So you’ve made it this far. You like what you’ve read in his online dating profile and everything is checking out. Now, there’s only one thing left to do; get the conversation started. Don’t worry, it’s a lot easier than it seems. After all, you don’t have to be spontaneous or quick on your delivery. You can take all the time you might need to write a gripping email that will engage him.
Here are Nine tips for snagging him with email
1) Write a clever subject line. On many local dating sites your subject line is your first impression, so you need to make it pop! The key is to somehow relate to him using various approaches. Perhaps he’s a foodie as well. If so, consider writing, “from a fellow foodie” or if you know he’s into art try something like, “art event on a first date?” Pick something that really stood out to you and use it to your advantage to capture his attention.
2) Personalize it. Once again, select specific elements from his profile and incorporate them. For example, if he says that he’s optimistic and has a sense of humor then mention that those things are important to you. Perhaps you like his smile – mention that as well and even add a smiley face emoticon.
3) Don’t write a novel. That’s not to say keep it short. Though he might be interested in your life story, chances are he doesn’t want to hear it all at once. Leave the longer conversation for the first date. The goal in writing this email should be to pique his interest and leave some mystery so he responds. Writing too much in an initial email could mean more effort for him to reply and he might put your message on the backburner as a result. Keep it simple and don’t over think it. Try to focus on a couple of things that are important and let the conversation grow from there.
4) Ask a question. He will be more likely to respond if you ask him a question – this could be anything. Make it lighthearted or serious to get the conversation started.
5) Show your personality. Everyone loves someone with personality. This makes dating more fun. Show him a slice of who you are in your tone and delivery. If you’re soft spoken and shy, there’s nothing wrong with mentioning that. If you have a sense of humor, crack a few jokes. Perhaps you have a type-A personality. If so, there’s nothing wrong with sharing a story about your personality type. Just make sure to be you and be honest and authentic. He will appreciate it a lot more than receiving a generic message.
6) Don’t sound desperate. No one wants to date someone who is needy, so try to keep your email casual. Try not to come on too strong, otherwise he might label you as needy or desperate. The first email is just an introduction and exploration to see if you two are even on the same page. And remember, you are just as much the chooser as he is the picker.
7) Be clear in your message. The last thing you want to do is confuse him. You have all the time in the world to string together thoughts and ideas of why you’re writing to him. Take your time, relax and have fun with it. Just make sure that your email flows and it’s relevant to something that he can relate to. Communicating a strong, clear, and concise message says a lot about someone and he will notice the effort you’ve taken in contacting him.
8) Use bold text. Not everywhere. Just the main points you’re trying to get across. For example, if you really want him to know that you love dogs, write I really love dogs too and he’ll know just how much dogs mean to you. Do this for anything you might be passionate about.
9) Reference date ideas – Mention a few local activities that you are into, see what kind of responses you get. Positive reactions to these outings could be good indications for where you might end up going on a first date.
We hope these tips will lead to more clicks that lead to better conversations. Good luck!
Just remember that love is always the answer, so the question becomes, how do you find it if you’re dating over 50? We’re offering an opportunity to win a free eHarmony 3 or 6 month membership. eHarmony gives singles a clear advantage, matching you with only deeply compatible singles! Lots of people are beating the odds by betting on love. And if you register now at Cyber Dating Expert you could win a FREE eHarmony account. Sounds like a win-win while looking for love online.
Contest runs from November 13, 2014 – December, 13 2014
I have an online dating question and would love your opinion on this recent emailed dating exchange of mine, on OK Cupid…
Me: How old are you really? (Does anyone here tell the truth about his/her age? I mean, besides me.)
Her: How old am I really? I won’t read into this, I’ll just go with it: I’m really not whatever it was I said I was, ha! My photos are recent; age is not something by which I live my life; and I often get mistaken for my daughters’ sister when we’re out together. I don’t look 26 but I don’t look or live like I’m the 50-something I copped to in my profile.
(How’s that for evading the answer? Her profile says she’s 51, but she obviously is not comfortable revealing her exact age to me. Should I drop it or press it? Is it too sensitive a topic to expect the truth, even if I myself am truthful? I’ve met women before who’ve revealed they’re as much as 15 years older than the ages they’ve indicated on their dating profiles. And I’m not comfortable or sufficiently evolved enough to date someone who’s 66, even if she is mistaken for her daughter. Thoughts?)
