I met my boyfriend on Tinder and we started dating three months ago.
We both agreed to take down our Tinder profiles. Actually it was his idea to do it first and I thought it was a great idea.
We’ve connected on a deep level and are even talking about living together, so I thought everything was great.
Last week, my girlfriend saw his profile on Tinder and it appears he went back on without telling me. He’s been secretive about things lately, complaining that he’s stressed out at work. I’m afraid I’m losing him. What should I do?
GF of Tinder Addict.
Dear GF of TA,
You’re not alone. Tinder is a fun game that singles play on their mobile phones. While it’s a great way to meet someone close by, it’s still a game. I know several couples who have left their Tinder profiles up and just enjoy chatting with others, without the intention of taking it any further.
Let’s start by saying your boyfriend did do something wrong. He rejoined Tinder without telling you. Most likely he knew there would be an eruption like a volcano if he suggested it. He would assume you’d think he was cheating on you, when he was just having fun swiping right and left on Tinder.
Do I know if your relationship is on the way out or not? Of course not. But you’re at a relationship milestone — the three month mark. The honeymoon phase of the newness in your relationship when everything is perfect is changing. The good news is, that you’re still together as a couple and are moving into the next phase. Three months is the time where couples decide do they want to go to the next step, which is beyond the casual stage.
My suggestion is to have a convo with your BF and ask him if he just likes looking at pretty faces. Believe it or not, he might just be viewing girls digitally the way that some guys stare at cute girls at a restaurant. If he says he’d like to see others, then believe him and reactive your profile as well and start dating. If he says he only has eyes for you, let him know how uncomfortable this is making you. Ask him if he can state his relationship status to “in a relationship” and that he’s looking for friends to chat with or take it down completely. If he’s willing to do this, then understand he looks at Tinder the same way as he would look at a video game.
I’m not saying it’s right and I’d be very unhappy if my boyfriend had an active dating or Tinder profile up while he was spending nights with me. If he refuses to state his relationship status, then you need to decide if you’d like to continue dating him and date others as well.
If he really doesn’t want to lose you, he won’t let his cell phone games get in the way of love. It’s time for some digital housekeeping.
Keep me posted.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
Do you have a question for Julie Spira? Click here to submit your dating questions.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and helps singles find love online and IRL. For more dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, like us on Facebook, and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Tinder is now verifying celebrity profiles and Yahoo – Australia reports that Spears reports that at the debut of her lingerie collection in New York, said admits that finding love in cyberspace is possibly an option.
Later, Spears appeared on the ‘Tonight Show’ with Jimmy Fallon, where the late night talk host added her to the mobile app in a fun skit.
Before introducing Spears, Fallon described her as: “She’s recently single, she sings good jingles, she loves her Pringles and she’s ready to mingle.”
He added, “Here at ‘The Tonight Show,’ we’re all about making love connections, so before the show you did something cool. You let us sign you up for the dating app Tinder,” Fallon continued, stating the profile is indeed real.
“I want to stress, Britney had nothing to do with this. This was our idea. But she has the password now and it is her profile. She can do whatever she wants with it…. If you guys are on Tinder and want to date Britney Spears, just look for her profile and swipe right. That means good.” Spears responded with, “I’m thrilled!”
Celebrities with verified profiles are now swiping right and left on Tinder. Other celebs include Ed Sheeran, Katy Perry, Lilly Allen, Lindsay Lohan, Chelsea Handler, and Bravo’s Andy Cohen, who have created profiles on the hottest mobile dating app.
Watch the video of the ‘Tonight Show’ segment here.
Other celebrities have joined a variety of online dating sites in the pre-Tinder days, including: Sinead O’Connor, Martha Stewart, Matthew Perry, Adele,, Jenny McCarthy, Charlie Sheen, Ricki Lake, Chase Crawford, Carrie Ann Inaba, Cheryl Cole, and the late great Joan Rivers.
