Love Hurts, or Does It? A Night of Dating Advice
There’s no shortage of dating advice these days. This week Angelenos were treated to a night to laughter, dating advice, and charity as 826LA, a non-profit writing and tutoring center for children ages 6-12 presented, “Love Hurts: Ask the Experts.”
The event was moderated by Time magazine’s funny man Joel Stein. Featured authors included Greg Behrendt, from He’s Just Not That Into You fame along with Lori Gottlieb, author of the bestseller, Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough and Sascha Rothchild, whose book, How to Get Divorced by 30: My Misguided Attempt at a Starter Marriage
was released earlier this year.
It was interesting to note that both of the men on stage were married and both women were not.
Gottlieb’s book has received a lot of attention and criticism from feminists as well as those who never actually read the book who jumped to conclusion that “settling” was a bad decision before picking up their copy.
Views on Marriage
When the group was asked about their views of marriage, Rothchild said she would like to get married again, but won’t get divorced if she can help it. She added that many get married to wear a beautiful dress and get wedding gifts.
Behrendt told the group that he is not a relationship expert. He wrote two books about how to get out of relationships so he thought he wouldn’t be the one to know how to get in them. He suggested that singles go to Las Vegas to make their relationship legal and have a party in front of your friends. When asked why he got married, he replied with, “I got married because my wife wanted to get married. I didn’t want to lose her.” He says that marriage works for him.
Gottlieb said she went directly to experts to find out what really matters for love, long term happiness and got some answers. . She said she felt like a dating guinea pig and tried out their advice to try to get to the altar. Her findings are written in her well-researched book.
“Settling for Mr. Good Enough does not mean that you are settling with someone who you are not attracted to,” said Gottlieb. She added, “We rule out too many people. Good enough is everybody’s Mr./Ms. Good enough.” The bestselling author says that bow-ties are hot. So are men named Sheldon. She admits that she didn’t use to feel that way.
Rothchild says if you are going into a marriage thinking it will make you happy, you will be disappointed. She hates the line, “You will complete me.” She added, “If two half-people meet up they will be miserable. You can’t expect someone to make you happy.”
Views on Online Dating
According to Rothchild, online dating works for some people. She likes to get a sense of someone in person and isn’t a huge fan of the system. “You get an immediate vibe about a person when you meet him,” said Rothchild. She added, “You can feel if he is he crazy or not. With online dating, you don’t get that.” Rothchild said she likes to meet people out playing poker. She met her current boyfriend at a poker game. Her dating advice to singles, “If you like surfing, go surf. Meet other people who like what you like. Go up to a guy and say hi! If he’s available he’ll say hi back, its that easy.”
Gottlieb says he has to do online dating as she never leaves the house. She learned that women often rule people out real quickly. She made the analogy of shopping online at Banana Republic where after you buy a blouse online, you are sent to a page to show you other blouses you can purchase. She referred to the online dating site Match.com in her comparison. On Match, you write an email to someone you carefully select and suddenly you receive a thank you with five other men you should consider after selecting your favorite guy.
What the group all agreed on is dating has changed. According to Behrendt, “As a society, we don’t date as a ritual anymore. There’s hook-ups and casual dates. Years ago we went on dates because we didn’t [have sex] so we ate, danced, and had big band music.”
After the panel, I had the opportunity to personally interview Lori Gottlieb about why she felt so misunderstood by some of her critics of her book. You can read the article: Marry Him: A Conversation With Lori Gottlieb on Huffington Post.
Julie Spira is known worldwide as The Cyber-Dating Expert. She is the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com.