Here’s my take on his dating dilemma.
Women are often very sensitive and about their age and will lie about their age to fit into a search on their Internet dating profiles. Call it a double-standard, but they expect the man to be honest about his age.
Most women won’t even engage in conversation when questioned and will evade the subject. They’ll get offended if you ask what her age is, so I’d say it’s an off-limits subject early on.
When a man used to ask me about my age, I would smile and be coy and say, “It’s not polite to ask a lady her age.” This practice goes back to early etiquette days, long before online dating became part of everyday life for singles. Even my grandmother wouldn’t reveal her true age when asked.
Know that physical attraction and chemistry are important. Either a guy will be attracted to someone’s actual photos or to the woman when he meets her in person, or he won’t. I say you should never judge someone by their age and respect her desire to be private about her age until she is comfortable in sharing it. Many women past the age of 40 believe they need to lie about their age to attract a man. They realize that men are interested in dating younger, at least while searching online.
I think your potential date was being polite and sweet by saying, “I’ll just go with it.” If her photos are recent it should be enough. She obviously wants to continue to communicate with you and tried to set a boundary where it comes to age.
Think about how disappointed you would be if you were really attracted to someone, thought you both had a lot in common, had a friendly banter via email, and a phone call or two. It looked promising until…. you asked her if her age was accurate. She gets upset, cancels the date and you never meet.
Often if you meet someone out at a party or gathering and strike up a conversation, you won’t ask her what her age is, because it doesn’t matter. I’m not promoting lying whatsoever, as I encourage everyone to be honest about their age. If they fudge, I recommend they post something in their profile or at least tell someone on the first date the truth.
My best advice is to drop the age question. You don’t know that she’s 66 and you don’t know that she’s 55. You just know that you might be interested in her and are curious about her real age. If you meet and connect, eventually she’ll tell you the truth about her age. If you’re smitten with her, you won’t mind if it’s 5 years more than you had originally thought. Give her a chance and if you think she’s pretty, let her know. Women love to be flattered and don’t like to feel like their being interviewed or in a deposition.
Do you have a dating and relationship question for Julie Spira? Submit your questions here:
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and like at on Facebook.
Photo credit: Fotolia
I met my boyfriend on Tinder about 6 weeks ago and we decided to date exclusively after three weeks. Neither of us took our Tinder profiles down, but he wasn’t logging on to his and I was still logging on out of curiosity to see who was on Tinder, but not chatting with anyone.
After a week of him giving me grief for having an active Tinder profile, I finally took his down and showed him the screen shot of me doing so. I thought he’d be excited to hear the news, but instead, he decided to keep his profile up.
Now, I’m the unhappy one, as I can’t understand why he’d make me take my profile down while he’s still an active member of Tinder. I’m starting to get frustrated and am wondering if we should break up. Every time I see him staring at his mobile phone, I think he’s looking for another girlfriend. What do you think?
There are a lot of singles who are in relationships who are still attached to their Tinder mobile dating app. Since it’s known as a social discovery app, many people are chatting with potential friends. Even a man recently posted a profile as a golden retriever dog to chat with people. I can understand that since you met on Tinder, that you should both probably have removed your profiles at the same time. It’s not fun being pressured to take your profile down when your boyfriend won’t do the same in return for you. Sure you should have toasted together and pulled the plug on your profiles at the same time, but since that didn’t happen, ask your BF how he would feel if suddenly you put your profile back up on Tinder.
Chances are he won’t be that happy about it, but if he says he doesn’t mind, it might be time to start dating others and reactivate your profile. During this time, you can still date your BF, but let him know you’re no longer exclusive. Which means, I suggest you keep your clothes on until both of you are on the same digital page. While it might seem harsh and hard to turn back the wheel, you’ll know where you stand in your relationship.
Keep me posted. Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
While it’s normal to log on and read your emails and search for others until you’re exclusive, it’s often painful when your new love interest hasn’t taken his or her profile down.