At the end of the digital day, logging on for love in cyberspace or from the convenience of your mobile phone when you find yourself single is the easiest way to get back into the dating game.
Photo credit: Yahoo: Australia – Celebs We Wish Were on Tinder
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet having created her first profiles 20 years ago. Today, she helps singles on the dating scene with her Irresistible Profiles programs and to help them find love from the various mobile dating apps. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for more dating advice and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
As online daters and those downloading the Tinder mobile dating app continue to watch Tinder explode, it’s no wonder that researchers, psychologists, and dating experts all have opinions on whether Tinder is helping singles or is just a game for people to play on their cell phones as they swipe left or right at the millions of profiles nearby.
On WCCO in Minneapolis, I spoke with radio show host John Hines about the pros and cons of Tinder, using mobile dating apps, and why I think Tinder can help women who are shy to connect with a potential date online and meet them offline.
Now let’s talk about the ‘Tinderella syndrome’ and if it really exists or not. Are women really suffering from spending too much time on Tinder? Is it affecting their ability to meet offline (IRL?)
The Daily Mail ran a story claiming that ‘Tinderella syndrome’ was ruining the love lives of women to the point that they wer unable to approach men in person offline. They went as far as saying that flirting techniques have been diminished due to the frequent use of the Tinder mobile dating app.
While psychologist Emma Kenny believes that online dating breeds impatience and insecurity since women are inundated with an abundance of potential dates that they become overwhelmed and stop investing the same effort into meeting dates offline.
Sure online dating is a numbers game and Tinder is responsible for over 10 million matches a day as well as 850 million swipes a day. Those are big numbers and it’s easy to fill your date card. Remember, not everyone on Tinder is looking for a love connection. Tinder’s founders believe that they are a social discovery app and that using the site an help make new friends with similar interests.
Some will use Tinder as a game and keep playing after a swipe or two. Others will take the time to read the profiles of potential matches before starting a private online chat that will hopefully lead to an offline meeting. Otherwise, you’ll just end up with a digital pen-pal, if that’s what you want.
Here are the reasons I don’t believe in the Tinderella Syndrome.
1. Mobile apps make it easier to connect with people close by. Those who are interested in meeting someone close by can easily log onto Tinder and view a profile instead of just swiping left or right to give a thumbs up on a profile. If the profile indicates they’re really looking to meet someone for a relationship, they can start chatting instantly if it’s a mutual match.
2. Almost 35% of married couples met online. A study from the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, showed that about 1/3 of marriages were as a result of online.
3. Pew Research states that 59% of Americans think that online dating is a good way to meet people. With over half of Americans thinking online dating is the way to go, remember that most singles are using mobile dating apps, which speed up the process.
4. Mobile dating apps and online dating sites help those who are shy communicate with potential dates. It’s my opinion that using dating apps and dating sites only helps those who are too shy to approach someone in a bar to say hello. By chatting online, I think self-esteem can be improved and communicating skills with potential dates will also become easier. The key is to take your relationship from online to offline and meet IRL.
5. Online dating stigma is pretty much gone. It’s a matter of time that the stigma for Tinder or mobile dating apps for hookups will also diminish. Already we are seeing many relationships of couples who’ve found love on Tinder.
6. If your mutual match isn’t communicating with you or interested in meeting, just move on. Tinder reports they are seeing 10 million matches a day and 850 million swipes per day. With all of that activity, it’s pretty easy to figure out who’s playing the game and who will want to meet. If their profile is rather empty and they only say, “hey,” it’s probably not going to become a meaningful relationship.
In my conversation with John Hines from WCCO – CBS Radio, I told him that Tinder is known to have a membership base of mostly 18-34 year olds. Many aren’t looking for a serious relationship and are hooking up. But some are truly looking for a new digital outlet to find a date or love.
