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Valentine’s #DateChat Recap

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Many thanks to those who came out to join the digital party for our Valentine’s #DateChat on February 12th.

If you missed #DateChat, here’s our transcript and recap with some dating advice to help you through Valentine’s weekend.

Our topic was Valentine’s Day: Love it or Hate it?

Don’t forget to join us again for #DateChat every Thursday at 5pm/PT, 8pm/ET, where we’ll talk about dating, love and romance in a digital world with guest hosts and to answer your burning dating questions.

Thanks to those who helped spread the word in avance @DearMrsD, @LindaSherman, @kellyseal, @dirtyinpublic, @brucesallan, @GenConnect @YourTango @YTExperts @lovecolumnist, @badonlinedates, @dressforthedate, @threedayrule, @serena, @lorimoreno, @carmeliaray, @mscheevious, @melanie360, @seltzerkimberly, @tomfoolerytm, @ProjectQuinn, @MikeLindstrom, @MyLifeonMatch.

Congratulations to Starbucks gift card winners Josh Mellman, Fatima Lora, and Asia McKenzie!

Here’s our Storify recap followed by our transcript highlighting some of our favorite tweets.

 

The Psychology Behind Online Dating

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Although online dating has been around for over 20 years, it’s no secret that online dating has become a pop-culture phenomenon over the last several years. Singles seem to be obsessed about their online dates and the quest for find their one in 40 million has become a daily activity.

According to a recent Pew study, online dating has lost much of its stigma – so much so that a majority of Americans now think that it’s a good way to meet people – See more at: http://www.elearners.com/online-degrees/psychology/psychology-of-online-dating/#sthash.4RbBRnpb.dpuf
According to a recent Pew study, online dating has lost much of its stigma – so much so that a majority of Americans now think that it’s a good way to meet people – See more at: http://www.elearners.com/online-degrees/psychology/psychology-of-online-dating/#sthash.4RbBRnpb.dpuf
According to a recent Pew study, online dating has lost much of its stigma – so much so that a majority of Americans now think that it’s a good way to meet people – See more at: http://www.elearners.com/online-degrees/psychology/psychology-of-online-dating/#sthash.4RbBRnpb.dpuf

According to a Pew Internet research study, the stigma of online dating has pretty much dissipated, with the majority of Americans thinking Internet dating is a good way to meet.

According to a recent Pew study, online dating has lost much of its stigma – so much so that a majority of Americans now think that it’s a good way to meet people – See more at: http://www.elearners.com/online-degrees/psychology/psychology-of-online-dating/#sthash.4RbBRnpb.dpuf

In fact, in 2011 Match.com reported that one in five relationships start online. While it may seem like a simple process- upload a photo, write a little bit about yourself and then find people who you “match” with- the psychology behind it is very interesting.

Mobile dating apps are all the rage with 66% of online daters saying they’ve gone on a date with someone they’ve met through a mobile app.

Here are some interesting facts you might not be aware of.

Evolutionary Psychology of Online Dating

One area of psychology that can be connected to online dating is evolutionary psychology. Evolutionary psychology attempts to explain useful mental and psychological traits, including perception of others.

Physical Attractiveness

As humans, we have a tendency to attribute positive characteristics like intelligence or honesty to those who we think are physically attractive. Evolutionary psychologists have argued that this may be because physical characteristics can be indicative of fertility and health, which are important to our survival and reproduction as a species.  Research has also shown that couples tend to be similarly matched in attractiveness.  In most cases, people determine whether a potential partner is attractive, evaluate whether they would be categorized as more, less or equally attractive and then decide whether to move forward based on this information. It’s all about psychology, people!

Lying and Deception

Another interesting topic regarding the evolutionary psychology of online dating is the topic of lying and deception. While 94% of online daters deny their profile contains any false advertising, I think most people can attest to the fact that that number is inflated. Why do people feel the need to lie on their profiles? And what type of repercussions could this have on their dating life when their date finds out about the fibs?
To learn more about the psychology behind online dating, check out this infographic from eLearners.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com, where they create Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene and is the host of #DateChat on Twitter on Thursdays at 5pm/PT, 8pm/ET. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

#DateChat Debut – Valentine’s Day. Love It or Hate It?

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Come one, come all to the Valentine’s session of #DateChat on Twitter.

On Thursday, February 12, 2015 we will tackle the subject of Valentine’s Day.

Questions we will be covering include:

Valentine’s Day. Do you love it, or hate it?

How to Handle Valentine’s Day if you’re in a new relationship?

Valentine’s Gift giving.