Just because they haven’t unplugged their profile, doesn’t mean they’re looking for someone else to put in rotation on the dating docket.
Trina wrote to me saying she knew she had met ‘the one.’ Her new guy told her on the second date that he was crazy about her and started talking about the future. He wanted to see her all the time and everything was moving in a normal direction except, his profile was still active. This caused Trina great stress and as a result, she started logging on under a different user name over-and-over again to see when the last time he had signed in. For Trina, it became a downward spiral that she couldn’t stop.
I told Trina, before she started sabotaging her relationship by becoming a cyber-sleuth, she needed to know that there are many reasons why his profile is still active.
1. He might be too busy with work to take it down
2. He might be curious as to who has written to him, but isn’t responding
3. He might be too busy juggling his children
4. He might realize her profile is still up
The bottom line is, a man often doesn’t see taking his profile down as a priority if he’s courting a woman and behaving like a boyfriend. It falls into the category of digital housekeeping. Instead, this guy was keeping his family and work commitments in order, while trying to court Trina. She receives daily text messages and phone calls from her new guy. From where I stand, he was showing her by his actions, that he wanted her to be his girlfriend.
If this story sounds familiar, I urge you to stop peeking at his profile. Stop obsessing what he’s doing when he’s not with you. When a man is juggling, work, joint-custody of children, and his career, he’s got a full and justifiable plate.
The best thing you can do during this in-between period is to stop logging on. Keep yourself busy and be the confident beautiful woman you are. In time, both of you will know when it’s time to have the profile unplugging conversation, but do you really think he’d like to know you’ve been spying on him?
If you have a burning dating question, send them to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace or wherever you may roam.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
The Cyber-Dating Expert Weekly Flirt is now ready for your reading pleasure. We’re live from Las Vegas from the NAB Conference with 100,000 broadcasters.
In this edition of the Weekly Flirt, read about online dating tips for spring fever, meet a lovely couple who fell in love on eHarmony, and find out if you’re dating or in the friend zone. Enjoy!
We’ve already changed the clocks to enjoy more sunset dates, so it’s time to start changing your wardrobe colors and get out and smell the digital roses. It?s springtime and we all know that Spring fever is in the air and singles are hoping to find love this season, or maybe even have a spring fling, depending on your dating goals.
With this in mind, here are some online dating tips and advice for a little digital facelift to help ramp up your cyberdating search for the new season.
It?s time to turn up the volume and download a few mobile dating apps and start flirting. By now most of you have either used the hot mobile app Tinder, where you swipe to the right to connect with a potential date, or swipe to the left to send them into Internet heaven. Tinder has announced they’ve reached 1 million matches. It’s time to join the digital party.
Don’t forget the mobile versions of the dating sites you already belong to. If you’re a member of eHarmony, JDate, Match, OkCupid, PlentyOfFish, make sure you turn on their locals features and be on a date in minutes.
Start using additional mobile apps such as AreYouInterested, CupidRadar, and Zoosk that we feature in our Mobile Dating BootCamp.
Check out Lulu
Want to see what others think of your potential date? Guys, register with the Lulu mobile app for the women to see how you rank on the dating totem pole. Your ego will get a lift when the ladies give you a high score and your profile views go up. Ladies, before you go on a date, check the rating of your potential hottie. Plus, they have fun and flirty dating advice as well sent to your mobile phone.
Log on Twice Daily
If you brush your teeth at least every morning and night, take one hour twice a day and log on to your favorite dating sites. Just by having your profile listed online often raises your visibility in a search.
Cast a Wider Net
Not getting much activity in your inbox? Expand your search from 15 miles to 60 or even 200 miles. If you find the one, it’s worth the commute, or even relocating for love. Are you limiting yourself to searching for a narrow age range? Revise your search parameters by 10 years. That’s right, 5 years lower and 5 years higher than what you’ve already been looking for.
Reorder your photos
If you have 3-5 of your favorite photos on your profile and can’t find time to grab a new one from your Facebook page, change the primary photo so your profile looks fresh. When you get the time, add a few more recent shots, wearing something colorful and retire those that are 5 years old.
