First dates can often be compared to first job interviews. With online dating, there are several dating phases you must successfully go through: The irresistible profile, the email introduction, and the pre-date phone call. If all goes well, after the phone date, you’ll agree to meet in person for a first date.
The process is similar while looking for your dream job. You’ve hopefully perfected your resume, sent a captivating cover letter via email, went through the pre-interview via phone, with the result of scheduling an in-person interview with the hiring manager. It sounds like a lot of work, doesn’t it? But if this is what it takes to find the love of your life, isn?t it worth paying attention to all of the phases of digital courting?
Meet Donny, our latest Peril of the Week story. He described himself as a happy person in his profile, indicated that he was looking for a serious relationship, and listed interesting places he had traveled to, including China, New Zealand, Japan, and Australia. His profile successfully made it past the first phase of online dating.
Donny then engaged in an online email communication chain, including sending nine pleasant emails to the woman he wanted to meet. After five months, they finally graduated to a phone call. He was a patient man. However, the phone call didn’t go so well. Donny’s phone chemistry didn’t match the profile and upbeat personality reflected in the emails. Donny actually seemed confused and bothered by the initial call. He complained about the cost of replacing the heater in his swimming pool. He didn’t remember who the woman was when she called, although he had sent her an email with his number a few hours prior to the phone call. Was he ill prepared due to a case of being a serial dater, or did she just catch him at a bad moment?
To be gracious, she accepted a date to meet Donny for lunch. Unfortunately, Donny didn’t look anything like his profile. He had lied about his age by several years and posted old photos, which is not uncommon. He was no longer working and had been retired for quite some time. The life he described was the old Donny, not the one who arrived at the table.
Donny spent the course of their lunch complaining about money, while speaking with food in his mouth. She wondered, didn’t his mother teach him about table manners? He once again complained that it would cost $1200 to fix the heater in his pool, so his pool’s water was always cold. Then he complained about five of his businesses which had failed miserably and how much money he had lost in each of those five instances. Then he complained about how one business he’d lost had been sold for $21 million to the investor who came in after him. Donny’s date didn’t expect to be having a conversation about accounting during their first date.
Donny’s conversation changed from financial woes to conversations about his ex-wife. He mentioned details about her and her family problems seven times to his date. The conversation then moved to health problems. Donny’s date was empathetic when Donny talked about his mother’s Alzheimers condition, but the attention to details of everything she forgot ran its course quite quickly after ten minutes. Finally Donny pulled out a plastic bag and dumped a pile of vitamins on the table at the restaurant. One-by-one, he took his vitamins after dessert.
At the end of the lunch, she was emotionally drained and exhausted. She left the date and wondered why didn’t Donny put his best foot forward? Why couldn’t he talk about more positive things such as what he loved about the interesting countries he had visited? Why did every topic end with a sad story, financial loss, or medical problem?
We know that life gets in the way and our journeys are filled with bumps in the road, but if you told your prospective job employer all the reasons why you’d been fired from previous jobs, should they want to hire you? Should you remember to have proper table etiquette on a date and not continue to talk with food falling out of your mouth? Shouldn’t you excuse yourself to go to the Men’s room to take your vitamins privately or wait until the date was over?
As a dating expert and coach, I tell singles to ask themselves the following question before they go on a date. Would you actually date yourself? Think about keeping the conversation light and upbeat. Write up a list of positive things that you’d like to share with your date and read them before you arrive. Remember to leave the baggage and the vitamins behind.
No one wants to date a Debbie or Donny Downer. Let us know if you have a dating disaster story to share for the Peril of the Week.
Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert and the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice and share your online dating stories. Follow Julie on twitter @JulieSpira and like her at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
Don’t become the next Peril of the Week. Contact us about our Irresistible Coaching programs.
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It?s been a fun summer at Cyber-Dating Expert Headquarters helping singles with their Irresistible online dating profiles, cheering them on when they happily retire them in favor of finding themselves in a committed relationship, and best of all, reading your online dating stories that you shared on Facebook and at CyberDatingExpert.com.
