In the News

Online Daters Write to Many; Only Date One at a Time

Our friends at JDate and ChristianMingle just released their second annual State of Dating in America report, where they surveyed over 2,600 U.S. singles between the ages of 18 and 59 to find out how they felt about dating in the digital age.

With Valentine’s Day around the corner, it’s not a surprise that the stigma of online dating is continuing to dissipate. The report showed that 85% now believe Internet dating is socially acceptable. The survey looked at the behaviors of the online dating cycle from first contact to moving in together and even marriage.

Let’s start with getting to the first online date. Are all online daters serial daters? While many have said that online dating comes complete with a ‘shopping cart’ mentality, and the large bouquet of singles on dating sites, one would think Internet daters’ date cards would be filled with a different date every day of the week.

According to the survey, while singles are writing to several people at once, in reality, they prefer to date one person at a time. Does this mean online daters are really serial monogamists instead of serial daters?

The question asked in the survey said:

Do you generally contact one person, communicate with them and go on a date OR are you communicating with multiple people during the same time frame?

StateofDating e1390450996580

More than half of the respondents admit they go out with one dater at time, with 63% of women and 53% of men saying they communicate with multiple people, but only go out with one person at a time.

By comparison, only 38% of men and 24% of women contact one person at a time, and the lowest response came from 9% of men and 14% of women who date multiple people at the same time.

Frankly, I’m surprised at these numbers, as it takes time to get to know someone. Going on a few dates with a few people simultaneously should help the process and help you become a better dater, right? Should one put all of their eggs into one digital basket?

Other findings included the Top 3 deal-breakers, with hygiene being at the top of the list for both men (35%) and women (35%). Hint: Take that extra shower and keep a toothbrush and breath mints in your car.

The good news is that the stigma about online dating is continuing to diminish. Two out of three singles in the survey knew people who met as a result of online dating, and an overwhelming 94% of singles believe that online dating expands their dating pool with 86% saying it speeds up their search as compared to being set up by friends.

Think about it. Online dating is available 24 hours a day, so the convenience factor is there. Still, finding love online can be like finding a needle in a digital haystack. You need to become the “1 in 40 million.” At the end of the digital day, it?s a numbers game worth playing.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. She creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Digital Manners and Dating

In a recent interview with CNN’s Karin Caifa, we talked about digital etiquette for Valentine’s Day.

With courtship getting digital, here are some dos and don’ts on posting your date or romantic rendezvous on social media.

Some of the tips include:

  • Do put that smart phone down. It sends a bad message to your date that maybe there?s someone more important than the person sitting across the table from you.
  • Don’t post all of those early date details on Twitter or Facebook.
  • Do share very little about what’s going on with your your new beau in the early stages of the relationship.
  • Don’t lose friends and followers by over sharing your relationship details.
  • Do keep in mind who might be on your sweetheart’s list of Facebook friends. Coworkers, a boss, family members, even parents. Those wall posts that you think are sweet could be embarrassing to your Valentine.
  • Don’t post your play-by-play every hour about your romantic rendezvous including arriving at the hotel, seeing the flowers in the room, going to dinner, or sipping champagne.

Remember, in a new relationship, he may still be dating others, you may be dating others, and you’re not ready to become “Facebook Exclusive,” until you’ve had the talk.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and netiquette expert. She’s the author of The Rules of Netiquette: How to Mind Your Digital Manners and The Perils of Cyber-Dating.

For more digital dating advice, visit CyberDatingExpert.com, where you can sign up for the Weekly Flirt newsletter, Facebook.com/RulesofNetiquette and Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.

National Punctuation Day – Dating Punctuation and Grammar

online dating grammar sex love flirting ecards someecards

Just one grammatically incorrect sentence in an online dating profile can turn off a potential date from responding to your email or contacting you. Has your Internet dating profile been proof-read and passed the spell-check and grammar check?

On National Punctuation Day, we challenge everyone to review their dating profiles and double check their emails before pushing the send button. We know that auto-correct software sometimes has a digital mind of it’s own. This can result in blowing your chances with that cute hunk that you think might be “the one.”

Simple things such as making sure that words such as “I” are capitalized and that you avoid using acronyms and emoticons are critical if you want to be at the top of his or her list.

Remember to proof read your emails before pressing the send button and take an extra moment today to review your profiles.

If you’re looking for a profile that’s irresistible, contact us for more information on Irresistible Profiles to help you attract your dream date.

Happy Dating.

Julie Spira and the Cyber-Dating Expert Team.

Julie Spira is a leading online dating and relationship expert.? She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.

Why Criticizing an Online Dating Profile Will Backfire

Fotolia 29468347 XS 150x150Now it’s time for some online dating advice worth sharing.

While I?m a fan of JDate and recommend the site to many Jewish singles that I create irresistible online dating profiles for, this recent introduction message from a man who actually liked a woman?s profile, broke multiple rules of netiquette.

What exactly did he do wrong?

He corrected what he believed was a grammatical error and took it one step further and took a screen-shot of the improper sentence and forwarded it to her in his introductory email.

Where was his dating etiquette? How could he not know he was making a huge dating mistake? First impressions do matter, so of course he blew any chance of meeting her. Should she give forgive him? Would you run the other way or laugh it off? Feel free to chime in with your comments.

Subject: Commented on your profile essay

Screen Shot 2012 07 29 at 12.29.30 PM 1024x186

Woman’s Profile

CoolJerk21

While I believe you should use the “Spelling and Grammar” check on business and social emails, ?aspires? was not incorrectly spelled and slipped through the cracks. If you look closely at his comment, ironically you?ll notice a few grammatical errors on his end as he typed “U” instead of? the word” you” and “sayin” instead of “saying.” Was the pot calling the digital kettle black? Should you use slang and shorten words in an email if you’re not limited to 140 Characters on Twitter or 160 in a text message?

As an online dating expert and one who diligently preaches about first impressions and netiquette, he failed miserably.

Stunned by receiving this email from a potential suitor, the recipient decided she had four choices:

  1. Ignore him.
  2. Delete his email and possibly block his profile.
  3. Write back and laugh it off.
  4. Write back and let him know he was correct about one thing. He was indeed a jerk.

She chose option four and responded as follows:

Subject: Re: Commented on your profile essay

?While I appreciate a profile with perfect punctuation, I don’t believe an introduction email to someone whose profile you actually liked should start with a critique unless they’ve asked for one.?

?However, since punctuation and grammar are important to you, please note in your email to me, that the word “you” is spelled improperly as “U” and not y-o-u. Please note that there is no such word in the dictionary of “sayin.” The appropriate spelling of that word should have a “g” at the end of it and should be “saying.”

?However, you did spell the word jerk correctly.?

Was it too harsh of a reply? What would you have done?

Feeling completely embarrassed, the gentleman pursuer wrote a 300+ word apology letter, blaming his behavior on his father. Was it a red flag that he put the blame on his father or just a witty apology?? She appreciated that he didn?t get defensive and a cyber flame war was not initiated.

His Apology

?Thank you for your note and other than attempt to explain (not sure that’s possible), I apologize and am truly sorry for sending that note to you, truly. Jerk is correct and more than kind and again, rather than you simply dismissing this stupidity with no response, I can’t thank you enough for your words, thoughts and feelings in your response.”

“I’m sure you are familiar with the expression ‘like father, like son’, this is something my father would do, his intent was well meaning, but it came across rude and insensitive. I dubbed his stupidity to other family members as, ‘foot in mouth disease’. What possessed me to send this e-mail to you was sheer stupidity, for the life of me I can’t figure it out…just trying to do the right thing, in an ass backward manner.”

“Although you may not believe me…I am not a jerk. You’re correct in that I truly enjoyed and appreciated reading your profile, however, in attempting to be a good citizen, much the same as flashing my headlights to an oncoming car whose lights are off after sunset, I fell victim to my dad’s ‘foot in mouth disease’.”

“Yes, I had plans of reaching out to you tomorrow, in the hopes after reading my profile, you felt meeting one another made sense.”

“I’m so very upset, I felt I owed it to you to apologize as soon as I read your note.”

“I’m hoping you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me. Should you be receptive to starting over with one another, I’m messaging you for all the reasons you state within that portion of your profile, as well as your straightforwardness, ‘current’ age and beautiful ‘current ‘pictures.”

“Again, thank you for taking the time to send your note, which surely helps me from repeating this same jerky behavior.”

At the end of the digital day, critiquing someone’s dating profile will get you in the doghouse. Would you give him a second chance, or the opportunity at a first chance? Have you ever critiqued a stranger’s online dating profile? Have you ever done this same? Your comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert and the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene and helps singles ride off into the digital sunset by shortening their search. For more dating advice, sign up for our Weekly Flirt newsletter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

Photo Credit: ? Blanca – Fotolia.com

Winks, emails, and IMs — oh my! Online Dating Etiquette

radioshowlogo 150x150

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Yes ladies. Men do take online dating seriously.

After creating an irresistible profile for a newly widowed male client on Match.com,? he decided it was time to put all ten toes and suddenly realized he needed a lesson in online dating etiquette.

He?s a terrific catch, signed up for the Totally in Love plan, and actually wants to meet an age-appropriate woman and wonders, what is the proper online dating etiquette? Within 24 hours he was bombarded with emails, winks, and IMs. He already has a date on the calendar with a highly educated woman who lives close to him. He?s on the right digital path.

I told him to get ready for the ride and showed him how to get organized.? I knew he?d get a lot of initial emails and views to his profile. He wasn?t prepared for the overwhelming response from women interested in meeting him. Rather than feeling overwhelmed, he decided to embrace the process. He wanted to know how to put his best foot forward to be successful. His questions were ones that many singles are confused about when they first join an Internet dating site. All are worth sharing.

1. I haven’t responded yet to the 3 or 4 women who’ve “winked” at me.? What’s the proper etiquette?

When a woman winks at a man, she?s signally to him that she?s open to communicating. Generally, it?s her way of saying, ?check out my profile and if you?re interested, please email me.? What she won?t probably want is to be winked back in return, so if you like what you see, read her profile and find something unique and interesting to write about and put that in the subject line. This way you?ll have a greater chance of receiving an email in return from her.

2. Same thing with the women who’ve e-mailed me.? What’s considered good, what’s simply appropriate, and what’s rude?

If you?re interested in someone who has emailed you, read her profile and write back in a timely manner. Remember, you?re not the only guy she?s communicating with and a prompt response will not only be appreciated, but will put your name on her date card.? If you?re not interested, you can either ignore the email, or thank her for writing to you. If her profile isn?t inline with what you?re looking for, you can politely point that out and wish her the best. The only way you?d be rude is if you insulted her, which I?m sure you wouldn?t want to do.

3. A couple of women have IM’d me while I was online.? Personally I find that really intrusive, even obnoxious.? For that reason, I’m highly reluctant to IM anyone else.? But I don’t know how the game is played.? Again, what’s the proper thing to do?? Can I just turn off my IM capability?

Instant messaging isn?t for everyone. While it can be fun, flirty, and instantaneous, some might find it annoying. To remove the IM feature, log onto your account, click on Account in the upper right hand side of the profile and in the dropdown menu click on settings, and then click on Instant messenger. This is where you can both turn off your instant messaging and IM alerts.

4. What’s a polite but clear way to express disinterest (for example, if I decide I’ve got no interest in meeting someone who contacts me first)?
There?s no perfect answer to this question. While you might want to appear like the nice guy and let them know that you don?t think you?re a match, they might be offended and insulted. If you ignore them, then they?ll wonder why they?re being rejected. You can take your time before you quickly push the reply button to the email and do what you feel is right for you, but remain polite. After all, she might have a friend to introduce you to if you?re a genuine guy, so don?t close the door completely.

Do you have questions about online dating? Visit CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice,? like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and subscribe to our Weekly Flirt.

Reese Witherspoon on Dating Etiquette

reese 150x150We all know that we need to be on our best behavior while on a date, especially the very first ones. In other words, mind your manners, don’t be upset if they don’t look exactly like their online dating profile photos, and don’t criticize or correct ?your date.

People Magazine, quotes Reese Witherspoon as she shared dating faux paus when her blind date corrected her on her grammar. At a press conference for her upcoming filme release, How Do You Know, Witherspoon told the crowd, “I had someone correct my grammar on a blind date once, and I knew within the first 10 minutes that the date was over.”

What was the worst thing a guy has said to you on a date? Share your stories and we’ll be posting our Top 10 list.

Photo Credit: TopNews.in