It’s safe to say that emotions are flying high during the holidays for singles, new couples not sure how to define themselves, those who have had a recent breakup, and those who are tired of hearing from their relatives about their relationship status.
The holiday period from Thanksgiving to New Year’s brings up a lot of emotions. In the words of Fleetwood Mac’s Stevie Nicks from the song Dreams, it’s natural to think of memories of what you had and what you lost. The band also sings about how “You make loving fun” so don’t turn down the volume just yet. Listening to music this time of year can give you both strength and send you down memory lane.
One thing I know for sure, is my phone is ringing with singles wanting to connect and meet someone new to share the holidays with, so there are plenty of singles looking for love online now.
Still, I know how tough it is at the holidays being single. I’ve been there. I’ve been watching the abundance of posts on Facebook of couples who are changing their relationship status to “In a Relationship.” If your status isn’t that in that category, it can be a digital stab to your heart.
I’m here to tell you that this is actually the best time of year to meet someone wonderful to date. Filling your date card with quality people is quite possible, so take away that frown and look at my tips in our holiday survival guide.
The Cyber-Dating Expert Survival Guide to Help you Through the Holidays, Online and IRL.
1. Don’t rely on Social Media to go down memory lane
Sure I know it’s natural to take a peek to see what your ex is up to, but if they’re jetting off to Paris, heading for sunshine in Hawaii and kissing under the mistletoe, you’re hurting yourself big time. Instead, try to create your own new memories. Walk down a festively decorated street and snap a few photos of trees, store windows, and cheerful pictures and post them on your Facebook wall. So what if you’re alone or with your BFF. You’re out of the house and not living in the past. Digital snooping is also on the rise, especially during the holidays. It brings out the worst in many. At PlentyofFish, they surveyed over 9000 of their users between the ages of 20 -40 to find out what their holiday dating habits were. POF found that 82% of the women were actually checking the Facebook statuses of guys they were dating to see what they were doing when they weren’t around. Wouldn’t you be better off out, than attached to your phone?
2. Fill that date card and stay organized
Anxiety can be at an all time high, but joining a few dating sites and using mobile dating apps will be a great ego boost. It will also give you the chance to meet a lot of people. However, don’t embarrass yourself by calling Don, Doug or introduce yourself as Jackie from PlentyOfFish if you met him on eHarmony. The easiest way to do this is by creating an excel spreadsheet and logging your conversations. You would do this for a job, right? Well this is a job with a possibility of a lifetime of love. It’s worth the effort.
3. Block your ex’s profile
If you’ve recently ended a relationship with someone you met online and it wasn’t on good terms, chances are you’ve both rejoined the site to meet others. Make sure you block his or her profile so they don’t appear in a search and to avoid the obsessiveness that results when you check to see when they last logged on or if they’ve deactivated their profile. Don’t assume if their profile is gone that they’ve ridden off into the sunset with someone else. Sometimes people just take a break or they may have blocked you.
4. Don’t jump into a rebound relationship
They say the easiest way to get over someone is by replacing them in a New York minute with someone new, but is it right? Sure the initial infatuation stage is a lot of fun and it’s nice to have a warm body around, but finding someone new when you aren’t ready to date isn’t always the answer. Spend time with friends, hang out with an ex that you’re still on good terms with and can be yourself with, and spend time alone reading, writing, or taking a cooking class or French lesson.
5. Discuss holiday gift giving
Before you run off to Tiffany to get him sterling silver cufflinks engraved with his initials after three weeks of dating, ask yourself how overwhelming it would feel if he showed up with an engagement ring one month in. It could be over the top, right? Come up with a reasonable budget. Perhaps you can get him a cashmere scarf or sweater, tickets to a concert or sporting event, and make home made cookies. You could get her a gift certificate to a spa, gourmet chocolates, a fun accessory for her mobile phone, tickets to a show or a museum exhibition, or a piece of costume jewelry in her favorite color. Avoid giving her just lingerie, unless it’s something she picks out for herself.
6. It’s Peak Season for Online Daters
The good news is that more singles are signing up for dating sites between Thanksgiving and Valentine’s Day. Match reports they see a jump of about 25-30% in new members signing up between Christmas and Valentine’s Day and at Cyber-Dating Expert, it’s the busiest holiday season ever with new singles joining online dating sites and brand new dating profiles being created.