Can you still find a date for Valentine’s Day?

How to handle a Valentine’s breakup?

What was your best Valentine’s Day ever?

What was your worst Valentine’s Day ever?

Would you text an ex for Valentine’s Day?

Friends that will be joining us include Dr. Wendy Walsh, America’s Relationship Expert @DrWendyWalsh,  Bruce Sallan, founder of #DadChat @BruceSallan, and Mark Miller, author of “500 Dates.”

If you’re single, are a dating blogger, or just want to hang out in a fun chat filled with dating advice, join us for #DateChat on Thursday at 5pm/PT, 8pm/ET and make sure to head over to #DadChat at 6pm/PT, 9pm/ET where we continue the conversation about Valentine’s Day with Bruce Sallan.

Ready, set, and let’s tweet for your Valentine.

Sample tweets:

Join @JulieSpira for #DateChat on 2/12, 5p/PT, 8p/ET for #Valentines tips #dating http://www.cyberdatingexpert.com/datechat-valentines/

Don’t miss #DateChat on Thursday 2/12 at 5pm/PT for what to get your #Valentine http://www.cyberdatingexpert.com/datechat-valentines/

#ValentinesDay. Love it or hate it? Join @JulieSpira for #DateChat to tweet-and-tell 2/12. 5p/PT, 8p/ET http://www.cyberdatingexpert.com/datechat-valentines/

Dating in a Digital World

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It’s official! Singles are so attached to their mobile phones, that the sound of the chirping at night will actually wake them up to find out if their digital crush is sending a good night text saying, “Sweet dreams” to help them sleep better.

In the 5th Annual Singles in America Study released by Match, they focus on digital dating habits of 5,675 singles in the U.S. between the ages of 18 to 70+.

The study showed that singles looking for love online go on more dates than those who meet in bars or offline with online daters going on an average of 4.2 dates in 2014, as compared to offline daters who went on an average of 2.8 dates.

According to the study, 82% of singles went on a date in 2014 with someone they met online, as compared to 49% of those who were dating offline. The study also stated that online daters are looking for a more committed relationship, are more likely to be more educated, and have full time jobs.

While this makes a lot of sense with the huge dating pool and the focused activity of logging on daily to look for a date, as compared to going out organically, it reinforces what we already know: Online dating is efficient. It’s available 24-hours a day and if you take advantage of the matching features of many dating sites, you will be able to fill up your date card.

Since 60% of singles log onto social networking sites for an average of one-hour per day, start liking the posts of someone you might have a digital crush on, remember to use spell-check and grammar check,  and mind your texting manners to capture his or her heart.

Texting Etiquette Dos and Dont’s from Single Men to Women

1. Do post photos

2. Don’t text more than once before a reply

3. Do post sexy texts

4. Don’t text during work hours

5. Do post emoticons

6. Don’t post slang (LOL, OMG, etc.)

Texting Etiquette Dos and Dont’s from Single Women to Men

1. Do post photos

2. Don’t post sexy texts

3. Do post emoticons

4. Don’t post sexy photos

5. Do post slang (LOL, OMG, etc.)

6. Don’t text more than once before a reply

Full report and details at SinglesinAmerica.com

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Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet dating, having created her first profile over 20 years ago. Julie’s the host of #DateChat on Thursdays at 5pm/PT on Twitter and the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com where they create Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Why the Super Bowl For Men is Like Valentine’s For Women

superbowlTwo of the most important days of the year for men and women respectively are Super Bowl Sunday and Valentine’s Day. This weekend is sacred for most American men. It’s showtime, as most guys count down the days, hours, and even minutes to their favorite television day of the year, Super Bowl Sunday.

As we countdown to  Super Bowl XLIX in Arizona, whether you’re rooting for the Seattle Seahawks again or the New England Patriots, one thing is for sure, it’s going to be an emotional and exciting two weeks for both men and women alike. Whether you’re a sports fan or a hopeless romantic, comparing the two will help you understand how important these days are for the opposite sex.

Some questions I always hear from women are, “Do men hate Valentine’s?” Guys want to know, “Do women really love the Super Bowl halftime show, or do they show up enthusiastically to meet men or to pretend to like sports with them?

I’ve gone on record as saying the Valentine’s Day for Women is like the Super Bowl for Men.

These two calendar days are about two weeks apart, so enjoy the ride. Guys, don’t wait until the last minute to invite the object of your affection or digital crush out for Valentine’s Day. Ladies, if you’re single, do find a Super Bowl party to go to or make a reservation at a sports bar to enjoy the day.

