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Weekly Flirt – Mobile Dating and Love Edition

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The Cyber-Dating Expert Weekly Flirt is now ready for your reading pleasure.

In this issue, we talk about everything mobile. From the girl who can’t get her boyfriend to take down his Tinder profile, to Match.com’s new Match 3.0 mobile app to Hinge mobile dating.

Find out why everyone is swiping right and swiping left these days to find a date, a friend, or even more.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for more on dating, love, and romance in a Web 2.0 World.

Sign up here for future issues of our Weekly Flirt.

 

A Conversation With Tinder Co-Founder Justin Mateen

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Julie Spira and Tinder’s Justin Mateen

Tinder-mania is everywhere it seems.

Tinder’s mobile app launched in Los Angeles less than two years ago, and it’s quickly becoming a household name.

Even Bravo’s Andy Cohen recently taught Larry King how to use Tinder!

At the recent Digital Hollywood gathering in Los Angeles, Tinder co-founder Justin Mateen was on a panel called, “The Coveted Captive audience – Engaging And Monetizing Through Mobile.”

Afterwards, I had the chance to catch up with Justin again to talk about the latest trends for Tinder.

Read: Dating in a Tinder World

The Future of Tinder

Tinder, as we know, has become the hottest mobile dating app, now experiencing over ten million matches a day and 800 million swipes per day.

“I think the misconception is that Tinder is a dating app,” said Justin Mateen – Tinder’s Co-Founder and Chief Marketing Officer during the session. “We consider ourselves a social discovery app, more of a competitor to social platforms,” Mateen added.

Tinder is now optimizing to connect new people. Mateen feels the value proposition is tremendous, which is why they’ve been able to grow so quickly. People are using Tinder for dating for the most part, but as time goes on, Tinder won’t be optimized only for dating.

“We are our own social platform and leverage other social platforms to the sense that it makes sense,” said Mateen. He boasted about Tinder’s 2000% growth last year. The average Tinder user spends ½ hour on the mobile app and they are growing by 10 times every day.

As of now, Tinder is not charging for their app or providing advertising. Their monetization strategy includes focusing on the user experience and growing the user base both domestically and Internationally. Their future plan will include in app purchases to enhance the user experience when it comes time to monetize. Mateen explained that their plans are to begin to test different forms or advertising on Tinder. “We want to make sure that it’s an organic ad and that our users can benefit from it.”

Not a day goes by when someone doesn’t come up to me to ask me about my thoughts on Tinder.

Related: Help My Boyfriend Won’t Take His Tinder Profile Down

Several men I know of have actually felt distressed when they’ve swiped left instead of right and felt that they lost the match. Fortunately, Tinder has come up with a solution for that dilemma as the app provides a pop-up asking you if you’re sure you want to swipe left.

Others are in relationships and still won’t retire their Tinder profile. Is it a game?

Are you using Tinder?

Watch: ABC News – Mobile Apps to Speed Up Your Search

Julie Spira is an online dating and mobile dating expert. She was an early adopter of the Internet and online dating, having created her first profile over 20 years ago. Julie’s the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert and coaches singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

 

Help: My Boyfriend Won’t Take his Tinder Profile Down

radioshowlogo3 150x150Dear Cyber-Dating Expert

I met my boyfriend on Tinder about 6 weeks ago and we decided to date exclusively after three weeks. Neither of us took our Tinder profiles down, but he wasn’t logging on to his and I was still logging on out of curiosity to see who was on Tinder, but not chatting with anyone.

After a week of him giving me grief for having an active Tinder profile, I finally took his down and showed him the screen shot of me doing so. I thought he’d be excited to hear the news, but instead, he decided to keep his profile up.

Now, I’m the unhappy one, as I can’t understand why he’d make me take my profile down while he’s still an active member of Tinder. I’m starting to get frustrated and am wondering if we should break up. Every time I see him staring at his mobile phone, I think he’s looking for another girlfriend. What do you think?

Tinder Frustrated.

Dear TF,

There are a lot of singles who are in relationships who are still attached to their Tinder mobile dating app. Since it’s known as a social discovery app, many people are chatting with potential friends. Even a man recently posted a profile as a golden retriever dog to chat with people. I can understand that since you met on Tinder, that you should both probably have removed your profiles at the same time. It’s not fun being pressured to take your profile down when your boyfriend won’t do the same in return for you. Sure you should have toasted together and pulled the plug on your profiles at the same time, but since that didn’t happen, ask your BF how he would feel if suddenly you put your profile back up on Tinder.

