When it comes to love and romance, that good morning text or smiley face emoticon can make your day. Receiving a text when your date gets home to say he had a great time will help you fall asleep with a smile on your face. Hearing the chime on your phone with a simple, “Sweet dreams” is an almost guarantee that you’ll be dreaming about him.
On the opposite end of the digital spectrum, the absence of a daily text or a change in routine can send many in new relationships and the lovelorn into an unnecessary panic attack. Let’s face it. Women often tend to over-analyze the word count and sentence structure of every text they receive from men. What’s intended to just make sure you have a connection and to keep the momentum going often ends up with a bad reaction of sending a text you wish you hadn’t pushed the send button on, or not sending any reply at all. It’s enough to make you lose sleep at night, grab a pint of ice cream, or dial ten girlfriends to ask them what to do. It’s exhausting and unnecessary. It’s just a text or a way to ping someone to stay in touch, not a relationship measuring stick on whether he’s into you or not.
Most people are so attached to their cell phones that they sleep with them at night or would put them in the shower with them if they were waterproof. Texting can be addicting, but is a great form of digital foreplay.
If the rhythm of your texts has gone awry from your digital crush, here are some of the reasons why and tips on how to stay calm when your phone isn’t chirping or vibrating.
1. He’s Busy. Men are typically goal-oriented and work and projects are at the top of their list. He might be stuck in a meeting all day out of the office and forgot to tell you his schedule. He might be compartmentalizing and getting his tasks done for the day before he starts to think about romance with you. He might be on an airplane without WiFi. The list goes on. If he isn’t texting you, it doesn’t mean you’re not on his mind. Women on the other hand are great at multitasking. They text, talk, tweet, and blow-dry their hair at the same time.
What to do: Take a deep breath. It’s just a text and not a life-threatening illness. Understand he may not even realize the last time he sent you a text. If you’re on his mind, he might think things are fine.
2. He Responds with One Word. Does it upset you when you write a sweet long text and he replies, with, “ok” or “yep” or “nope?” If so, you’re not alone.
What to do: Reply back with a short text. Use an emoticon such as a happy face to acknowledge it. Women tend to be more gabby. Guys who are busy read the text reply quickly and move on. Don’t look at his word-count as a lack of interest. He’s not keeping score, nor should you.
3. He Hasn’t Figured Out Your Relationship Status.If you started out as friends and moved into casual dating, he might not be sure if it’s time to get serious or not. Going steady is a big deal to guys. It means they typically won’t be keeping their options open anymore. Rather than disappearing permanently, his texts might become less frequent while he sorts it out.
What to do: Stop living and judging the health of your new relationship based upon the frequency of texts. Take the time to enjoy the moments you have together and don’t over think or spend your precious time projecting to the future. Allow your relationship to progress at its own pace. Women worry about relationship labels. Men think about how they feel when they are around you and miss you when you’re apart. When he realizes you’re a catch and doesn’t want anyone stealing his girl, he’ll amp it up. Don’t ask him why he hasn’t sent you a text in five days. When you hear from him, be happy and respond to keep the digital dialog going.
4. He has a girlfriend or is involved. Some guys are just flirts by nature. They like to engage in digital conversations with women to boost their egos to keep their options open. If he’s texting you sporadically, but not putting a date on the calendar or changing plans last minute, he just might be setting you up as a back-up girl or might have had a bump on the road with his steady sweetie.
What to do: Ask him. Be blunt and honest. If he can’t schedule something with you on the weekends, but loves to text with you during the week, you should be filling up your date card and keeping your options open. Let him know you’d like to be friends, but don’t allow yourself to get invested in a relationship where you’re just the backup girl. Who really wants to play second fiddle?
5. He always replies a day later. Most of us are attached to our phones, but sometimes the battery life gets depleted, the phone is turned off, someone went to sleep early, family commitments get in the way, or they glanced at your text and decided to reply in the morning. All of these scenarios are natural. However if every text is returned 24 hours later, then realize that he just isn’t that interested in you or is playing hard to get. The digital flow just isn’t happening.