Now that summer is almost over, it?s time to announce the winners of the Looking for Love Online summer promotion.
In the category of worst date, our winner is Teresa Marroquin from Texas.
Teresa will receive a complimentary Irresistible online dating profile and a 3-month membership to Match.com.? In her submission, Teresa?s online date flew from Philadelphia to visit her for four days in Texas.
Find out why her date turned out to be a ?Gorilla Guido,? and wasn?t what she expected.
?A guy came from Philly, PA to meet me & visit me in south Texas for 4 days, just two weeks ago. This guy is a “Gorilla Guido” type guy btw.? We get ready to go to the club, he starts to get ready, just like you see in the show Jersey Shore but 10x worse. We get in the car to leave and he is shirtless. We get in the parking lot and he needs to “pump up” before we can go in, so he starts to do pushups shirtless and says he’d be using his dumbbells too, but didn’t bring them.”
“He didn’t want me talking to anyone, he didn’t want me to say hi to anyone, I was stuck against the wall & wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone. We called it an early night.? Early the next morning he snuck out while I was still asleep. He text messaged me telling me he felt guilty for leaving his son back home. He still calls me his wifey, texts me, and wants me to go up to Philly to visit! I don’t think I’m the only one he saw while he was down here in Texas.”
In the category of funniest date, our winner is Carol McLeod Sanders from Alabama.?Carol will receive a complimentary online dating profile critique and an autographed copy of The Perils of Cyber-Dating. Carol?s funniest date was with a man over 60 years older than her.
“My funniest date was with an 84 yr. old man when I was 22. We were walking about a mile back to his home and my car. During the walk from the Parade, he conned me into thinking he couldn’t go to the Homecoming game because he had no ticket or a way to go. I gave him a ticket and told him I would pick him up. When I got to his house, there were five sets of eyes peering thru his curtains! When we got to the game they all mysteriously showed up. I knew then I had been duped! I ended up buying drinks and food for six men instead of one. But we had a ball !! I never saw these men again but they smiled from ear to ear all day!”
All of those who entered the contest will receive a free email online dating profile critique. All of us at Cyber-Dating Expert thank you for participating and sharing your stories.
If you?re truly ready to become irresistible and want to know the secrets to finding love online, let us know. With the change of seasons, many singles are joining online dating sites and are ready to find love.
Dating in your 30s and 40s often means dating men with kids and vice versa. The exact time to introduce your children to your new boyfriend or girlfriend is still up for debate. What’s absolutely not appropriate is bringing your child along when meeting a potential suitor for the first time.
In this Peril of the Week story, a woman agreed to go on a dinner date with a man she met online. When she arrived, the woman was shocked that her date had brought his six-year-old daughter, whom he had never mentioned nor made any indication of having a child on his profile, with him on their first date. Apparently, it was his weekend to have her. Why he didn’t reschedule, or, better yet, hire a babysitter, she never found out. But the girl proved to be a royal pain in the behind.
While deciding what to order, his daughter wanted to get a burrito, but her dad reminded her that she didn?t like the burrito last time and suggested she get the fish tacos instead. Well that didn’t go over smoothly. The little girl threw a whiny fit until she got what she wanted and ordered the burrito. Of course, when the burrito came it wasn?t what she wanted. Instead, she wanted her father’s date’s tacos. Wanting to eat the tacos instead of the burrito, she assumes she must have given her date some sort of look because the man yelled, “Just give her the damn tacos!”
At a complete loss of what to do, the woman felt like she had to give his daughter her tacos. Since she was really looking forward to the fish tacos, she placed a second order and sat there watching her date and his daughter chow down without her (which is just so rude in it of itself). By the time her tacos arrived, they were both done eating and the daughter was ready to go.
Finally, when the check came, her date asked for the second order of tacos to be on a separate bill, paid his portion and left her sitting there to finish her meal alone along with the check. Thankfully, the waiter seemed to understand her predicament and told her that her tacos were on the house.
Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert and the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice and to share your online dating stories. Follow Julie on twitter @JulieSpira and like her at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
It started out as an email sent from a man in New York who was a member of a popular online dating site. The recipient, an attractive intelligent single female shared the introductory email with some of her friends on Facebook, myself included. She wanted to know if she should go out with the man with the red flags. At first she thought it was hilarious. I told her not to go. Her curiosity got the best of her, so without further adieu, here’s an example of a date destined to go bad.
His first email appeared to be a ‘cut and paste’ to many filled with a negative attitude. It read as follows:
“This may sound rude/odd but…what’s wrong with you? I have found there has to be a catch if I come across a cute, seemingly intelligent, well manner girl on this site.”
“I have tried this online dating thing for a while and to be honest… IT SUCKS!!!
“In the last month or so, I have been: stood up three times, canceled on at the last minute, met a girl who started to make out with another random guy at the bar while I watched, found out mid-date that the girl was inky 21 when her profile said she was 29, had a girl tell me how she is still in love with her ex, been told the day after a first date that she was getting back with her fiancé, but would love to use me for sex and my favorite…told that I was part of a “30 dates with 30 guys in 30 days” dare and that I had no shot. Fun times, right?????
“Now…based on the fact that you seem pretty awesome and the fact that I am apparently not cool enough to have plans on what should be a beautiful Friday night…How would you feel about being totally spontaneous and meeting me this evening? (who knows we might even like each other and get to make out?)”
“Now, I know you may want to email back and forth for days and then build up all this excitement hoping you found “the one”…but…I have found that usually leads to disappointment and then possibly therapy and sadness, right? Let’s skip all that nonsense and meet right away…OK? It will save us the let-down in the long run.”
“Now if you call/text/email, we can have possibly the blindest of dates…(assuming you don’t stand me up) or we can flirt via text from now until we do meet and build up expectations. Your choice, but first, please warn me about what is wrong with you so I know going into this that there will be little surprise! ;-)”
With an email like this, I would have done one of two things. Either deleted it without response and forgotten about it, or send an email saying ‘No thank you. Best of luck with your search.’
Comments from her friends included, “Just be careful” to “This is hilarious. Go and report back to us.” I explained that it was a mass email sent to many other women and told her not to go. Online dating safety is a hot button for me. I had a bad feeling about this from reading just the first sentence of his email. I thought she should use her time wisely and find a man who is positive, emotionally healthy and worthy of her. I told her to do her homework, Google his email and phone number to find out more about him if she really wanted to pursue this. I had a bad feeling. I was told that I was too serious and that this was hilarious.
She did indeed go on a date with him, which was a disaster. She said she should have known that he was going to be crazy. After resfusing to tell him where she worked or lived, he left her in the bar. That would have been fine if it was over, but it wasn’t. He started to send her mean and nasty text messages. She asked him not to contact her again, and he said ‘no.’
Not only does this date qualify for The Peril of the Week, but it’s a warning message to spot the red flags and remember how to date safely. Don’t give out your home or work address, create a separate phone number on Google voice so you can change it if you continue to get harassed by a date gone badly, and trust your intuition. Listen to your friends if they are concerned about you. There are many wonderful singles looking for love online, but if you come across a situation or profile like this, report it to the Internet dating site you met on.
Do you have an online dating story to share?
Send your submissions and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
One of our favorite contributors Susana went on a date with a guy who was a big talker. He bragged about his accomplishments, name-dropped a few times about his Hollywood connections, discussed how much money he made 20-years ago, and spent most of his time talking about himself.
Susana, listened to his possible fish-tale stories and counted on her fingers from 1-10 how many times he used the F*! word until her frustration built up. She excused herself to go to the ladies room to take a break from the cursing. When she returned to the table, she apologized for the delay and said, “There was a big line at the ladies, room. You know how that goes.” Much to her surprise, her date responded with, “Us guys have it made. We just stand up and take a piss.” On that note, she didn’t care about his big job, fancy car, or to be in his company anymore. She thanked him and excused herself.
