In the News

Julie Spira LIVE at NAB in Las Vegas

radioshowlogo4 150x150Super-exciting times at Cyber-Dating Headquarters. We’re headed to the NAB Show in Las Vegas!

The NAB is the world’s largest broadcasting conference and electronic media show. They’ve partnered with our friends at the New Media Expo to create a place for broadcasters, technology enthusiasts, and content creators to relax during the conference. There will be over 80,000 people in attendance this year.

Our bags are packed and you’re invited to join in on the festivities.

bea logo large2PANELIST AT BEA

Monday, April 7th 2:30pm – 3:45pm

Las Vegas Convention Center, Pavillion 9

This panel brings  together the experience of international consultants and a broadcaster turned social media strategist with combined experience (50+ years) to counsel about to be graduates on how to land their first gig… and build a career on top of that first gig.

Presenters: Valerie Geller, Expanding Your Connections: Going Mobile
Pat Bryson,  Make Your Connections So You Know The Person Who Can Make Your Hiring Decision
Julie Spira, How to Connect Through Social Media to Create Your Personal Brand

bookcoverlr 194x300BOOK SIGNING AT THE NAB STORE

Tuesday, April 8th 1:30pm – 2:00pm

On Tuesday, April 9th, Join Julie at the NAB Store in the Central Hall for a book signing for the bestseller,  “The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.”

Now’s your chance to get your autographed copy! The book signing will take place from 1:30pm – 2:00pm. Don’t miss it!

PODCASTING AT THE NEW MEDIA LOUNGE

Screen Shot 2014 04 04 at 2.10.24 PM 300x55Join Julie Spira as she podcasts Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show LIVE from the NMX New Media Lounge at NAB in Las Vegas on April 8th and 9th at 4pm/PT.

Located at the North Hall of the Las Vegas Convention Center, The NMX at NAB New Media Lounge.
If you can’t make it to Las Vegas, make sure to call in to the radio show with your questions about digital dating and how you can find love online. The call-in number is 646-929-0012 or tweet  your questions to @JulieSpira.

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Full schedule

Julie.Spira .Podcast.BEA NBA

 

 

Would You Text an Ex?

smoochthumbnail 238x300Being single on Valentine’s isn’t the end of the world. Sure you go into stores and see nothing but boxes of red candy and roses throughout the grocery stores, but a new survey from U.K. online dating site  Smooch.com shows that only 10% of the 2000 singles polled actually love Valentine’s Day. Are the other 90% pretending to go along with the program?

Do you find this a bit shocking? According to Smooch, Valentine’s is a time for singles to feel even more single.

Smooch.com Marketing Manager, Lucy Clarke, said of the findings;

“Valentine’s Day is a time to celebrate dating, whether you’re single or in a relationship. But with Valentine’s Day campaigns aimed at couples everywhere you turn at this time of year, it’s hardly surprising that the day makes singletons feel even more single.

Their findings even included that 16% of singles actually lied about receiving a Valentine and 63% wish they did have a date on Valentine’s Day.

So let’s get to the subject of texting. It’s rare on any holiday to NOT hear from an ex. Whether it’s Thanksgiving, New Year’s, Christmas, or Valentine’s, some singles can’t help but reach for the phone to connect with an ex. It’s a non-threatening way of sending a little digital love.

How should you say “Happy Valentine’s Day” to an ex via text? Are you concerned that sending a text doesn’t mean you’re  looking to rekindle a spark or end up in bed? Not necessarily. Often singles have fond memories of spending Valentine’s with someone from their past. Perhaps that romantic trip you took 5 years ago is still on his or her minds.

Although Smooch discourages singles from texting an ex, I disagree. Valentine’s can be a warm and fuzzy day or a day that can be filled with disappointments from the unrealistic expectations. I’m all for texting an ex, as long as it’s not to rekindle the spark within a few hours. Keep it friendly. Say, “Happy Valentine’s Day….Thinking of you and hope you’re doing great.”

The best times to send a text to an ex is in the morning. Keep it simple and friendly. Don’t ask your ex if he or she has a Valentine or is in a relationship. You broke up for a reason. If you do receive a text from an ex, don’t read more into it than just a simple friendly exchange. If you’re in a relationship, hold back from texting an ex. If your current sweetheart happens to see your text exchange on your phone on the most romantic day of the year, you might end up getting the cold shoulder or be sleeping alone that night.

