In the News

Love and the Mobile Phone

It’s no secret that the cell phdinner smartphone galone plays an important part of the online and digital dating courting process. From scheduling a first date and listening to his or her voice for the first time, to receiving the first fun flirty text messages, to the wake up texts in the morning from your digital crush, there?s reason to love your smartphone.

A survey of 3,583 women conducted by Huffington Post and Real Simple called Finding Balance in a Wired World shows just how dependent the relationship between social media and cell phones has become.

Table Manners

12 percent of those polled actually keep their phones on the table during dinner. This should NOT be a focal point of your date. A guy wants to think he’s important in your life and on a date. Still, it’s not unusual to see couples on a date with both phones present on the table. A good rule of thumb is to ask the person you’re on a date with if they don’t mind if their mobile phone is on the table, and give a good reason why. Perhaps you’re waiting for a call from your children or from your boss. Some people love taking photos of food and posting them on Instagram, myself included. However you should make sure you mention this to a date if taking photos of food to memorialize your meal is something you enjoy doing.  Ask their permission to make sure they don’t mind. Once that photo is taken, make sure to share it with your date, so he’s a part of the experience and then quickly place it back in your purse.

Frequency of Checking your Mobile Phone

76 percent of respondents say they check their smartphones at least once an hour. Of those busy gazing at their mobile phones, 15% said they looked every 15 minutes. How often are you checking your mobile phone? Are you doing this while on your date? If so, you’re sending a message that the next date could be more important than the person you should be focused on.

Bed Habits

bedtime smartphone galAlmost half of the women in the poll admitted to keeping their smartphones on their nightstands so they can check them when they wake up. Did that cute guy from last night send you a text? Out with the teddy bears and in with the cell phones. Five percent of the women polled admit to sleeping with their phones in bed with them and almost half polled would give up having sex for month to keep their smartphones in their lives during that same one month period.

Are you Addicted to Your Mobile Phone?

At the end of the digital day, almost half of respondents think they aren’t addicted to their digital devices, but just how honest are they being with that answer? With the rise of Social Media Anxiety disorder and an increase in stress when the battery life is depleted in their phones, we’re living in a mobile world, and mobile dating apps, which inform you that your digital crush has contacted you or your sweethearts sends you a text to say good night are still on the top of the digital dating ladder.

How important is your mobile device to you? Would you let it interfere with a date?

Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She writes about the marriage of love and technology and is the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating. For almost 20 years, Julie has been helping singles find love on the Internet with her Irresistible Profiles programs.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for online dating advice and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

 

Text Regret: Text Messages You Should Never Send

textregret 167x300When our friends at YourTango asked me to chime in on the latest Brigham Young University survey, which shows that texting can harm romantic relationships, it was an honor to share the reasons that texting can both enhance your love life, as well as send you to the digital doghouse in a New York minute.

It’s true that I’ve never seen an argument via text have a happy ending. When the anger brews and escalates, usually a long-winded text message won’t resolve relationship conflicts. This reactionary behavior puts you in a digital war-zone. When you send text messages back and forth, you don’t hear the sound of someone’s voice. Therefore, you can’t know how upset they really are.

Here are 5 Text Messages that you should think about, before pushing the send button.

“We need to talk.” Men dread hearing those four words. Don’t be surprised if your guy or significant other disappears for a few days. Don’t start a conversation with this one-liner, as your relationship might go south fast. You’ll either receive a negative response, or none at all.

“I’m sorry.”
Should you apologize over text? When someone says “I’m sorry” over a text message, the recipient isn’t really sure how sorry they are. It can be taken as a way to end the uncomfortable text exchange, but how sincere is the apology? You really aren’t sure and they aren’t as valued as an in-person or on-the-phone apology where it can be a two-way dialog.

“It’s over.” Who breaks up in a text message? Apparently many do so. If you’re not feeling it for him or her anymore, don’t disappear and don’t send a text. who wants to go on record as the one who dumped their significant other in a text message? Pick up the phone if you think there’s trouble in paradise. Chances are you’ll be able to salvage your relationship.