My dating advice: You only get a moment to make a first impression. You may get a grace period if you swear once and it slips out of your mouth. But a repeat offender won’t make it to the second date. It was a dating disaster and made it into the Peril of the Week.
There’s no good time to break up with the woman or man in your life. However, there are some SACRED days that one should respect when it comes to matters of the heart. These days include Christmas, New Year’s, Birthdays, and of course, Valentine’s Day.
Many of us remember when Jessica Simpson got dumped by football star, Tony Romo the day before her birthday bash. Romo didn’t want to be the “Ken” in her “Ken and Barbie” themed party. Well, they’ve both moved on and we’ve moved onto the famous Facebook breakup chart, which spread like wildfire on the Internet last year. We’re now once reminded again that breakups are in a peak period leading up to Valentine’s Day.
And so the story goes in our featured Peril of the Week, where a handsome gentleman had been courting a woman that he met in an online dating site. He said he wanted to pursue a romantic relationship with her. He was smitten. He called her daily, told her she was beautiful, and made plans for future dates. Everything seemed to be going well. He said he wasn’t dating anyone else, so naturally she expected an invitation for Valentine’s Day.
Suddenly, one week before Valentine’s Day, he canceled their plans for the weekend without an excuse. He rescheduled for the following week–the week where you should already know if you are on the calendar for February 14th.
Then came the arrival of the e-mail breakup just a few days before Valentine’s Day. The one where he said, “Let’s be friends.”
The email message said, “As for us; I think we are in the friend zone as I am obviously not the man for you. I’ll spare you all the boilerplate of what a wonderful person you are (although it’s true) but the simple reality is that I am not the man who will be able to provide you with happiness, joy and contentment for the balance of your long and very meaningful life. What you are looking for I cannot provide and I’m sorry I’m unable to do so as I’m very attracted to you.”
Was it a polite pre-Valentine’s breakup? Sure. He could have just disappeared. At the end of the day, he didn’t want her to be his Valentine. Happiness, joy and contentment forever? After a few dates, the word forever should have not been in his vocabulary. Was it the pressure of the Valentine’s date? “It’s not you, it’s me” is old line. She surmised that he found another Valentine and he just wasn’t that into her after all.
If you have an online dating disaster story to share, we’d like to hear from you. Send your submissions to Cyber Dating Expert
It was a cold winter evening in the city, the kind that makes your nose run. The two met outside and walked into a very nice establishment, where they sat down and got all settled in.
After some small talk, suddenly her date reached for some napkins and began to blow his nose at the table. When he was done blowing his nose he took his used tissues and just threw them on the floor.
He then turned to his date, as if what he had just done was totally normal and asked, “Would you like anything to drink?”
All she could think was…CHECK PLEASE!!!! Needless to say she never saw him again.
Do you have an online dating story to share? Do you think she should have walked out of the restaurant?
Share your dating disaster stories for the Peril of the Week.
Photo credit: iStock
After breaking up with my latest boyfriend four years ago, I decided the best way to stop moping about him was to start dating new men. Internet dating provided the perfect opportunity to start finding someone new.
I had dated online before, and I always had plenty of winks and emails. The problem was I didn’t want to date many of these men. I longed for the whole package, someone near my age, smart, accomplished, handsome, athletic and fun.
When I met Dirk, he seemed perfect. He was cute, smart, funny, easy to talk to and very interested in me. The night before I met Dirk, I had a date with a handsome chiropractor, but I couldn?t keep my attention on him. (Maybe it was the dark glasses he wore throughout our dinner.)
I cut the evening short with the doctor and rose at the crack of dawn the next day to meet Dirk at West Yellowstone, which was a four-hour drive for me. We talked on our cell phones the whole way over. I couldn’t wait to meet him in person! But when I saw him, I was very surprised. He was short, barrel-chested, thick-necked and much less attractive than he appeared on his online photo. I tried to get over the shallow stuff as I did like him on the phone.
“Hi!” he said enthusiastically, and gave me a big hug with his stubby arms. I smiled and hugged him back. We stopped by the grocery store for a picnic lunch of sandwiches and wine and then drove into the park where we ate by a creek, lying on a picnic blanket. After our lunch, he reached over and kissed me.