View and hotlist profiles
If you’re a bit shy about initiating contact, view profiles of those you might be interested in. Chances are they’ll see that you’ve viewed them and will contact you if they’re interested in you. Take it one step further and rate them with 5 stars or put them on your hotlist. Often they’ll be notified, will be flattered, and you just might put a date on your calendar.
If you still need some help to make your profile stand out from the rest, contact us about our Irresistible Profiles to help you find your dream date.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.
Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She was an early adopter of online dating and has been helping singles find love on the Internet for 20 years. For more dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt, and visit our Facebook page.
Photo credit: berezovskyi – Fotolia.com
Dear Cyber Dating Expert,
I desperately need some online dating advice. I met a guy on OkCupid last week and we had the perfect date. The next day he reached out to hang out again and even introduced me to his engaged friends and we went on a double-date. That night we ended up sleeping together and I thought everything was going so well.
We continued to talk and he remained sweet and attentive. We made plans to meet up a few days later and I went to his place and we watched a movie. Again, he was very affectionate, held my hand, kissed me on the head/check, etc.
What threw me was when I saw his cell phone light up with text messages from random numbers he hadn’t saved to his phone. Immediately I knew these were probably other girls he was communicating with from OKC. My heart sank. I thought everything was great until I saw those texts! He seems SO into me, but now I feel like I have something to prove and other girls to beat out. I just don’t want to get involved and get my heart broken, but I like him and don’t want to lose out on getting to know him better.
Do I play it cool, let him take the reins for now? Or should I be proactive & initiate more dates with the chance of coming off aggressive/desperate?
Thanks for your email.
I understand why you’d be upset about seeing text messages you believe were from other women that your new guy might be chatting with.
Because you both met on an online dating site, unless you’ve had the conversation about being exclusive, assume that you’re not. After all, you were only dating for one week when you noticed these anonymous texts.
Sleeping together while you both have active online dating profiles isn’t something that I recommend, unless you don’t mind if he’s seeing other people.
Once a woman sleeps with a man, the hormones kick in and women get very attached and bonded, even if the guy isn’t really good for you. When the sex is good, it’s natural to hope and think that he won’t want to be with anyone else. Maybe he’s ignoring those text messages, after all you’ve only known him for a short while.
My advice is to keep it cool and date him if he asks you out on a proper date, but don’t sleep with him again. Sure you can hug, kiss, fool around, etc. Please don’t make a big deal out of the text messages, as men don’t like a high-drama, clingy or possessive woman in their lives. Just show him that you’re the confident great woman that you are. If he calls, return his calls. If he texts, return his texts. If he asks you out and you’re free, go out on a date with him, but let him know that you like him, but realize that you aren’t into casual sex if it comes up. Let him know how much you’re enjoying getting to know him. I know it’s hard to go backwards, but it’s worse to sleep with him and then wonder if he’s logging on to find someone to sleep with the next night. That’s the risk with online dating. If he tells you it’s not acceptable, then he doesn’t really want you as his girlfriend. He might just be looking for a booty call or friends with benefits relationship. Throwing yourself at him won’t help. It will kill the chances to have a relationship with this guy. Being great in the bedroom doesn’t mean he won’t look elsewhere. Being the confident girl he can’t be without will make him want you to be his girl. Let him take the lead and initiate dates with you.
If he really wants to make you his girlfriend, he’ll take down his profile and do whatever it takes. At this point, you haven’t set your boundaries so he doesn’t think it’s a requirement. Don’t be in competition with other women. Just be yourself and feel great about who you are. Please don’t get possessive or start to interrogate him about his text messages or cell phone. Insecurity will kill a relationship. Since he didn’t put those phone numbers in his phone to save them, nor is he hiding his phone, they probably don’t mean much to him anyway. Still, I know it hurts.
I hope this helps and please do keep me posted.
It’s a great honor and joy to let you know that I’ll be a guest on the Marilu Henner show on Friday, January 10, 2014 at 10:08am/PST to talk about my expert online dating tips for the New Year.
Marilu has been an inspiration to millions of women throughout the world and I adore her.