Meanwhile, across the hall or on your mobile phone, women have their own favorite holiday to think about, Valentine’s Day.

Why do I think the Super Bowl for men is like Valentine’s Day for women? Quite simply, both men and women put all of their emotional energies into these two bigger-than-life events. Often, a woman doesn’t understand why watching two teams trying to score is so important to her guy. He just can’t miss this game. Guys on the other hand, simply don’t understand that if you’re dating a woman and forget to plan something, just anything for Valentine’s Day, you probably won’t get a date with her on February 15th, or anytime thereafter.

Men wait all year for the Super Bowl, this big day in television. Women wait for Valentine’s Day with the hope that their special guy will either propose, offer to take his online dating profile down, or say ‘I love you’ for the first time. Women even secretly hope that the guy they are dating might want to change his Facebook status from ‘Single’ to ‘In a Relationship.’

Men are very prepared for the Super Bowl. They decide which venue and with whom they would like to spend watching the big game. In January, many women start giving little hints about their favorite romantic restaurants, hoping their guy will take the cue and book a reservation before the venue becomes full.

However in contrast, when a man’s favorite team loses the Super Bowl, he will be disappointed but will get over it. He’ll know there’s another chance next year and will spend the entire football season rooting for his team. If a woman’s favorite beau or someone she is dating doesn’t ask her out for Valentine?s Day, she won’t get over it. She’ll assume he’s romancing another woman and will know she’s not on the top of his list. Chances are, his shelf life as her number one guy will immediately expire. Unless he’s out of town on business or in a long-distance relationship, he won’t get another chance to romance her. No woman wants to be at the bottom of the totem pole, especially on Valentine’s Day. Expect to be unfriended, or don’t be surprised if she doesn’t return your phone calls or texts.

So whether you like football or not, love or hate Valentine’s Day, remember to talk to the person you are dating about what these days mean to you. If you’re single, use this opportunity to accept all invitations for both the Super Bowl and Valentine’s singles mixers. Even if your team loses and you’re dateless on the 14th, you’ll be casting a wider net and expanding your social circle.

Go ahead and accept that Super Bowl party invitation. If you’re single, you just might find a date in time for Valentine’s as well. It’s a win-win for everyone. If you need help with your profile or online dating advice, our special 15 Magic Minutes is going on through Valentine’s Day.

And speaking of Valentine’s Day, here are some gift ideas to embrace and those Valentine’s gifts to ignore.

Related: Social Media Rules for Valentine’s Day

Which team will you be rooting for this Super Bowl?

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and has been helping singles find love on the Internet for 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles coaching programs.  For more dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, sign up for our Weekly Flirt and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.

Announcing our #DateChat on Twitter

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Ready, set, tweet!

We’re super-excited at Cyber-Dating Headquarters to let you know that we’ll be hosting #DateChat on Twitter every Thursday at 8pm Eastern time, 5pm Pacific time.

#DateChat will bring together singles who are looking for love online and IRL to talk about their dating issues and relationship desires. #DateChat will be hosted by online dating expert Julie Spira. Every week we’ll be joined by a guest-host to stimulate the conversation.

Whether you’re newly single or are interested in dating your sweetheart, #DateChat will help spice up your love life.

Here’s how to join the party.

Sign onto Twitter or use your favorite Twitter management software such as Hootsuite or TweetDeck. Make sure you create a stream or do a search for #DateChat and save the search. If you have a question or are replying to a question, remember to use the hashtag of #DateChat in each tweet so others can communicate with you.

To make it easier, you can also log onto TweetChat, where it’s simple to stay in the conversation. Just type in our hashtag of #TweetChat and follow the stream. This will automatically add our hashtag to any tweet. Feel free to retweet any dating advice that you’d like your followers to see or ask questions for the dating community to see.

 

We look forward to chatting with you on Thursdays to get you date-ready for the weekend.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Follow @JulieSpira for dating advice and sign up for our free Weekly Flirt newsletter!

Join Me at iDate in Las Vegas

Come one, come all to the Internet Dating Conference, the largest conference about online dating!

The 40th iDate Conference will be held at the Tropicana Hotel on January 20-22, 2015 and I’ll be on hand on three panels and will be presenting the Best Mobile Dating App at the iDate Awards on the evening of January 21st.

