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3 First-Date Mistakes You Should Never Make

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Our friends at We Love Dates released an Infographic that would make any online dater pause and take a look. We’re happy to include a special guest post from them with dating and relationship tips to help prevent you from making some first date mistakes when you finally meet someone you truly do like.

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Have you ever come home after a first date that you thought went well, only to never hear from him or her again?  It’s pretty safe to say that you have. There will always be much left to the unknown when it comes to first dates (that’s partly what makes them so exciting) here are a few first date mistakes that you might not even know you’ve made…until your phone stops ringing.

1.  Don’t Assume There Is Going To Be a Second Date

First dates are your one chance to make a lasting first impression. Don’t count on future opportunities. Make sure you’re in the right frame of mind and own it.  In addition, don’t make plans for the future, especially if the feelings aren’t mutual. Avoid conversations such as, “We should do that, let’s go there, we should plan it…” Let second dates evolve naturally.

2.  Sharing Isn’t Always Caring

Remind yourself that this person is, quite literally, a virtual stranger.  There is no need to share your every thought and feeling with them, or spill the messy details of your last break-up. Forget bringing up the latest drama of your girlfriends. He really doesn’t want to know. Remember to keep it light and easy when you first meet.

3.  Don’t Drag It On

If you see there’s no chemistry in the first 15-minutes of your date, why drag it on for another hour-or-two? Keep the date brief as a meet-and-greet. Thank your date for taking the time to meet and move on.

Have you ever made any first date mistakes that you regret? We’d like to hear your stories.

This dating advice post was contributed by We Love Dates. View their infographic here: first date survival guide infographic.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert, bestselling author, and the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. For more dating advice, sign up for our Weekly Flirt newsletter, like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.

5 Ways to Make Your Dating Profile More Irresistible

girloncomputerIf your inbox is rather empty and your online dating profile is ho-hum, it’s time for a digital facelift to ramp up your search.

When you watch the TV commercials for eHarmony, Match.com, or Zoosk and see several success couples, do you wonder why it’s not working for you?

Before you hang up your digital hat, know that it doesn’t take an army to help you create an irresistible online dating profile, but just like a good newspaper or magazine article, you do need to stand out in the crowded marketplace.

Here are five tips that you can try on your own. If you need a little hand-holding, visit IrresistibleProfiles.com and we’ll get you started in no time.

Tips for Creating an Irresistible Online Dating Profile

1.  It’s all About the Photos. If hiring a professional photographer is in your budget, it’s an excellent idea. Perhaps you don’t need to buy that extra dress on sale. If not, grab a friend with a digital camera and snap about 100 photos in 5 different outfits. You can always fall back on browsing the photos you’ve uploaded on Facebook to add to your profile. Men are visual. If you look like you’re photo, he’ll be pleasantly surprised and will let you know. Most men are disappointed when you post photos from your Senior Prom, or that are a decade old. Post 3-5 photos, and remember to make one of them a full-length shot. Hint: He might be checking Facebook to see if your online dating photos resemble those you’ve posted on Facebook.

2. Create a Catchy Screen Name.  Stumped as to what’s catchy? You’d be surprised how many people take the random name assigned by the computer. Suzie12389 isn’t as catchy as BalletDancerinNY. If you’re still scratching your head and your favorite name is taken, remember the lyrics to a song that you were singing to in the car. How Music Can Enhance Your Online Dating Profile

3. Be Specific. While browsing through profiles, you might notice that so many just seem to look alike. Who wants to date a plain vanilla when they can have sugar and spice or cookies and cream? Don’t say you like music. Say you like classic rock music and are a Bruce Springsteen fanatic as you grew up in New Jersey. Who knows? You might get invited to a concert. Don’t say you like to travel, but say you loved skiing in Lake Tahoe one winter at a specific ski resort. Get the picture?

4. Leave the Novel at Home. There’s no need to reveal all. Sometimes, less is more. Profiles with over 200 words will be looked over after the first few sentences. It’s best to leave some mystery for your phone conversations and when you meet in real life.

5. Leave the Baggage Behind. Whether it’s an ex-boyfriend, ex-spouse, or ex-boss for that matter, no one wants to hear your dirty laundry. Avoid being the “Debbie Downer” of online dating and write about things you love. Everyone has had a bad date or two, but it’s not worth broadcasting. Ask yourself what you’re the most passionate about and let your potential date know what brings you joy.

At the end of the digital day, online dating is a numbers game. With over 120 million people worldwide logging on looking for love, there’s no better way to fill your date card until you find “the one.”

Julie Spira is an online dating expert, bestselling author, and the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating and relationship advice, follow Julie on Twitter @JulieSpira and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.

 

Dating Advice – Is it OK To Want a Friendship Without the Benefits?

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Cyber-Dating Expert

What happens when your ideal guy and you aren’t ready for a commitment? A confused reader asks for dating and relationship advice with her new male friend.

Dear Julie.