You may remember her from seeing her in over thirty films or six Broadway shows. Perhaps you remember Marilu from? and her hit TV shows, “Taxi” and “Evening Shade.” Marilu is also a New York Times Best Selling author of nine books on health, parenting, memory, and lifestyle improvement.? Her books have changed the lives of millions in her quest to make the world a healthier place.
As we enter a new year filled with many resolutions, if you’re single, finding love is probably on your list.
I’ll be sharing some of my best tips on how to create an Irresistible Profile to attract your dream date and will be letting you know which cliche’s to avoid in your online dating profile. You’ll learn the secrets on how to write an email to capture his or her attention.
I know that Valentine’s Day for women is like the Super Bowl for men. I know that life can be stressful for singles leading up to Valentine’s Day and it’s our goal to help you with the tools you need to speed up your search, avoid the pitfalls of online dating and date safely on the Internet.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.
It’s a story that’s gone viral on the Internet. A woman in Los Angeles created a fake OkCupid online dating profile to see if men would write back to her, no matter how horrible she was. She did and they did.
As a radio show guest on WLW in Cincinnati, I spoke with Eddie and Tracy about Alli Reed’s experiment. (You’ll need to fast forward 45 minutes to our segment).
For starters, I’m against experiments which entail misrepresentation of people, especially when it includes matters of the heart.
To add to it, anything that would harm another, put down people and be downright rude is at the bottom of the totem pole, even if it ever gets to the dating totem pole.
Still, one has to ask, why would such a horrific profile named AaronCarterFan attract slews of men? Did they even know who Aaron Carter was? Why were these men writing to this angry woman who fakes pregnancies for money, is actively looking just to hook up, and is filled with typos and more?
Let’s start with the fact that both men and women are visual. Alli posted, with permission, a photo of a friend instead of herself. Her friend was a model. Sure, it’s ‘Catfishing’ at its best. Guys like hot chicks who have a sultry face. They don’t even need to read the profile. While not gender specific, I have to point out that women also like handsome men and bad boys.
Second, she appeared to be easy in the bedroom, yet difficult to score with, meaning she was a challenge. Guys love the chase and love a challenge. Guys knew that there was an “auction” going on and the highest bidder of the hundreds of emails that she was receiving would win the prize, or would it? Her experiment yielded 150 emails in 24 hours. That’s a pretty active response.
After responding to these men to keep the experiment alive, Alli posted the details of her experiment on Cracked.com, where she shared the four lessons learned.
In her blog, she says, “So I made the OkCupid profile of the Worst Woman on Earth, hoping to prove that there exists an online dating profile so loathsome that no man would message it. I did not accomplish my goal.”
She engaged in over 500 emails and made National TV, which could help her writing career.
Does this mean that nice guys and good girls finish last? I don’t think so. At the end of the digital day, I’ll defer to the Fleetwood Mac song which says “Players on love you when they’re playing.” I’ll take the nice guy any day.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She was an early adopter of the Internet and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
The first Cyber-Dating Expert Weekly Flirt newsletter of 2014 is reading for your reading pleasure.
Tick, tick, tick…What will you be doing on Sunday night at 8:57pm?
As we embark on a New Year, I know many of you start putting together your lists of resolutions and think about how much better 2014 will be as compared to 2013.
If so, you’re not alone. Maybe you’ll date a different type this year. Perhaps you’ll encourage your children to look at love differently.
The good news is, that this is the number one busiest week for new singles to join online dating sites. As a matter of fact, Match reports that this Sunday is the busiest time of the year for singles looking for love online. Think about it. It’s the first weekend and relaxing day after two weeks of holiday fun and interruptions. Already the phone is ringing with singles hoping to ramp up the search.
Other sites such as JDate and ChristianMingle concur with these findings that show peak season starts on December 26th and lasts through February 14th.
Ready to jump in? Let us know how we can help you find love in 2014 and what relationship challenges you’re facing with our Irresistible Profiles or online dating profile critiques. Ready, set, go!
On January 14-17, 2013, I’ll be heading to Las Vegas for the Internet Dating Conference, where I’ll be presenting the award for the best mobile dating app. If you’ll be attending, do let us know!
Not single? Feel free to share the Weekly Flirt with your friends and loved ones.
~Julie Spira and the Cyber-Dating Expert Romance Team
Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for online dating advice