Would you text an ex on Valentine’s Day? Your comments are welcome.

Smooch.com Valentines Infographic1

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and celebrity dating coach. She’s the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com and author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating.  Julie creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt.

 

How to Create the Best Online Dating Profile

onlinedatingprofile 250x300As Valentine’s Day is practically around the corner, one of the most popular questions I receive as an online dating expert is how to have the best online dating profile to find a date in time for Valentine’s. Match now reports that online dating is the #1 way for singles to find a date, with 31% of singles finding love online.

Since Internet dating is available 24-hours a day, it’s time to grab your mobile phone and give your Internet dating profile a simple digital facelift.

Here are 8 tips to help your profile stand out.

1. Create a catchy screen name. Some sites just provide you with a number or variation of a screen name if your chosen name isn’t selected. Using your first name and a handful of digits isn’t catchy. Try to find a name that is unique to you and describes your personality. An example would be MusicLoverNYC if you live in New York and love music. Others would be YogaGirlLA or NurseLori.

2. Leave the novel at home. The best profiles are short and will pique the interest of a potential date. I always recommend 100-125 words in your essay. If it’s shorter, it shows that you’re not taking online dating seriously. If it’s too long, there will be nothing left to talk about on the date. Plus, men don’t like to read long-winded profiles. It seems overwhelming and leaves the perception that you could be a high drama person.

3. Post 3-5 photos. Both men and women are visual. Every profile must have 3-5 photos in it, with the primary photo being a close-up shot with a smile. I always recommend that a woman wear red in her profile, as men see too many little black dresses, so you won’t blend into the thousands of thumbnail shots. Red is also the color of love and passion. Statistics show that women wearing red do receive more views and emails. Remember to include a full-length body shot, so it doesn’t appear that you’re hiding anything and don’t wear sunglasses in your photos.

4. Ditch the selfies. Although the word ‘Selfie’ made it into the Oxford dictionary, a selfie isn’t the most flattering photo, so keep it off of your profile. Remember, this is your love life resume and if you’re hoping to attract the man of your dreams, make sure you look like his dream girl.

5. Ask a question. The goal of online dating is to make your profile come alive and be approachable. If you ask a question in your profile, it makes it easier for your potential date to engage in a conversation with you. After all, you’re trying to develop a rapport with someone, not just be a stagnant billboard.

6. It’s not All About You. A man would like to imagine what a life with you could be like, so make it easier for him to know. Talk about what date night with you would be like and say, on a weekend, it would be great to go hiking with you on a Saturday morning and maybe take in a film matinee in the afternoon. When you talk about your life’s passions, end the sentence with, “what about you?” If you name some of your favorite travel spots, include a question to ask him where his dream trip would be.

7. Be specific. Profiles that are more specific help start the conversation. From a man’s point of view, profiles all look about the same. So say you like to travel, and list some of your favorite travel spots. Talk about how you like music and how the Red Hot Chili Peppers are one of your favorite bands and that you enjoyed watching them in the Super Bowl half time show.

8. Dump the cliches. Men know that women love going on beach walks, but if your profile says I like beach walks, sunset dinners, and love to laugh, your online dating profile is filled with cliches. Leave those conversations for your first few dates and laugh when you’re together, not on your profile.

At the end of the digital day, online dating is a numbers game. You need to play to win.

Here’s more information on how you can get an Irresistible Online Dating Profile.

For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Photo credit: © JiSIGN – Fotolia.com

Finding Love on Facebook’s 10th Birthday

Facebook10birthday 270x300Facebook is celebrating a big birthday. It’s been a decade since Mark Zuckerberg founded “thefacebook” while in college on February 4, 2004.

Ten years later, Facebook boasts over 1.2 billion users. One has to ask, is Facebook now the world’s largest digital dating site?

Just how many couples are flirting, connecting, hooking up, and even finding love on Facebook?

When I launched Facebook Love Stories on Valentine’s Day last year, I was intrigued to see the variety of ways that people found love on the world’s largest social network.

Here are six couples whose love stories will warm your digital heart.

Bonnie and Josh

bonjoshie2 300x225Bonnie and Josh had met 30 years earlier at an advertising agency in New York.

“Working in different departments meant that our professional paths didn’t cross much, but we often rode the Fifth Avenue bus home together, as our apartments were in the same neighborhood,” said Bonnie. The two married others and lost touch, until Bonnie’s son created a Facebook page for her a few years ago.

Bonnie decided to look for old friends and thought about Josh. “I sent him a message asking if he remembered me and he responded within hours, so excited to hear from me,” said Bonnie.  Within three days they were talking on the phone for hours at a time, and within weeks made a date for dinner. Josh  showed up with carrot cake and a dozen bagels and Bonnie was hooked.  The two were engaged the following New Year’s Eve, and were married August of 2012.

The couple’s wedding cake was a delicious Fifth Avenue bus. “In my wildest dreams I’d never have imagined that Facebook would change my life, but it did.  It reconnected me with Josh, and I consider it a miracle,” said Bonnie.

Sophie and Trevor

IMG 1327 199x300Sophie and Trevor were both members of a “Star Wars” Facebook group when they became friends in 2007. Sophie lived in Leeds, England and Trevor resided in Indiana where he was attending University. Neither were interested in developing a long-distance relationship. The two became fast friends as they shared their mutual love of fan fiction.

After three months, Sophie and Trevor decided to meet in person and selected Berlin as the city for their first date. Later that year, they realized they were falling in love.

Over the next several years, the two commuted between Indiana and England, as their relationship flourished.

Both Sophie and Trevor acknowledge that Facebook played a huge part in keeping them connected, during the time of their long-distance relationship.

In 2012, the two finally got married in New York City and are finally living on the same continent, in each others’ arms in the Big Apple.

Meca and Anthony

600417 4997330937626 2026657527 n 300x300For about four years, Meca and Anthony were digital friends on Facebook, but they never really had much contact with each other. The two shared a lot of mutual Facebook friends and even attended offline events at the same time twice, but they never actually met in person.

As a divorced woman, Meca started blogging about her dating experiences and posted her stories on Facebook. Anthony silently enjoyed reading about Meca’s latest dates and started sending her private messages on Facebook.

“I wanted to know why a girl like her was single,” said Anthony. Their romance developed on Facebook chat privately and finally one day they decided to exchange phone numbers.

Meca was very hesitant at first, especially as Anthony was an artist. As an accessory designer, Meca didn’t think she wanted to date an abstract painter. “I don’t date artists,” she proclaimed. Soon they discovered that they were indeed soul mates.

The two have decided to save the mushy stuff for the privacy of their inbox.

Patience and Sam

1162844532 f8xst L 300x207Patience had a secret crush on Sam in high school, but felt that he was out of her league. They never dated and barely acknowledged each other in the halls. During a formal high school dance, after her date had ditched her, Patience was shocked when Sam asked her to dance and pulled her into a random picture.

Fast forward twenty-six years later, where Sam was divorced and teaching college in Israel. Patience was busy with her publishing career in New York and had serial dated for two decades. When Sam noticed her familiar face in the “Suggested Friends” feature, he immediately sent Patience a “friends’ request.

For Patience, it was a no-brainer to be in contact with such a popular guy from high school. She started “liking” his status updates. Sam picked up the phone and called her.  After several months of Skype and Facebook chats, the two fell in love.

Sam asked Patience if he could visit and possibly “marry and father her children.” All of her girlfriends thought she was crazy, but she knew there was a connection there. In fact, they had a deal. He would come visit and would leave if they thought it was weird. Fortunately, that was not the case. The two are now happily married and are living in New York. Sam still has the photo from their first dance in high school.

Alexa and Devin

Alexa was hoping to find someone on an online dating site, but was frustrated with the process. Her friends said she’d find someone when she least expected it. That someone was Devin who she met on Facebook.

Devin thought Alexa was cute when he noticed her photo in the “People You Should Know” feature.

“One day I received a ‘friend’ request from someone I didn’t know named Devin,” said Alexa. “We had one mutual friend in common, so I thought I might have met him somewhere and just didn’t remember. He was the first person in my six years of being on Facebook that I added without knowing in real life,” she added.

The rest is history and the two have been inseparable since meeting on Facebook.

Taunia and Jake

FBlovestorytauniaandjake 300x225Tauna and Jake went down digital memory lane and rekindled their college romance on Facebook.

It all started twenty years ago when Taunia met Jake while in school. The two dated for 2.5 years and then went their separate ways to pursue their career aspirations. “We always knew we were each other’s ‘true love,’’ said Taunia.

Twenty years and a lot of life lessons went by. Taunia had gastric bypass surgery in 2008. She got married, established her musical career, and developed an online following, particularly on Facebook.

Tania reconnected with one of Jake’s sisters on Facebook. When Jake’s sister noticed Tania’s relationship status as “Divorced,” she told her brother. Jake immediately contacted Taunia to reconnect and their romance reignited. Jake proposed to Taunia in a romantic holiday trip in front of the Eifel Tower and the two were married in the summer of 2013.

Have you found love on Facebook?

Julie Spira is an online dating expert, dating coach, and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene and is Editor-in-Chief of FacebookLoveStories.com.

Are the Super Bowl and Valentine’s Created Equally?

superbowlAs we’re counting down to Super Bowl Sunday in New Jersey, whether you’re rooting for the Seattle Seahawks or the Denver Broncos, one thing is for sure, it’s going to be an emotional and exciting two weeks for both men and women alike.

Some questions I always hear from women are, “Do men hate Valentine’s?” Guys want to know, “Do women really love the Super Bowl halftime show, or do they act enthusiastically to keep their guys happy or to met men?

I’ve gone on record as saying the Valentine’s Day for Women is like the Super Bowl for Men.  It’s a double-header this month, so enjoy the ride and guys, don’t wait until the last minute to invite the object of your affection or digital crush out for Valentine’s Day.

This weekend is sacred for most American men. It’s showtime as most guys count down the days, hours, and even minutes to their favorite television day of the year, Super Bowl Sunday.

Meanwhile, across the hall, women have their own favorite holiday to think about, Valentine’s Day. With these two major events less that two weeks apart, it’s become obvious that the Super Bowl for men is revered in the same way as Valentine’s Day is for women. Whether you’re a sports fan or a hopeless romantic, comparing the two will help you understand how important these days are for the opposite sex.

Why do I think the Super Bowl for men is like Valentine’s Day for women? Quite simply, both men and women put all of their emotional energies into these two bigger-than-life events. Often, a woman doesn’t understand why watching two teams trying to score is so important to her guy. He just can’t miss this game. Guys on the other hand, simply don’t understand that if you’re dating a woman and forget to plan something, just anything for Valentine’s Day, you probably won’t get a date with her on February 15th, or shortly thereafter.

Men wait all year for the Super Bowl, this big day in television. Women wait for Valentine’s Day with the hope that their special guy will either propose, offer to take his online dating profile down, or say “I love you” for the first time. Women even secretly hope that the guy they are dating might want to change his Facebook status from “Single” to “In a Relationship.”

Men are very prepared for the Super Bowl. They decide which venue and with whom they would like to spend watching the big game. In January, many women start giving little hints about their favorite romantic restaurants, hoping their guy will take the cue and book a reservation before the venue becomes full.

However in contrast, when a man’s favorite team loses the Super Bowl, he will be disappointed but will get over it. He’ll know there’s another chance next year and will spend the entire football season rooting for his team. If a woman’s favorite beau or someone she is dating doesn’t ask her out for Valentine’s Day, she won’t get over it. She’ll assume he’s romancing another woman and will know she’s not on the top of his list. Chances are, his shelf life as her number one guy will immediately expire. Unless he’s out of town on business or in a long-distance relationship, he won’t get another chance to romance her. No woman wants to be at the bottom of the totem pole, especially on Valentine’s Day. Expect to be unfriended, or don’t be surprised if she doesn’t return your phone calls or texts.

So whether you like football or not, love or hate Valentine’s Day, remember to talk to the person you are dating about what these days mean to you. If you’re single, use this opportunity to accept all invitations for both the Super Bowl and Valentine’s singles mixers. Even if your team loses and you’re dateless on the 14th, you’ll be casting a wider net and expanding your social circle.

So go ahead and accept that Super Bowl party invitation. If you’re single, you just might find a date in time for Valentine’s as well. It’s a win-win for everyone. If you need help with your profile or online dating advice, our special 15 Magic Minutes is going on through Valentine’s Day.

And speaking of Valentine’s Day, here are some gift ideas to embrace and those Valentine’s gifts to ignore.

Related: Social Media Rules for Valentine’s Day

Which team will you be rooting for this Super Bowl?

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. For more dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, sign up for our Weekly Flirt and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.

I saw his text messages. Is he cheating or is it over?