I need your help and have a dilemma. I recently became friends with a guy and we spend a lot of time together. He texts me every day and due to our busy schedules, makes a point of hanging out with me every weekend. He waits from me after work and is an all-around gentleman.

After a month of spending time with him, I started developing feelings for him and I told him so. I told him that I really care for for him and like him, but that I couldn’t be in a committed relationship since I’m trying to focus on graduating college and establishing a life after school.

When I asked him how he felt about me, he responded that he sees us as friends. It  was a mature conversation and I told him I could accept that.

Can you explain what is going on in this crazy man’s head, or maybe I’m crazy?

~Only Friends

Dear Only Friends,

You have described the ideal man. The type of man every woman dreams of – one who is consistent in his actions, spends every weekend with you, is a complete gentleman, and made you a priority on Valentine’s Day.

Your guy hasn’t tossed you in bed and discarded you for another. In short, he’s a keeper and is hanging in there based upon your rules. You’ve told Mr. Perfect that you can’t have a committed relationship with him, and he hasn’t disappeared. The one thing you aren’t doing is being consistent with your feelings for him. Think about it. You tell him you have feelings for him and in the same breath, tell him you can’t be in a committed relationship? Some of the best relationships start off as friends, so you have the foundation for a good relationship moving forward.

Be happy for the friendship. He’s just respecting the confusing boundaries you’ve set in the relationship. Give him the opportunity to take the lead and see where it goes.

Keep us posted.

All my best,

Julie Spira

Do you have a dating question or dilemma? If so, we’d love to hear from you. Do you love our site?  We’ve been named a finalist for  Best Dating Blog in the Readers’ Choice Awards and would love your vote to win!

Julie Spira is an online dating expert, bestselling author and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and sign up for our Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Online Dating – Is Honesty the Best Policy?

honestybestpolicy 150x150I recently attended a swanky party in Beverly Hills and met a lovely single woman who said she had to talk to me about her online dating profile. Naturally, I was ready to hear what her secret was.

She boasted about how she had written the most creative and best profile of anyone on Match.com. She went into great details about how she listed everything that was unacceptable in a man and that if he had any of these personality traits, they shouldn’t bother writing to her.

After listening to her enthusiasm about a profile filled with negativity, I asked the million dollar question, “Did you lie about your age?” Her response was an immediate yes. She claimed, as many singles do, that she looked so much younger than her real age and took six years off her age to fit into a search. When I asked her how long she had been looking for love online, she responded that she hadn’t been in a relationship for six years.

Obviously her personal digital marketing plan wasn’t working. She had never been married and was almost 60 years old. She agreed to a critique and was ready for some dating tips.

Sure, she went to one of the top dermatologists in town. Sure, she wore designer labels and dressed to impress the women who would recognize them. At the end of the day, she was inauthentic and still single.

I offered to critique her profile and made some subtle changes. She listed her dream life, one where she wanted a man to financially support her and proudly claimed she was high maintenance. It wasn’t the life she was living yet, and her inbox wasn’t filled with male suitors ready to sign up. She stated in her first sentence that she was great looking. Men are visual. They will decide upon viewing your profile photo if they are attracted to you or not. Stating it in the first sentence appeared conceited to most men who viewed her photo and most of them moved on.

I share these true stories with you because authenticity is sexy. Being authentic translates to being confident and happy. Where you are now is just fine. Keep your dreams, but portray yourself in your profile as approachable, realistic and human. I encourage all of you who feel you need to lie in your profile about your age, weight, or financial status to toss that belief out the digital window. You are just perfect, the way you are. It’s time for some truth-in-advertising and for you to really find love online.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com. Like her at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert for dating advice and follow her at Twitter.com/JulieSpira

Julie Spira to Host Live Valentine’s Chat

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It’s with great enthusiasm to be the featured host of GenConnect’s Live Valentine’s Chat scheduled for Thursday, February 3, 2011 at 3:30pm/ET.

Valentine’s is a very stressful time for both singles who are dateless as well as for couples where the expectations are high. If you’re waiting for him to say, “I love you” or expecting a ring on your finger, you’re putting too much pressure on your relationship.

Join me for a very special pre-Valetine’s live chat with GenConnect. We’ll be discussing both online and offline dating tips and ways to improve your relationship this month. Sign up now to register for this event. One lucky winner will receive a personalized irresistible online dating profile valued at $495. Our hashtag is #gCLove

For details, visit GenConnect.com

Spreading Netiquette and Love in New York

In this week’s Where’s Julie column, I’m happy to say that I’m home curled up by the fire busy confirming Valentine’s appearances for the next two weeks. However, in between snowstorms, I had the opportunity to spend a few days in New York City, where I appeared on NBC News to talk about my new book, The Rules of Netiquette: How to Mind Your Manners on the Web. The segment was called Netiquette: Minding Your Virtual Manners. I hope you can take a moment to view the video. Comments are always welcome. Even Pope Benedict embraced netiquette for social networking last week.