What to do: You can mirror his actions by taking another 24 hours to reply, but it’s just game-playing. Let him know that you enjoy receiving texts from him and the daily banter. If he still doesn’t up the ante, find someone else who can’t wait to see your text or emoticon on his phone.
Remember, communication in relationships is key and everyone these days use their cell phones for calls, texts, tweets, and facebook comments or likes. Let your guy know that staying in touch when you’re apart and that his texts put a smile on your face. Don’t play texting games and punish him by not replying to his texts when he sends them. No one wants to be with someone who is playing too hard to get. Show that you appreciate it when he takes the time to send you a text. Keep those smiley face emoticons in your text replies when you’re happy to hear from him.
At the end of the digital day, texting is just one ingredient in the recipe for love, it’s not the sole defining factor in your relationship.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com, where they create Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene and help daters swipe right on mobile apps such as Tinder. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
On Friday, April 22nd, the world will celebrate Earth Day. The awareness of Earth Day has grown dramatically since it was first started in 1970. Now, we are taking it further and are honoring our earth all week long, so you can continue throughout the weekend.
According to PartyEarth.com, Earth Day is now celebrated by over one billion people in nearly 200 countries around the globe. They have a list of activities you can attend in a variety of cities around the world.
Here are some fun and romantic suggestions on what to do with your date on Earth Week
- Attend a cleanup of local bodies of water in your area.
- Plant a tree in a botanical garden.
- Go to a park and recite nature poems.
- Wear green and brown or Earth Day tee shirts.
- Cook a meal with organically grown vegetables.
- Turn off your cell phone and enjoy the moments together without technology.
- Go to a beach or park and have a picnic with organic wine and organic food.
ABC News has provided a list of freebies and specials for Earth Day here.
Happy Earth Day to you and your loved ones.
How will you be celebrating Earth Day?
Many thanks to those who came out to join the digital party for our Valentine’s #DateChat on February 12th.
If you missed #DateChat, here’s our transcript and recap with some dating advice to help you through Valentine’s weekend.
Our topic was Valentine’s Day: Love it or Hate it?
Don’t forget to join us again for #DateChat every Thursday at 5pm/PT, 8pm/ET, where we’ll talk about dating, love and romance in a digital world with guest hosts and to answer your burning dating questions.
Thanks to those who helped spread the word in avance @DearMrsD, @LindaSherman, @kellyseal, @dirtyinpublic, @brucesallan, @GenConnect @YourTango @YTExperts @lovecolumnist, @badonlinedates, @dressforthedate, @threedayrule, @serena, @lorimoreno, @carmeliaray, @mscheevious, @melanie360, @seltzerkimberly, @tomfoolerytm, @ProjectQuinn, @MikeLindstrom, @MyLifeonMatch.
Congratulations to Starbucks gift card winners Josh Mellman, Fatima Lora, and Asia McKenzie!
Here’s our Storify recap followed by our transcript highlighting some of our favorite tweets.
Although online dating has been around for over 20 years, it’s no secret that online dating has become a pop-culture phenomenon over the last several years. Singles seem to be obsessed about their online dates and the quest for find their one in 40 million has become a daily activity.
According to a Pew Internet research study, the stigma of online dating has pretty much dissipated, with the majority of Americans thinking Internet dating is a good way to meet.
In fact, in 2011 Match.com reported that one in five relationships start online. While it may seem like a simple process- upload a photo, write a little bit about yourself and then find people who you “match” with- the psychology behind it is very interesting.
Mobile dating apps are all the rage with 66% of online daters saying they’ve gone on a date with someone they’ve met through a mobile app.
Here are some interesting facts you might not be aware of.
Evolutionary Psychology of Online Dating
One area of psychology that can be connected to online dating is evolutionary psychology. Evolutionary psychology attempts to explain useful mental and psychological traits, including perception of others.