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Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Dear Cyber Dating Expert,

I desperately need some online dating advice. I met a guy on OkCupid last week and we had the perfect date. The next day he reached out to hang out again and even introduced me to his engaged friends and we went on a double-date. That night we ended up sleeping together and I thought everything was going so well.

We continued to talk and he remained sweet and attentive. We made plans to meet up a few days later and I went to his place and we watched a movie. Again, he was very affectionate, held my hand, kissed me on the head/check, etc.

What threw me was when I saw his cell phone light up with text messages from random numbers he hadn’t saved to his phone. Immediately I knew these were probably other girls he was communicating with from OKC. My heart sank. I thought everything was great until I saw those texts! He seems SO into me, but now I feel like I have something to prove and other girls to beat out. I just don’t want to get involved and get my heart broken, but I like him and don’t want to lose out on getting to know him better.

Read: He Texts Me Daily, Are We in a Relationship?

Do I play it cool, let him take the reins for now? Or should I be proactive & initiate more dates with the chance of coming off aggressive/desperate?

Please help!

Amber

Dear Amber,

Thanks for your email.

I understand why you’d be upset about seeing text messages you believe were from other women that your new guy might be chatting with.

Because you both met on an online dating site, unless you’ve had the conversation about being exclusive, assume that you’re not. After all, you were only dating for one week when you noticed these anonymous texts.

Sleeping together while you both have active online dating profiles isn’t something that I recommend, unless you don’t mind if he’s seeing other people.

Once a woman sleeps with a man, the hormones kick in and women get very attached and bonded, even if the guy isn’t really good for you. When the sex is good, it’s natural to hope and think that he won’t want to be with anyone else. Maybe he’s ignoring those text messages, after all you’ve only known him for a short while.

My advice is to keep it cool and date him if he asks you out on a proper date, but don’t sleep with him again. Sure you can hug, kiss, fool around, etc. Please don’t make a big deal out of the text messages, as men don’t like a high-drama, clingy or possessive woman in their lives. Just show him that you’re the confident great woman that you are. If he calls, return his calls. If he texts, return his texts. If he asks you out and you’re free, go out on a date with him, but let him know that you like him, but realize that you aren’t into casual sex if it comes up. Let him know how much you’re enjoying getting to know him. I know it’s hard to go backwards, but it’s worse to sleep with him and then wonder if he’s logging on to find someone to sleep with the next night. That’s the risk with online dating. If he tells you it’s not acceptable, then he doesn’t really want you as his girlfriend.  He might just be looking for a booty call or friends with benefits relationship. Throwing yourself at him won’t help. It will kill the chances to have a relationship with this guy. Being great in the bedroom doesn’t mean he won’t look elsewhere. Being the confident girl he can’t be without will make him want you to be his girl. Let him take the lead and initiate dates with you.

If he really wants to make you his girlfriend, he’ll take down his profile and do whatever it takes. At this point, you haven’t set your boundaries so he doesn’t think it’s a requirement. Don’t be in competition with other women. Just be yourself and feel great about who you are. Please don’t get possessive or start to interrogate him about his text messages or cell phone. Insecurity will kill a relationship.  Since he didn’t put those phone numbers in his phone to save them, nor is he hiding his phone, they probably don’t mean much to him anyway. Still, I know it hurts.

I hope this helps and please do keep me posted.

Julie

Do you have an online dating question for Julie Spira? Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for more dating advice.

 

Online Daters Write to Many; Only Date One at a Time

Our friends at JDate and ChristianMingle just released their second annual State of Dating in America report, where they surveyed over 2,600 U.S. singles between the ages of 18 and 59 to find out how they felt about dating in the digital age.

With Valentine’s Day around the corner, it’s not a surprise that the stigma of online dating is continuing to dissipate. The report showed that 85% now believe Internet dating is socially acceptable. The survey looked at the behaviors of the online dating cycle from first contact to moving in together and even marriage.

Let’s start with getting to the first online date. Are all online daters serial daters? While many have said that online dating comes complete with a “shopping cart” mentality, and the large bouquet of singles on dating sites, one would think Internet daters’ date cards would be filled with a different date every day of the week.

According to the survey, while singles are writing to several people at once, in reality, they prefer to date one person at a time. Does this mean online daters are really serial monogamists instead of serial daters?

