As Valentine’s Day is practically around the corner, one of the most popular questions I receive as an online dating expert is how to have the best online dating profile to find a date in time for Valentine’s. Match now reports that online dating is the #1 way for singles to find a date, with 31% of singles finding love online.
Since Internet dating is available 24-hours a day, it’s time to grab your mobile phone and give your Internet dating profile a simple digital facelift.
Here are 8 tips to help your profile stand out.
1. Create a catchy screen name. Some sites just provide you with a number or variation of a screen name if your chosen name isn’t selected. Using your first name and a handful of digits isn’t catchy. Try to find a name that is unique to you and describes your personality. An example would be MusicLoverNYC if you live in New York and love music. Others would be YogaGirlLA or NurseLori.
2. Leave the novel at home. The best profiles are short and will pique the interest of a potential date. I always recommend 100-125 words in your essay. If it’s shorter, it shows that you’re not taking online dating seriously. If it’s too long, there will be nothing left to talk about on the date. Plus, men don’t like to read long-winded profiles. It seems overwhelming and leaves the perception that you could be a high drama person.
3. Post 3-5 photos. Both men and women are visual. Every profile must have 3-5 photos in it, with the primary photo being a close-up shot with a smile. I always recommend that a woman wear red in her profile, as men see too many little black dresses, so you won’t blend into the thousands of thumbnail shots. Red is also the color of love and passion. Statistics show that women wearing red do receive more views and emails. Remember to include a full-length body shot, so it doesn’t appear that you’re hiding anything and don’t wear sunglasses in your photos.
4. Ditch the selfies. Although the word ‘Selfie’ made it into the Oxford dictionary, a selfie isn’t the most flattering photo, so keep it off of your profile. Remember, this is your love life resume and if you’re hoping to attract the man of your dreams, make sure you look like his dream girl.
5. Ask a question. The goal of online dating is to make your profile come alive and be approachable. If you ask a question in your profile, it makes it easier for your potential date to engage in a conversation with you. After all, you’re trying to develop a rapport with someone, not just be a stagnant billboard.
6. It’s not All About You. A man would like to imagine what a life with you could be like, so make it easier for him to know. Talk about what date night with you would be like and say, on a weekend, it would be great to go hiking with you on a Saturday morning and maybe take in a film matinee in the afternoon. When you talk about your life’s passions, end the sentence with, “what about you?” If you name some of your favorite travel spots, include a question to ask him where his dream trip would be.
7. Be specific. Profiles that are more specific help start the conversation. From a man’s point of view, profiles all look about the same. So say you like to travel, and list some of your favorite travel spots. Talk about how you like music and how the Red Hot Chili Peppers are one of your favorite bands and that you enjoyed watching them in the Super Bowl half time show.
8. Dump the cliches. Men know that women love going on beach walks, but if your profile says I like beach walks, sunset dinners, and love to laugh, your online dating profile is filled with cliches. Leave those conversations for your first few dates and laugh when you’re together, not on your profile.
At the end of the digital day, online dating is a numbers game. You need to play to win.
Here’s more information on how you can get an Irresistible Online Dating Profile.
Photo credit: © JiSIGN – Fotolia.com
Meet Elizabeth and Michael who found love online on PlentyofFish.
Here’s what Michael has to say about his online dating journet.
For our first date, Elizabeth and I met at a wine bar on a Thursday evening. We had been communicating for a couple of weeks before hand. Mainly by text. We exchanged messages on POF for a day or so and then exchanged phone numbers.
She ordered a white and I a red and we split a plate of various cheeses and cold cuts. We had planned on playing trivia; a weekly thing that bar does, but we skipped it because the conversation was going so well, well enough to warrant a second glass of wine. 8:00 turned into 9:00 which turned into almost 10:00.
There was some lip locking at the bar. We didn’t much care for who was around us. We called it a night and she gave me a ride to my car. It was quite cold that evening. We agreed to get together again on the weekend, which we did on Saturday.
Date number two was fantastic. After getting somewhat lost, I picked her up and we headed for downtown. I had offered to take her ice skating, which I hadn’t done since I was about 11 years old. (I’m 41 now). So we went in circles around the rink, me gripping the rail in one hand and hers in the other. Maybe I was just being sneaky. There were a few falls, but that was okay, it was good for a laugh. After, we had hot cocoa and walked a bit. Then it was off to the airport to look at the stars, which we didn’t really see due to the clouds. I don’t think we would have noticed them even if the night were perfectly clear.
What the date was meant to do was to live out some of the things we had been talking about when we were texting. We spent the rest of the night together.
Fast forward to now. We’ve been seeing each other regularly, about three days a week. I’m writing this email from her living room. We have future plans for time together and things to do.
