Ready, set, tweet!
We’re super-excited at Cyber-Dating Headquarters to let you know that we’ll be hosting #DateChat on Twitter every Thursday at 8pm Eastern time, 5pm Pacific time.
#DateChat will bring together singles who are looking for love online and IRL to talk about their dating issues and relationship desires. #DateChat will be hosted by online dating expert Julie Spira. Every week we’ll be joined by a guest-host to stimulate the conversation.
Whether you’re newly single or are interested in dating your sweetheart, #DateChat will help spice up your love life.
Here’s how to join the party.
Sign onto Twitter or use your favorite Twitter management software such as Hootsuite or TweetDeck. Make sure you create a stream or do a search for #DateChat and save the search. If you have a question or are replying to a question, remember to use the hashtag of #DateChat in each tweet so others can communicate with you.
To make it easier, you can also log onto TweetChat, where it’s simple to stay in the conversation. Just type in our hashtag of #TweetChat and follow the stream. This will automatically add our hashtag to any tweet. Feel free to retweet any dating advice that you’d like your followers to see or ask questions for the dating community to see.
We look forward to chatting with you on Thursdays to get you date-ready for the weekend.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
Follow @JulieSpira for dating advice and sign up for our free Weekly Flirt newsletter!
I’ve been seeing this guy for 3 months and everything seemed to be going great. He’s very affectionate and talked about his feelings openly with me. On the other hand, I always have a hard time expressing my feelings. On New Year’s Eve, he was telling me how he felt about me and asked me about how I felt as well, but I couldn’t give him a definite answer.
He introduced me to his friends and some family, however since New Year’s he became very distant. He was always the one calling me and has pretty much stopped. I’ve tried to initiate talking to him since then, but he started acting cold.
Now a friend of mine found him on Tinder and I’m devastated. Do you think he’s a player? What do I do? He hasn’t tried to contact me since either. Please help.
Thanks for your sending in your question.
The three month mark is a pivotal point for many relationships. Often it’s the time when a couple who has been dating decides to take the relationship to the next level, to see each other exclusively, and even start referring to each other as “boyfriend” and “girlfriend.”
The fact that he spent New Year’s Eve with you tells me that you are important to him. If he expressed his feelings favorably and didn’t get any positive feedback from you, chances are his ego was hurt and he might assume you aren’t on the same page and don’t feel the same for him. If this is the case, I wouldn’t call him a player. I think he gave the relationship a shot for three months and didn’t believe you felt the same way about him. It could have shattered his self esteem and ego and he might want to find an emotionally available man.
When a man opens up to a woman about his feelings, he’s opening up his heart and puts himself in a vulnerable position. If he even says he thinks he’s falling in love with her and asks her how she feels about it, he’s hoping to hear that she feels the same way.
Depending on how often you were seeing each other, three months is a significant amount of time for a couple to decide if they want to be exclusive and take the relationship to the next level, often typically for another three months to see how things will be at the six month mark.
If he’s acting distant, know that his feelings were probably hurt. Think about it this way. If you told him that you loved him and he couldn’t say it back, how would you feel? Chances are you might start pulling back or even look at other guys who you think are emotionally available and are ready for a relationship. This is probably how he is feeling.
If he stopped calling you completely, he might think it’s over between the two of you, or he might just want some time and space to see how he feels. I wouldn’t chase him as it would push him away more.
A lot of guys are on Tinder, but that doesn’t mean he’s dating anyone else. He may just be viewing profiles to compare the other women to what he had with you, while he’s sorting it out.
Unless you’re prepared to give him the answer that he wants, which is that you feel the same way about him, calling him really won’t be beneficial. Think hard about why you want to be with him. If you think it was a really special relationship and have strong feelings about him, you need to let him know. If you’re feeling rejected that you aren’t hearing from him, but don’t know how you feel about him, then let him go and find someone who wants to have a relationship.
Know that everyone goes at a different pace. In the future if a guy asks you how you feel about him and the relationship, always be honest. If you think you’re feelings could be growing, let him know that you hope to catch up to him and are enjoying getting to know him. This will keep him interested in you.
