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3 Changes to Instantly Improve Your Online Dating Profile

Fotolia 18812125 XS 150x150At Cyber-Dating Expert Headquarters, we hear complaints from both men and women about how every profile seems to look the same after a while. Singles get frustrated too easily, because there are too many choices. As a result, the searching process becomes so blurry, that they often just turn off the computer and go out to hang out with their friends.

Think about it and let’s compare it to selecting the perfect scoop of ice cream to sweeten your palate. If the choices were all vanilla, chocolate, or strawberry, it might not be that inviting as compared to Pineapple Passion Fruit, Cinnamon Buns, or Karamel Sutra, just a few flavors I can’t wait to try when I’m at Ben and Jerry’s.

So without further digital ado and minus the calories, here are a few steps you can do to immediately have a more unique profile, without resorting to posting skydiving photos.

1. Dump the Cliches. Every girl dreams of taking a romantic beach walk or staring at the sunset for a dream date. Let’s take a reality check and ask yourself, just how many beach walks are you going on? Maybe you’ll do so with a date at some point, but it’s oh so boring for them to read this over-and-over again. It goes hand-in-hand with saying you can dress from jeans to black-tie and want a man with a sense of humor. So if you’re asking for a guy who works hard and plays hard, you’re not one in a million. You’re among the multi-million profiles with those same overused words.

Solution: Nix these cliches now and replace them with photos and actions and about what makes you the girl he wants to know more about. If you’re stumped, ask a friend what makes you different and unique. He or she may remind you how you’re the first one out at 6am to clean the bay or love the fact that you volunteer to feed the homeless in soup kitchens on Thanksgiving. Replace the blue jeans to black tie cliche with photos of you dressed in a variety of outfits. He’ll get the picture and will want to see more.

2. Ask a Question. This is something that I believe is an absolute must on every profile. Remember that your profile shouldn’t be a monologue or all about you. You need to start a two-way dialog with your profile as a brief introduction about yourself. ?Your dream date must be able to imagine his or her life with you, not just watching you from afar wondering if he’ll fit it or not.

Solution: Name a few of your favorite vacation spots and ask if your date has ever been there before. List a local mountain you’d like to hike and ask if he’s ever done that before. Mention a rock band that you’ve always wanted to see and ask if you’re the only one who hasn’t seen Lady Gaga in concert. Mention you’d like to take golf lessons and have clubs collecting dust in the garage and ask if anyone would like to go with you to the driving range. This makes it easier for someone to write to you with a specific solution and answer to your question. It will instantly increase the amount of emails that you’ll be receiving.

3. Reduce the word count. Yes, describing your life story should be written in your personal journal and not be on your dating profile. Statistics show that writing a shorter profile will get more responses. Not everyone reads your entire profile and you’ll be lucky if they read the first few sentences. If they scroll down and notice a long-winded profile, it’s likely that they’ll say, “Next!”

Solution: Leave the novel at home. Drop the long drawn out description and reduce your profile by at least a paragraph, if not more. Remember, dating is about getting to know you over time. Details of your relationship and family history and listing every vacation you’ve gone on won’t leave room for imagination. It’s a digital dance, so make it a sneak peek into your life.

Make some of these changes to your profile now and cyber love will just be a click away. Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene.? For more online dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.

Photo credit: Maxim_Kazmin – Fotolia.com

Filter and flirt: How to find love online

EHC 150x150Online dating is much like panning for gold ? often, there?s a lot to filter through before anything of value turns up. Key attributes of successful daters include having an open mind and a dedication to what can be a longer process than anticipated.

Passing the various milestones on the way to that special relationship can sometimes also require a little ingenuity and a lot of originality.

The ?delete? button can be quick and merciless, so it’s important to think carefully before sending your initial email.

Our friends at eHarmony Canada offer Cyber Dating Expert readers these 6 tips to finding love online in this week’s guest post.

1. Seek out the wheat.

Some in the online dating world complain that the only messages they receive are from undesirable people or those who are not within their search parameters. If this is the case, a simple remedy is to actively seeking out profiles which fit your criteria. Don?t be afraid to write the first message ? passivity is a big no-no in the Internet dating world. The competition is fierce and there?s little reward for those who are meek.

2. Take time to read profiles.

Showing that you?ve actually read through someone?s profile is always a good start. Well-respected dating sites such as eHarmony report that messages which include phrases such as ?good taste? and ?you mention? tend to get high response rates. This is because of the simple fact that they make the recipient feel interesting.

