In the News

Does it Matter if We’re Facebook Official

radioshowlogo5

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

Dear Cyber-Dating Expert,

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about two months. We met online and decided to become exclusive. I took your advice and we both took down our online dating profiles at the same time.

Everything seems to be going well so far, except for one thing. I’ve changed my status on Facebook to “In a Relationship” and he refuses to do so. He tells me he loves me and I know he’s not looking for someone else, but it makes me uncomfortable.

Why won’t he change his facebook status if he’s proud and excited about our relationship? Should I worry about us, or does it really matter?
Please help.

Rhonda

Dear Rhonda,

In today’s busy connected world, becoming “Facebook official” means a lot to some people, but not to everyone. If your boyfriend is connected on Facebook with his boss, clients, or other work associates, it’s likely he doesn’t want to mix business with pleasure. There may not be reason to be alarmed.

More often than not, women change their relationship status on Facebook before men do, or if they even the do it at all. Considering he’s your boyfriend and not your fiance or spouse, changing his status shouldn’t really matter. If he has no status at all and isn’t listed as “Single” I wouldn’t be focusing on this one aspect of your relationship.

Everyone’s feelings about social media and digital dating vary. Women tend to post more lovey-lovey couple photos on Facebook than men do. It’s how women tick.

Enjoy the beginning of your new committed relationship and if it continues to bother you, change your status late at night from “In a Relationship” to no relationship. When the timing is right, perhaps you’ll have a digital celebration together.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira

xo

Do you have a question for the Cyber-Dating Expert? Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter

Survey: Online Dating by the Numbers

onlinedatingbythenumbers 300x300A new study from Pew Research shows that online dating has risen in popularity. While most of us realize this from the everyday conversations we’re having with singles on the dating scene, we really need to credit the introduction and rise of mobile dating apps for the increase in acceptance to digital dating.

When Pew conducted their research study in 2005, more singles hid the fact that they were dating online. Eight years ago, 29% thought that dating on the Internet was just something those who were desperate had to do. Fortunately, the number has shrunk to 21% today.

So who’s dating the most online?

According to the study, single men and women from 25-34 are the most popular demographic for Internet daters.

Other important statistics from the survey include:

  • 42% know someone who has used online dating
  • 29% know someone who has been in a long-term relationships or marriage with someone they’ve met online
  • 66% of online daters have gone out on a date with someone they met on a dating site
  • 11% of adult American Internet users have used online dating sites
  • 38% of those who are “single and looking” have used online dating sites and mobile dating apps.

While these numbers continue to rise from Pew’s survey in 2005, over half of those who have dated online have had a bad experience. From misrepresentation of age, weight, marital status and more, we wish there was more truth-in-advertising with Internet dating.

Along with looking for love online, the Pew survey showed that many still felt the need to research their past relationships online. It’s hard not to be curious about what your ex is up to when he or she continues to post photos on Facebook or update their status on Twitter publicly. Suddenly social media makes it easy to do an impromptu background search to see if you’re former flame is single or in a relationship. The study showed that 30% of social networking users were researching those they were interested in dating. This proves that singles really need to make sure they keep their Facebook pages and date-friendly.

On Facebook Love Stories, we teach singles how to keep their Facebook pages more dateable. Think about it, your Linkedin Profile needs to help you find your dream job by being professional. It would make sense then that your Facebook page needs to reflect your single status.

*Hint: It might be time to do some digital housekeeping to remove photos of you with your kissing cousin or ex BF or GF.

At the end of the digital day, we’re creating a permanent digital footprint whenever we post. If you’re single, make sure you’re reflecting the real you, not the idealized person you think your date is dreaming to meet.

Julie Spira is a top Online Dating Expert and was an early adopter of Internet dating. She’s been helping singles on the dating scene for 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Photo credit: © erinphoto10 – Fotolia.com

Take Part Live – Online Dating Dos and Don’ts

On Take Part Live on PointTV, we tackled the subject of digital dating and how texting and social media have affected our love lives.

It was a honor and joy to be a featured guest on the program with hosts Jacob Soboroff and Cara Santa Maria.

I was joined with Comedienne and Glamour blogger Phoebe Robinson, who appeared earlier on Raising McCain with Meghan McCain, and Jessica Sorbino.

One of the main questions that came up is should you change your Facebook relationship status? The opinions from the panel differed. Phoebe met her boyfriend on Facebook and checked out his profile before agreeing to going on a date. I said that everyone who is single should list their relationship status as Facebook could be the world’s largest dating site, and Jessica believes you shouldn’t list a relationship status at all, so forget about “It’s Complicated.”

How long should you wait to respond to his or her text message? Are we becoming Internet dating addicts? Watch the show segment for details.