As humans, we have a tendency to attribute positive characteristics like intelligence or honesty to those who we think are physically attractive. Evolutionary psychologists have argued that this may be because physical characteristics can be indicative of fertility and health, which are important to our survival and reproduction as a species. Research has also shown that couples tend to be similarly matched in attractiveness. In most cases, people determine whether a potential partner is attractive, evaluate whether they would be categorized as more, less or equally attractive and then decide whether to move forward based on this information. It’s all about psychology, people!
Lying and Deception
Another interesting topic regarding the evolutionary psychology of online dating is the topic of lying and deception. While 94% of online daters deny their profile contains any false advertising, I think most people can attest to the fact that that number is inflated. Why do people feel the need to lie on their profiles? And what type of repercussions could this have on their dating life when their date finds out about the fibs?
To learn more about the psychology behind online dating, check out this infographic from eLearners.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com, where they create Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene and is the host of #DateChat on Twitter on Thursdays at 5pm/PT, 8pm/ET. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Come one, come all to the Valentine’s session of #DateChat on Twitter.
On Thursday, February 12, 2015 we will tackle the subject of Valentine’s Day.
Questions we will be covering include:
Valentine’s Day. Do you love it, or hate it?
How to Handle Valentine’s Day if you’re in a new relationship?
Valentine’s Gift giving.
Can you still find a date for Valentine’s Day?
How to handle a Valentine’s breakup?
What was your best Valentine’s Day ever?
What was your worst Valentine’s Day ever?
Would you text an ex for Valentine’s Day?
If you’re single, are a dating blogger, or just want to hang out in a fun chat filled with dating advice, join us for #DateChat on Thursday at 5pm/PT, 8pm/ET and make sure to head over to #DadChat at 6pm/PT, 9pm/ET where we continue the conversation about Valentine’s Day with Bruce Sallan.
Ready, set, and let’s tweet for your Valentine.
Join @JulieSpira for #DateChat on 2/12, 5p/PT, 8p/ET for #Valentines tips #dating http://www.cyberdatingexpert.com/datechat-valentines/
Don’t miss #DateChat on Thursday 2/12 at 5pm/PT for what to get your #Valentine http://www.cyberdatingexpert.com/datechat-valentines/
#ValentinesDay. Love it or hate it? Join @JulieSpira for #DateChat to tweet-and-tell 2/12. 5p/PT, 8p/ET http://www.cyberdatingexpert.com/datechat-valentines/
It’s official! Singles are so attached to their mobile phones, that the sound of the chirping at night will actually wake them up to find out if their digital crush is sending a good night text saying, “Sweet dreams” to help them sleep better.
In the 5th Annual Singles in America Study released by Match, they focus on digital dating habits of 5,675 singles in the U.S. between the ages of 18 to 70+.
The study showed that singles looking for love online go on more dates than those who meet in bars or offline with online daters going on an average of 4.2 dates in 2014, as compared to offline daters who went on an average of 2.8 dates.
According to the study, 82% of singles went on a date in 2014 with someone they met online, as compared to 49% of those who were dating offline. The study also stated that online daters are looking for a more committed relationship, are more likely to be more educated, and have full time jobs.
While this makes a lot of sense with the huge dating pool and the focused activity of logging on daily to look for a date, as compared to going out organically, it reinforces what we already know: Online dating is efficient. It’s available 24-hours a day and if you take advantage of the matching features of many dating sites, you will be able to fill up your date card.
Since 60% of singles log onto social networking sites for an average of one-hour per day, start liking the posts of someone you might have a digital crush on, remember to use spell-check and grammar check, and mind your texting manners to capture his or her heart.
Texting Etiquette Dos and Dont’s from Single Men to Women
1. Do post photos
2. Don’t text more than once before a reply
3. Do post sexy texts
4. Don’t text during work hours
5. Do post emoticons
6. Don’t post slang (LOL, OMG, etc.)
Texting Etiquette Dos and Dont’s from Single Women to Men
1. Do post photos
2. Don’t post sexy texts
3. Do post emoticons
4. Don’t post sexy photos
5. Do post slang (LOL, OMG, etc.)
6. Don’t text more than once before a reply
Full report and details at SinglesinAmerica.com
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet dating, having created her first profile over 20 years ago. Julie’s the host of #DateChat on Thursdays at 5pm/PT on Twitter and the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com where they create Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Two of the most important days of the year for men and women respectively are Super Bowl Sunday and Valentine’s Day. This weekend is sacred for most American men. It’s showtime, as most guys count down the days, hours, and even minutes to their favorite television day of the year, Super Bowl Sunday.