Try and mirror the way a person writes ? whether they?re wry, eccentric, earnest or intellectual. Don?t fake it though ? if you struggle to think like someone else, they?re probably not a very suitable match.

3. When and when not to compliment.

Compliments aren?t always good. One of the biggest mistakes made in online dating is to compliment someone on their physical appearance. People want to feel like they?re more than just their looks. Instead, compliment them on something that they?ve written or done

4. Keep it short and sweet.

Messages that are overly long can be difficult to reply to. Instead, send no more than three or four sentences while you get to know someone. One of these should ask the recipient a question to encourage a response.

5. No obligation to write back.

It?s important to remember that there are no obligations to reply to every email in online dating.? If an in-built sense of courtesy requires that you do write back, keep the message short and to the point. If you don?t want to receive further messages, say that and wish them the best of luck with their search. Trying to take the sting out of a rejection only confuses things.

6. Don?t take it personally

Even the most excellent communication can fall apart. If someone you thought you were building a relationship stops messaging you, don?t blame yourself. People drop out of online dating sites for any number of reasons. As is frequently said, online dating is a numbers game. You need to play to win.

Need a little help with your online dating profile? Online Dating Expert Julie Spira creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. For more dating advice, sign up for the Weekly Flirt, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.

Advice – 5 Reasons Your Online Dating Inbox is Empty

Fotolia 31740731 XS1 200x300When singles initially sign up for an online dating site, they tend to think it will be smooth sailing. They expect to check their in-box the next day and see it full of messages from attractive, successful singles who are excited to meet them.? Unfortunately, it?s not always a perfect world. Some online daters spend hours perfecting their profiles and uploading their best photos; yet still feel disappointed at the lack of emails.

Here are five surprising reasons from our friends at We Love Dates, as to why you might not be getting enough email messages online.

1. Your profile is like a laundry list.

While it?s a good idea to be specific about what you’re looking for, if you use your profile as a checklist of the qualities a date must absolutely have, you’re likely to run the risk of appearing too picky.

Online dating is a two-way street. Rather than just stating what you?re looking for, let someone know what you can bring to the relationship. If you?re describing a perfect person who doesn?t exist, those reading your profile will assume they?ll fall short and will move on to another pretty face.

2. Your photos are inconsistent.

It’s so important to upload photos that show how you look today, not those from the hot trend five years ago. Even if you think you looked better last decade, those photos are not an accurate reflection of how you appear today.? Singles will check out your Facebook profile to see if you dating profile resembles the real you. Looking different in each photo will cause confusion and he?ll be quick to hit ?next.

3. You?re too negative.

Dating can be extremely difficult, but your online dating profile isn’t the place to air your grievances about your ex boyfriend or about not getting your spousal support check. Being negative in your profile shows that you’re potentially not over past experiences that have hurt you, or are a real life ?Debbie or Donnie Downer.?? Both of these qualities are not attractive. Plus, if you complain so publicly about your dating life, a date might worry about what?s next on your complaint list. He may have just run away from a nagging girlfriend or wife and doesn’t want a repeat performance. Try to remain positive and be more like the person you?d actually want to date.

4. Your profile is filled with typos and incorrect grammar.

When your profile is a mess grammatically, it tells the world that you haven’t put very much effort into the process. Simply put, it’s far from irresistible. If you wouldn?t dream of posting a Linkedin profile with typos and bad grammar, know that your dream date wouldn?t consider you as a likely prospect for love either. It?s not necessary to be an award-winning essayist, but using spell-check goes a long way to make a good first digital impression. Take it a step further and ask a friend to proofread your profile to catch any errors you might have missed.? Your profile is the first glance you’re giving potential dates, so invest the time and energy to make it the best it can be.

5. You’re on the wrong dating site.

There are over 1500 online dating sites, with new ones popping up every week. Online dating sites aren’t one-size fits all. If you find that one particular site isn’t working out for you, don’t give up on online dating completely. Find another site with more members or try a niche site based upon your unique interests. The menu of online dating sites caters to specific religions, activities or ages, and can also be divided based upon casual dating or finding a serious relationship or marriage.? There are plenty of success stories in our Cyber Love Story of the Week from a variety of dating sites. ?Experiment and find out what online dating sites work for you.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. As the top digital matchmaker, Julie creates irresistible online dating profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for our Weekly Flirt Newsletter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

Photo credit: ? dundanim – Fotolia.com

To Wink or Not to Wink? Online Dating Advice

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With over 200 million people worldwide looking for love online, it becomes a crowded digital marketplace. Singles want to find a meaningful connection and often find themselves with an unexpected shopping cart mentality. It often can’t be helped as online dating is a numbers game.