7. Accept ALL holiday invitations
If your inbox is filled with invitations for holiday mixers, fill your calendar and put on your party dress. Remember to smile at everyone. Business networking events are in abundance now, so you won’t have to feel that you’re the only single person there. Walk in with confidence and you’ll be turning heads and filling your date card.
8. Online Love is a year-round event
People meet online and fall in love all year long. I know a couple that met online on Christmas Eve on Facebook who are now engaged. I know of another couple that met online on eHarmony on Valentine’s Day who are now happily married. One couple fell in love at first sight that met on Match. She hadn’t had a serious relationship in over 10 years and now they’re married. Yes online dating is a numbers game. You’ll be juggling dates, canceling dates, rescheduling dates, it’s exhausting, but it can be so very rewarding as it has been for millions of others.
9. Fall in love with you
At the holidays, please take a deep breath; log on to fill your date card if and when it feels good to you, not because you’re feeling lonely. If you need to take a break from dating, that’s fine. There are no rules, other than to fall in love with yourself first. It’s the best place to be to start any new relationship.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace this holiday season, or wherever you may roam.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and was a very early adopter of Internet dating. She’s the CEO of CyberDatingExpert.com, author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For online dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
So you’ve made it this far. You like what you’ve read in his online dating profile and everything is checking out. Now, there’s only one thing left to do; get the conversation started. Don’t worry, it’s a lot easier than it seems. After all, you don’t have to be spontaneous or quick on your delivery. You can take all the time you might need to write a gripping email that will engage him.
Here are Nine tips for snagging him with email
1) Write a clever subject line. On many local dating sites your subject line is your first impression, so you need to make it pop! The key is to somehow relate to him using various approaches. Perhaps he’s a foodie as well. If so, consider writing, “from a fellow foodie” or if you know he’s into art try something like, “art event on a first date?” Pick something that really stood out to you and use it to your advantage to capture his attention.
2) Personalize it. Once again, select specific elements from his profile and incorporate them. For example, if he says that he’s optimistic and has a sense of humor then mention that those things are important to you. Perhaps you like his smile – mention that as well and even add a smiley face emoticon.
3) Don’t write a novel. That’s not to say keep it short. Though he might be interested in your life story, chances are he doesn’t want to hear it all at once. Leave the longer conversation for the first date. The goal in writing this email should be to pique his interest and leave some mystery so he responds. Writing too much in an initial email could mean more effort for him to reply and he might put your message on the backburner as a result. Keep it simple and don’t over think it. Try to focus on a couple of things that are important and let the conversation grow from there.
4) Ask a question. He will be more likely to respond if you ask him a question – this could be anything. Make it lighthearted or serious to get the conversation started.
5) Show your personality. Everyone loves someone with personality. This makes dating more fun. Show him a slice of who you are in your tone and delivery. If you’re soft spoken and shy, there’s nothing wrong with mentioning that. If you have a sense of humor, crack a few jokes. Perhaps you have a type-A personality. If so, there’s nothing wrong with sharing a story about your personality type. Just make sure to be you and be honest and authentic. He will appreciate it a lot more than receiving a generic message.
6) Don’t sound desperate. No one wants to date someone who is needy, so try to keep your email casual. Try not to come on too strong, otherwise he might label you as needy or desperate. The first email is just an introduction and exploration to see if you two are even on the same page. And remember, you are just as much the chooser as he is the picker.
7) Be clear in your message. The last thing you want to do is confuse him. You have all the time in the world to string together thoughts and ideas of why you’re writing to him. Take your time, relax and have fun with it. Just make sure that your email flows and it’s relevant to something that he can relate to. Communicating a strong, clear, and concise message says a lot about someone and he will notice the effort you’ve taken in contacting him.
8) Use bold text. Not everywhere. Just the main points you’re trying to get across. For example, if you really want him to know that you love dogs, write I really love dogs too and he’ll know just how much dogs mean to you. Do this for anything you might be passionate about.
9) Reference date ideas – Mention a few local activities that you are into, see what kind of responses you get. Positive reactions to these outings could be good indications for where you might end up going on a first date.
We hope these tips will lead to more clicks that lead to better conversations. Good luck!
Just remember that love is always the answer, so the question becomes, how do you find it if you’re dating over 50? We’re offering an opportunity to win a free eHarmony 3 or 6 month membership. eHarmony gives singles a clear advantage, matching you with only deeply compatible singles! Lots of people are beating the odds by betting on love. And if you register now at Cyber Dating Expert you could win a FREE eHarmony account. Sounds like a win-win while looking for love online.
Contest runs from November 13, 2014 – December, 13 2014
Meet Robyn and Richard who met on Match.com. Their cyber love story is an inspiration to all that if you stick with the online dating process, you can eventually find the love of your life.
Robyn’s Cyber Love Story:
I was divorced and living in Los Angeles for nine years and dating in LA wasn’t easy. I was dating on and off for a few years online. I really wasn’t sure that I was going to meet someone. Like many, I got frustrated with the process, but I had met a woman in Los Angeles who went on 300 online dates! On date 300 she met ‘the one’ and they’ve been together for ten years. That gave me a lot of hope, but still the thought of 300 dates terrified me.
What really kept me going is a man I met on match and dated briefly. Although we didn’t go the distance we became the best of friends. Within a year, he met his life partner on Match. That gave me even more hope.
So I joined Match in January and had been searching within 12 miles of where I lived. I know that’s not very far, but with the traffic in Los Angeles, it seemed realistic to me. When my male friend, whose girlfriend lived in the Valley suggested that I expand my search to a town in the Valley called Woodland Hills, (I live near the beach), I found the zip code and typed it into the search to view men I would have never considered before. I didn’t even know where that town was.
Then I saw Richard’s photo and profile in July. I was brave and decided to write to him first. Ladies listen up. Guys really like it when you write to them. I sent a simple email, which said, “Hey I read your profile. Sounds like we might have a few things in common. Check out my profile and let me know what you think.”
He emailed me back right away. We set up a phone date for the next day and it went to voicemail.
We met three days later and I remember getting out of the car and taking a deep breath and saying to myself, ‘Ok. Here we go. I hope he looks remotely like his picture.”
Richard was waiting for me in the restaurant wearing a suit and a tie. He looked rather dashing. I thought, hmm. I might have just met my future husband, and it turned out that it did!
I never thought someone of this guy’s caliber would be waiting for me at the end of the journey. I cannot even say how lucky I feel! If someone had invented the perfect someone for me, Richard would be it.
Richard’s Cyber Love Story:
I had been a member of Match for about four years and dated lots of people. Most were the typical one-and-done dates.
I saw Robyn’s profile in my daily matches and read her bio. I was attracted to her, but I was intimidated by her experience as a newscaster and reporter. She had been living in New York and had traveled around the world. She appeared to be sophisticated and I thought I wouldn’t live up to her expectations, so I didn’t write to her.
I was very thrilled when I received her email. In our first conversation, we had a lot to say to each other. I felt very comfortable with her when we met for a drink. She looked like her photos and like every guy, I was happy about that. We spent four hours talking and I knew I wanted to ask her out again. From our second date, we became exclusive and I actually knew after about 3-4 months of dating that I wanted to marry her.
We talked about marriage and our future, but Robyn had it in her head that a couple needed to be together for a year or two, so she said she’d think about it.
We moved in together and got a new apartment after 9 months of dating and then on our one-year anniversary of our first date, we were married on the beach in Malibu and are set for a Europe honeymoon.
Congratulations to Robyn and Richard who prove that you can find love online.
Do you have an online dating story to share? Send us your story and you might get featured in our Cyber Love Story series.
Do you have an online dating story to share?
Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for dating advice.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and is the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. Julie creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. Sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and share your story at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.
Flirting via text messages is the best digital foreplay and is guaranteed to keep your guy attached to his mobile phone waiting for the sound of your custom chime tone.
Between emoji’s and xoxo’s, here are 20 text messages guaranteed to reach his digital heart for every relationship stage.
- Thinking of you. Everyone wants to feel like they are special and thinking of you is a sweet way to make him smile. Don’t be surprised if he sends back a quick smiley face.
- Good Morning Handsome. This text goes right to the heart of his ego and will warm his heart throughout the day. Don’t be surprised if he sends a text that says, “Good morning beautiful” or “Good morning gorgeous.”
- You were hot last night! You can never go wrong the morning after when you tell your guy how hot he was in bed. He’ll be scheduling the next date for an encore ASAP. Don’t be surprised if he sends a text that says, “smokin hot.”
- Guess what I’m wearing? Whether you’re in sexy lingerie or just got out of the shower, the visual of what you’re wearing won’t matter. He’ll be thinking about how to undress you while staring at his phone. Don’t be surprised if he responds with, “What color?”