You can read more in this article on Digital Technology and Romantic Relationships.

For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the Cyber-Dating Expert Weekly Flirt.

Is Facebook Really a Social Dating Site?

socialdatingfacebook 150x150

Internet dating has evolved from the early days of chat rooms and dial up Internet to high-speed wireless Internet and now to a social dating experience. From getting dating advice on Twitter from @Match or @eHarmony to checking out your potential date’s Facebook page, while still chatting on the phone with him or her, digital dating has ramped it up a big notch.

Let’s face it. You’re hanging your digital hat on Facebook and Twitter a bit more often than logging into your online dating account, and with good reason. You like to see what your friends are up to and cheer them on with an occasional like or two. Staring at ‘Selfies’ photos can be fun, and watching someone change their relationship status is a golden moment.

Most online dating sites are now entrenched with social media allowing you to upload your photos directly from Facebook and even using the like button for people to vote on their favorite photos of you. This is quite helpful as you can and should change your photos around a bit. If you notice that some are getting more attention, then they’re keepers.

When Facebook launched their Social Graph search in January, I spoke with USA Today. The article, Facebook Unleashed Cupid Potential came out while many of the Internet dating executives were at the Internet Dating Conference.

I was quoted as saying:

Dating norms, however, have already taken root on Facebook. People have long-perused the photos and postings of members in the game of attraction, says Julie Spira, a digital-dating maven who runs CyberDatingExpert.com.

“It’s the world’s largest social network, and they could be the world’s largest dating network if they want to go there,” Spira said.

No longer could online dating sites and singles ignore the big digital gorilla in the room. A few weeks later, we debuted Facebook Love Stories, featuring real world couples who met or reconnected on Facebook and fell madly in love.

Cyber-Dating Expert friend Cliff Lerner, the CEO of Are You Interested wrote an interesting piece in Huffington Post entitled, Why Facebook Graph Search Will Make Online Dating Cool.

I have to agree with Lerner. There are some that still think there’s a stigma with online dating, but have no problem contacting other singles on Facebook chat. This my friends is social dating at it’s best.

At the end of the digital day, you need to cast a very wide net. If you’re uncomfortable saying that you’re an online dater, tell people that you’re a social dater. Do whatever it takes to find love, online, offline, and on Facebook.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, on Facebook, or wherever you may roam.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and check out FacebookLoveStories.com.

 

Social Dating: Is Facebook Really a Dating Site?

socialdatingfacebook 150x150Let’s face it. You’re hanging your digital hat on Facebook and Twitter a bit more often than logging into your online dating account, and with good reason. You like to see what your friends are up to and cheer them on with an occasional like or two. Staring at ‘Selfies’ photos can be fun, and watching someone change their relationship status is a golden moment.

Most online dating sites are now entrenched with social media allowing you to upload your photos directly from Facebook and even using the like button for people to vote on their favorite photos of you. This is quite helpful as you can and should change your photos around a bit. If you notice that some are getting more attention, then they’re keepers.

Internet dating has evolved from the early days of chat rooms and dial up Internet to high-speed wireless Internet and now to a social dating experience. From getting dating advice on Twitter from @Match or @eHarmony to checking out your potential date’s Facebook page, while still chatting on the phone with him or her, digital dating has ramped it up a big notch.

When Facebook launched their Social Graph search in January, I spoke with USA Today. The article, Facebook Unleashed Cupid Potential came out while many of the Internet dating executives were at the Internet Dating Conference.

I was quoted as saying:

Dating norms, however, have already taken root on Facebook. People have long-perused the photos and postings of members in the game of attraction, says Julie Spira, a digital-dating maven who runs CyberDatingExpert.com.

“It’s the world’s largest social network, and they could be the world’s largest dating network if they want to go there,” Spira said.

No longer could online dating sites and singles ignore the big digital gorilla in the room. A few weeks later, we debuted Facebook Love Stories, featuring real world couples who met or reconnected on Facebook and fell madly in love.

Cyber-Dating Expert friend Cliff Lerner, the CEO of Are You Interested wrote an interesting piece in Huffington Post entitled, Why Facebook Graph Search Will Make Online Dating Cool.

I have to agree with Lerner. There are some that still think there’s a stigma with online dating, but have no problem contacting other singles on Facebook chat. This my friends is social dating at it’s best.

At the end of the digital day, you need to cast a very wide net. If you’re uncomfortable saying that you’re an online dater, tell people that you’re a social dater. Do whatever it takes to find love, online, offline, and on Facebook.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, on Facebook, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com and FacebookLoveStories.com. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene and coaches them on finding love online and on Facebook. For more dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and like her at at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.

