It’s no secret that the cell phone plays an important part of the online and digital dating courting process. From scheduling a first date and listening to his or her voice for the first time, to receiving the first fun flirty text messages, to the wake up texts in the morning from your digital crush, there’s reason to love your smartphone.
A survey of 3,583 women conducted by Huffington Post and Real Simple called Finding Balance in a Wired World shows just how dependent the relationship between social media and cell phones has become.
12 percent of those polled actually keep their phones on the table during dinner. This should NOT be a focal point of your date. A guy wants to think he’s important in your life and on a date. Still, it’s not unusual to see couples on a date with both phones present on the table. A good rule of thumb is to ask the person you’re on a date with if they don’t mind if their mobile phone is on the table, and give a good reason why. Perhaps you’re waiting for a call from your children or from your boss. Some people love taking photos of food and posting them on Instagram, myself included. However you should make sure you mention this to a date if taking photos of food to memorialize your meal is something you enjoy doing. Ask their permission to make sure they don’t mind. Once that photo is taken, make sure to share it with your date, so he’s a part of the experience and then quickly place it back in your purse.
Frequency of Checking your Mobile Phone
76 percent of respondents say they check their smartphones at least once an hour. Of those busy gazing at their mobile phones, 15% said they looked every 15 minutes. How often are you checking your mobile phone? Are you doing this while on your date? If so, you’re sending a message that the next date could be more important than the person you should be focused on.
Almost half of the women in the poll admitted to keeping their smartphones on their nightstands so they can check them when they wake up. Did that cute guy from last night send you a text? Out with the teddy bears and in with the cell phones. Five percent of the women polled admit to sleeping with their phones in bed with them and almost half polled would give up having sex for month to keep their smartphones in their lives during that same one month period.
Are you Addicted to Your Mobile Phone?
At the end of the digital day, almost ¾ of respondents think they aren’t addicted to their digital devices, but just how honest are they being with that answer? With the rise of Social Media Anxiety disorder and an increase in stress when the battery life is depleted in their phones, we’re living in a mobile world, and mobile dating apps, which inform you that your digital crush has contacted you or your sweethearts sends you a text to say good night are still on the top of the digital dating ladder.
How important is your mobile device to you? Would you let it interfere with a date?
Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She writes about the marriage of love and technology and is the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating. For almost 20 years, Julie has been helping singles find love on the Internet with her Irresistible Profiles programs.
Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for online dating advice and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
It’s National Romance Awareness Month, so we’re happy to share some of our favorite dating, love and romance articles on the web this week, while taking a digital moment to show our gratitude for the social media love.
This Week’s Cyber Love Links include our links to love, when you’re in the mood for love.
Elle magazine - Love and relationships: The social stigma of online dating. It’s a thrill to be quoted in the August issue of Elle magazine in Canada. The results will surprise you. Yes, although I believe the stigma is gone, there are those who will still go to great lengths to hide the fact that they’ve met online. Do you fall into that category?
Betty Confidential – Your Relationship on Social Media: Pro Tips on Mastering Netiquette. Betty’s Diana Denza asked me some great questions including, What are some things that women post on social media that have the potential to drive a date off? and “What should you say (if anything) to someone you’re dating if he has other women writing flirtatious posts on his wall?” Yes. We don’t want you to become that cyber stalker, so we hope you enjoy these tips.
YourTango – Online Dating BootCamp – They’re live! Six full episodes of Online Dating BootCamp, where I’m helping Lauren from Beverly Hills find love on Match.com. Watch our videos so you can ramp up your search while looking for love online.
Episode 1: How to Create the Perfect Profile
Episode 2: How to Write the Perfect Description
Episode 3: How to Find Your Dream Guy
Episode 4: How to Write the Perfect Intro Email
Episode 5: How to Create the Perfect Profile Photo
Episode 6: Making it Happen in the Real World
On Twitter, we shared some of our favorite articles including:
The Atlantic – When a Relationship Becomes a Game
Woman’s Day – 10 Important Love Lessons from ‘The Bachelorette’
Our favorite quote this week is: “Romance is thinking about your significant other, when you are supposed to be thinking about something else.” ~Nicholas Sparks
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.
~Julie Spira and the Cyber-Dating Expert Team
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In honor of this hot summer month, Zoosk conducted their 2nd annual Romance Awareness Month Survey of about 1500 single members of their online dating site to find out just who is more romantic and how satisfied singles are with their romantic lives.
While it shouldn’t come as a surprise that 81% of women and 69% of men surveyed agreed that women are more romantic, their findings showed that Valentine’s Day ranked lower on the romance totem pole at 19% than an anniversary at 57% or even a first date at 24%.
What’s even more surprising is the overwhelming amount of singles who are not satisfied with the amount of romance in their lives, with 80 % of the men and 73% of women, not happy in the romance department.