As we countdown to Super Bowl XLIX in Arizona, whether you’re rooting for the Seattle Seahawks again or the New England Patriots, one thing is for sure, it’s going to be an emotional and exciting two weeks for both men and women alike. Whether you’re a sports fan or a hopeless romantic, comparing the two will help you understand how important these days are for the opposite sex.
Some questions I always hear from women are, “Do men hate Valentine’s?” Guys want to know, “Do women really love the Super Bowl halftime show, or do they show up enthusiastically to meet men or to pretend to like sports with them?
I’ve gone on record as saying the Valentine’s Day for Women is like the Super Bowl for Men.
These two calendar days are about two weeks apart, so enjoy the ride. Guys, don’t wait until the last minute to invite the object of your affection or digital crush out for Valentine’s Day. Ladies, if you’re single, do find a Super Bowl party to go to or make a reservation at a sports bar to enjoy the day.
Meanwhile, across the hall or on your mobile phone, women have their own favorite holiday to think about, Valentine’s Day.
Why do I think the Super Bowl for men is like Valentine’s Day for women? Quite simply, both men and women put all of their emotional energies into these two bigger-than-life events. Often, a woman doesn’t understand why watching two teams trying to score is so important to her guy. He just can’t miss this game. Guys on the other hand, simply don’t understand that if you’re dating a woman and forget to plan something, just anything for Valentine’s Day, you probably won’t get a date with her on February 15th, or anytime thereafter.
Men wait all year for the Super Bowl, this big day in television. Women wait for Valentine’s Day with the hope that their special guy will either propose, offer to take his online dating profile down, or say ‘I love you’ for the first time. Women even secretly hope that the guy they are dating might want to change his Facebook status from ‘Single’ to ‘In a Relationship.’
Men are very prepared for the Super Bowl. They decide which venue and with whom they would like to spend watching the big game. In January, many women start giving little hints about their favorite romantic restaurants, hoping their guy will take the cue and book a reservation before the venue becomes full.
However in contrast, when a man’s favorite team loses the Super Bowl, he will be disappointed but will get over it. He’ll know there’s another chance next year and will spend the entire football season rooting for his team. If a woman’s favorite beau or someone she is dating doesn’t ask her out for Valentine?s Day, she won’t get over it. She’ll assume he’s romancing another woman and will know she’s not on the top of his list. Chances are, his shelf life as her number one guy will immediately expire. Unless he’s out of town on business or in a long-distance relationship, he won’t get another chance to romance her. No woman wants to be at the bottom of the totem pole, especially on Valentine’s Day. Expect to be unfriended, or don’t be surprised if she doesn’t return your phone calls or texts.
So whether you like football or not, love or hate Valentine’s Day, remember to talk to the person you are dating about what these days mean to you. If you’re single, use this opportunity to accept all invitations for both the Super Bowl and Valentine’s singles mixers. Even if your team loses and you’re dateless on the 14th, you’ll be casting a wider net and expanding your social circle.
Go ahead and accept that Super Bowl party invitation. If you’re single, you just might find a date in time for Valentine’s as well. It’s a win-win for everyone. If you need help with your profile or online dating advice, our special 15 Magic Minutes is going on through Valentine’s Day.
Which team will you be rooting for this Super Bowl?
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and has been helping singles find love on the Internet for 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles coaching programs. For more dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, sign up for our Weekly Flirt and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.
Ready, set, tweet!
We’re super-excited at Cyber-Dating Headquarters to let you know that we’ll be hosting #DateChat on Twitter every Thursday at 8pm Eastern time, 5pm Pacific time.
#DateChat will bring together singles who are looking for love online and IRL to talk about their dating issues and relationship desires. #DateChat will be hosted by online dating expert Julie Spira. Every week we’ll be joined by a guest-host to stimulate the conversation.