The question asked in the survey said:

Do you generally contact one person, communicate with them and go on a date OR are you communicating with multiple people during the same time frame?

StateofDating e1390450996580

More than half of the respondents admit they go out with one dater at time, with 63% of women and 53% of men saying they communicate with multiple people, but only go out with one person at a time.

By comparison, only 38% of men and 24% of women contact one person at a time, and the lowest response came from 9% of men and 14% of women who date multiple people at the same time.

Frankly, I’m surprised at these numbers, as it takes time to get to know someone. Going on a few dates with a few people simultaneously should help the process and help you become a better dater, right? Should one put all of their eggs into one digital basket?

Other findings included the Top 3 deal-breakers, with hygiene being at the top of the list for both men (35%) and women (35%). Hint: Take that extra shower and keep a toothbrush and breath mints in your car.

The good news is that the stigma about online dating is continuing to diminish. Two out of three singles in the survey knew people who met as a result of online dating, and an overwhelming 94% of singles believe that online dating expands their dating pool with 86% saying it speeds up their search as compared to being set up by friends.

Think about it. Online dating is available 24 hours a day, so the convenience factor is there. Still, finding love online can be like finding a needle in a digital haystack. You need to become the “1 in 40 million.” At the end of the digital day, it’s a numbers game worth playing.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. She creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

He Texts me Daily. Are We in a Relationship?

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Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Dear Cyber Dating Expert,

I met this wonderful guy online and we connected on our first date. Yes, it was exciting to have chemistry and we kissed at the end of the date.

By the time I got home, my new guy had already sent me a text message saying how much he enjoyed our date and wanted to get together again. I went to sleep with a smile on my face.

Suddenly, he was sending me a text message saying “Good morning” every day, checked with me during the day, and even to say good night. Because of our busy work schedules, we had a difficult time putting a second date on the calendar. Actually, we tried several times and one of us, usually him, had to cancel due to business or for some other reason, but I did go to his house to watch a movie a few times. I kept suggesting a real date, like one where we’d go to dinner at a restaurant, but it didn’t happen.

Before the New Year, I realized it wasn’t going anywhere, but had remorse about it over the holidays. I am finding this is common, I mistook his daily texts as effort when he hadn’t made any real plans. He would want to see me day of and I would already have plans. Nonetheless, I wished him a Merry Christmas via text then he wished me Happy New Year so I thought we weren’t entirely over.

Last week, he messaged me again and we flirted and talked about doing dinner on Wednesday. I shared with him that we had amazing chemistry on our first date and I wanted us to get to know each other better over dinner. Sunday night he messages me to come over to his place and stay the night with him and that kind of showed me where I stood. I have been to his place 3 times already! He has never been to my place and why would I stay the night with him prior to reconnecting at dinner?!?!

He called me Wednesday and we postponed getting together to Friday night. He mentioned possibly moving for work, which raised my guard even further. Thursday we exchanged some texts and I haven’t heard from him since. Fortunately I can laugh at it all. I’m glad we never slept together. I don’t go from 0 to 360. A part of me is still a little hurt and disappointed that what I had hoped would happen didn’t. But it takes two to tango and two to make an effort and while passion are SUPER important to me, I need to be romanced a little before I go there.

How could I really believe we were in a relationship and that he was courting me? Did he texts mean nothing?

Disappointed in California

 

Dear Disappointed,

Texting is so easy to do and has become a part of most daters’ regime. However, I view texting as a flirty way of keeping in touch, while you’re courting, dating, or even in an exclusive relationship. Your guy sends you texts to keeping you on the hook, sucked in, with the hope that you’ll think a real relationship is in the cards. He knew your relationship goals, but he was clearly on a different page. Quite simply, he was looking for a relationship of convenience and was hiding behind his mobile phone.

How many women was he texting while making you feel like you were special? Probably many. Invitations to come to his home may have been sent to several women, with the first one to bite ending up in bed with him. I once knew a man who like clockwork on Friday sent a text message to 10 women he either had slept with, were ex-girlfriends, or women he wanted to pursue. He was a classic player. He invited them each out to drinks and whoever responded first was the one he ended up spending the night with. Be happy that you didn’t jump at the chance to be in a girl in rotation.

You did nothing wrong other than open your heart to the possibilities and fortunately not more.

So, keep true to yourself and know there is someone else out there. I would not have ANY contact with this guy. Be open to meeting someone else. I always quote Stevie Nicks from the song “Dreams.” “Players only love you when they’re playing.”