How can you add more romance to your life and be happier? As a hopeful romantic and one who makes love a daily part of my life, it all starts with loving yourself and creating rituals, with or without a partner. Romance isn’t only measured by the quality of quantity of sex in your life, but it begins with adding random kind gestures into your activity list.
Here are five tips to ramp up romance in your life, with or without a romantic partner.
As one who spends a lot of time helping singles with their online dating profiles, I can’t help but stress that it’s one of the simplest ways to think about romance and relationships. When you log in daily to your online dating site, take extra time to compliment someone on his or her outfit. Let them know you think they have an incredible smile. You’ll be surprised how quickly the boomerang effect will take place. You’ll feel like romance is just a click away.
I’m a huge fan of sending romantic text messages leading up to your date. Sending a fun and flirty morning text message letting your date or significant other know that you’re excited about your date with a few xoxo’s will definitely add some romance to your love life.
Smile and be Confident
Believe it or not, you actually feel happier and more confident even when you’re smiling while on the telephone. Nobody can imagine romance with a Debbie or Donnie Downer, so smile at the grocery store, while in line at the bank, or in an exercise class. You’ll come across as happier and don’t be surprised if a few heads turn.
First Date Rules – Be Proactive for Romance
Being passive on a date doesn’t help you in the romance department. Sure you don’t want to be too aggressive, but the Zoosk survey showed the squeaky wheel gets the romance deal with 34% of singles finding it most romantic when their date plans a surprise activity for their first date, with 27% liking to hold hands on the first date and 25% actually enjoying it when their date leans in for that first memorable kiss.
Schedule Date Nights
If you already have a steady loved one, you know how often relationships can end up in a rut after the first three months. When the honeymoon period starts to wane, if you’re not dating your mate and creating romantic memories, it’s easy for the relationship to fizzle out. Pick the same day each week and take turns selecting your date spot. You don’t have to break the bank, especially during Romance Awareness Month, as there are plenty of free concerts, where you can bring a picnic basket to or take the beach walk that so many swear they can’t wait to do.
National Romance Awareness Month gives you the opportunity and excuse to jump out of your rut and your comfort zone and think about how you can add more romance to your life.
What romantic rituals help you in your relationship?
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Links to love, when you’re in the mood for love.
We’ve gone green for St. Patrick’s Day and are feeling slightly crazy with March Madness going on. We couldn’t let the week end without thanking those who have featured us, quoted us, and share the articles we loved and tweeted this week.
A huge thank you to Jen Kirsch for featuring our advice on Canadian Living in 6 Online Dating Tips and Jenna Birch who asked for my two cents worth on YourTango in March Madness Time: 5 Reasons to Date a Girl Who Loves Sports. Very thrilled to appear on StyleList with the Rules of Netiquette for Texting and had a blast on Planet Love Match Radio with Jen and Josh.
Our friends at The Frisky posted the Official Frisky Girl Code of Conduct worth sharing. My friend Rita Watson wrote a beautiful post on Psychology Today, 13 Romantic Ideas for Lovers. Match shared the Cities Luckiest in Love in 2011 and on Woman’s Day, you can read, 10 Things Your Husband’s Friends Won’t Tell You.
Don’t forget, our friends at eHarmony are having their Free Communication Weekend, so you just might have a St. Patrick’s date after all. We’ve officially changed our Facebook page to the new Timeline, so check out our new cover and Like us!
When I had the opportunity to read an advanced copy of Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love, I not only jumped at the chance, but I also formally endorsed this relationship book. I believe in Dr. Diana Kirschner’s work. As the Love Mentor, Dr. Diana gives you concrete tools to really help you find and keep the love you are looking for.
You’ll start off by signing a “Lasting Love Contract.” It’s been proven that if you actually write your desires and wishes down and read them, you’ll have a much more likely chance of having them come to fruition. Dr.Diana also instructs you to write down your fears and will help you determine if he’s really “the one.”
I encourage readers to pick up a copy of this book, because we all know that everyone wants to love and be loved. With Dr. Diana’s help, you’ll start believing in the possibilities. Her relationship advice is spot on. Sealing the Deal is a welcome addition to the Cyber Dating Expert Reading Room. Enjoy!
Click here to purchase your copy of Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love
This week I posted a personal story on Huffington Post, which featured a saying that has helped myself and other loved ones through the pain of the ending of a relationship. Whether through divorce, death, or a relationship that that ran its course, I have used these words over and over again, Every Relationship Serves a Purpose, But is Limited.
15 years ago when I had my heart broken, these were the very words used to console me. Although I was crushed and devastated at the time, these words have carried me through many relationships and I like to pay it forward.
Still teary-eyed, I was told to look at the incredible memories that had been shared, and there were many. I was reminded how I had grown as a person during the time of my romantic relationship. I had learned what deal-breakers I could live with, and which ones I could not. I was told to embrace the happy memories and let the door shut gracefully, so I would be able to allow a better, more compatible relationship into my life. Years later, I share this statement with others on a regular basis. It’s powerful and it’s healing.
