In the News

Love and the Mobile Phone

It’s no secret that the cell phdinner smartphone galone plays an important part of the online and digital dating courting process. From scheduling a first date and listening to his or her voice for the first time, to receiving the first fun flirty text messages, to the wake up texts in the morning from your digital crush, there?s reason to love your smartphone.

A survey of 3,583 women conducted by Huffington Post and Real Simple called Finding Balance in a Wired World shows just how dependent the relationship between social media and cell phones has become.

Table Manners

12 percent of those polled actually keep their phones on the table during dinner. This should NOT be a focal point of your date. A guy wants to think he’s important in your life and on a date. Still, it’s not unusual to see couples on a date with both phones present on the table. A good rule of thumb is to ask the person you’re on a date with if they don’t mind if their mobile phone is on the table, and give a good reason why. Perhaps you’re waiting for a call from your children or from your boss. Some people love taking photos of food and posting them on Instagram, myself included. However you should make sure you mention this to a date if taking photos of food to memorialize your meal is something you enjoy doing.  Ask their permission to make sure they don’t mind. Once that photo is taken, make sure to share it with your date, so he’s a part of the experience and then quickly place it back in your purse.

Frequency of Checking your Mobile Phone

76 percent of respondents say they check their smartphones at least once an hour. Of those busy gazing at their mobile phones, 15% said they looked every 15 minutes. How often are you checking your mobile phone? Are you doing this while on your date? If so, you’re sending a message that the next date could be more important than the person you should be focused on.

Bed Habits

bedtime smartphone galAlmost half of the women in the poll admitted to keeping their smartphones on their nightstands so they can check them when they wake up. Did that cute guy from last night send you a text? Out with the teddy bears and in with the cell phones. Five percent of the women polled admit to sleeping with their phones in bed with them and almost half polled would give up having sex for month to keep their smartphones in their lives during that same one month period.

Are you Addicted to Your Mobile Phone?

At the end of the digital day, almost half of respondents think they aren’t addicted to their digital devices, but just how honest are they being with that answer? With the rise of Social Media Anxiety disorder and an increase in stress when the battery life is depleted in their phones, we’re living in a mobile world, and mobile dating apps, which inform you that your digital crush has contacted you or your sweethearts sends you a text to say good night are still on the top of the digital dating ladder.

How important is your mobile device to you? Would you let it interfere with a date?

Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She writes about the marriage of love and technology and is the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating. For almost 20 years, Julie has been helping singles find love on the Internet with her Irresistible Profiles programs.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for online dating advice and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

 

Is Facebook Really the World’s Largest Dating Site?

facebookheart2There’s no shortage of online dating sites popping up every week. The newest sites are called niche sites as they bring a hook to the digital table. From group dating, to setting up your pets, to the latest trend of incorporating Facebook and the vote of approval from your friends to help set up your dates, it can make your head spin, or at least your fingers tired.

What does this mean for singles in the crowded digital marketplace? When I was asked by my friends at Huffington Post to comment on an article they were writing called New Online Dating Sites Bring Your Friends Along for the Ride, about these new sites such as? The Complete.me, Yoke.me, and Circle.es, it made me realize that singles do want to see accountability from potential dates.? Sure I got fixed up on one of these sites with a photo of Michael Jackson to a man named Michael, so it’s data in, data out. But it sure does make you feel good when you see some of your friends on Facebook who really knows your potential date.

Our Mobile Dating Bootcamp will be starting next week and some of the contestants will be using some of these newer Facebook dating apps. We’ll be reporting on their findings, but until these sites get enough members to sign up, you might find yourself a digital pen-pal out of your geographic area. Our findings will be presented at the Internet Dating and Mobile Dating Conference in June.

Would you try a dating site that matched you based on your Facebook friends?

Full article @Huffington Post

Julie Spira is the leading online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. Julie created her first dating profile over 15 years ago and today, she provides irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. Julie was named one of America’s Ultimate Experts in Woman’s World magazine and was called the pioneer of online dating by Cosmo. For online dating advice, join the conversation at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.

When In Doubt, Wear Red

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Design by Susana Mercedes

I have always believed in the significance of wearing red on a first date.

Here’s what we intuitively know about the color red:

  • Red is the color of love.
  • Red ignites passion.
  • Red is the signature color for Valentine’s Day.
  • You give red roses to a blue lady.
  • Red is sexy.
  • Red is a powerful color for women in the bedroom and the boardroom.
  • Red stimulates the heart to beat faster.

Recently, I wrote an article on Huffington Post about why men were attracted to women who wore red. This behavior was backed up by a research study from the European Journal of Social Psychology called *”Red and Romantic Behavior in Viewing Women.”

In the above mentioned study,? male undergraduates were shown photographs of young adult women. Some women were wearing the color green and others were wearing red. As they were looking at photos alone, the study showed similar behaviors to those who would view women’s profiles on an online dating site. The men appeared to ask more forward questions to the women in red as compared to the generic questions asked of the women wearing green.

While wearing red won’t guarantee a marriage proposal, ?it is more likely that it will result in more forward conversations according to the study.

I have been recommending that women wear red on their first dates with men for many years. My online dating profile always had a photo of me wearing red. The man who proposed to me, who I met on JDate, affectionately called me “The Lady in Red.”

Red might not be your favorite color, but wearing red when going to singles events and meeting men for the first time will capture the attention of the men in the room. I feel so strongly about the color red, that cover of my book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating shows a girl wearing a red dress getting ready for a date. We know that men are visual and are likely to remember what you wore on your first date, so why not wear red to make your first impression?

