’s not you, it’s me” is old line. She surmised that he found another Valentine and he just wasn’t that into her after all.

If you have an online dating disaster story to share, we’d like to hear from you. Send your submissions to Cyber Dating Expert

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Peril of the Week – A Sneeze Isn’t Just a Sneeze

manblowingnose 200x300A woman wrote in to tell her story of how she met her online date at an upscale lounge in Midtown Manhattan.

It was a cold winter evening in the city,? the kind that makes your nose run.? The two met outside and walked into a very nice establishment, where they sat down and got all settled in.

After some small talk, suddenly her date reached for some napkins and began to blow his nose at the table. When he was done blowing his nose he took his used tissues and just threw them on the floor.

He then turned to his date, as if what he had just done was totally normal and asked, “Would you like anything to drink?”

All she could think was…CHECK PLEASE!!!! Needless to say she never saw him again.

Do you have an online dating story to share? Do you think she should have walked out of the restaurant?

Share your dating disaster stories for the Peril of the Week.

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Photo credit: iStock

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