Congratulations to Elizabeth and Michael who met on POF.com and became Facebook official a little over a month later.
Do you have an online dating story to share? Send us your story and you might get featured in our Cyber Love Story series.
Do you have an online dating story to share?
Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. Julie was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been helping singles find love online for 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles and Online Dating BootCamp programs.
Follow @JulieSpira for dating advice and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt.
As Tinder continues to take the world by storm, the feature included an interview with Tinder’s co-founder, Justin Mateen, as well as featured other mobile dating apps including eHarmony, JDate, Match, OkCupid, Grouper, Grindr, and Coffee Meets Bagel.
Mobile dating is now over a $200 million dollar industry. Are you wondering how it all works?
Watch the video below for highlights.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and mobile dating expert who was an early adopter of Internet dating. She created her first profile almost 20 years ago and coaches singles on the dating scene with her Irresistible Profiles programs and her Mobile Dating BootCamps. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
When there’s mutual chemistry with someone you’ve met online and you start texting daily, are you in a relationship just yet? A young woman asks the Cyber-Dating Expert for help on what to do when she sees his active profile online.
I signed up for eHarmony as a one month experiment and wasn’t sure what to expect. I got lucky and the first guy I met I felt instant chemistry with and he felt the same way!
We went on a second date the following week and also had a great time. We both work a lot so it was hard to schedule our third date before I left for an out-of-town trip, but he has been texting me everyday since I’ve been gone and today even sent me a message that he is kind of missing me : ) I have been missing him, which seems so weird for someone I have only hung out with twice, and my reply was that : You just made me smile.
I’ve been busy traveling and was trying to be focused on one person rather than adding 2-3 more guys to the mix.
My membership renewed automatically for a second mont, but I hadn’t logged on since I met this wonderful guy. Today, I logged on after receiving a renewal notice only to see that he had been “active” today on the site. I’m not sure what that means, but my stomach dropped. We aren’t exclusive, he isn’t my boyfriend, but it bothers me. Is this normal? Do I just let the chips fall as they may?
He texted me again this morning and last night but I am totally freaked out now and want to protect myself from getting hurt.
Take a deep breath.
Your new guy who you had just two dates with is a member of a dating site and is receiving matches and emails from women who have written to him or would like to start the communication process. Out of curiosity, he’s probably reading them and may not be responding to them, especially since he’s now texting you at night and in the morning, and perhaps other times throughout the day.
You’ve had two dates with your dream guy. You have a major crush on each other. This is very exciting, but it was only your first online date. Enjoy staying in touch with your guy and respond to his text messages while you’re out of town. You’re definitely on his mind and men tend to miss women when they’re gone. I know of a man who logged onto his profile after six months of dating someone exclusively. He took one last peek and one week later, he proposed marriage.
Men are allowed to look at other women, online and offline. At some point, if you decide to become exclusive, you should talk about taking your profiles down together. Let’s get to the third date and see how it goes. This is a brand new dating experience for you, and as you said, he’s not your boyfriend yet.
Let him take the lead and yes, let’s see where the chips may fall. Don’t cancel your online dating membership just yet, but if in your heart you don’t want to log on, then just stay the busy happy person that you are.
Do you have a question for Cyber-Dating Expert Julie Spira? Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact
Getting ready to dress up for Halloween?
Nothing gets you more in the mood for this fun holiday than putting on some great music as you put your Halloween costume together.
Here are 10 Classic Halloween songs to hum to all day long.
1. Ghostbusters – Ray Parker Jr. – The title theme from the soundtrack film will fill you with laughter on Halloween
2. Spooky – Classics IV – One of my favorites, because it’s about love and romance.
3. Frankenstein – The Edgar Winter Group - No vocals, but the title alone merits its inclusion on the list this Halloween.
4.Monster Mash – Bobby “Boris” Pickett - You might not know who the artist is, but you’ll certainly recognize the song. No Halloween party would be complete without this seasonal favorite.
5. Witchy Woman – The Eagles – The mystery of the woman in this song made it a hit for the Eagles. Enjoy this live version.
6. Witch Queen of New Orleans – Redbone - Another personal favorite that I enjoyed playing on the radio. You’ll be humming Marie, Marie, da voodoo veau, she’ll put a spell on you.
7. Black Magic Woman – Santana – This song by Carlos Santana will always will be an incredibly sexy and classic tune that will never go out of style.
8. I put a Spell on You – Credence Clearwater Revival (CCR) – This bluesy song is one of my favorites.
9. Wherewolves of London – Warren Zevon – Although he is resting in peace, the Wherewolves will always be around to help us howl during Halloween and Warren continues to make us laugh.
10. Thriller – Michael Jackson - No Halloween would be complete without the excitement of this thrilling b bestselling song from the late King of Pop.
Honorable mention: Time Warp from Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Do you have any other favorites to add to this list? Best wishes for a happy, spooky, fun and flirty Halloween from your friends at CyberDatingExpert.com
Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter
I know this seems like a lot of pressure, but to simplify the Internet dating process, we’ve come up with several expert tips on how to ace your cyberdating exam.
Coordinating a first date to make that great impression makes singles nervous. One person may love coffee, where another would rather go hiking. Trying to find a common balance for your first meet-and-greet, especially when geography gets in the way, means a single dater must go with the flow to fill up their date card.
This means you must be easy-going, have several options on where to meet, and not appear too high-maintenance.
Here are two examples of how one date progressed nicely and another went south, fast.
Dater #1. When *Randy decided to make the dinner plans before the theatre date, he came up with a well-executed strategy. It was his homework assignment to select the restaurant and figure out how to coordinate the details. Sure it would have been easy to tell him to park once and just dine at the restaurant in the theatre, but he came up with a more complicated plan and told his date the following:
Unfortunately the restaurant doesn’t have a shuttle to the theatre, but I’ve thought of a plan to minimize the parking issue and maximize our time at dinner.
Try this on…
You drive into downtown and park at the theatre (or wherever you like near there) for about 5:30 PM and call me when you arrive to say where you are. I’ll drive over to pick you up and bring you to my building to park my car; and then we walk just a few blocks to the restaurant. After dinner, we take a taxi to get to the theatre, unfettered with driving and parking while others are arriving, and just walk in. After the event, you take your car out, and drive us a few blocks back to my building; I’ll hop out at the front door on the street safe and sound :-) and you continue straight toward to the highway to get home – real simple. Does this work?
What do you think?
It sounds like an exhausting plan, right? There was nothing simple about it. However, he took great pride in coordinating timing and location and just wanted acknowledgement that his idea would be well-accepted.
The lesson here is the best solution isn’t always the smartest solution when it comes to dating. Sure some women think that they’re smarter and can drive the dating train, but a man wants to be the woman’s hero. He wants to know that she approves of his plans. His efforts to coordinate their dinner date were well thought out. Telling him to change them, especially early on in the dating stage, could possibly backfire. She responded with, “Great plan. I love it! I’ll see you around 5:30pm.”
Dater #3. When *Kathy invited her online date to an outdoor concert, she had tickets for the summertime music festival where they would be picnicking. Her date offered to pick up some wine and food items and they agreed to drive together to the concert. That was, until she called him up and asked him what he would be wearing. When he replied that he would be dressed casually in a Hawaiian shirt, shorts, and sandals, she got furious with him. She told him he wasn’t dressing appropriately for a date and that she hated Hawaiian shirts and shorts. Stunned, because this was a casual outdoor concert in the summer, he thought he’d be dressed perfectly for the occasion. She abruptly canceled the date because he didn’t conform to her perceived dress code and she went alone to the concert. Did he ever call her again? Not in a million years.
At the end of the digital day, when someone plays hard-to-get in the online dating game, the only word the potential date will remember is that you were “hard” to deal with. Don’t make dating difficult. Enjoy the process and go with the flow.
Julie Spira is an Online Dating Expert and was an early adopter of Internet dating. She’s been helping singles on the dating scene with her Irresistible Online Dating Profiles for 20 years and is the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
A reader is concerned that her date isn’t that into her due to how frequently he cancels his dates. Are you experiencing this? Here’s our expert advice for this online dater.
Dear Cyber-Dating Expert,
I met this great guy online and we’ve been emailing each other back-and-forth for three weeks now. He left to go on a business trip right after we connected, but managed to email me daily to stay in touch. When he returned, he had to cancel our first date due to a work conflict, so I understood. We rescheduled for later in the week, but the night before he canceled as he said he was getting ready to go out of town again and wanted to reschedule in a week or so.
If it’s this hard to put a first date on the calendar, is he just a busy guy or do you think he’s juggling me with several other women and is waiting to see if he likes someone better?
Confused in Atlanta
Online dating can be overwhelming, especially when you’re writing to multiple people and your hopes get high when you think you’ve connected with someone who could be “the one.”
Men are frequently defined by their business success and if he’s truly a busy executive, he might not have the time to put into a relationship and meeting right now. It’s easier to become a digital pen pal and write emails late at night when the work day is over than to schedule a date on the calendar which might conflict with a work obligation.
Also, remember that you’re both members of an Internet dating site with active profiles. Not everyone thinks they’re in an instant relationship, even if you’re texting each other daily and flirting digitally. If he’s dating multiple women, that’s fine. You should be dating multiple men and not putting all of your eggs into one digital basket. Play the field and talk to several men. He’s not your boyfriend and if he can’t find time to schedule a first date with you, you might get frustrated when he won’t be able to schedule follow up dates either.
One thing I know for sure is when a man wants you to be his girlfriend and doesn’t want other men pursuing you, he’ll do whatever it takes to make that happen and to show his level of interest. Without meeting you in person, you’re still a bunch of photos and someone he might connect with, when he has the time.
The best advice I can give you is to be busy and date others. If he asks you out and it fits in with your schedule, then go ahead and meet this man you’ve been excited about for almost a month. If he continues to cancel on you after you’ve met in person, then he’s just not an available guy.
Some people believe in a three-strike rule and if a date cancels three times, it’s just not worth your while. Give him the benefit of the doubt about his job, but realize that you will probably be lower on the totem pole than his career, should you get involved with him.
Do keep us posted if you meet this mystery man.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.
As an early adopter of Internet dating and as an Online Dating Expert with almost 20 years of writing dating profiles, I’ve helped many Jewish singles find love on JDate. Some fond memories include one couple who gave birth to the first JDate baby, and another who found love by expanding their zip code to include dating in Europe. Many couples who I’ve coached have taken my online dating advice are now happily married or are in long-term exclusive relationships.
I know that cyber dating can be challenging, but there are so many Internet dating success stories that are worth sharing and I look forward to watching all of your marriage proposal videos.
If you’ve met your fiance or spouse on JDate, I invite you to share a video on their Facebook page about your marriage proposal and enter their Top Proposal Contest.
One lucky couple will be treated to on a 7-Day romantic trip to Breezes in the Bahamas. Isn’t it time for a second honeymoon?
Details can be found on their Facebook Page.
Need help with your online dating profile? Visit IrresistibleProfiles.com to learn more on how we can help you find your dream date.
Photo credit: JDate
In this Episode of the Online Dating Expert BootCamp, Julie Spira critiques Lauren’s emails that she’s sending to potential daters.
Much to her surprise, Lauren’s emails were filled with grammar problems and she started her emails with the word, “Hey.” Julie reminded Lauren that horses hang out in hay, not a marriage-minded single woman from Beverly Hills.
Remember to always use spell check and grammar check on all of your online dating emails and respond in a timely fashion to attract your dream date.
Let’s start with what is a ‘Selfie?’ It’s one of the most popular hashtags on Twitter when someone snaps their own photo with their mobile phone. Usually it’s goofy, a bathroom shot in the mirror, or in the case of Rhianna, a bikini shot or two.
I love technology and there’s no doubt that the iPhone has made cyberdating a whole lot easier and so much more fun.
As the cameras continue to improve on the Samsung Galaxy, iPhones, and other mobile devices, while Instagram remains the favorite social networking photo site du jour, the prevalence of ‘Selfies’ photos are appearing more often on Internet dating profiles.
So who’s posting ‘Selfies’ and are they narcissistic, funny, expected, or a turn-off? Just because celebrities are jumping on the ‘Selfie’ bandwagon, should you?
In a recent Glamour magazine article, a list of 11 turn-offs to men who viewed women’s online dating profiles listed ‘Selfies” twice.
Men felt that posting over ¾ of your profile photos as ‘Selfies’ was a turn-off.
“Just makes me wonder how long you spent in your room taking shots that didn’t make the cut,” one guy claimed.
In addition, the bathroom ‘Selfie’ is an online dating no-no.
“Unless it’s done ironically, in which case, are you free on Thursday?” was another response.
Taking it a step further, research from the University of Birmingham in the UK found that too many ‘Selfies’ posted on Facebook could actually damage your relationship.
David Houghton, the lead researcher said, “‘Selfies,’ or self-portraits, seem to be some of the most irksome images.”
In a recent interview with the New York Daily News, I provided several tips for those who have no self-control when posting ‘Selfies.’ Including:
Ladies: No Bikini Photos. Just because Rhianna does it, doesn’t mean your potential online date will appreciate yours. A bikini shot is just lingerie with different material. A man will undress you with his eyes. There’s no need to say take me to the bedroom with your bikini ‘Selfie.’
Guys: Ditch the Mirror Photos. Posting a photo of yourself without wearing a shirt in the bathroom mirror has become as cliché as the woman who says she wants to go on beach walks in her Internet dating profile.
While authenticity is appreciated in posting recent photos, we know that the selfies shots aren’t usually your best. I say save them for Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. Put your best digital foot forward and post the best photos you can of yourself. Add the dates they were taken, so your online date will know how recent they are.
Are you posting ‘Selfies’ on your dating profile? What has the response been?
Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter to join in the conversation.
Photo credit: © berc – Fotolia.com