This entry for The Peril of the Week comes from Amanda, a 27-year old native New Yorker who’s living with her parents in Long Island.
We’ve talked a lot about men and women who say they’re single, when in fact, their relationship status is, “Separated, divorce pending.” Amanda’s been dating online and thought she met a great guy with “Jerry.” Can you relate?
Read about Amanda’s dating dilemma and feel free to share yours as well.
My mother always told me I should try dating a man with children. “They can commit and you like to cook…” She said. (That’s the same logic behind dating a man in prison right? They can commit to hard time and I can bake them pies?) I decided to scope out the single daddy-scene and met “Jerry,” a self described bachelor, father, financier and as I would learn later problem drinker. I arrived at the Jade hotel for dinner wearing leather Prada heels, (which I should have done a lap in beforehand) Paige denim jeans (that made my legs look like stilts), and a sheer blouse which my mother kindly says indicates “an obvious padded bra.” I may not have Victoria Beckham’s body or budget but I promise you one thing, I am workin’ it. “
Jerry” was shockingly better looking in person. (Contrary to most dates where the photo sent online looks like George Clooney and you end up meeting his 3rd cousin, a Japanese sumo wrestler.) “Jerry” and I were instantly attracted to one another and we immediately delved deep into conversation. He whipped out his iPhone, displaying a gallery of pictures, his heart melting each time he spoke of his gorgeous children. This quickly switched to talk of his “ex” wife who I could have easily mistaken for Cruella Deville.
“Jerry,” a well-known financial executive, traveled often which made me realize a relationship would be impossible. (Why didn’t this occur to me beforehand? Well that would indicate a trace of commonsense yes? ) As our meal progressed, I noticed “Jerry’s” story regarding his “situation” began to crumble.
Although I don’t drink, I do prefer my dates to consume copious amounts of liquor. I find it acts as a form of Sodium Thiopental (Pentothal), commonly referred to as “truth serum.” At the opening of the date, “Jerry’s” story began with, “my “ex” wife and I are divorced and I live in the city.” Two drinks later, “I sleep in the basement of our home.” (I asked if he would care for some dessert wine.)
“Jerry’s” divorce turned out to be in litigation and nowhere near final. I was afraid what I would find out if I offered him some SAKE! Was he really a woman? My friend “Demi” told me something very smart once. “It’s very easy for a man to remove a ring. Who knows how many men say they are divorced that we have dated.” Seven glasses of wine later and it was time for the check. “Jerry” pulled out his black card and handed it to the waitress. “I’m sorry sir, it’s declined!” She SHOUTED! I was actually under the impression that black cards had an unlimited spending limit but did someone not pay their bill? He looked as if he had seen a dead relative (shocked) and handed the server another card.
Here is a tip to all men: Call your credit card company before going to dinner and be sure to conjure up a convincing story. Even if it is a lie learn your lines.
Read more of Amanda’s shenanigans at theyoungandthefearless.com
Do you have a dating disaster story to share?
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. She creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
Tinder, now into its second year has captured the hearts of millions and has a flame that seems to be burning hot. Once suggested as a hook up app, Tinder is now a social discovery and dating app that’s responsible for many relationships. Recently, Tinder was estimated at a value of $5 billion. That’s a big number for the new kid in town. They’re also now validating celebrity profiles, because even many in Hollywood have jumped on the Tinder bandwagon.
So how does one find love on the fastest growing mobile dating app?
Finding love on your mobile phone has become all the rage. We no longer have to go home to check our inboxes to see if there’s been an email received by a potential suitor. I believe the reason that Tinder is so successful is because it’s so simple to use.
1. Singles download the mobile app to their phone and sign up through Facebook. The app will grab your profile and some photos, of which you can edit to your liking and you’re ready to start swiping left or right to find your dream match.
2. Make sure you use the filters available to select your age range, distance, and preference of meeting a man or a woman.
3. When you swipe to the right or click on the “heart” icon, you’ve accepted the profile as a potential match and lets you know that you’re a mutual match and can start chatting privately. When you swipe to the left or click on the “x” icon, you anonymously take a pass on the profile.