Texts To Definitely Send

The Brigham Young University research team found that affectionate loving texts can result in a happier message. I tend to agree.

“Thinking of you! have a great day!” Who wouldn’t want to wake up to this good morning text? It starts both of your days off right: with love.

“Can’t wait to see you tonight. XO.” Receiving a text like this lets your sweetheart know that he or she is loved. It’s also great digital foreplay on date night to get both of you in the mood.

Remember, once you push the send button, you can’t take it back. You’re creating a permanent digital footprint and your temporary moment of digital insantly might be shared with his or her friends to confirm that you are indeed crazy. If you must vent, send yourself an email describing exactly how angry you’re feeling, but do not, I repeat, do not send it. Try sleeping on it and revisiting it in the morning.

Relationships can be complicated and sometimes we catastrophize about our love lives. If your boyfriend or girlfriend misses calling you one night, he or she may have just fallen asleep on the sofa…..alone, and not in the arms of another.

Have you ever sent a text that you’ve regretted?

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of Cyber Dating Expert. Julie was an early adopter of the Internet and writes about the marriage of love and technology. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating. Follow @JulieSpira for dating advice and sign up for our free Weekly Flirt and find out how our Irresistible Profiles will help you find your dream date.

#140LA13 – Romance, Speaking and Hearing from the Heart

StateofNow 1We all know that social media plays a huge part of communicating online.

From checking out his or her Facebook profile, to following your digital crush on Twitter, the conversation is expanding.

So how do social media and love connect online to help you with your love life offline?

These questions and issues will be discussed during Social Media Week in a very special event, the #140LA13 Mini-Conference on Monday September 23, 2013, which I’m honored to be a speaker at.

Both Jeff Pulver, the 140 Conference creator and my friend Debra Eckerling from Write on Online will be hosting the #140LA13 Mini-Conference: “The Rise of Listening in the Era of Social Media” on Monday, September 23, 2013 from 6:30pm – 9:30pm at Cross Campus at 820 Broadway in Santa Monica, CA.

I’ll be joined on our panel, Romance, Speaking and Hearing from the Heart with Kerianne Mellott, eHarmony’s Social Media Manager and Marni Battista, founder of Dating With Dignity. Together, the three of us will be answering your questions on how we engage with singles using social media and what social media channels we?re finding the most effective.

We’ll address emotional issues such as how much should we reveal on social media about our personal lives, how do we handle those whose hearts are healing and encourage others to be positive during an emotional time.

We do hope you join us at this very special event.

Other sessions in the 140LA 13 mini conference include:

Hosts: Jeff Pulver and Debra Eckerling
Panels:

  • Love, Passion & Chocolate, Ashley Walsh
  • Romance, Speaking & Hearing from the Heart, Kerianne Mellott, Julie Spira, Marni Battista
  • Engaging Your Community, David Bloom speaking with Catherine Geanuracos about Eric Garcetti’s social campaign strategy
  • Transforming Entertainment through Social Media, Steven Swimmer, Jon Cody, Peter Hyoguchi, Mike Rotman
  • Paying it Forward, Brian Mac Mahon

The #140conf events provide a platform for individuals and entrepreneurs to listen, connect, share, and engage with each other, while collectively exploring the effects of the emerging real-time internet on business.

California Monster Salads and Kuma Snow Cream will be graciously providing food for us to enjoy that evening.

Limited tickets can be purchased for $15 at 140confla13-estw.eventbrite.com

 

Cyber Love Story – Marsha and Curt

marshacurtsmall 199x300Digital love. It comes in many flavors and varieties. We’ve got traditional online dating sites, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Skype, and the list goes on.