As an online dating expert, I hear from both men and women who want to connect with more people, more quickly. But is more always better and can this expedited way of connecting actually backfire on you? I say yes.

When *Jim, a successful guy in his 40s came to me frustrated with Internet dating and was ready to finally settle down, he wanted to use the “wink” feature on Match.com. He felt that he was a good catch and the women would be thrilled to receive his winks. I disagreed.

A wink, flirt, poke, or anything that is not engaging is like old-fashioned broadcasting. It’s unilateral and frankly, quite lazy. In the time that Jim could carve out to wink to 100 potential women waiting for 10% to return the wink, he could have crafted a personalized email to 10 women that would have made a difference. Sure these features make it easy to be fun and flirty, but a serious woman, the kind of woman who was beautiful inside and out and also wanted to settle down and find a meaningful relationship, wouldn’t settle for just a wink or a canned introduction. Would you? Jim shifted his technique and in the third month of his membership, he met a woman that he decided to date exclusively. She wasn’t the recipient of one of his winks.

Sure winks can come in handy. Take *Jane for instance. She’s never been married and is adorable. She noticed that *Mike had viewed her profile and thought she’d like to meet him. She wondered why Mike hadn’t written to her after viewing her profile, so she sent him a flirty wink and went her merry digital way. Mike recognized Jill’s profile and hadn’t written to her as she specifically said she wasn’t interested in meeting someone with children. Jill had hoped to find someone to have a family with and didn’t think being a step-mother to three girls fit in with her plan. Mike winked back and the two have been together for several years now, where Jill now adores Mike’s children.

Does this mean that a woman can wink to a man to give him the cue that she’s interested, but a man can’t wink at a woman as she’ll find his behavior lazy?

Online dating, or any type of dating for that matter, has a double-standard. Men like to pursue women. Women like to be courted. At the end of the digital day, when in doubt, I say don’t wink. Take the time and effort to put into a smaller group of people who you think you have enough in common with to warrant a conversation, both online and offline.

Do you or don’t you wink? Do you think it’s gender specific?

Your comments and thoughts are welcome.

Photo Credit: ? kebox – Fotolia.com

*Names have been changed

Julie Spira is top online dating expert, bestselling author, and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for the Weekly Flirt newsletter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.


40 Love Experts Helping You Find Your Soul Mate

Neonhearts 250x300It’s summer time and the perfect time to fall in love.

You’ll be sitting in outdoor cafes, dressing without your winter wardrobe, and we’ll help you with your flirting skills to attract and magnetize the man or woman of your dreams and teach you the tips to keep him or her interested.

I know it may seem to good to be true. Maybe you don’t believe in soul mates anymore, but if you had the opportunity to hear from 40 of the leading experts about love, wouldn’t you take a moment from your busy work schedule to listen in?

I’m super-excited to let you know that I’ll be teaching singles the secrets to finding love online on July 13, 2012, but before that, take a look at the incredible relationship experts in the Magnetizing Love series. You can still have the opportunity to listen to each and everyone of us.

Some of the dating and relationship experts include Arielle Ford, Dr. Pat Allen, Orna and Matthew Walters, Mary Morrissey, and more.

Click here ?for more details and let’s make this your summer of love. Let this be the summer for you to remember.

 


Julie Spira is the leading online dating expert and coaches singles on finding love on the Internet. She’s the bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and creates irresistible profiles for singles who are looking for a serious relationship. For more dating advice, sign up for our Weekly Flirt newsletter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert


Mobile Dating BootCamp – Meet the Contestants [video]

Nine single daters are using 6 mobile dating apps, as online dating and mobile dating expert Julie Spira helps them find love from their mobile phone. Meet our contestants and cheer them on.

Julie Spira is a mobile and online dating expert and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating. For more information visit MobileDatingBootCamp.com and Facebook.com/mobiledatingbootcamp.


Cyber Love Story of the Week – Jeanelle and Barry

clsjeanelle23Meet Jeanelle and Barry who were looking for love online on MySpace.

Both single, the two were hoping to meet someone to build a relationship with, but weren?t searching in the same zip code range. Barry was searching for girls in his zip code in Arizona and Jeanelle was searching within 50 miles of her own.