4. Those who are serious about finding a relationship, should take the time to read the profile by clicking on the “i” icon to see shared interests from Facebook and also see if you have mutual friends in common.
5. Tinder sends you a push notification if you receive a message from a match or if you’re a mutual match so you can start chatting privately.
6. If someone is bothering you on Tinder, you can block their profile or report it.
Is it a game or are you dating?
It’s quite simple, but how do those get out of the frenzy game approach? After all, it does give you a choice to “keep playing.”
Those who are having fun with the app or are using it as a distraction at lunch, may be taking a more voyeuristic approach to see if they’re a mutual match or not. Sure it can boost your ego, but if you’re not taking the relationship from online to offline, plain simply, you’re not dating.
In a recent conversation with two of the co-founders, Sean Rad and Justin Mateen at the LA Tech Summit, Rad explained that when they started Tinder, they had the fundamental belief that in a couple of years, the computer will be extinct and every application will be on the mobile phone. This is a huge shift in social behavior and Tinder is riding this wave.
My hairdresser met her boyfriend on Tinder. I know many successful relationships that credit Tinder for helping them to find love from the convenience of their mobile phones. I’m helping singles who are connecting on Tinder with the dating process and the trend is going to continue to rise.
Is there Tinder Anxiety Disorder?
But can someone suffer from Tinder anxiety disorder? What happens if you swipe the wrong way? A single man from Los Angeles called me with this very dilemma. He swiped to the left in error and had meant to swipe right. He was quite upset because he really liked this girl’s profile. He managed to find her on Facebook and wrote her a lengthy email on Facebook to let her know he swiped the wrong way and was hoping that she had swiped to the right and would remember him. He didn’t hear back. When you’re playing the game of Tinder, I caution you not to rush into the process and be caught up in a swiping frenzy.
Just like those who thought online dating was something to be hush-hush about ten years ago, those who are embracing Tinder and other mobile dating apps are finding this an efficient way to date, while having fun in the process. As with all dating sites and apps, you must state your dating goals and intentions. After you start chatting with someone for a while, it’s time to meet in person. Even if there’s not a love connection, you just might have made a new friend in the process.
Are you using the Tinder dating app?
Your comments are welcome.
Julie Spira is an online dating and mobile dating expert who’s been helping singles find love online for 20 years. She’s the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert and is the host of Mobile Dating BootCamp. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
The good news is, you’ve met someone you’re crazy about online. While it’s normal to log on and read your emails and search for others until you’re exclusive, it’s often painful when your new love interest hasn’t taken his or her profile down.
Trina wrote to me saying she knew she had met ‘the one.’ Her new guy told her on the second date that he was crazy about her and started talking about the future. He wanted to see her all the time and everything was moving in a normal direction except, his profile was still active. This caused Trina great stress and as a result, she started logging on under a different user name over-and-over again to find out when the last time he had logged on.
Just because they haven’t unplugged their profile, doesn’t mean they’re looking for a better option
For Trina, it became a downward spiral that she couldn’t stop. I told Trina, before she started sabotaging her relationship by becoming a cyber-sleuth, she needed to know that there are many reasons why his profile is still active.
- He might be too busy with work to take it down
- He might be curious as to who has written to him, but isn’t responding
- He might be too busy juggling his children
- He might realize her profile is still up
The bottom line is, a man often doesn’t see taking his profile down as a priority if he’s courting a woman and behaving like a boyfriend. It falls into the category of digital housekeeping. Instead, this guy was keeping his family and work commitments in order, while trying to court Trina. She receives daily text messages and phone calls from her new guy. From where I stand, he was showing her by his actions, that he wanted her to be his girlfriend.
If this story sounds familiar, I urge you to stop peeking at his or her profile. Stop obsessing what they’re doing when they’re not with you. When a man is juggling, work, joint-custody of children, and his career, he’s got a full and justifiable plate.
The best thing you can do during this in-between period is to stop logging on. Keep yourself busy and be the confident beautiful woman you are. In time, both of you will know when it’s time to have the profile unplugging conversation, but do you really think he’d like to know you’ve been spying on him? It just might send him running for the digital hills.