It was the most horrible kiss I could have imagined. It was a kiss that didn’t end… kind of like a vacuum hose sucking my lips. I wanted to run as far away from Dirk as possible, but I knew that would hurt his feelings. Besides, if I took off, I’d have to run miles since Dirk had driven us into the park and my car was back at the grocery store. Instead, I suggested we see the sites around Yellowstone.
Dirk talked about our future. I could move in with him and help him with his bear hunting business. (Never mind that I despise sport hunting.) There was no need for me to work. He made enough money for both of us. I heard pop Christian music playing in the background as a big grin spread across his face as he fanaticized about our life together.
“I’m ready to go back,? I said.
“Already?” he said.
“Yeah. It’s going to be a long drive back to Billings, and I want to get started.”
A scowl creased his forehead, his mouth turned down around the corner and he didn?t say a word. I stayed on my side of the truck, avoiding any additional contact with him.
When we arrived back at West Yellowstone, I wanted to leap out of his truck and spring to my car. I kept my cool. I opened the door, grabbed my camera bag and smiled at Dirk.
“It was nice to meet you,” I said.
“I get the feeling that I?m never going to see you again,” he said.
“Well, one never knows what the future has in store,” I answered.
I gave him a quick hug and power walked to my vehicle. I got into the car, started it and peeled out, waving as I left. I was free at last.
Lesson learned: It’s better to mope at home about an old boyfriend than be trapped in a pickup with a new crazy bear man.
The Peril of the Week was contributed by Nancy Brook, author of the upcoming book, Cycling, Wine, and Men: A Midlife Tour de France.
From the Cyber-Dating Expert: It?s not a good idea to go anywhere with a man in his car or truck on a first date. It’s a recipe for a dating disaster.
Let us know if you have a story to contribute for our Peril of the Week.
While on a “Meet & Greet” i.e. dating ‘interview’ with a man she met online, a woman was asked the following question, “How open-minded are you?”
She responded by telling him that he should feel comfortable telling her anything. However, she wasn’t prepared at all for his response. He then shared with her that he was wearing a diaper.
The woman asked if it was for medical reasons, but he said, “No.”
As they were taking a walk at the beach and he was the one who was driving, she really couldn’t get out of the date at the time. He was a good looking man and a top executive at his company. Although he was genuinely a nice guy, she simply couldn’t get over this particular quirk of his, so the relationship actually ended before it even started. It was another dating disaster.
Do you believe we should be on a “need to know basis?” Did she really need to know this? Comments are always welcome.
Let us know if you have a story to contribute for our Peril of the Week.
She was prompt and enthusiastic about her online date. He, unfortunately was running late and didn’t call the restaurant. After waiting for 30-minutes, he finally arrived with no apology for his tardiness.
Naturally a first date can be awkward, so they talked about the subject of dating in general, while he was simultaneously was staring around the room to check out other women. He told his date that he found it difficult to date in Los Angeles, and added that he hadn’t met anyone he was remotely interested in. Of course, that included her.
When the conversation moved to discussions of the nearby neighborhoods, he looked down upon the area that she resided in. He said it wasn’t his element. He thought it was too artsy. She was an artist. He already knew that. To make light of the conversation she asked him, “Don’t you like artsy people?” in which he replied, “No.” She added, “You’re probably not going to like me then,” in which he replied with, “No, I’m not. We’re not a match.”
Although he had ordered two main courses for their dinner, she asked him if he’d prefer that they cut the dinner short and end the date early. He agreed to stay, but kept flirting with the waitress while staring at the other women throughout the course of their date. At the end of the meal, the check came. He told his date he’d like to split the bill 50/50, but he’d pay for the tip.
In the course of her dating life, she found him to be rude. He didn’t like art, he didn’t like her, and he didn’t want to treat her to dinner, even though he had asked her out.
Do you think he should have picked up the check? Should she have left after he was paying more attention to the waitress?
Do you have a dating disaster story to share?