Yes Tinder is like a game and it asks you to keep playing instead of suggesting that you meet in person. There will always be those who love the digital ego boost of flirting online, with or without Tinder. However, there will always be those who truly are looking for a connection. Tinder makes it easy to connect. It’s up to you to decide if the relationship is ready to move offline.
As time goes on, more-and-more singles in their 40s and up will also be using Tinder, due to the ease of creating a profile and the flexibility of connecting on the fly with singles in their geographic area.
Do you believe in the ‘Tinderella Syndrome?’
College Humor came out with a cute parody about Tinderella – a Modern Fairytale worth sharing.
Photo credit: College Humor
Julie Spira is an online and mobile dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She was an early adopter of online dating and mobile dating and helps singles find love on the Internet with her Irresistible Profiles programs. For more dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
After spending 20 years in the online dating industry, I know that trying a new dating site can be intimidating. I thought I’d let you know that I recently signed up for a new online dating site, Cupid.com and I wanted to share some of my experiences with you.
While everyone is familiar with Cupid, the God of Love worldwide, perhaps you didn’t know that Cupid is one of the biggest dating sites in the UK.
Cupid has now made its way to the US to match up singles stateside!
Here are a few of my favorite things about Cupid so far:
• New Faces: Since I started using Cupid a few weeks ago, I’ve already seen the site grow extensively. In the LA area I’m seeing and chatting with great guys, and more are joining every single day.
• Exclusive Events: Cupid hosts great events so that you can make the most of your online and social life! This month they are hosting exclusive screenings of sci-fi thriller Coherence in LA on June 19th, along with a fun pre-party so all the singles can mix and mingle. You’re invited to join in on the fun and bring a friend as well! I’ll be on site providing free dating advice for singles looking for love online.
• Mobile Dating App: It’s easy to communicate and flirt with Cupid.com’s mobile app. Download the app here:
P.S. Cupid is offering a $12 rate for one full year of membership for a limited time.
To RSVP for the Coherence film and VIP party, register here.
What: Coherence Film party in Los Angeles
When: June 19th, 5:30pm party followed by 7:30pm Screening
Where: Party: Good Luck Bar and Screening at the Vista Theatre
Cupid.com is hosting this event, so grab a single friend and RSVP to get your name on the list!
Cyber-Dating Expert is a paid Spokesperson for Cupid.com for the #SetLoveFree promotion. All opinions are our own.
Photo credit: Fotolia.com
Tinder-mania is everywhere it seems.
Tinder’s mobile app launched in Los Angeles less than two years ago, and it’s quickly becoming a household name.
Even Bravo’s Andy Cohen recently taught Larry King how to use Tinder!
At the recent Digital Hollywood gathering in Los Angeles, Tinder co-founder Justin Mateen was on a panel called, “The Coveted Captive audience – Engaging And Monetizing Through Mobile.”
Afterwards, I had the chance to catch up with Justin again to talk about the latest trends for Tinder.
The Future of Tinder
Tinder, as we know, has become the hottest mobile dating app, now experiencing over ten million matches a day and 800 million swipes per day.
“I think the misconception is that Tinder is a dating app,” said Justin Mateen – Tinder’s Co-Founder and Chief Marketing Officer during the session. “We consider ourselves a social discovery app, more of a competitor to social platforms,” Mateen added.
Tinder is now optimizing to connect new people. Mateen feels the value proposition is tremendous, which is why they’ve been able to grow so quickly. People are using Tinder for dating for the most part, but as time goes on, Tinder won’t be optimized only for dating.
“We are our own social platform and leverage other social platforms to the sense that it makes sense,” said Mateen. He boasted about Tinder’s 2000% growth last year. The average Tinder user spends ½ hour on the mobile app and they are growing by 10 times every day.
As of now, Tinder is not charging for their app or providing advertising. Their monetization strategy includes focusing on the user experience and growing the user base both domestically and Internationally. Their future plan will include in app purchases to enhance the user experience when it comes time to monetize. Mateen explained that their plans are to begin to test different forms or advertising on Tinder. “We want to make sure that it’s an organic ad and that our users can benefit from it.”