The Rules of Netiquette was originally the title of a chapter in my first book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, inspired in part when an ex-fiance ended the engagement via email. Yes, that was a netiquette no-no.

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Jamie Beckman and Julie Spira

While in New York, I had the chance to sip cappuccino with She Knows columnist and author, Jamie Beckman, whose book is featured this month in the Cyber-Dating Expert Reading Room. I also met with the GenConnect group to go over the final details of my Valentine’s live chat scheduled for February 3, 2011 at 3:30pm/Pacific time. The subject will be “For Lovers and Lovers in Waiting.” I’ll be posting details on how you can participate in the live chat on Monday, so get your relationship questions ready.

On Friday, our friends at eHarmony posted my article 5 Reasons She Won’t Call You Back on their site and sent it out to 5 million people on their eHarmony Advice newsletter. The last I looked, there were 76 comments so feel free to chime in. Needless to say, I’ve been busy working on irresistible profiles throughout the weekend for those looking for love online or at least a date before Valentine’s.

Valentine’s is around the corner, and I’ve gone on record as saying, “Valentine’s to a woman is like the Super Bowl to men.” With that in mind, we’ll be posting several articles to help you leading up to Valentine’s Day, regardless of your love stage. For now, take a look at my recent post, Valentine’s Etiquette: Dos and Don’ts for Your Valentine.

Stay tuned for my Valentine’s special offer for Irresistible Profiles for a limited time on February 1st – 6th.  I’ll also be posting some special free offers from some of the online dating sites next week which are worth signing up for which will appear in the Weekly Flirt.

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show with Liar Liar List

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Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Join  Cyber-Dating Expert and bestselling author Julie Spira as she welcomes Beth Greenfield, founder of Liar Liar List to Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show.

If your online dream date ever turned out to be a liar, whether 10 years older, 20 pounds heavier…taller, shorter, greyer, balder  – totally different than they were on their profile, than this show is for you. Liar Liar List is a fun site where you can turn in your dates and share the information.

But it’s not all bad news on their site. You’ll hear about the fun ways that you can meet other singles with similar interests through “Puppy Love” and “Audio Horoscopes.” Don’t worry, you’ll have the opportunity to adjust your profile for more authenticity on their site as well as we provide dating advice to help you shine online.

Listen in at 646-929-0012 on Saturday, October 2, 2010 at 2pm/ET, 12 noon/CT, 11am/PT to learn more about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.

Listen to internet radio with Cyberdating Expert on Blog Talk Radio

Cyber Dating Tip – Going from Online to Offline

This week’s Cyber Dating tip for successful online dating is quite simply, take your relationship from online to offline as soon as possible.

How soon you may ask? After sending a few emails, it’s best to move the relationship to the telephone. Find out if you have that same offline chemistry and you have online. Too often, I see singles falling in love from behind their computer screens. Sometimes, it’s with someone they believe is single and is available for a relationship, when in fact the complete opposite can be true. If during your phone conversation, you don’t feel comfortable, don’t feel obligated to set up a date on the calendar.

For more cyberdating tips and dating advice, Visit CyberDatingExpert.com

Dr. Romance on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show

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Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Listen to Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show, where my guest Tina B. Tessina, known as Dr. Romance and author of The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again, provided her dating advice and relationship tips for those who are newly single.

You’ll hear some of our best tips including:

♥ When and how to introduce your children to your date

♥ How to spot a player and why he’s so tempting

♥ How to find happily ever after, safely on your favorite online site.

We talked about our favorite dating tips to help you find love on the Internet. Listen to the program to learn more about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.

Author, Julie Spira Appeared at the New York Public Library

Juliehrsmall 150x150As part of the first-annual New York Book Week, Julie Spira, bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, was selected as the first of ten authors to be featured in the Library’s Meet the Author Series.

Spira talked about why she wrote her book on Tuesday, May 25, 2010 and read excerpts from two chapters. Following her presentation, she answered questions from the audience about the Internet dating industry as well as provided dating advice and tips for singles looking for love online.

“It was an honor to be selected by the New York Public Library at their “Meet the Author Series” during New York Book Week and to engage with the readers,” said Spira.

bookcoverlr1 194x300Spira donated a copy of her book to the New Amsterdam branch. She also signed copies of her book at Book Expo America on May 26, 2010.

New York Book Week was created by Book Expo America (BEA) to coincide with the publishing industry’s largest conference in North America.

New York Book Week included public “main stage” author programs at venues such as Times Talks, the 92nd Street Y, and the main branches of the New York Public Library and Brooklyn Public Library, as well as smaller events at other libraries in the NYPL system and chain and independent bookstores throughout New York City and its boroughs.

New York Book Week embraces all literary and book activity, and expands the awareness of authors, books and publishing.

To purchase a copy of The Perils of Cyber-Dating, click here>>>

For media appearances and interviews, visit CyberDatingExpert.com/contact

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