I had a romantic fantasy that the one who broke my heart was my sole true love. I thought it would last forever. It lasted for many years and I learned what unconditional love was about, even it if didn’t last forever. Unfortunately in order to experience this type of love, you have to become vulnerable and open your heart.
I had to ask myself, why can’t we look at our romantic relationships as a full-length movie, or something that we could have forever, ’til death do us part? Why are some relationships and friendships just chapters in our lives, and not an entire book?
Within a year after my heartbreak, I got engaged and later married the man who was the next chapter of my life. I thought about my long-lost love for a moment, but I had moved on. I received an email from the guy who broke my heart wishing me the best in my new marriage. I chose to ignore it and close that chapter.
As I’m always one to lend and ear and an opinion in matters of the heart, I have consoled many friends during their heartbreaks. After all, we take our life lessons and pay them forward. I used these exact words, “Every relationship serves a purpose, but it limited” to console many girlfriends who were jolted by the demise of their relationships that prematurely ended either as a death or a divorce, which more often than not felt like death as well. It gave them comfort to hear those words.
What I didn’t realize at the time, as I do now, is how this statement transfers into friendships that abruptly end. When your best friend dumps and discards you, or you have outgrown a relationship and decide to move on, it can be as hurtful as a death or divorce.
One day, a very close girlfriend of 25 years decided to discard me in an email. I was stunned. I was shattered. She had been the maid of honor at my wedding. I held her hand during her divorce. I diligently sent birthday cards to her children every year. Although we lived on separate coasts, we were best friends. It was as close to a sister as I had ever had.
Suddenly, one day in my inbox, I received an angry email, telling me she was done with me. She broke up with me from the stroke of her keyboard. It was a unilateral decision. There was no discussion. It really hurt. I tried to use my own words, “Every relationship serves a purpose, but is limited” to get over it. I realized that she had a history of dismissing people in her life, and then returning back again, as if nothing had happened. It was just my turn.
As a natural instinct and reaction, I thought about defending myself. I remembered all of the ways that I was a devoted friend through the years. I created the list, but never pushed the send button. I didn’t see it coming. I cried for days, and grabbed hold of my very own saying, ‘Every Relationship Serves a Purpose but is limited” once again. I realized that no one has to sign up for a lifetime contract in friendship. You do your best. You live your life through honesty and integrity. Sometimes you just grow apart. You cannot be responsible for someone else’s feeling or behavior. The only person you can be responsible for is yourself.
Yes, there were 20 years of memories, vacations, hand holding, job-hunting, soul searching that we experienced together. I thought it would last forever. It didn’t, but we had a good run.
I look back on the guy who broke my heart and the former best friend who discarded me in an email, and I know I contributed to their lives as they did to mine. Of course I wouldn’t dump a friend in an email, but people do. I frequently tell people to sleep on it when they are about to send an angry email or break up via text message or email. When in doubt send it to yourself before pressing the send button that could hurt another. Sometimes you just have a bad day and outside circumstances may affect your feelings. Quite often you will feel differently in the morning. You can’t take it back.
My mother always says, “Treat people the way you want to be treated.” My mother is a wise woman.
Take the time to think about your past relationships and friendships that faded over time. Let the pain and hurt subside and ask yourself, did the relationship serve a purpose, even if it was limited?
Originally posted on Huffington Post
Join Cyber-Dating Expert Julie Spira as she welcomes Alix Strauss, editor of Have I Got a Guy for You: What Really Happens When Mom Fixes You Up to Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show.
Alix is social satirist and has been a featured lifestyle and trend writer on national morning and talk shows including ABC, CBS, CNN, and The Today Show. Her articles have also appeared in the New York Times, New York Post, Time Magazine, and Marie Claire.
Call in on Saturday, June 5, 2010 at 2pm/ET, 12 noon/CT, 11am/PT at 646-929-0012 for dating advice and to hear more about dating, love and romance in a Web 2.0 World.
Those who are lucky in love sometimes end up in Las Vegas. And while in Vegas, don’t forget to see the Beatles LOVE Cirque du Soleil performance at the Mirage. The production highlights the Beatles and their music. If your plans aren’t taking you to Vegas in the near future, pick up the CD of Love (CD + Audio DVD) online and you can hum to your favorite love songs throughout the holidays. The compilation of 26 tracks won 2 Grammy’s at the 50th annual Grammy Awards in February, 2008.
It’s been around for ages, but lately there has been a renewed interest in the Kama Sutra Oil of Love kits. It’s a fabulous stocking stuffer and a great addition to The Cyber Love Shoppe.
By Heather Juma
I have a better idea for you! Make a list of your hobbies and passions. What do you do in your free time? Love Tennis? You might meet your perfect “match” at the local tennis club. Love wine? Go to wine tastings and join gourmet foodie groups. You get the hint!
Think of all the fun you’ll have meeting lots of other people and making new interesting friends while enjoying your hobbies and passions, that will take your mind off “looking for Mr. Right” and then he’ll probably show up (funny how that works)!