Not a day goes by when someone doesn’t come up to me to ask me about my thoughts on Tinder.
Several men I know of have actually felt distressed when they’ve swiped left instead of right and felt that they lost the match. Fortunately, Tinder has come up with a solution for that dilemma as the app provides a pop-up asking you if you’re sure you want to swipe left.
Others are in relationships and still won’t retire their Tinder profile. Is it a game?
Are you using Tinder?
Julie Spira is an online dating and mobile dating expert. She was an early adopter of the Internet and online dating, having created her first profile over 20 years ago. Julie’s the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert and coaches singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
I met my boyfriend on Tinder about 6 weeks ago and we decided to date exclusively after three weeks. Neither of us took our Tinder profiles down, but he wasn’t logging on to his and I was still logging on out of curiosity to see who was on Tinder, but not chatting with anyone.
After a week of him giving me grief for having an active Tinder profile, I finally took his down and showed him the screen shot of me doing so. I thought he’d be excited to hear the news, but instead, he decided to keep his profile up.
Now, I’m the unhappy one, as I can’t understand why he’d make me take my profile down while he’s still an active member of Tinder. I’m starting to get frustrated and am wondering if we should break up. Every time I see him staring at his mobile phone, I think he’s looking for another girlfriend. What do you think?
There are a lot of singles who are in relationships who are still attached to their Tinder mobile dating app. Since it’s known as a social discovery app, many people are chatting with potential friends. Even a man recently posted a profile as a golden retriever dog to chat with people. I can understand that since you met on Tinder, that you should both probably have removed your profiles at the same time. It’s not fun being pressured to take your profile down when your boyfriend won’t do the same in return for you. Sure you should have toasted together and pulled the plug on your profiles at the same time, but since that didn’t happen, ask your BF how he would feel if suddenly you put your profile back up on Tinder.
Chances are he won’t be that happy about it, but if he says he doesn’t mind, it might be time to start dating others and reactivate your profile. During this time, you can still date your BF, but let him know you’re no longer exclusive. Which means, I suggest you keep your clothes on until both of you are on the same digital page. While it might seem harsh and hard to turn back the wheel, you’ll know where you stand in your relationship.
Keep me posted. Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
When I received an email from the Daily Mail letting me know that a San Francisco man posed as a 26-year old dog named “Hero” on Tinder, I had to chuckle. After all, a dog is man’s best friend and every girl is looking for her hero.
Still since Justin Mateen, co-founder of Tinder believes that their mobile app is a social discovery app and not a mobile dating app, I wasn’t surprised that this social experiment was received as a breath of fresh barking air. The responses flooded in from both women and men within a 100-mile radius.
It’s a social networking experience, and people love pets, so it was certainly a way for the profile to stand out among the millions of other profiles that users are swiping right and left to. “Hero” a golden retriever, replied to curious swipers with a “woof woof” and “bark bark” with an occasional wagging of his tail.
After seven days as a male dog, Joe Veix posted that had 206 matches—154 guys and 52 girls. All of his responses were “woof woof” and occasional digital barking. When he switched to a female dog, the comments became a bit riskier.
Tinder is known to be fun and flirty. Like a game, so many people who have downloaded the Tinder mobile app spend hours-and-hours a day swiping right just to strike up a conversation with so many that they may or may not meet IRL.”
Rather than saying, ‘hey’ or ‘what’s up’ the “Hero” puppy profile allowed users of the app to have a bit of fun and laughter while responding to the barks from the dog profile.
Tinder now claims 10 million matches a day and over 800 million swipes a day. Users are logging on for more than 1.5 hours a day. Will the future of Tinder fall into the hands of your four-legged pets?
I think it’s just a matter of time, before we’ll see a viral cat video on Tinder.