If you have a burning dating question for Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert, send it to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace or wherever you may roam.
If a picture tells a thousand words, how does this digital habit affect your dating and love life?
With over 200 million users and 20 million photos shared daily on Instagram, dating can bring authenticity for single daters who are looking for love online on their mobile phones. These days, it’s not unusual for singles to check out both Facebook and Instagram photos of potential dates so see their recent activity, favorite restaurants, what interests and passions they have, and to find out if they have friends in common.
Are you ready to hop onboard for a tutorial on photo love?
In a recent interview with the New York Post, I explained how to successfully date with the help of Instagram.
How to Find Love on Instagram
1. First find someone who interests you, and start following him or her.
2. Start liking a couple of his or her photos.
3. After a week or so, start commenting on the photos.
4. Finally, find your potential crush on Facebook and send him or her a private message.
New Mobile App Glimpse Helps Daters Find Love on Instagram
If you’d like to find a simple way to flirt and date on ‘Insta’ without approaching someone who isn’t single, there’s a new mobile dating app called Glimpse, which helps singles get to know each other with more than a swipe.
How it works, is you’ll sign up with your Instagram account and select a primary photo from your Instagram account or your Camera Roll on your mobile phone.
Then you can select nine of your favorite photos that describe your personality and you’re ready to go. Users can specify their age filters and sexual orientation to help find the best matches.
Once you’re signed up, they’ll send you profiles of people nearby first. Then you’ll start receiving profile matches from singles in other cities to expand your horizons. When you view a profile that interests you, swipe up to see their nine selected photos. Sure there are a lot of food shots, but if you’re a sushi lover, you just might find the perfect date based upon his or her photos. If you think you’ll click, tap on the smile button and your potential date will be notified and you can start chatting.
Elan Miller, co-founder and CEO of Glimpse says the reply rate to first contact is over 70%. I can tell you that number is huge as compared to most traditional online dating sites and many mobile dating apps. “Photos (of how we see the world) are really effective icebreakers. Instead of the generic “hi” or “pickup line” people have something natural to talk about. Early feedback has been the tone/environment of Glimpse is way different from anything else out there,” says Miller.
With over 200 billion photos now shared on Instagram, isn’t it time you gave it a shot for dating?
Would you use Instagram to check out a date or to actively pursue a relationship? Your comments are welcome.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and coaches singles on the dating scene with her Irresistible Profiles programs. For more dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.
The Cyber-Dating Expert Weekly Flirt is now ready for your reading pleasure. We’re live from Las Vegas from the NAB Conference with 100,000 broadcasters.
In this edition of the Weekly Flirt, read about online dating tips for spring fever, meet a lovely couple who fell in love on eHarmony, and find out if you’re dating or in the friend zone. Enjoy!
The NAB is the world’s largest broadcasting conference and electronic media show. They’ve partnered with our friends at the New Media Expo to create a place for broadcasters, technology enthusiasts, and content creators to relax during the conference. There will be over 80,000 people in attendance this year.
Our bags are packed and you’re invited to join in on the festivities.
Monday, April 7th 2:30pm – 3:45pm
Las Vegas Convention Center, Pavillion 9
This panel brings together the experience of international consultants and a broadcaster turned social media strategist with combined experience (50+ years) to counsel about to be graduates on how to land their first gig… and build a career on top of that first gig.
Presenters: Valerie Geller, Expanding Your Connections: Going Mobile
Pat Bryson, Make Your Connections So You Know The Person Who Can Make Your Hiring Decision
Julie Spira, How to Connect Through Social Media to Create Your Personal Brand
Tuesday, April 8th 1:30pm – 2:00pm
On Tuesday, April 9th, Join Julie at the NAB Store in the Central Hall for a book signing for the bestseller, “The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.”
Now’s your chance to get your autographed copy! The book signing will take place from 1:30pm – 2:00pm. Don’t miss it!
PODCASTING AT THE NEW MEDIA LOUNGE
Join Julie Spira as she podcasts Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show LIVE from the NMX New Media Lounge at NAB in Las Vegas on April 8th and 9th at 4pm/PT.