Chances are he won’t be that happy about it, but if he says he doesn’t mind, it might be time to start dating others and reactivate your profile. During this time, you can still date your BF, but let him know you’re no longer exclusive. Which means, I suggest you keep your clothes on until both of you are on the same digital page. While it might seem harsh and hard to turn back the wheel, you’ll know where you stand in your relationship.

Keep me posted. Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Cyber Love Song – Let My Love Open The Door

Fotolia 22081778 XS 150x150Happy Music Monday!

It’s time to put the digital DJ hat back on.

Today is Pete Townshend’s birthday. He’s the lead guitarist from a great classic rock band, The Who.

To celebrate his birthday and Music Monday, we’re featuring a sweet romantic song from one of his solo albums, Let My Love Open the Door —to your heart for our Cyber Love Song of the Week.

Enjoy!

Click here for more Cyber Love Songs.

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter

Puppy Love: Single Man Poses as Dog on Tinder

TinderPuppyLove 206x300When I received an email from the Daily Mail letting me know that a San Francisco man posed as a 26-year old dog named “Hero” on Tinder, I had to chuckle. After all, a dog is man’s best friend and every girl is looking for her hero.

Still since Justin Mateen, co-founder of Tinder believes that their mobile app is a social discovery app and not a mobile dating app, I wasn’t surprised that this social experiment was received as a breath of fresh barking air. The responses flooded in from both women and men within a 100-mile radius.

READ: DATING IN A TINDER WORLD

It’s a social networking experience, and people love pets, so it was certainly a way for the profile to stand out among the millions of other profiles that users are swiping right and left to. “Hero” a golden retriever, replied to curious swipers with a “woof woof” and “bark bark” with an occasional wagging of his tail.

After seven days as a male dog, Joe Veix posted that had 206 matches—154 guys and 52 girls. All of his responses were “woof woof” and occasional digital barking. When he switched to a female dog, the comments became a bit riskier.

Tinder is known to be fun and flirty. Like a game, so many people who have downloaded the Tinder mobile app spend hours-and-hours a day swiping right just to strike up a conversation with so many that they may or may not meet IRL.”

Rather than saying, ‘hey’ or ‘what’s up’ the “Hero” puppy profile allowed users of the app to have a bit of fun and laughter while responding to the barks from the dog profile.

READ: IF MISS USA IS ON TINDER, SHOULD YOU BE?

Tinder now claims 10 million matches a day and over 800 million swipes a day. Users are logging on for more than 1.5 hours a day. Will the future of Tinder fall into the hands of your four-legged pets?

I think it’s just a matter of time, before we’ll see a viral cat video on Tinder.

WATCH: MOBILE APPS TO SPEED UP YOUR SEARCH

Are you dating on Tinder? Your comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the host of Mobile Dating BootCamp and helps singles find love on the Internet and IRL. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

 

How to Improve Your Online Dating Profile

ProfileCritique 150x150So you've got a few profiles up on various online dating sites, but you're noticing that your inbox is on the empty side. What's a single dater to do? We know that most people weren't born to be copyrighters and writing about yourself is often uncomfortable. You just can't express that witty and unique personality while typing on your mobile phone or computer and are pulling your hair out, while your date card isn't filling up. If you feel this way, you're not alone.

When a lovely attractive single woman reached out to me on Twitter needing help with her profile, it didn't take long to see why she wasn't meeting quality men online. She was smart and adorable, but the men couldn't notice that while swiping and scrolling the site. Here are the ways we've improved her profile.

Read: How to Create the Best Online Dating Profile

1. Word Count – While this dating profile was fun and flirty, it was way too long. I always say, "leave the novel at home." With 5 paragraphs and 423 words in the About Me, section, it was more than her potential dates would ever read. Plus, it's always good to leave your date wanting more.

Suggestion: Reduce the word count to 125-150 words.

2. Post 3-5 photos. This profile had an adorable primary photo shot wearing hot pink. It was close to perfect, except there were no additional photos. Daters’ are accustomed to scrolling through a series of photos to get a digital snapshot of who they might be interested in. While this dater had a very active lifestyle, was in great shape and loved to run, there were no full-length body shots or activity shots included on the profile. Men jump to the default position of thinking that a woman without a full-length body shot is out-of-shape. 