Whether you’re newly single or are interested in dating your sweetheart, #DateChat will help spice up your love life.
Here’s how to join the party.
Sign onto Twitter or use your favorite Twitter management software such as Hootsuite or TweetDeck. Make sure you create a stream or do a search for #DateChat and save the search. If you have a question or are replying to a question, remember to use the hashtag of #DateChat in each tweet so others can communicate with you.
To make it easier, you can also log onto TweetChat, where it’s simple to stay in the conversation. Just type in our hashtag of #TweetChat and follow the stream. This will automatically add our hashtag to any tweet. Feel free to retweet any dating advice that you’d like your followers to see or ask questions for the dating community to see.
We look forward to chatting with you on Thursdays to get you date-ready for the weekend.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
Follow @JulieSpira for dating advice and sign up for our free Weekly Flirt newsletter!
Come one, come all to the Internet Dating Conference, the largest conference about online dating!
The 40th iDate Conference will be held at the Tropicana Hotel on January 20-22, 2015 and I’ll be on hand on three panels and will be presenting the Best Mobile Dating App at the iDate Awards on the evening of January 21st.
Here’s the rundown of events for Online Dating Expert Julie Spira
- Wednesday, January 21: CNN Panel: Focus on Content Marketing and Industry Trends – 3:30pm Cohiba 6 & 7
- Wednesday, January 21: iDate Awards – 7pm, Tropicana, Cohiba Ballroom 1
- Thursday, January 22: Essence Panel – How Date Experts on How to Use PR and Build Their Brand – 1:30pm
- Thursday, January 22: Final Debate: 4pm
For a $50 discount and to purchase tickets and register for iDate, click here.
View our video below for details on the panels.
I’ll see you in Las Vegas!
Follow @JulieSpira for online dating advice.
I have a question about whether this guy I’m interested in actually likes me.
First, let me set the scene for you.
I met a guy who I instantly felt a connection for. Initially there were some flirty texts going back and forth and I found myself getting drawn in very quickly. I was actually concerned that I was getting too attached.
I also noticed that he would be quite flirty with others and this made me anxious. I know flirting is a common thing, but does this make him a player? He also sent me email messages telling me that he loves me, but I think I may have misunderstood his intention.
So, I called him on the flirting thing and he responded with, “I get it.” I’m not sure what that means. I’m also not sure how to proceed with this man.
Do you have any thoughts?
Dear Frustrated texter,
Texting plays a huge part in the digital dating game.
Many guys flirt with text messages for en ego boost or just to have fun. Since you don’t fit into the girlfriend status of this flirtatious guy, it’s most likely that you’re one of many girls that he likes. If you were dating exclusively and he was calling you his girlfriend, than sending flirty texts to other women would be a form of emotional cheating in my opinion.
But let’s get back to your question of does he like you? It would appear that he likes you and he likes others. Since I don’t know if he’s taken you out on an official date, it’s hard to figure out if you’re in digital dating rotation or you’re still in the friend zone. In the pre-texting days, guys would often see a pretty girl and smile at her and say hello. Remember guys are visual and this is actually a normal form of behavior for a man.
Unless your guy is sleeping with you and others that he’s texting, I doubt he’s a player, but one who likes to have his ego stroked.
Before you put all of your eggs into one digital basket with this guy, just stay friends with him. When a guy says he loves someone, often it means he loves hanging out with someone or even would love to sleep with them. If he says I’m in love with you and you’ve been dating exclusively than that’s another story, and one to take seriously. From what you’ve written, it doesn’t even sound like you’re dating. So before you say “I love you” back and shed your clothing, just look at him as a flirty friend, date others, and see if he’s interested in dating you. If you get to the point of becoming a couple, just let him know that flirting with others via text when you’re exclusive is something you’re uncomfortable with. If he continues to do so, then maybe it’s time to find another guy to have a crush on who will make you his one-and-only.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
Do you have a dating and relationship question for Julie Spira. Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.