- I long for your delicious kisses. Kissing is first base and we all know what happens next. If he thinks you believe he’s an amazing kisser, he’ll be ready to come home to press his lips against yours in a New York moment. Don’t be surprised if he replies with a smiley face or an xoxo.
- I have a feeling tonight will be delicious. The ambiguity of this text is what makes it so exciting. Whether you’re cooking up a spicy dish in the kitchen or are saving yourself for dessert, he’ll know you’re flirting big time. Don’t be surprised if he responds with a smiley face or a text that says, “can’t wait!”
- What are you up to tonight? When your guy is hanging out at the office and realizes he has no plans for the evening, a casual get together with you just might be a great way to end the day. This text doesn’t necessarily mean you’re looking for a booty call. You may just want to catch a film or watch episodes of “Breaking Bad” on Netflix. Don’t be surprised if he responds with, “Not much. And you?” This is your cue to suggest getting together for a spontaneous date or adding a future date to the calendar.
- I had a dream about you last night. This flirty text will let his imagination run wild. Who wouldn’t want someone dreaming about them? He’ll be fantasizing about details of your dream and might lose track of time before he responds. Don’t be surprised if he responds with, “and how was it?” or “cool” or “sweet.”
- Wait until you see what I’m wearing tonight! Playing dress up can spice up your relationship. Whether he fantasizes about you wearing your cheerleader outfit or you have some new hot lingerie, his mind will be wandering all day. Don’t be surprised if he responds with, “can’t wait!”
- Last night was amazing. [wait for his response and then type] Ready for a repeat performance? When your guy rocks it in the bedroom, he really wants to know that he has pleased you as well. Letting him know just how amazing it was will be the perfect morning text. When he responds with, “I know” or “sure was” then follow it up with the repeat performance request. He’ll be scheduling you on his calendar in a digital heartbeat.
- I can’t stop thinking about you. You know that feeling you both get in a new relationship when you think you might be smitten? Now’s the time to let him know, rather than keeping him waiting. Don’t be surprised if he responds with, “me too!”
- Last night was fun. Can’t wait to see you again. Early on in a relationship, a guy’s got to get some feedback ladies. There’s no better way to capture his digital heart than through his phone. This one’s clean and appropriate and gives him the confidence that you’ll say yes if he asks you out again. Don’t be surprised if he responds with, “I had a blast” or “great time.”
- How did you sleep last night? Regardless of your relationship status, everyone imagines falling asleep in the arms of their crush someday. This sweet pillow talk text lets him know you’re thinking of him and is a great way to start the day. Don’t be surprised if he responds with, “would have been better with you” or “not bad” or “ok” or “good….and you?”
- Hey you! If you’re still in the friend zone with someone, here’s a casual text just to let them know you’re thinking about them. It’s similar to “thinking of you” but a bit more casual. Don’t be surprised if he writes back with, “hey!” Guys are simple. One word responses suit them quite well.
- Miss you. [wait for his response and type] Wish you were here. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. When you or your beau are traveling, chances are he will miss your presence. These affectionate texts will warm his heart. Don’t be surprised if he responds with, “Me too.”
- I’ve been thinking about you all day. I know you don’t want to be obsessive, but if you’ve already exchanged a few text messages with your guy, why not reach out after lunch and let him know he’s on your mind. Don’t be surprised if he responds with a smiley face.
- Can you sneak away for coffee? While you might not be having an illicit affair with your beau, there’s something sexy and mysterious about sneaking away from work to see your sweetie for 15 minutes. If he’s free, don’t be surprised if he responds with, “sure.” Then it’s up to you to suggest the locale.
- Good night and sleep tight xo. Sending a good night text with an xo is as close to saying “I love you” as it gets for those who don’t text those three special words. Don’t be surprised if he responds with “nite” or “xo.”
- Sweet dreams. Xo. Sure dreams would be sweeter if you were in them, so why not send him into dreamland with you on his mind. Don’t be surprised if he responds with “xo” or “you too.”
- Trying to fall asleep…can’t stop thinking about you. When you’re not falling asleep in his arms, sometimes you can get restless and your mind will wander. No need to fret. Let him know that you can’t get to sleep. Chances are he might still be awake as well and a little late night flirting with texts back-and-forth might just be the medicine you need for a good night’s sleep.
Other Flirting Tips:
1. Use spell-check before pushing the send button. Often the auto-correct feature will kick in and your text might be misinterpreted, or worse yet, even be offensive.