Suggestion: Add 2 more photos. One while running a triathalon and the other with a full length shot to show off her figure.

3. Ditch the negative comments. Profiles should be upbeat and positive. Think as if you're having a perfect hair day, only it's a perfect profile day. When you're advertising about your flaws, your potential date will believe that you are indeed flawed and will look elsewhere. In this profile, it read as follows: 

I’m always singing in the car, but I don’t know any of the words to the songs I always listen to. 

 

I once waited in line with a bunch of four year olds just to get a picture of Winnie the Pooh because he’s my favorite – and felt awkward the entire time.

 

I am actually capable of being serious when needed. But only if I really have to.

Descriptions such as these needed to go. After all, how can you be singing in a car, but not know any words? Why would anyone want to date someone who might be awkward?

Suggestion: Keep it to positive and alluring descriptions. After all, don't you want to be the girl he or she just has to meet? 

4. Express YOUR voice. Dating profile should be all about you! Potential dates don't want to hear how your friends or family members describe you. They aren't interested going out on a date yet with your extended family or girlfriend network.

Suggestion: Dump the cliche and let your dates know about you from the first-person. Think about how you might describe yourself on a phone call with a date and make it fun and conversational.

At the end of the digital day, your profile should be a unique snapshot with the goal of starting a conversation online and moving your relationship offline IRL.

Do you need some hand holding with your online dating life? Find out how our Irresistible Profiles will help you find your dream date.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for more online dating advice.

Julie Spira is America's Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and online dating who coaches singles on the dating scene. Sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt Newsletter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.

Photo credit: Fotolia

What to Do When He Pulls Back

pullback 300x225Dating issues seem to be coming in themes these days.

In the past week, three women have come to me with the same dating dilemma. They’ve met terrific guys online. One on OkCupid, another on Tinder, and one on JDate. All three men are super-successful and are very driven in their careers. They’re the guys who are too busy to be players and truly want to be in a monogamous relationship.

In all three scenarios, the men have asked the woman for exclusivity. Sounds great, right? Well, not exactly.

One woman has been dating a terrific guy, whom she met on Tinder. After six weeks they had the conversation about becoming exclusive. They both projected to the future. The problem is, she’s lower on the totem pole, as his work is a priority. The more she tried to spend time with him and fill his calendar with fun events, the more he pulled away. Eventually, he started spending weekends without her, even though there was no one else he was interested in.

The second woman met a great guy on OkCupid, whom she thinks is her soul mate. They’ve both said they’re in love with each other, but after six months of dating, he still focuses on his work and children on the weekends. The more frustrated she gets with the situation, the more distant he becomes. She sees a future with him, someday. But today, she’s walking on eggshells. What should she do?

The third woman met a fabulous guy on JDate. He told her on the second date that he thought he was falling in love with her and saw her in his future. He wanted to see her every night, until one day when he stopped returning her calls and texts. She’s devastated. She thought he was ‘the one.’

If you can relate to any of these situations, you’re not alone.

All three of these guys were building their castles and were defining their success as a man based upon their career success. While juggling children from a prior marriage, a busy career, and girlfriend, the girlfriend ended up in last place. It wasn’t that these guys weren’t crazy about the women they adored. They would do anything for them… if it was on their schedule. They were doing the pull back and these women were hurting at the sudden change of heart.

Between rebuilding from a divorce, keeping a family together, maintaining a career path to provide for financial success for the women, they couldn’t juggle it all. The more the women pushed to be with them, the more they pulled away. It’s the ever-so-common pull back and it’s gut-wrenchingly painful when it’s happens to you.

Ladies: When guys are in work mode, you’ll probably hear from them less.

There’s no need to stress and think it’s over.

My suggestion to all three of them, and to you if this is happening in your life, was to let them build their castle. Be at their side when it’s convenient for you. Don’t send text messages asking what’s wrong, or you’ll run the risk of pushing him away, period. No guy wants to feel like he’s dating his nagging ex-wife. Also, when a guy starts to fall in love with you, he gets scared. There are a lot of reasons for this. Before they make that commitment that seems to be permanent, they might want to view other profiles of singles on a dating site, even if they have no desire to go out on a date. They may fear never having sex with another woman again. A lot of thoughts go through their minds. As they’re processing all of these emotions, they often pull away.

I know it doesn’t seem right. If he’s crazy about you, he should want to be with you, right? Women are built to multitask. It’s in their DNA. Men are most often single focused, and when they’re in career mode, they’re thinking about work and closing the next deal or hoping to get a raise. When they’re with their kids, they’re in parent mode. When they’re with you, they’ll adore every moment of being with you.

Understand that you’re not playing a game. You’re just letting the man lead, which is in their DNA. If you ever feel that your needs aren’t being met at all, then by all means, have a conversation about it, but don’t beat it to death or give ultimatums.  It’s your decision to stay in any relationship. Men will come and go as rubber bands and often they’ll just need the space to be in their caves from time-to-time.  It’s really OK, if they come back to you. In time, your relationship will develop into a groove and you won’t have to worry if he forgets to send you a good morning text. Perhaps he’s just busy. It doesn’t mean you’re not on his mind. Give him his space and if you truly are ‘the one,’ he’ll return without even realizing he’s been gone.

Have you experienced the pull-back in a relationship? Your comments are welcome.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She was an early adopter of online dating and has been helping singles find love online for 20 years. For more dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Photo credit: Fotolia

Hinge Mobile Dating – Finding Love With Facebook Friends

Screen Shot 2014 05 04 at 6.58.50 PM 300x217As mobile dating apps continue to be the hot new way for singles to find love online, daters are swiping right to connect on a variety of mobile dating apps. The message is very clear. The success of finding love online is all in the hands of your mobile phone

In a recent interview, I spoke with ABC News in Los Angels about the landscape of mobile dating [see video below].

Enter Hinge, a free mobile dating app which helps you find dates based upon which Facebook friends you have in common. The best way that I can describe Hinge is Tinder MEETS Linkedin.

The concept makes sense as singles have become accustomed to swiping on Tinder, the mobile app now responsible for over 10 million matches a day and 800 million swipes per day.

Where Tinder gives you unlimited matches based upon your location, Hinge selects 10 matches served to you at noon each day. If you refer your friends to join Hinge, the number of matches will increase.

How Hinge Works

Hinge takes your Facebook profile photos, age, work information, and other data that you’ve provided, so other singles will see exactly who you are, without having to do an extensive Google search or background search.

Hinge users are 99% college educated, and most popular industries include banking, consulting, media and fashion. The average user has 36 friends on Hinge and 90% are between 23-36. Hinge has made over 2 million matches and just celebrated the first engagement.

Hinge just launched in Los Angeles with a party in West Hollywood at Greystone Manor with 500 of their 7000 Los Angeles singles who were on the wait-list. ABC 7′s Elex Michaelson reported on the event, along with my analysis below.

10317625 10152410832457363 4266982360076646007 o 207x300Who’s using mobile dating apps?

It should be no surprise, that online daters are now spending more time on dating apps than they do on the sites themselves. IBISWorld reports that by 2018, more than 80 percent of the population will own a smartphone (up from 46 percent in 2012). A recent Pew Research study reported that 29% of cell owners describe their cell phone as ?something they can?t imagine living without.?

eHarmony reports that some users log on over 15-20 times a day using their mobile dating app with over 50% registering from their mobile phones. Their mobile app has been downloaded over 9 million times, with 57% of their app users who are male and 43% who are female.

Match just released Match 3.0, a completely redesigned mobile app for iOs. They report that half of their users are joining Match through a mobile device and more than 50% of the emails exchanged on Match.com are sent from a mobile device.

Read: Match.com Gets Digital Facelift With Launch of New Mobile App

POF founder Markus Frind tells me that they have tens of millions of users on their mobile dating app. “Between the apps and just mobile web use we are at 90% mobile,” said Frind. “When it comes to online dating using a website isn’t something that most people do anymore. It’s all about the phone,” Frind added.

Hinge is now available in 9 cities in the United States including Atlanta, Boston, Chicago, Dallas, Los Angeles, New York City, Philadelphia, San Francisco, Washington, DC.

At the end of the digital day, finding love from the convenience of your mobile phone has become a part of everyday life for most single who are looking for love online.

Are you using mobile dating apps?

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert and host of Mobile Dating BootCamp. Julie was an early adopter of the Internet and has been helping singles find love online for 20 years. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.

 

Mobile Dating: Match.com Gets Digital Facelift with Match 3.0

There’s good news for daters to make it easier to find love from their mobile phones. Today Match.com released their long-awaited and very user-friendly Match 3.0 for iPhone users. The message is very clear. The success of finding love online is all in the hands of your mobile phone.

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What’s New in Match 3.0?

The Match 3.0 mobile differs from their previous mobile app, as it no longer emulates the desktop version of the online dating site. The new app now includes a “Discover” page, where you’ll find two new features, “Stream” and “Mixer. The “Stream” feature allows you to scroll through many profiles with multiple photos of the daters based on location. You’ll see a familiar style as each profile has a cover photo, which reminds you of Facebook. You can easily send a message to the person who captures your eye as you scroll down through a stream of potential matches. There are also multiple places for you to upload photos directly on the app.

The new “Mixer” will look familiar to mobile dating users, as it may remind you of Tinder. Users can view a single profile and now swipe left to take a pass or swipe right to give your potential date the thumbs up to start communicating. The swipe-effect is now becoming a prominent feature for many mobile dating apps.

Match reports that over 55% of their members are using their mobile app to send emails, with 50% of their signups come from mobile. As a result, for the first time, they’re allowing users to sign up on the mobile phone, as compared to using the desktop version. They’ve now prominently displayed their membership fees along with the features for those ready to pull out their credit card to pay.

At the end of the digital day, we’re living in a swiping world when it comes to finding love on your mobile phone.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She was an early adopter of the Internet and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. Julie is the host of Mobile Dating BootCamp and Online Dating BootCamp.

Peril of the Week – Black Card Denied

blackcardThis entry for The Peril of the Week comes from Amanda, a 27-year old native New Yorker who’s living with her parents in Long Island.

We’ve talked a lot about men and women who say they’re single, when in fact, their relationship status is, “Separated, divorce pending.” Amanda’s been dating online and thought she met a great guy with “Jerry.” Can you relate?

Read about Amanda’s dating dilemma and feel free to share yours as well.

My mother always told me I should try dating a man with children. They can commit and you like to cook…She said. (That’s the same logic behind dating a man in prison right? They can commit to hard time and I can bake them pies?) I decided to scope out the single daddy-scene and met ‘Jerry,’ a self described bachelor, father, financier and as I would learn later problem drinker. I arrived at the Jade hotel for dinner wearing leather Prada heels, (which I should have done a lap in beforehand) Paige denim jeans (that made my legs look like stilts), and a sheer blouse which my mother kindly says indicates ?an obvious padded bra.? I may not have Victoria Beckham?s body or budget but I promise you one thing, I am workin’ it.

Jerry was shockingly better looking in person. (Contrary to most dates where the photo sent online looks like George Clooney and you end up meeting his 3rd cousin, a Japanese sumo wrestler.) ‘Jerry’ and I were instantly attracted to one another and we immediately delved deep into conversation. He whipped out his iPhone, displaying a gallery of pictures, his heart melting each time he spoke of his gorgeous children. This quickly switched to talk of his ‘ex’ wife who I could have easily mistaken for Cruella Deville.

‘Jerry,’ a well-known financial executive, traveled often which made me realize a relationship would be impossible. (Why didn’t this occur to me beforehand? Well that would indicate a trace of commonsense yes? ) As our meal progressed, I noticed ‘Jerry’s’ story regarding his ‘situation’ began to crumble.

Although I don’t drink, I do prefer my dates to consume copious amounts of liquor. I find it acts as a form of Sodium Thiopental (Pentothal), commonly referred to as ‘truth serum.’ At the opening of the date, ‘Jerry’s’ story began with, ‘my ex wife and I are divorced and I live in the city.’ Two drinks later, I sleep in the basement of our home. (I asked if he would care for some dessert wine.)

‘Jerry’s divorce turned out to be in litigation and nowhere near final. I was afraid what I would find out if I offered him some SAKE! Was he really a woman? My friend ‘Demi’ told me something very smart once. “It’s very easy for a man to remove a ring. Who knows how many men say they are divorced that we have dated?” Seven glasses of wine later and it was time for the check. ‘Jerry’ pulled out his black card and handed it to the waitress. “I’m sorry sir, it’s declined!” she SHOUTED! I was actually under the impression that black cards had an unlimited spending limit but did someone not pay their bill? He looked as if he had seen a dead relative (shocked) and handed the server another card.

Here is a tip to all men: Call your credit card company before going to dinner and be sure to conjure up a convincing story. Even if it is a lie learn your lines.

Read more of Amanda’s shenanigans at theyoungandthefearless.com

Do you have a dating disaster story to share?

 

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Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. She creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

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