It appears to me that he got rejected by you and now you’re feeling rejected by his distance. Write down all of the things you liked about this guy and write down the things you didn’t like about him. Review your list and if you think this is someone you really want in your life, give it a little time and then text him and ask him if he’d like to meet you for coffee or write him a letter and let him know that it’s just harder for you to express your feelings than it is for him, but that you’d like to give it another shot.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.
Do you have a dating question for Julie Spira? Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Ready to jump in to online dating? Find out how our Irresistible Profiles will help you find your dream date.
I have a question about whether this guy I’m interested in actually likes me.
First, let me set the scene for you.
I met a guy who I instantly felt a connection for. Initially there were some flirty texts going back and forth and I found myself getting drawn in very quickly. I was actually concerned that I was getting too attached.
I also noticed that he would be quite flirty with others and this made me anxious. I know flirting is a common thing, but does this make him a player? He also sent me email messages telling me that he loves me, but I think I may have misunderstood his intention.
So, I called him on the flirting thing and he responded with, “I get it.” I’m not sure what that means. I’m also not sure how to proceed with this man.
Do you have any thoughts?
Dear Frustrated texter,
Texting plays a huge part in the digital dating game.
Many guys flirt with text messages for en ego boost or just to have fun. Since you don’t fit into the girlfriend status of this flirtatious guy, it’s most likely that you’re one of many girls that he likes. If you were dating exclusively and he was calling you his girlfriend, than sending flirty texts to other women would be a form of emotional cheating in my opinion.
But let’s get back to your question of does he like you? It would appear that he likes you and he likes others. Since I don’t know if he’s taken you out on an official date, it’s hard to figure out if you’re in digital dating rotation or you’re still in the friend zone. In the pre-texting days, guys would often see a pretty girl and smile at her and say hello. Remember guys are visual and this is actually a normal form of behavior for a man.
Unless your guy is sleeping with you and others that he’s texting, I doubt he’s a player, but one who likes to have his ego stroked.
Before you put all of your eggs into one digital basket with this guy, just stay friends with him. When a guy says he loves someone, often it means he loves hanging out with someone or even would love to sleep with them. If he says I’m in love with you and you’ve been dating exclusively than that’s another story, and one to take seriously. From what you’ve written, it doesn’t even sound like you’re dating. So before you say “I love you” back and shed your clothing, just look at him as a flirty friend, date others, and see if he’s interested in dating you. If you get to the point of becoming a couple, just let him know that flirting with others via text when you’re exclusive is something you’re uncomfortable with. If he continues to do so, then maybe it’s time to find another guy to have a crush on who will make you his one-and-only.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
Do you have a dating and relationship question for Julie Spira. Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Overwhelm her with 5-dozen roses on a third date will send her running for the hills. Giving her a card and a box of pharmacy candies may put you in the dog house. What should one do?
A recent gentleman wrote to me needing help on selecting a birthday gift for his new girlfriend of two months.
He met her on OKCupid and she actually sent me him an email first, which was rare for her and somewhat out of character because she admits to being shy. The funny thing is, if he came across her profile he would have considered her “out of his league” and probably wouldn’t have contacted her .
I’m 2 months into a relationship with a great woman (seeing each other now 1-2 times a week). My birthday was last week and I mentioned that I don’t usually make a big deal about it. I was sick, but she brought me soup and two cupcakes because “she wasn’t sure what my favorite flavor was”, I loved the sentiment.
My question is; Her birthday is next week and I’ve found a reasonably priced necklace ($80.00) very similar to one on her pinterest board and from a store she’s mentioned regularly. I’d love to get her the necklace along with the obligatory nice dinner, but I’m worried about making her feel awkward about the expense. Any thoughts?
The New Guy
Hi New Guy!
Thanks for your email and congratulations on your new relationship.
Birthdays can be stressful and confusing early on in a relationship. If someone shows up with a card and candy, it might not be viewed as very romantic or thoughtful. If someone goes over-the-top and buys something extravagant, it can cause an unneeded pressure on the woman.