Here’s the rundown of events for Online Dating Expert Julie Spira

  • Wednesday, January 21: CNN Panel: Focus on Content Marketing and Industry Trends – 3:30pm Cohiba 6 & 7
  • Wednesday, January 21: iDate Awards – 7pm, Tropicana, Cohiba Ballroom 1
  • Thursday, January 22: Essence Panel – How Date Experts on How to Use PR and Build Their Brand – 1:30pm
  • Thursday, January 22: Final Debate: 4pm

For a $50 discount and to purchase tickets and register for iDate, click here.

View our video below for details on the panels.

I’ll see you in Las Vegas!

Follow @JulieSpira for online dating advice.

Dating Advice – How Do You Know if He Likes You?

radioshowlogo3 150x150Dear Julie,

I have a question about whether this guy I’m interested in actually likes me.

First, let me set the scene for you.

I met a guy who I instantly felt a connection for. Initially there were some flirty texts going back and forth and I found myself getting drawn in very quickly. I was actually concerned that I was getting too attached.

I also noticed that he would be quite flirty with others and this made me anxious. I know flirting is a common thing, but does this make him a player? He also sent me email messages telling me that he loves me, but I think I may have misunderstood his intention.

So, I called him on the flirting thing and he responded with, “I get it.” I’m not sure what that means. I’m also not sure how to proceed with this man.

Do you have any thoughts?

~Frustrated texter.

Dear Frustrated texter,

Texting plays a huge part in the digital dating game.

Many guys flirt with text messages for en ego boost or just to have fun. Since you don’t fit into the girlfriend status of this flirtatious guy, it’s most likely that you’re one of many girls that he likes. If you were dating exclusively and he was calling you his girlfriend, than sending flirty texts to other women would be a form of emotional cheating in my opinion.

But let’s get back to your question of does he like you? It would appear that he likes you and he likes others. Since I don’t know if he’s taken you out on an official date, it’s hard to figure out if you’re in digital dating rotation or you’re still in the friend zone. In the pre-texting days, guys would often see a pretty girl and smile at her and say hello. Remember guys are visual and this is actually a normal form of behavior for a man.

Unless your guy is sleeping with you and others that he’s texting, I doubt he’s a player, but one who likes to have his ego stroked.

Before you put all of your eggs into one digital basket with this guy, just stay friends with him. When a guy says he loves someone, often it means he loves hanging out with someone or even would love to sleep with them. If he says I’m in love with you and you’ve been dating exclusively than that’s another story, and one to take seriously.  From what you’ve written, it doesn’t even sound like you’re dating. So before you say “I love you” back and shed your clothing, just look at him as a flirty friend, date others, and see if he’s interested in dating you. If you get to the point of becoming a couple, just let him know that flirting with others via text when you’re exclusive is something you’re uncomfortable with. If he continues to do so, then maybe it’s time to find another guy to have a crush on who will make you his one-and-only.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Do you have a dating and relationship question for Julie Spira. Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

 

Top 9 Ways to Get your eMail Noticed

Fotolia 18812125 XS 150x150So you’ve made it this far. You like what you’ve read in his online dating profile and everything is checking out. Now, there’s only one thing left to do; get the conversation started. Don’t worry, it’s a lot easier than it seems. After all, you don’t have to be spontaneous or quick on your delivery. You can take all the time you might need to write a gripping email that will engage him.

Here are Nine tips for snagging him with email

1)   Write a clever subject line. On many local dating sites your subject line is your first impression, so you need to make it pop! The key is to somehow relate to him using various approaches. Perhaps he’s a foodie as well. If so, consider writing, “from a fellow foodie” or if you know he’s into art try something like, “art event on a first date?” Pick something that really stood out to you and use it to your advantage to capture his attention.

2)   Personalize it. Once again, select specific elements from his profile and incorporate them. For example, if he says that he’s optimistic and has a sense of humor then mention that those things are important to you. Perhaps you like his smile – mention that as well and even add a smiley face emoticon.

3)   Don’t write a novel. That’s not to say keep it short. Though he might be interested in your life story, chances are he doesn’t want to hear it all at once. Leave the longer conversation for the first date. The goal in writing this email should be to pique his interest and leave some mystery so he responds. Writing too much in an initial email could mean more effort for him to reply and he might put your message on the backburner as a result. Keep it simple and don’t over think it. Try to focus on a couple of things that are important and let the conversation grow from there.

4)   Ask a question. He will be more likely to respond if you ask him a question – this could be anything. Make it lighthearted or serious to get the conversation started.

5)   Show your personality. Everyone loves someone with personality. This makes dating more fun. Show him a slice of who you are in your tone and delivery. If you’re soft spoken and shy, there’s nothing wrong with mentioning that. If you have a sense of humor, crack a few jokes. Perhaps you have a type-A personality. If so, there’s nothing wrong with sharing a story about your personality type. Just make sure to be you and be honest and authentic. He will appreciate it a lot more than receiving a generic message.