 

 

 

 

Would you Use Facebook to Land a Date?

Our friends at YourTango just completed their Dating in a Digital Age survey and found that 63% of singles are using online dating sites to find a serious relationship.

Of those surveyed, 95% said they have used Facebook to find a date. This number is enormous and does give hope to singles that cyber love is truly a way of everyday life.

So how do you make sure you’re putting your best digital foot forward?

Let’s start with amping up your Facebook profile.

PHOTOS

Putting the best primary photo you can possibly find is key to your success in finding love on Facebook. Posting a photo with your BFF is off-limits. One with your cousin is also off the list if you’re single. It can send confusing messages and you won’t know for sure that someone is single.  Posting no photo at all is as obsolete as the fax machine or VHS player. Remember, your photo will appear in a search, even to non-friends who would like to connect with you.

The YourTango study confirmed this as they found that two-thirds would not go on a date with someone whose profile contains no photos.

RELATIONSHIP STATUS

Think you’re too shy to let someone know you’re single? Think again. Not posting you’re relationship status as “Single” or “Divorced” doesn’t mean you’re desperate. It means you’re stating your intention that you’re available for a relationship. On Facebook Love Stories, you’ll read the heartwarming story of Taunia and Jake. When Taunia changed her relationship status to “Divorced,” she became reunited with a former boyfriend from twenty years earlier. The two got engaged at the Eiffel Tower in Paris and will be getting married this summer. Is that worth the free advertising on Facebook if you want to find love? We think so.

BECOME A FACEBOOK FLIRT

If you have a digital crush on someone, spend time occasionally “liking” and commenting on his or her posts. Don’t overdo it, as you don’t want to come across as an obsessed cyber-stalking type. It’s digital foreplay and it’s amazing how it really works.

WATCH WHAT YOU POST

Posting photos and party shots over-and-over again might not send the message that you’re relationship material. Make sure your posts are varied and not all about you. Ask engaging questions in your posts and thank those who comment. Even if he or she won’t be the love of your life, think about their extended social network. Who doesn’t want to play digital matchmaker?

Are you flirting on Facebook? Do you think Facebook could be the world’s largest dating site?  You’re comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert and Facebook Love Stories. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more digital dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and visit our Cyber-Dating Expert and Facebook Love Stories pages.

Facebook Love Story – Patience and Sam

1162844532 f8xst L 300x207Meet Patience and Sam who fell in love on Facebook.

Over 25 years ago, Patience had a serious crush on Sam.

She knew him the class clown and the wildly popular senior who always found new ways to be in the spotlight.

By contrast, Patience was quiet and considered more of a wallflower. She thought that Sam was  “out of her league.” They two never dated and barely acknowledged each other in the halls. During a formal dance, after her date had ditched her, Patience was shocked when Sam asked her to dance and pulled her into a random picture. They still have that picture.

Twenty-six years went by. Sam got married and then divorced. He lived in Israel, where he was teaching college and high school French. Meanwhile in New York,  Patience had gone into publishing and had serial-dated for two decades. She was 41-yeats-old and thought she was completely over the New York dating scene, which she jokingly refers to as “buffet dating.”

In August 2009, in the “Suggested Friends” section on Facebook, Sam noticed “the little redhead” as one of his options and “friended” Patience immediately. For Patience, it was a no-brainer to be in contact with such a popular person from high school. She started flirting on Facebook by “liking” his morose status updates. Finally, Sam picked up the phone and called her. Their first phone conversation lasted for over two hours.

One Facebook friendship and three months of Skype dates later convinced them there was something there.  He asked if he could visit and possibly “marry and father her children.” Patience said all of her girlfriends thought she was crazy, but she knew there was a connection between them.

On December 17, 2009, Sam uprooted himself to go west and saw Patience for the first time in twenty-six years. He ended up staying in New York. On their first visit to his father’s house in Miami, Sam dug out the original picture of them, which he’d kept all these years. They were married on January 16, 2011 and live in New York.

Congratulations to Patience and Sam, our featured couple in Facebook Love Stories.

Do you know someone who fell in love on Facebook?

 

FLS Button2

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com and FacebookLoveStories.com. For online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert. For Facebook dating advice, follow @FBLoveStories on Twitter and their Facebook Page

Dating Advice: I’m Upset About His Facebook Page Likes

radioshowlogo5 150x150

Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert

 

Dear Julie,

I met this cute guy online and there was a lot of chemistry. He asked me out at the end of the first date for a second date and I was happy about it. When I got home, there was a Facebook friends request from him. I decided not to accept it as we only had one date and I didn’t think I wanted him seeing the details of my personal life.