I think your suggestion of dinner and a necklace that looks like one you’ve viewed on her Pinterest board shows her that you are paying attention to things she likes (not many guys take the time to look at their date’s Pinterest boards) and adds a personal touch, since it shows that you listen to her when she mentions stores she likes. Because the gift is under $100 and within your budget, it isn’t over-the-top and I’m sure she would appreciate it, along with a romantic dinner to celebrate her special day.
I don’t think she’d feel awkward at all, but she’ll realize that you’re someone worth having in her life because you made the gift about her and not about yourself.
On a personal note, when I was at the 2-month mark with my boyfriend, he had the same dilemma. He didn’t know what to get me as a gift, but knew he wanted to do something special for me. Excited about our new relationship, he selected a necklace with a mutual friend whom I had mentioned I really liked. The best part is that he picked it out on his own and loved it too!
It was a silver key on a chain, which is a popular look now. He selected a very simple one, not one filled with diamonds and I still cherish it today as something personal and intimate.
I think you’re right on track and your new girlfriend will be happy with the way you celebrate her birthday together. I know you think you’re a lucky guy to have found her, but she’s a lucky girl as well.
Keep me posted.
Wishing you much love and joy,
Do you have a dating question for Julie Spira? Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for dating advice and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.com. Want to stay in touch? Sign up for the Free Cyber Dating Expert Weekly Flirt Newsletter.
I have an online dating question and would love your opinion on this recent emailed dating exchange of mine, on OK Cupid…
Me: How old are you really? (Does anyone here tell the truth about his/her age? I mean, besides me.)
Her: How old am I really? I won’t read into this, I’ll just go with it: I’m really not whatever it was I said I was, ha! My photos are recent; age is not something by which I live my life; and I often get mistaken for my daughters’ sister when we’re out together. I don’t look 26 but I don’t look or live like I’m the 50-something I copped to in my profile.
(How’s that for evading the answer? Her profile says she’s 51, but she obviously is not comfortable revealing her exact age to me. Should I drop it or press it? Is it too sensitive a topic to expect the truth, even if I myself am truthful? I’ve met women before who’ve revealed they’re as much as 15 years older than the ages they’ve indicated on their dating profiles. And I’m not comfortable or sufficiently evolved enough to date someone who’s 66, even if she is mistaken for her daughter. Thoughts?)
Here’s my take on his dating dilemma.
Women are often very sensitive and about their age and will lie about their age to fit into a search on their Internet dating profiles. Call it a double-standard, but they expect the man to be honest about his age.
Most women won’t even engage in conversation when questioned and will evade the subject. They’ll get offended if you ask what her age is, so I’d say it’s an off-limits subject early on.
When a man used to ask me about my age, I would smile and be coy and say, “It’s not polite to ask a lady her age.” This practice goes back to early etiquette days, long before online dating became part of everyday life for singles. Even my grandmother wouldn’t reveal her true age when asked.
Know that physical attraction and chemistry are important. Either a guy will be attracted to someone’s actual photos or to the woman when he meets her in person, or he won’t. I say you should never judge someone by their age and respect her desire to be private about her age until she is comfortable in sharing it. Many women past the age of 40 believe they need to lie about their age to attract a man. They realize that men are interested in dating younger, at least while searching online.
I think your potential date was being polite and sweet by saying, “I’ll just go with it.” If her photos are recent it should be enough. She obviously wants to continue to communicate with you and tried to set a boundary where it comes to age.
Think about how disappointed you would be if you were really attracted to someone, thought you both had a lot in common, had a friendly banter via email, and a phone call or two. It looked promising until…. you asked her if her age was accurate. She gets upset, cancels the date and you never meet.
Often if you meet someone out at a party or gathering and strike up a conversation, you won’t ask her what her age is, because it doesn’t matter. I’m not promoting lying whatsoever, as I encourage everyone to be honest about their age. If they fudge, I recommend they post something in their profile or at least tell someone on the first date the truth.
My best advice is to drop the age question. You don’t know that she’s 66 and you don’t know that she’s 55. You just know that you might be interested in her and are curious about her real age. If you meet and connect, eventually she’ll tell you the truth about her age. If you’re smitten with her, you won’t mind if it’s 5 years more than you had originally thought. Give her a chance and if you think she’s pretty, let her know. Women love to be flattered and don’t like to feel like their being interviewed or in a deposition.