Located at the North Hall of the Las Vegas Convention Center, The NMX at NAB New Media Lounge.
If you can’t make it to Las Vegas, make sure to call in to the radio show with your questions about digital dating and how you can find love online. The call-in number is 646-929-0012 or tweet your questions to @JulieSpira.
Do you assume that once you push the send button, that the person on the other end will decide if you’ve made the cut or not?
In Diane’s words:
Steve was one of the first men I noticed and I was instantly attracted. He said he was too. What clinched it for me was his ability to write and express himself clearly – and with proper spelling and grammar. Silly maybe, but since I’m a writer that’s important to me, plus it gave me real insight into his character.
Somehow, by mistake, we bypassed the controlled communication part of eHarmony and went straight to emailing each other through their website. He quickly explained he was going out of the country for a few weeks to work on a project so we would have to delay meeting. We sent a few emails back and forth before he left, but then there was nothing for about a month. Nada. I feared the worst (he’d found someone else or lost interest). Meanwhile Steve was thinking the same about me.
But what had actually happened was my last email to him had somehow timed out or gone astray so he thought I’d stopped communicating. I thought he hated what I’d written so had backed off.
Fortunately, he took a leap of faith and contacted me again when he returned. I was elated.
We met for the first time over coffee shortly after that, agreeing we’d also go out for dinner that night if all went well. And it did. The rest is history as they say. We more than hit it off. We began seeing each other all the time, going out to concerts, watching movies and cooking beautiful meals together. We shared our life stories, our triumphs and our heartbreaks, and began to blend our two worlds together.
The following spring we flew to Paris for a holiday and while securing our ‘love lock’ to a Paris bridge alongside thousands of others, he pulled a diamond ring from his pocket, dropped to one knee and asked me to marry him. Somewhat shocked and more than a little embarrassed by the public display, I urged him to get up – and awkwardly mumbled ‘ya sure’ in answer to the question. ‘Ya sure’ has since become a loaded phrase for us. “Do you feel like going out for dinner?” “Ya sure.”
That fall Steve moved into my house in a nearby city and we began the process of merging and purging (we had 16 frying pans between us.)
Last summer we had a beautiful backyard wedding with 50 of our closest friends and family members. It was a magical day. Everyone danced – even the old folks in their 80s. Steve was 62, retired and a widower when I met him. I was 56 and divorced. We are deliriously happy in our new life together. Our story proves it’s never too late to find true love.
Congratulations to Steve and Diane who found an other chance at love.
Do you have an online dating story to share?
Are you an Internet dating success couple? Send us your story and you might get featured in our Cyber Love Story series.
Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. Julie was an early adopter of Internet dating and has been helping singles find love online for 20 years with her Irresistible Profiles and Online Dating BootCamp programs.
It’s getting very blurry these days to determine whether you’re actually dating someone, or just hanging out as friends.
A 25-year old college student told me that she’s never been more confused about dating in her life.
After chatting and texting with a guy she met online for several weeks, he sent her a text to say, “Hey, let’s hang out tonight.”
So, what does hanging out mean?
Hanging out could be several things.
1. He might have a party to go with and they’d be hanging out with a group of friends.
2. It’s his way of saying I’d like to have a date with you tonight.
3. He’d like to hook up for a casual fling.
4. He’s testing the waters, so keeping it cool to see if he likes you or not.
Whatever the intention means when someone says, let’s hang out, one thing is for sure, singles are confused about their relationship status with members of the opposite sex. Whether they’ve met while cyberdating or out-and-about, dating in groups has added to the confusion for many singles.
When I digged a bit more into her “relationship” with her texting beau, I found out he her took her out to dinner. He paid for dinner. He gave her a short kiss after dinner. He went back to texting with her for several weeks and then asked her to hang out again.
The Digital Dating Process
The digital dating process does include flirting via text to stay in touch, emails back-and-forth, and putting actual dates on the calendar.
The rise in popularity of group dating, where singles who like each other hang out in a group and go to an event together, makes most women unsure of where they stand in the relationship, or if they’re even in a relationship at all.