One day when Barry was online, his computer crashed causing him to have to restore his data. When he logged on to his MySpace page his search had mistakenly changed to include Jeanelle?s zip code. Barry told Jeanelle that her picture was on the second page of the results and although he kept looking for a few days, he kept going back to view Jeanelle?s photo.

For three days Barry read over Jeanelle?s page and wondered if he should reach out to Jeanelle and start a mixed-race relationship. Both Jeanelle and her friends were African-American according to the photos that Barry had viewed. Barry wasn?t sure if Jeanelle would be interested in meeting a white man for a serious relationship.

Barry emailed Jeanelle a sweet email welcoming her to Arizona and said that she could email him anytime. The two emailed each other for a month before they spoke on the phone and then talked via phone for an entire month before they met. They both wanted to make sure they were building a friendship before jumping into an intimate relationship.

What really made Jeanelle fall in love with Barry is that even after she told him that she had two sons and MS, he still chose to be with her. She knew they were really in love. After the two months of courting, the two finally met and one year later on the anniversary of their first date, they were married. ?He’s my best friend and because we became friends first, we remain friends through any challenge we face,” said Jeanelle.? “Online dating can be successful when both parties go in wanting a friendship before they become intimate.”

Congratulations to Jeanelle and Barry who teach us that true friendship is the basis of a long term and loving relationship.

Do you have a Cyber Love Story to share? Share your stories on our Facebook page

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Julie Spira is an online dating, netiquette and cyber-relations expert. Visit CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice and where you can sign up for the Weekly Flirt. Like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.

Cyber Love Story of the Week – Dabney and Vic

dabneyandvic 300x248After 15 years of marriage, Dabney was ready to start dating again. She created a profile on Match.com and went on just five lunch dates.

When she first spoke to Vic, the two had instant phone chemistry. Vic had his list of questions that he asked all prospective dates. Dabney passed the test with flying colors.

When the two finally met in person, they were both delighted that the phone chemistry matched their feelings in-real-life. Vic went to hold Dabney?s hand and she pulled back in surprise. Vic asked Dabney, ?Did you feel that?? Dabney tells us, ?It was electric.?

Dabney and Vic were fortunate to have felt a spiritual and soulful connection on their first date. Five years later, during a vacation in the Florida Keys, Vic proposed to Dabney. Dabney, of course said ?Yes!?

Congratulations to Dabney and Vic, who prove that you can have a second chance at love while looking for love online.

Do you have an online dating story to share?

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Julie Spira is an online dating, netiquette and cyber-relations expert. Visit CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice and where you can sign up for the Weekly Flirt. Like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and follow @JulieSpira on Twitter.

Singer-Songwriter Sinead O?Connor is Looking for Love Online

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Photo credit: SineadOConnor.com

Do you think online dating is just for everyday people who aren?t being set up by their friends? If so, think again. More celebrities are joining online dating sites to seek love in a web 2.0 world.

Grammy award-winning singer-songwriter, Sinead O?Connor is hoping she?ll find her dream guy on Plenty of Fish.

According to CBS News, O?Connor recently shared the news with friends and readers on her blog. ??This is to let you all know before anyone else does that I have now officially joined the dating site known as PlentyOfFish.com (or pof) under the username of VeryCareful1 and invite anyone interested to view my profile.?

O?Connor knows that you need to cast a wide net on the Internet and added, ?Although I am living in Dublin I am of course also very much indeed interested in meeting nice gentlemen from other countries.? Sinead O?Connor divorced her husband of 18-days, Barry Herridge in 2011.

Other celebrities who have dabbled in online dating include Gossip Girl?s Chase Crawford on JDate, Joan Rivers who was spotted on Match.com, Pirates of the Caribbean Star Orlando Bloom, and True Blood?s Deobrah Ann Woll.

Would you write to a celebrity if you saw their profile online? Thoughts and comments are welcome.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for more dating advice and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

Do you want dating, relationship and lifestyle advice delivered weekly to your inbox? Sign up for our Weekly Flirt newsletter.

Online Dating Expert With Top Profile Tips [video]

Watch online dating expert Julie Spira in a conversation with GenConnect’s Nancy Spears. Julie shares her favorite and best Internet dating profile tips to help you get noticed while looking for love online.

Remember to have a catchy screen name, wear colorful outfits in your profile photos, and join more than one online dating site to cast a wide net.

For more dating tips, visit CyberDatingExpert.com and join our conversation at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and follow Julie on Twitter @JulieSpira.

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