Do you have a dating and relationship question for Julie Spira? Submit your questions here:
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and like at on Facebook.
Photo credit: Fotolia
I met my boyfriend on Tinder and we started dating three months ago.
We both agreed to take down our Tinder profiles. Actually it was his idea to do it first and I thought it was a great idea.
We’ve connected on a deep level and are even talking about living together, so I thought everything was great.
Last week, my girlfriend saw his profile on Tinder and it appears he went back on without telling me. He’s been secretive about things lately, complaining that he’s stressed out at work. I’m afraid I’m losing him. What should I do?
GF of Tinder Addict.
Dear GF of TA,
You’re not alone. Tinder is a fun game that singles play on their mobile phones. While it’s a great way to meet someone close by, it’s still a game. I know several couples who have left their Tinder profiles up and just enjoy chatting with others, without the intention of taking it any further.
Let’s start by saying your boyfriend did do something wrong. He rejoined Tinder without telling you. Most likely he knew there would be an eruption like a volcano if he suggested it. He would assume you’d think he was cheating on you, when he was just having fun swiping right and left on Tinder.
Do I know if your relationship is on the way out or not? Of course not. But you’re at a relationship milestone — the three month mark. The honeymoon phase of the newness in your relationship when everything is perfect is changing. The good news is, that you’re still together as a couple and are moving into the next phase. Three months is the time where couples decide do they want to go to the next step, which is beyond the casual stage.
My suggestion is to have a convo with your BF and ask him if he just likes looking at pretty faces. Believe it or not, he might just be viewing girls digitally the way that some guys stare at cute girls at a restaurant. If he says he’d like to see others, then believe him and reactive your profile as well and start dating. If he says he only has eyes for you, let him know how uncomfortable this is making you. Ask him if he can state his relationship status to “in a relationship” and that he’s looking for friends to chat with or take it down completely. If he’s willing to do this, then understand he looks at Tinder the same way as he would look at a video game.
I’m not saying it’s right and I’d be very unhappy if my boyfriend had an active dating or Tinder profile up while he was spending nights with me. If he refuses to state his relationship status, then you need to decide if you’d like to continue dating him and date others as well.
If he really doesn’t want to lose you, he won’t let his cell phone games get in the way of love. It’s time for some digital housekeeping.
Keep me posted.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
Do you have a question for Julie Spira? Click here to submit your dating questions.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and helps singles find love online and IRL. For more dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, like us on Facebook, and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
It’s National Singles week and it’s official. The Bureau of Labor Statistics has found that over half of the adult population in America is single. Suddenly being single puts you in the 50.2% majority.
This information, provided by our friends at Match.com also shows that singles aren’t putting looks first, while seeking out a partner.
Match.com has provided some new facts about singles that you might be surprised about, from their most recent ‘Singles in America’ study.
1. Singles want to be with someone who treats them with respect (100% W; 98% M).
2. Singles want to be with someone they can trust and confide in (100% W; 97% M).
3. Singles want a partner they are comfortable in communicating their wants and needs (98% W; 95% M).
4. Singles want to be with someone who has a sense of humor and that can make them laugh (98% W; 91% M).
5. Singles love to exercise, with 65% saying they work out at least once a week.
6. Singles love pets, with 64% saying they own a pet.
7. Singles date online, with 39% say they are using online dating sites.
8. Singles are educated, with 60% having an associates degree or higher.
9. Singles like thinking about sex, with 52% thinking about it at least once a day.
10. Singles are confident about marriage, with 89% thinking they can stay married to one person forever.
11. Singles believe that words of affection in a relationship will bring them closer, with 95% believing words of affection and/or love to be intimate.
12. Single men aren’t scared of an educated and intellectual career woman, with 90% willing to date a woman who made more money than they did and 87% would date someone more intellectual than they are.
13. Racism and religion takes a back seat to self-fulfillment, with 74% willing to date someone with a different ethnic background and 70% willing to date someone with a different religious background.