My response to her was, “Yes, you did go on a date.” She wasn’t sure if he was just being chivalrous and kind by paying for her dinner, but they didn’t go “Dutch” treat and he did ask her out again.
Is he her boyfriend? No. Just because he sends texts daily, doesn’t mean you’re status has been elevated to boyfriend or girlfriend. Chances are he’s playing the field, having fun, and doesn’t really want a steady girlfriend. More than likely, it’s a flirtationship, which is a common place in between friends and being in a relationship. He has an active online dating profile and she has an active online dating profile.
If a man really wants to make you his girlfriend, he’ll let you know. He won’t want anyone to claim you as his and will make his intentions known.
Are you confused about your relationship status?
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Need help with your dating life? Find out how our Irresistible Coaching programs can help you date better and find love online.
We’ve already changed the clocks to enjoy more sunset dates, so it’s time to start changing your wardrobe colors and get out and smell the digital roses. It’s springtime and we all know that Spring fever is in the air and singles are hoping to find love this season, or maybe even have a spring fling, depending on your dating goals.
With this in mind, here are some online dating tips and advice for a little digital facelift to help ramp up your cyberdating search for the new season.
It’s time to turn up the volume and download a few mobile dating apps and start flirting. By now most of you have either used the hot mobile app Tinder, where you swipe to the right to connect with a potential date, or swipe to the left to send them into Internet heaven. Tinder has announced they’ve reached 1 million matches. It’s time to join the digital party.
Don’t forget the mobile versions of the dating sites you already belong to. If you’re a member of eHarmony, JDate, Match, OkCupid, PlentyOfFish, make sure you turn on their locals features and be on a date in minutes.
Start using additional mobile apps such as AreYouInterested, CupidRadar, and Zoosk that we feature in our Mobile Dating BootCamp.
Check out Lulu
Want to see what others think of your potential date? Guys, register with the Lulu mobile app for the women to see how you rank on the dating totem pole. Your ego will get a lift when the ladies give you a high score and your profile views go up. Ladies, before you go on a date, check the rating of your potential hottie. Plus, they have fun and flirty dating advice as well sent to your mobile phone.
Log on Twice Daily
If you brush your teeth at least every morning and night, take a ½ hour to 1 hour twice a day and log on to your favorite dating sites. Just by having your profile listed online often raises your visibility in a search.
Cast a Wider Net
Not getting much activity in your inbox? Expand your search from 15 miles to 60 or even 200 miles. If you find the one, it’s worth the commute, or even relocating for love. Are you limiting yourself to searching for a narrow age range? Revise your search parameters by 10 years. That’s right, 5 years lower and 5 years higher than what you’ve already been looking for.
Reorder your photos
If you have 3-5 of your favorite photos on your profile and can’t find time to grab a new one from your Facebook page, change the primary photo so your profile looks fresh. When you get the time, add a few more recent shots, wearing something colorful and retire those that are 5 years old.
View and hotlist profiles
If you’re a bit shy about initiating contact, view profiles of those you might be interested in. Chances are they’ll see that you’ve viewed them and will contact you if they’re interested in you. Take it one step further and rate them with 5 stars or put them on your hotlist. Often they’ll be notified, will be flattered, and you just might put a date on your calendar.
If you still need some help to make your profile stand out from the rest, contact us about our Irresistible Profiles to help you find your dream date.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.
Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She was an early adopter of onlien dating and has been helping singles find love on the Internet for 20 years. For more dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt, and visit our Facebook page.
Photo credit: © berezovskyi – Fotolia.com
Today we’re featuring the Howard Jones song, “What is Love?” as our Cyber Love Song of the Week.
Love is something most of us dream of, hope for and hurt deeply when we lose it.
The lyrics of this song will question what love is, but I believe love comes in all shapes and forms. We love our friends, our families, our pets, and hopefully ourselves. There’s a saying that you’ll know you’re in love when you feel it. Sometimes love comes gradually, sometimes it changes into a deep friendship.
Enjoy this song and embrace all forms of love that find their way to you.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.
Listen to more featured Cyber Love Songs
Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter