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Online Dating – Is Honesty the Best Policy?

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honestybestpolicy 150x150I recently attended a swanky party in Beverly Hills and met a lovely single woman who said she had to talk to me about her online dating profile. Naturally, I was ready to hear what her secret was.

She boasted about how she had written the most creative and best profile of anyone on Match.com. She went into great details about how she listed everything that was unacceptable in a man and that if he had any of these personality traits, they shouldn’t bother writing to her.

After listening to her enthusiasm about a profile filled with negativity, I asked the million dollar question, ?Did you lie about your age?? Her response was an immediate yes. She claimed, as many singles do, that she looked so much younger than her real age and took six years off her age to fit into a search. When I asked her how long she had been looking for love online, she responded that she hadn?t been in a relationship for six years.

Obviously her personal digital marketing plan wasn?t working. She had never been married and was almost 60 years old. She agreed to a critique and was ready for some dating tips.

Sure, she went to one of the top dermatologists in town. Sure, she wore designer labels and dressed to impress the women who would recognize them. At the end of the day, she was inauthentic and still single.

I offered to critique her profile and made some subtle changes. She listed her dream life, one where she wanted a man to financially support her and proudly claimed she was high maintenance. It wasn?t the life she was living yet, and her inbox wasn?t filled with male suitors ready to sign up. She stated in her first sentence that she was great looking. Men are visual. They will decide upon viewing your profile photo if they are attracted to you or not. Stating it in the first sentence appeared conceited to most men who viewed her photo and most of them moved on.

I share these true stories with you because authenticity is sexy. Being authentic translates to being confident and happy. Where you are now is just fine. Keep your dreams, but portray yourself in your profile as approachable, realistic and human. I encourage all of you who feel you need to lie in your profile about your age, weight, or financial status to toss that belief out the digital window. You are just perfect, the way you are. It?s time for some truth-in-advertising and for you to really find love online.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com. Like her at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert for dating advice and follow her at Twitter.com/JulieSpira

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5 Responses to “Online Dating – Is Honesty the Best Policy?”

  1. Janky on May 24th, 2011 10:43 am

    Unfortunately, that’s all too common among dating sites, and spanning all age ranges. Women seem to want the unfeasible, a million dollar athlete with abs that will cater to their every whim, while they lie on their profile about their age, income, and drug/alcohol habits.
    Sad day. These things are always found out sooner or later, better to just be up front about it if you really plan on finding a keeper!

  2. MzGolden on May 24th, 2011 8:44 pm

    Aint that the truth… As a woman I find men lie about their height, wanting a relationship when they just want casual, no photo yet expecting you to show them a photo album…and general double standards that they cant even provide themselves.

    Time is precious being authentic or honest saves people time!. Just be yourself if someone doesn’t like it… its their problem isn’t it :-)

  3. Julie Spira on May 24th, 2011 8:56 pm

    Thank you Janky and MzGolden for your comments. It’s good to get both the male and female perspective. At the end of the day everyone really wishes the others would be authentic. Thanks for spreading the message.

    Julie
    http://facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

  4. freewildgirls on June 2nd, 2011 4:45 pm

    Just be who you say you are!

  5. shauna on June 8th, 2011 4:42 am

    It is very usual that you encounter some lies in online dating. But eventually, as your relationship grows, you will find out everything about that person you are dating with.

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