Are you dating on Tinder? Your comments are welcome.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the host of Mobile Dating BootCamp and helps singles find love on the Internet and IRL. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
As mobile dating apps continue to be the hot new way for singles to find love online, daters are swiping right to connect on a variety of mobile dating apps. The message is very clear. The success of finding love online is all in the hands of your mobile phone
In a recent interview, I spoke with ABC News in Los Angels about the landscape of mobile dating [see video below].
Enter Hinge, a free mobile dating app which helps you find dates based upon which Facebook friends you have in common. The best way that I can describe Hinge is Tinder MEETS Linkedin.
The concept makes sense as singles have become accustomed to swiping on Tinder, the mobile app now responsible for over 10 million matches a day and 800 million swipes per day.
Where Tinder gives you unlimited matches based upon your location, Hinge selects 10 matches served to you at noon each day. If you refer your friends to join Hinge, the number of matches will increase.
How Hinge Works
Hinge takes your Facebook profile photos, age, work information, and other data that you’ve provided, so other singles will see exactly who you are, without having to do an extensive Google search or background search.
Hinge users are 99% college educated, and most popular industries include banking, consulting, media and fashion. The average user has 36 friends on Hinge and 90% are between 23-36. Hinge has made over 2 million matches and just celebrated the first engagement.
Hinge just launched in Los Angeles with a party in West Hollywood at Greystone Manor with 500 of their 7000 Los Angeles singles who were on the wait-list. ABC 7′s Elex Michaelson reported on the event, along with my analysis below.
It should be no surprise, that online daters are now spending more time on dating apps than they do on the sites themselves. IBISWorld reports that by 2018, more than 80 percent of the population will own a smartphone (up from 46 percent in 2012). A recent Pew Research study reported that 29% of cell owners describe their cell phone as ?something they can?t imagine living without.?
eHarmony reports that some users log on over 15-20 times a day using their mobile dating app with over 50% registering from their mobile phones. Their mobile app has been downloaded over 9 million times, with 57% of their app users who are male and 43% who are female.
Match just released Match 3.0, a completely redesigned mobile app for iOs. They report that half of their users are joining Match through a mobile device and more than 50% of the emails exchanged on Match.com are sent from a mobile device.
POF founder Markus Frind tells me that they have tens of millions of users on their mobile dating app. “Between the apps and just mobile web use we are at 90% mobile,” said Frind. “When it comes to online dating using a website isn’t something that most people do anymore. It’s all about the phone,” Frind added.
Hinge is now available in 9 cities in the United States including Atlanta, Boston, Chicago, Dallas, Los Angeles, New York City, Philadelphia, San Francisco, Washington, DC.
At the end of the digital day, finding love from the convenience of your mobile phone has become a part of everyday life for most single who are looking for love online.
Are you using mobile dating apps?
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert and host of Mobile Dating BootCamp. Julie was an early adopter of the Internet and has been helping singles find love online for 20 years. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
There’s good news for daters to make it easier to find love from their mobile phones. Today Match.com released their long-awaited and very user-friendly Match 3.0 for iPhone users. The message is very clear. The success of finding love online is all in the hands of your mobile phone.
What’s New in Match 3.0?
The Match 3.0 mobile differs from their previous mobile app, as it no longer emulates the desktop version of the online dating site. The new app now includes a “Discover” page, where you’ll find two new features, “Stream” and “Mixer. The “Stream” feature allows you to scroll through many profiles with multiple photos of the daters based on location. You’ll see a familiar style as each profile has a cover photo, which reminds you of Facebook. You can easily send a message to the person who captures your eye as you scroll down through a stream of potential matches. There are also multiple places for you to upload photos directly on the app.
The new “Mixer” will look familiar to mobile dating users, as it may remind you of Tinder. Users can view a single profile and now swipe left to take a pass or swipe right to give your potential date the thumbs up to start communicating. The swipe-effect is now becoming a prominent feature for many mobile dating apps.
Match reports that over 55% of their members are using their mobile app to send emails, with 50% of their signups come from mobile. As a result, for the first time, they’re allowing users to sign up on the mobile phone, as compared to using the desktop version. They’ve now prominently displayed their membership fees along with the features for those ready to pull out their credit card to pay.
At the end of the digital day, we’re living in a swiping world when it comes to finding love on your mobile phone.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She was an early adopter of the Internet and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. Julie is the host of Mobile Dating BootCamp and Online Dating BootCamp.
Tinder, now into its second year has captured the hearts of millions and has a flame that seems to be burning hot. Once suggested as a hook up app, Tinder is now a social discovery and dating app that’s responsible for many relationships. Recently, Tinder was estimated at a value of $5 billion. That’s a big number for the new kid in town. They’re also now validating celebrity profiles, because even many in Hollywood have jumped on the Tinder bandwagon.
So how does one find love on the fastest growing mobile dating app?
Finding love on your mobile phone has become all the rage. We no longer have to go home to check our inboxes to see if there’s been an email received by a potential suitor. I believe the reason that Tinder is so successful is because it’s so simple to use.
1. Singles download the mobile app to their phone and sign up through Facebook. The app will grab your profile and some photos, of which you can edit to your liking and you’re ready to start swiping left or right to find your dream match.
2. Make sure you use the filters available to select your age range, distance, and preference of meeting a man or a woman.
3. When you swipe to the right or click on the “heart” icon, you’ve accepted the profile as a potential match and lets you know that you’re a mutual match and can start chatting privately. When you swipe to the left or click on the “x” icon, you anonymously take a pass on the profile.
4. Those who are serious about finding a relationship, should take the time to read the profile by clicking on the “i” icon to see shared interests from Facebook and also see if you have mutual friends in common.
5. Tinder sends you a push notification if you receive a message from a match or if you’re a mutual match so you can start chatting privately.
6. If someone is bothering you on Tinder, you can block their profile or report it.
Is it a game or are you dating?
It’s quite simple, but how do those get out of the frenzy game approach? After all, it does give you a choice to “keep playing.”
Those who are having fun with the app or are using it as a distraction at lunch, may be taking a more voyeuristic approach to see if they’re a mutual match or not. Sure it can boost your ego, but if you’re not taking the relationship from online to offline, plain simply, you’re not dating.
In a recent conversation with two of the co-founders, Sean Rad and Justin Mateen at the LA Tech Summit, Rad explained that when they started Tinder, they had the fundamental belief that in a couple of years, the computer will be extinct and every application will be on the mobile phone. This is a huge shift in social behavior and Tinder is riding this wave.
My hairdresser met her boyfriend on Tinder. I know many successful relationships that credit Tinder for helping them to find love from the convenience of their mobile phones. I’m helping singles who are connecting on Tinder with the dating process and the trend is going to continue to rise.
Is there Tinder Anxiety Disorder?
But can someone suffer from Tinder anxiety disorder? What happens if you swipe the wrong way? A single man from Los Angeles called me with this very dilemma. He swiped to the left in error and had meant to swipe right. He was quite upset because he really liked this girl’s profile. He managed to find her on Facebook and wrote her a lengthy email on Facebook to let her know he swiped the wrong way and was hoping that she had swiped to the right and would remember him. He didn’t hear back. When you’re playing the game of Tinder, I caution you not to rush into the process and be caught up in a swiping frenzy.
Just like those who thought online dating was something to be hush-hush about ten years ago, those who are embracing Tinder and other mobile dating apps are finding this an efficient way to date, while having fun in the process. As with all dating sites and apps, you must state your dating goals and intentions. After you start chatting with someone for a while, it’s time to meet in person. Even if there’s not a love connection, you just might have made a new friend in the process.
Are you using the Tinder dating app?
Your comments are welcome.
Julie Spira is an online dating and mobile dating expert who’s been helping singles find love online for 20 years. She’s the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert and is the host of Mobile Dating BootCamp. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.