Wearing red to attract men is so powerful, that the Jewish Journal came to my home earlier this year to shoot a video with some of my expert online dating tips. Where did they start? In my closet of course. They wanted me to talk about the red dresses that were worn on many first dates. Men and women everywhere are backing up the research from the experts in the recent study on the color of red.

Does that mean I think you should toss out your favorite green shirt? No. But since first impressions do matter and men are looking at hundreds of photos every time they log online looking for love, perhaps wearing red isn’t such a bad idea at all. You have a split second to make an impression online and having a profile photo and catchy screen name to draw a man in, is important. Men are, and always will be visual. Once you get past the color test, it’s time to show him the authentic you and let your personality shine.

*”Red and Romantic Behavior in Men Viewing Women,” Daniela Niesta Kayser, Andrew J. Elliot, Roger Feltman, European Journal of Social Psychology (October, 2010)

A Mantra for When Love and Friendships End

This week I posted a personal story on Huffington Post,?which featured a saying that has helped myself and other loved ones through the pain of the ending of a relationship. Whether through divorce, death, or a relationship that that ran its course, I have used these words over and over again, ?Every Relationship Serves a Purpose, But is Limited.

15 years ago when I had my heart broken, these were the very words used to console me.?Although I was crushed and devastated at the time, these words have carried me through many relationships and I like to pay it forward.

Still teary-eyed, I was told to look at the incredible memories that had been shared, and there were many. I was reminded how I had grown as a person during the time of my romantic relationship. I had learned what deal-breakers I could live with, and which ones I could not. I was told to embrace the happy memories and let the door shut gracefully, so I would be able to allow a better, more compatible relationship into my life. Years later, I share this statement with others on a regular basis. It’s powerful and it’s healing.

I had a romantic fantasy that the one who broke my heart was my sole true love. I thought it would last forever. It lasted for many years and I learned what unconditional love was about, even it if didn’t last forever. Unfortunately in order to experience this type of love, you have to become vulnerable and open your heart.

I had to ask myself, why can’t we look at our romantic relationships as a full-length movie, or something that we could have forever, ’til death do us part? Why are some relationships and friendships just chapters in our lives, and not an entire book?

Within a year after my heartbreak, I got engaged and later married the man who was the next chapter of my life. I thought about my long-lost love for a moment, but I had moved on. I received an email from the guy who broke my heart wishing me the best in my new marriage. I chose to ignore it and close that chapter.

As I’m always one to lend and ear and an opinion in matters of the heart, I have consoled many friends during their heartbreaks. After all, we take our life lessons and pay them forward. I used these exact words, “Every relationship serves a purpose, but it limited” to console many girlfriends who were jolted by the demise of their relationships that prematurely ended either as a death or a divorce, which more often than not felt like death as well. It gave them comfort to hear those words.

What I didn’t realize at the time, as I do now, is how this statement transfers into friendships that abruptly end. When your best friend dumps and discards you, or you have outgrown a relationship and decide to move on, it can be as hurtful as a death or divorce.

One day, a very close girlfriend of 25 years decided to discard me in an email. I was stunned. I was shattered. She had been the maid of honor at my wedding. I held her hand during her divorce. I diligently sent birthday cards to her children every year. Although we lived on separate coasts, we were best friends. It was as close to a sister as I had ever had.

Suddenly, one day in my inbox, I received an angry email, telling me she was done with me. She broke up with me from the stroke of her keyboard. It was a unilateral decision. There was no discussion. It really hurt. I tried to use my own words, “Every relationship serves a purpose, but is limited” to get over it. I realized that she had a history of dismissing people in her life, and then returning back again, as if nothing had happened. It was just my turn.

As a natural instinct and reaction, I thought about defending myself. I remembered all of the ways that I was a devoted friend through the years. I created the list, but never pushed the send button. I didn’t see it coming. I cried for days, and grabbed hold of my very own saying, ‘Every Relationship Serves a Purpose but is limited” once again. I realized that no one has to sign up for a lifetime contract in friendship. You do your best. You live your life through honesty and integrity. Sometimes you just grow apart. You cannot be responsible for someone else’s feeling or behavior. The only person you can be responsible for is yourself.

Yes, there were 20 years of memories, vacations, hand holding, job-hunting, soul searching that we experienced together. I thought it would last forever. It didn’t, but we had a good run.

I look back on the guy who broke my heart and the former best friend who discarded me in an email, and I know I contributed to their lives as they did to mine. Of course I wouldn’t dump a friend in an email, but people do. I frequently tell people to sleep on it when they are about to send an angry email or break up via text message or email. When in doubt send it to yourself before pressing the send button that could hurt another. Sometimes you just have a bad day and outside circumstances may affect your feelings. Quite often you will feel differently in the morning. You can’t take it back.

My mother always says, “Treat people the way you want to be treated.” My mother is a wise woman.

Take the time to think about your past relationships and friendships that faded over time. Let the pain and hurt subside and ask yourself, did the relationship serve a purpose, even if it was limited?

Originally posted on Huffington Post

Huffington Post – Finding Love on Facebook

facebookheart2Finding love on Facebook. Why not? The dating pool there is as large as many countries. Read my latest story on?Huffington Post about two happy couples who found love on the largest social networking site in the world. My personal search led me to a chocolate bar with my namesake.

Click here to read the article and comment

Thanksgiving Advice for Singles

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My column today on the Huffington Post provides an exercise that both singles and couples can benefit from. Try not let the pressures of the holidays get you down. Read my article and at the end of the post, I would be grateful for any comments.

Can You Be Happy At Thanksgiving When You Are Single?

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.