Finally, a few days later I decided to accept his request and was stunned at what I saw on his profile. It appeared he liked a Facebook page of a site that looked racy. I’m not into these types of things, so I unfriended him, blocked him on Facebook, and canceled our second date.

Did I overreact or did I save myself from a heartbreak? Please help.

Leah

Dear Leah,

Your date was clearly into you, which is why he wanted to be friends on Facebook as well. You should be flattered. Not accepting a friends request after a first date was wise, as no one had agreed to date exclusively so early on. It’s natural to want to take a digital peek to see what each other is up to on Facebook. However, you shouldn’t jump to conclusion that your guy has a dark side. Contact him and let him know what you saw and ask him if this really describes who he is and what his interests are.

Chances are he might not even have realized what he had clicked “like” to and has no idea that site appears on his personal Facebook page. Keep it light and friendly as you were the one who canceled the second date and blocked him. Let’s see if he deletes that page from his profile or keeps it as a favorite.

You’ll know in time if he’s your type or not.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie

Do you have a dating dilemma? Are you unsure if your online dating profile shows you in the best digital light? Contact us with your questions and sign up for our Weekly Flirt newsletter for more advice from online dating expert, Julie Spira


Is Facebook Really the World’s Largest Dating Site?

facebookheart2There’s no shortage of online dating sites popping up every week. The newest sites are called niche sites as they bring a hook to the digital table. From group dating, to setting up your pets, to the latest trend of incorporating Facebook and the vote of approval from your friends to help set up your dates, it can make your head spin, or at least your fingers tired.

What does this mean for singles in the crowded digital marketplace? When I was asked by my friends at Huffington Post to comment on an article they were writing called New Online Dating Sites Bring Your Friends Along for the Ride, about these new sites such as  The Complete.me, Yoke.me, and Circle.es, it made me realize that singles do want to see accountability from potential dates.  Sure I got fixed up on one of these sites with a photo of Michael Jackson to a man named Michael, so it’s data in, data out. But it sure does make you feel good when you see some of your friends on Facebook who really knows your potential date.

Our Mobile Dating Bootcamp will be starting next week and some of the contestants will be using some of these newer Facebook dating apps. We’ll be reporting on their findings, but until these sites get enough members to sign up, you might find yourself a digital pen-pal out of your geographic area. Our findings will be presented at the Internet Dating and Mobile Dating Conference in June.

Would you try a dating site that matched you based on your Facebook friends?

Full article @Huffington Post

Julie Spira is the leading online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. Julie created her first dating profile over 15 years ago and today, she provides irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. Julie was named one of America’s Ultimate Experts in Woman’s World magazine and was called the pioneer of online dating by Cosmo. For online dating advice, join the conversation at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.

Cyber Love Links – Gaming and Dating in a Web 2.0 World

cyberlovelinks2 300x67

Love never goes out of style and there was no shortage of love links this week on our Twitter stream.

The week started out with the huge news that the California Attorney General Kamala D. Harris announced her joint release for online dating safety. Dating sites eHarmony, Match, and Spark Networks, owner of JDate and Christian Mingle joined together to make singles feel safer while looking for love online. This story was covered everywhere in the world, including USA Today, Time, and Mashable.

As a cyber-relations and online dating expert, I helped spread the good news on Huffington Post in How to Use Google and Facebook for Online Dating Safety. On GenConnect, you can view videos from both myself and Attorney General Kamala D. Harris in Online Dating to Become Safer for Singles. On Sunday at 5pm/pt, I’ll be a guest with Phil Shuman on FOX News to talk about this subject as well. For more safety tips, check out the SAFETY link on our home page. We take online dating safety seriously. We also want to help you fall in love online.

On a lighter note, MBA Programs posted an Infographic called “Gamers Get Girls.” We loved it so much that we added it to our pinboard on Pinterest. You’ll see an interesting comparison of how online dating stacks up to online gaming. Our friends at Ask Men taught the guys that telling your date too much just isn’t a good idea. Check out Killing Challenge: Why you shouldn’t reveal too much too soon.  In honor of the return of Mad Men, How About We shared a great post, Are You a Don Draper or a Trudy Campbell: Find Your Mad Men Dating Style. One of our latest success couples sent me a text message from the airport on their way to Paris! Yes, her irresistible profile on Match helped her find her dream guy. In honor of their new love, I’m sharing an article I enjoyed on GalTime, 6 Most Romantic Places in Paris. Speaking of GalTime, many thanks to Marianne Beach for featuring our dating advice in A Dozen Tips for Dating in a Facebook World, which also appeared on Yahoo! Shine.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

~The Cyber-Dating Expert Team

Like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for more dating advice

Next Page »