6)   Don’t sound desperate. No one wants to date someone who is needy, so try to keep your email casual. Try not to come on too strong, otherwise he might label you as needy or desperate. The first email is just an introduction and exploration to see if you two are even on the same page. And remember, you are just as much the chooser as he is the picker.

7)   Be clear in your message. The last thing you want to do is confuse him. You have all the time in the world to string together thoughts and ideas of why you’re writing to him. Take your time, relax and have fun with it. Just make sure that your email flows and it’s relevant to something that he can relate to.  Communicating a strong, clear, and concise message says a lot about someone and he will notice the effort you’ve taken in contacting him.

8)   Use bold text. Not everywhere. Just the main points you’re trying to get across. For example, if you really want him to know that you love dogs, write I really love dogs too and he’ll know just how much dogs mean to you. Do this for anything you might be passionate about.

9)   Reference date ideas – Mention a few local activities that you are into, see what kind of responses you get. Positive reactions to these outings could be good indications for where you might end up going on a first date.

We hope these tips will lead to more clicks that lead to better conversations. Good luck!

Just remember that love is always the answer, so the question becomes, how do you find it if you’re dating over 50? We’re offering an opportunity to win a free eHarmony 3 or 6 month membership. eHarmony gives singles a clear advantage, matching you with only deeply compatible singles! Lots of people are beating the odds by betting on love. And if you register now at Cyber Dating Expert you could win a FREE eHarmony account. Sounds like a win-win while looking for love online.

Contest runs from November 13, 2014 – December, 13 2014

Contest Rules

For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Cyber-Dating Expert Weekly Flirt.

5 Red Flags and Tips for Online Dating

ODheart 150x150Every once in a while a story comes out in the news about a person who has had a bad dating experience with someone they’ve met online. Men are fearful that every woman will turn out to be crazy. Women on the other hand need to know that they will be safe with their date.

I’m here to tell you that the same people who date online also date offline, so when it comes to dating safety, these rules will apply for both.

Let’s start with the fact that about one-half of the single population in the United States are now dating online. This number is huge and should give you the comfort of knowing that you’re not alone in cyberspace.

Here are my rules for safe online dating.

1. Have a phone pre-date.

Not everyone gives good phone, but if the phone call is awful and you’re struggling to keep the conversation going, chances are you’ll have a bad experience on your date. After a few email or text exchanges, I recommend scheduling a phone date. Keep the phone call to 20 minutes or less, as you don’t want to reveal everything about yourself before you meet IRL. If you click on the phone, that’s terrific. Suggest putting a date on the calendar, sooner rather than later. If you feel like you’re sitting in the dentist’s chair or in a deposition, be kind and let the person know that you don’t think you have enough in common and wish them the best with their search. If someone is unwilling to take the time to call you, then move on to someone who values your desire to hear his or her voice.

2. Do a Google search.

I’m often asked if someone should search their date on Google and the answer of course is yes! Everyone does. However, just like you shouldn’t kiss-and-tell, you should not Google-and tell. By revealing and questioning your date about your findings on Google, you will come across as a stalker and just might get canceled on. Knowledge is power, up to a point.

3. Check their Facebook photos.

A picture tells a thousand words, or does it? Those posting old prom shots or photo-shopped pictures can get old when you go on a date and barely recognize him or her. My recommendation is to hop over to Facebook or Instagram and view real-life photos. If the photo from last night’s concert resembles his or her online dating profile shots, you’re in pretty good shape. Better yet, view some of their selfies, which are less than polished.

4. Listen more than talk.

If your date seems to be a drama queen or catastrophizes and plays the victim, they’ll let you know early on. This is a red flag that if the relationship goes south, it might not be an amicable departure. For this reason, I stress that you should wait before allowing someone to know where you live. You should continue to meet in a public place for your early dates. Let them talk about ex’s, bad dates, and all the reasons why they are still single and sit back and listen.

5. Trust your gut.

Trusting your intuition is the number one way to make a decision whether to go on a date with someone or not. Take your time in getting to know him or her and enjoy the courting process. If stories aren’t adding up or if you feel in your heart there’s something wrong, you just might save yourself from a future heartbreak.

Contact us for more information on how to create an Irresistible Profile to attract your dream date.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the founder of CybeDatingExpert.com and was an early adopter of Internet dating. Julie’s been helping singles find love online for 20 years. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for dating advice and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.

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