14. Singles find traveling together more intimate than public displays of affection, with 94% believing that travel is the most intimate experience.
15. Singles want to get married because they want a committed partner to share their lives with, with 86% saying this is the number one reason.
If you’re single, embrace your status and know that finding someone to share your life with goes hand-in-hand with the confidence you own.
For a 20% discount on Match, click here
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, like us on Facebook, and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
If you’re busy sending emails to potential dates online and are frustrated with the lack of response, our friends at online dating site Zoosk have come up with some simple suggestions on how to move the process along in their “7-Step Guide to Landing a Date.”
Here’s a recap, along with a cool infographic to help ramp up your Internet dating life so you can meet that special someone offline.
1. Add a date activity to show someone you really do want to go on a date.
In a recent survey of 3000 of their members, Zoosk found that mentioning movies as a favorite activity in you profile and even suggesting a movie date increases your response rate to your email messages by 91%. Yes that’s a big number and one worth viewing film trailers for. Other keywords included the beach (59%) and a park (39%).
2. Send emails in the morning if you’re a man; in the evening if you’re a woman.
Guys will increase their chances of a response by 10% if they send emails between 9am and 10am, while the best time for women to send email messages is between 10pm and 11pm. So ladies, send that flirty email and go to sleep with a smile on your face and avoid sending an email from 2pm – 3pm.
3. Respond within 24 hours.
As for when you should respond to an email, 94% of those surveyed said within 24 hours. I have to agree with this one. Remember when someone is emailing you, they’re sending emails to many others at the same time. Often the squeaky wheel gets the love deal, so playing too hard to get will likely backfire.
4. Focus on what makes you unique.
If you want to stand out in a crowded digital playground, talk about your date’s hair, their gorgeous eyes, fun or geeky glasses, and even their tattoo. Remember to be fun and flirty. Stay away from the sexual comments, which received a digital thumbs down from Zooskers.
One of the biggest challenges I see singles struggling with is what to write in their first email. First impressions do really matter and your email should be more than, “hey.” Here are a few interesting tidbits.
5. Character count matters.
Guys didn’t seem to care how long the first message was from a woman, but 40% of the women did indeed want to see a message that was longer than a full-length tweet of 140 characters.
6. Expect to send 5 emails.
Finally, how long will it take to get to the first date? About half of the singles polled said they send 5 email exchanges before putting his or her name on their date card.
7. Schedule your first date.
If you follow this plan, you should be filling up your date card and taking your relationship offline.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
Are you using any of these tips while looking for love online?
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt Newsletter
It was an honor and joy to be invited to Match.com’s headquarters in Dallas with the top relationship experts in the country.
After a full day of meeting with their executives, we finished the day with an interview on our top dating tips for a first great date.
From what to wear to where to go, we hope you enjoy our video below.
Questions we answered included:
1. First date: Coffee Drinks or Dinner?
2. Should you dress up or down?
3. Is it a group date or a real date?
4. Do you leave early if there are no sparks on a date?
5. Who pays for the first date?
6. Mamas boys: runs or cuddle?
7. One question you should always ask on a first date?
Enjoy our video and post your comments as well.
What are your first date tips and deal breakers?
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and creates Irresistible Online Dating Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
In this video on Your Tango’s Quickie Series, we tackle the subject of the guy who only wants to text you for a date, or in between.
The problem many women have with this is they don’t want to fall into the category of booty call or be uncertain about their relationship status.
While I believe texting can be fun in a relationship, when your guy says, “Thinking of u” or you say “Can’t wait for your delicious kisses,” too many women complain that their boyfriends won’t pick up the phone and call.
Here’s the truth ladies: Most guys don’t really like to talk on the phone. They’ll call to make you happy, if you let them know it means a lot to you. Otherwise, get ready for showing up on a date after being sent a text with the date and time of your next rendezvous. Watch our video to help him go from casual to crazy about you, online and IRL.
But if you tell him the sound of his sexy voice helps you fall asleep with a smile on your face, you just might get this text-happy guy to pick up the phone.
Are you in a text only relationship?
Your comments are welcome.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.