It happens to the best of us. You go home for Thanksgiving to see friends and family, only to be questioned about your relationship status. From “Are you seeing anyone special?” to “How’s your love life?” These are common questions that cause many singles to pull the covers over their heads. Others are being smart about it. They’re logging on for love to find someone to keep them warm during the holidays, or perhaps even attend a holiday party with.
Still, I know how tough it is at the holidays being single. I’ve been there. I’ve watched the posts from others on Facebook who are shared their coupledom with everyone, from kissing under the mistletoe to the eight gifts on Hanukkah, which just magnifies how tough it is being single at the holidays.
Here’s a survival guide to help you through the holidays, online and IRL.
Anxiety over your relationship status during the holidays is common. Add a digital element to it of being connected via email, Facebook, or Twitter and it’s magnified big time. Online Dating Anxiety Disorder (ODAD) is overwhelming. While it isn’t a clinical condition, most singles are now members of more than one dating site. Those who suffer from ODAD know that horrible feeling they get when they push the send button too fast to reply to his or her email and then wait by their computer or mobile phone for the reply to come in. When you have ODAD, you’re a member of so many sites, you can’t remember where you met the date you’re about to have dinner with. Text messages become a part of your dating regime and if the time in between the texts is over four hours, you start to feel anxious and catastrophize.
It can be confusing to hear someone say, “It’s Doug from PlentyOfFish, um, no I mean Match; actually, it was eHarmony right?” This is not how you viewed your first conversation with your soul mate would be, right?
When you suffer from online dating anxiety disorder, you typically log on after a great date to see who else has written to you instead of going to sleep with a smile on your face from a fabulous date. It’s a condition that many suffer from and don’t know how to get out of the downward spiral, other than to unplug and deactivate for a day or two.
If you’ve recently ended a relationship with someone you’ve met online, it’s more likely than not that you’ll be taking a peek at his or her profile to see their online activity. It’s natural to be curious, but it’s a habit that I urge you to break.
It’s also breakup season
Since the famous Facebook breakup chart was released a few years ago, the trend of breaking up during holiday season became a known fact. Digital snooping is also on the rise, especially during the holidays. It brings out the worst in us. At Plenty of Fish, they surveyed over 9000 of their users between the ages of 20 -40 to find out what their holiday dating habits were. POF found that 82% of the women were actually checking the Facebook statuses of guys they were dating to see what they were doing when they weren’t around. Their survey also found that 26% of singles slept with an ex over the holidays, because they just didn’t want to be alone and single.
A few years ago, I wrote a post called, Recycling an Ex at the Holidays about my own personal experience of being invited to my former Match.com boyfriend’s holiday party after having had no contact for six months. While I did attend his company party with him, I made sure there were ground rules put in place; specifically, that we weren’t getting back together and were going as friends.
While recycling an ex over the holidays is common, the feelings after the holiday parties have worn off will leave you in a worse place emotionally than if you put your energies into spending time with friends or trying to cultivate a new relationship.
It’s Peak Season for Online Daters
The good news is that more singles are signing up for dating sites between Thanksgiving and Valentine’s Day. Match reports they see a jump of about 25-30% in new members signing up between Christmas and Valentine’s Day and at Cyber-Dating Expert, it’s the busiest holiday season ever with new singles joining online dating sites and brand new dating profiles being created.
It’s peak season in the Internet dating business, which typically coincides with holiday breakup season. It’s the perfect time to start filling your date card, but how do you coordinate holiday dating without feeling overwhelmed and a bit anxious? My biggest recommendation is to look at online dating and flirting on Facebook as ways to expand your social circle. Think of it as meeting new friends at the holidays and enjoying the company of someone you like, not necessarily someone you’re about to fall in love with.
Online Love is a year-round event
People meet online and fall in love all year long. I know a couple that met online on Christmas Eve on Facebook who are now engaged. I know of another couple that met online on eHarmony on Valentine’s Day who are now happily married. Just yesterday I learned of a couple fell in love at first sight that met on Match. She hadn’t had a serious relationship in over 10 years and now they’re smitten. Yes online dating is a numbers game. You’ll be juggling dates, canceling dates, rescheduling dates, it’s exhausting, but it can be so very rewarding as it has been for millions of others.
Stop Stalking Your Ex
I’m here to tell you that being single on the holidays is fine. We get over it. Stalking an ex online or on Facebook isn’t fine. You’ll feel anxious if you see him or her logging on looking for your replacement. You’ll feel anxious if you don’t see him or her logging on assuming you’ve been replaced. Your heart will fall to the floor when they delete their profile, assuming they’ve ridden off into the sunset with someone else. You’ll be burning up the phone lines if you see a Facebook relationship status change or a photo posted with someone else.