This week, my dear friends Marsha Collier and Curt Buthman became engaged. Marsha, a bestselling author living in Los Angeles, met Curt, a business consultant who resided in North Carolina on Twitter in October of 2010. Marsha shared her excitement about her new Twitter love and the two were scheduled to meet IRL at BlogWorld, a social media conference in Las Vegas. Fortunately, I was there to cheer the two on and witness the power of social media and romantic relationships first hand.

The two were lucky and excited to see that their online chemistry transferred to an exciting offline connection. They stayed in touch via Skype every night as their relationship continued to develop.

When the holidays arrived two months later, Curt decided to fly to Los Angeles to see how the two would mesh in Marsha’s home town. After two weeks together, Curt knew it was perfect. He was hooked.

Curt moved to Los Angeles two months later and the two have been inseparable for the past two years.

Curt realized that Twitter was a big part of their lives. Marsha is the host of the #custserv twitter chat on Tuesday evenings and the two regularly chat on Twitter. Curt decided Twitter and social media needed to be a part of his proposal. On the day he decided to propose to Marsha, he sent several of us a private message on Facebook to let us know that he would be proposing at 6:45pm using the Twitter hashtag of #willyoumarryme during her weekly #custserv chat.

At 6:45pm, the loving tweet was sent. Curt popped the digital Q on Twitter.

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In his associated Vine video Curt said, Marsha. I love you so much. Will you marry me, please please?

Curt held up an engagement ring, which was a family heirloom. His Twitter and Vine marriage proposal went viral.

Many of Marsha’s followers waited patiently for her to accept.

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Curt apologized for disrupting Marsha’s Twitter #custserv chat.

curttweet2

 

 

Finally, Marsha said Yes! Their Vine marriage proposal on Twitter has gone viral.

marsha tweet 2

 

 

Congratulations to Marsha and Curt, our Cyber Love Story of the Week who will ride into the digital sunset together.

Do you have an online dating story to share?

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Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. Julie’s the bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating and creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for the Weekly Flirt newsletter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.

5 Texting Tips to Help Improve Your Relationship

texting 150x150

Digital love –? Should texting be a part of your dating life?

According to a Rice University study, both men and women are sending text messages to their S.O.?s.

In a recent article on Prevention.com, I shared tips and texting advice to help spice up your love life, along with a few precautions to make sure you don?t end up in the digital doghouse.

1. DON?T overdo it. Sending a simple happy face to your loved one can be a fun and flirty way to brighten up their day, but the overuse of emoticons reduces the effectiveness. In other words, if every message you send is punctuated with a smile or a wink, your partner will find it harder to figure out what you’re really feeling. (And off-topic but related: The overuse of exclamation marks, especially by men, is a turn-off.)

2. DO embrace the quick hello. I?m a big fan of sending a good morning text to your sweetheart. It never hurts to add ‘xoxo’ at the end to put a smile on his face.

3. DON’T send explicit photos. Even if you haven’t been a teenager for decades, sending naked photos via texting can still come back to haunt you. This is the biggest mistake women make. I can?t stress enough that anything you send digitally can and will be shared by others.

4. DO use it for quick updates. Texting is tailor-made for confirming plans or giving a status update to someone who’s waiting on you. If you?re running late for a date or appointment, you should always send a text to let the other party know.

5. DON’T text angry?ever. The problem with relying on text messages is you can?t hear the sound of someone?s voice. ?A text message sent in jest may be received as hurtful, and cause a fight. If you find a text exchange veering into argument territory, that’s the time to switch over to a phone call or talking in person. Do sleep on it. Just because you can send a text doesn’t mean you should?especially if it concerns your relationship. If you have to get something off your chest, send it to yourself (and only to yourself!) in an email and sleep on it. You might feel differently about it in the morning.

Read full article at PreventionMagazine.com

Julie Spira is an online dating and netiquette expert. She?s the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and The Rules of Netiquette: How to Mind Your Manners on the Web.

For more dating and relationship advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.

Photo Credit: LiveStock – Fotolia.com