It Sounds like he wanted a relationship of convenience, a hookup, or whatever. When a man wants you to be his girlfriend, he’ll do whatever it takes to let you know and to make sure he claims you as his.

 It didn’t mean there wasn’t real chemistry. Let’s not confuse lust with the desire for love. It didn’t mean that he didn’t like and adore you. Men love the game and love the chase.  As a woman with a huge heart, it’s easy to get sucked in to the possibility of romance and finding someone special.

It’s a new year and time to find someone who’s on the same page. Enjoy the flirty texting, but until two people agree that they’re dating exclusively, they’re not in a relationship.

Julie

Do you have a question about dating, love and romance? Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for online dating advice.

Online Dating Expert Julie Spira to Appear Marilu Henner Show

mariluhenner 150x150It’s a great honor and joy to let you know that I’ll be a guest on the Marilu Henner show on Friday, January 10, 2014 at 10:08am/PST to talk about my expert online dating tips for the New Year.

Marilu has been an inspiration to millions of women throughout the world and I adore her.

You may remember her from seeing her in over thirty films or six Broadway shows. Perhaps you remember Marilu from  and her hit TV shows, “Taxi” and “Evening Shade.” Marilu is also a New York Times Best Selling author of nine books on health, parenting, memory, and lifestyle improvement.  Her books have changed the lives of millions in her quest to make the world a healthier place.

As we enter a new year filled with many resolutions, if you’re single, finding love is probably on your list.

I’ll be sharing some of my best tips on how to create an Irresistible Profile to attract your dream date and will be letting you know which cliche’s to avoid in your online dating profile. You’ll learn the secrets on how to write an email to capture his or her attention.

I know that Valentine’s Day for women is like the Super Bowl for men. I know that life can be stressful for singles leading up to Valentine’s Day and it’s our goal to help you with the tools you need to speed up your search, avoid the pitfalls of online dating and date safely on the Internet.

The call-in number is 1-855-362-7458 and we’ll be live tweeting @TheRealMarilu and @JulieSpira so send us your questions about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Why Would the World’s Worst Dating Profile Still Attract Men?

Screen Shot 2014 01 08 at 6.59.49 PM 150x150It’s a story that’s gone viral on the Internet. A woman in Los Angeles created a fake OkCupid online dating profile to see if men would write back to her, no matter how horrible she was. She did and they did.

As a radio show guest on WLW in Cincinnati, I spoke with Eddie and Tracy about Alli Reed’s experiment. (You’ll need to fast forward 45 minutes to our segment).

For starters, I’m against experiments which entail misrepresentation of people, especially when it includes matters of the heart.

To add to it, anything that would harm another, put down people and be downright rude is at the bottom of the totem pole, even if it ever gets to the dating totem pole.

Still, one has to ask, why would such a horrific profile named AaronCarterFan attract slews of men? Did they even know who Aaron Carter was? Why were these men writing to this angry woman who fakes pregnancies for money, is actively looking just to hook up, and is filled with typos and more?

Let’s start with the fact that both men and women are visual. Alli posted, with permission, a photo of a friend instead of herself. Her friend was a model. Sure, it’s ‘Catfishing’ at its best.  Guys like hot chicks who have a sultry face. They don’t even need to read the profile. While not gender specific, I have to point out that women also like handsome men and bad boys.

Second, she appeared to be easy in the bedroom, yet difficult to score with, meaning she was a challenge. Guys love the chase and love a challenge. Guys knew that there was an “auction” going on and the highest bidder of the hundreds of emails that she was receiving would win the prize, or would it? Her experiment yielded 150 emails in 24 hours. That’s a pretty active response.

After responding to these men to keep the experiment alive, Alli posted the details of her experiment on Cracked.com, where she shared the four lessons learned.

In her blog, she says, “So I made the OkCupid profile of the Worst Woman on Earth, hoping to prove that there exists an online dating profile so loathsome that no man would message it. I did not accomplish my goal.”

She engaged in over 500 emails and made National TV, which could help her writing career.

Does this mean that nice guys and good girls finish last? I don’t think so. At the end of the digital day, I’ll defer to the Fleetwood Mac song which says “Players on love you when they’re playing.” I’ll take the nice guy any day.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She was an early adopter of the Internet and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

 

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