You really don’t know what’s going on in your ex’s mind and it doesn’t matter. All you can control is how you feel about it and what you’d like to do to add more positive people in your life. He or she is an ex for a reason, so please knock them off their pedestal.
Fall in love with you
At the holidays, please take a deep breath; log on to fill your date card if and when it feels good to you, not because you’re feeling lonely. If you need to take a break from dating, that’s fine. There are no rules, other than to fall in love with yourself first. It’s the best place to be to start any new relationship.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace this holiday season, or wherever you may roam.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and was a very early adopter of Internet dating. She’s the CEO of CyberDatingExpert.com, author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For online dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Our friends at She Knows created a fabulous list of 10 affordable holiday dating ideas and asked me to chime in.
“It’s important to date your mate,” advises Julie Spira, Cyber-dating expert. “Creating rituals together such as a weekly date night will enhance your relationship and give you something to look forward to,” even through the busy holiday.
And, regardless of how busy holidays with kids can be, Spira urges couples to honor your date night. “It will keep your relationship alive!” With these 10 cheap date holiday date ideas, romancing your mate is not only important, it can also be affordable!
Michelle Maffei suggested ice skating, tree lighting ceremonies, watching the Christmas lights, and visiting Santa Claus in her fun list of 10 cheap dates during the holidays. I’d like to add if you live near the water, see if you can attend a local boat parade, where boats are decorated like Christmas trees with different themes and music.
Even if you find yourself dateless, grab a friend and enjoy the same events. You never know who you might run into who is in the same digital boat.
Listen to the holiday edition of Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio show with dating experts Julie Spira and DeAnna Lorriane.
Julie and DeAnna talked about everything you need to know to find love during the holidays.
Holiday Parties: We suggested you have at least 2-3 dates before extending the invite. Cast a wide net and accept every invitation.
Holiday Gift Giving: Keep it simple. Don’t overwhelm someone you haven’t known for very long with an expensive piece of jewelry. A card, candy or flowers will make a nice impression.
Hanukkah Dating: Julie discussed her 8 Fun and Flirty Ways to Celebrate Hanukkah, including going on 8 dates a week, guilt them with gelt, the chocolate candy which is known to be an aphrodisiac, and nibbling on hot red latkes (potato pancakes).
Be Safe, Both Online and Offline: Make sure you meet your date in a public place, let a friend or buddy know where you are going, and don’t give out financial information
Be Organized: Don’t confuse Jenny with Jill or Richard with Ron. Both Julie and DeAnna recommend using an excel spreadsheet to keep your dates straight and watch your progress.
Remember, first impressions do matter. Listen to the show for all of our best dating advice for the holiday season. Make sure you have a terrific online dating profile and treat your quest to find love online no less than your search for your dream job.
On a day where shopping frenzy is at an all time high, singles are more worried about finding a date. The Match.com poll mentioned in the article, showed that finding a date for the holidays is the number one stress for singles now.
Whitney Casey, Match.com‘s Relationship Expert and a recent guest on Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show told the Post, “No one really wants to spend New Year’s alone,” Casey said.
Match says their traffic increases by almost 23 percent during the holidays. They claim that 59.5 percent of those polled said they’d prefer a kiss over a new laptop on New Year’s Eve.
As an online dating expert, I agree with their findings. My relationship coaching business has shown a huge spike since Halloween.
Remember, if you’re a single woman who wants to couple-up, there are many single men who feel the same way during the holidays.
I can help you find your dream date for the holidays and make it a better experience for you by creating your Irresistible online dating profile.
Holiday dating can be tricky, lonely, a time to reconnect, or just simply complicated. Read my latest article on The Huffington Post where I talk about the film, It’s Complicated, as well as the trend to reach out to an ex at the holidays to either rekindle a spark or sometimes just for a one-night-stand. If you can relate, feel free to comment.
The FREE Guide includes tips from myself along with two other relationship experts, gift giving ideas, online dating holiday trends, and more dating tips for the holiday season.
Their study showed that the majority of singles wanted to couple-up during the holidays and were looking for a long-term relationship.
Their survey found:
- This holiday season, 63% of singles are looking for long-term true love, 33% of singles are just looking for a holiday party date and 4% feel it’s too stressful to date during the holidays.
- Surprisingly, 19% of men say they would invite a woman to their office holiday party as a first date. Only 10% of women are this daring.
- The most desired gift is a hug or a kiss.
For more information, download your free guide at http://www.zoosk.com/survivalguide.php.