2. Don’t send a sext or nude photo. Remember, your guy might be rushing to a meeting and his cell phone might be sitting on his desk. Other times your text might be sent to the wrong person in error if you’re sending multiple text messages. Remember, if you wouldn’t want his boss or co-workers seeing your text, it isn’t worth pressing the send button.
3. Keep it simple. This is where “less is more” works the best. Leave the novel at home as it screams heavy drama and keep your texts short, so the back and forth digital banter can begin.
4. Remember, you’re interrupting his busy workday and he might not be able to respond right away if he’s in a meeting. That doesn’t mean he hasn’t seen your text and is feeling quite distracted with thoughts of you. Don’t angst over the response time. If he’s into you, you’ll be hearing the chime of his text on your phone within a few hours.
5. Know that a man is visual and reactive. He’ll enjoy seeing a cute photo of the object of his affection and will want to brag about you to his friends, so start texting your smiling face to your guy today.
How are you using text messages to flirt?
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.
Every once in a while a story comes out in the news about a person who has had a bad dating experience with someone they’ve met online. Men are fearful that every woman will turn out to be crazy. Women on the other hand need to know that they will be safe with their date.
I’m here to tell you that the same people who date online also date offline, so when it comes to dating safety, these rules will apply for both.
Let’s start with the fact that about one-half of the single population in the United States are now dating online. This number is huge and should give you the comfort of knowing that you’re not alone in cyberspace.
Here are my rules for safe online dating.
1. Have a phone pre-date.
Not everyone gives good phone, but if the phone call is awful and you’re struggling to keep the conversation going, chances are you’ll have a bad experience on your date. After a few email or text exchanges, I recommend scheduling a phone date. Keep the phone call to 20 minutes or less, as you don’t want to reveal everything about yourself before you meet IRL. If you click on the phone, that’s terrific. Suggest putting a date on the calendar, sooner rather than later. If you feel like you’re sitting in the dentist’s chair or in a deposition, be kind and let the person know that you don’t think you have enough in common and wish them the best with their search. If someone is unwilling to take the time to call you, then move on to someone who values your desire to hear his or her voice.
2. Do a Google search.
I’m often asked if someone should search their date on Google and the answer of course is yes! Everyone does. However, just like you shouldn’t kiss-and-tell, you should not Google-and tell. By revealing and questioning your date about your findings on Google, you will come across as a stalker and just might get canceled on. Knowledge is power, up to a point.
3. Check their Facebook photos.
A picture tells a thousand words, or does it? Those posting old prom shots or photo-shopped pictures can get old when you go on a date and barely recognize him or her. My recommendation is to hop over to Facebook or Instagram and view real-life photos. If the photo from last night’s concert resembles his or her online dating profile shots, you’re in pretty good shape. Better yet, view some of their selfies, which are less than polished.
4. Listen more than talk.
If your date seems to be a drama queen or catastrophizes and plays the victim, they’ll let you know early on. This is a red flag that if the relationship goes south, it might not be an amicable departure. For this reason, I stress that you should wait before allowing someone to know where you live. You should continue to meet in a public place for your early dates. Let them talk about ex’s, bad dates, and all the reasons why they are still single and sit back and listen.
5. Trust your gut.
Trusting your intuition is the number one way to make a decision whether to go on a date with someone or not. Take your time in getting to know him or her and enjoy the courting process. If stories aren’t adding up or if you feel in your heart there’s something wrong, you just might save yourself from a future heartbreak.
Contact us for more information on how to create an Irresistible Profile to attract your dream date.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the founder of CybeDatingExpert.com and was an early adopter of Internet dating. Julie’s been helping singles find love online for 20 years. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for dating advice and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.
To start of the week, we’d like to wish Kevin Cronin, lead singer of REO Speedwagon a very Happy Birthday.
So let’s put on the DJ hat and share the perfect song for our Cyber Love Song of the Week, “Keep on Loving You,” a song that reached #1.
Turn up the volume and hug your loved one today.
Do you have a favorite romantic love song?
Listen to our other Cyber Love Songs.
Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter
I have an online dating question and would love your opinion on this recent emailed dating exchange of mine, on OK Cupid…
Me: How old are you really? (Does anyone here tell the truth about his/her age? I mean, besides me.)
Her: How old am I really? I won’t read into this, I’ll just go with it: I’m really not whatever it was I said I was, ha! My photos are recent; age is not something by which I live my life; and I often get mistaken for my daughters’ sister when we’re out together. I don’t look 26 but I don’t look or live like I’m the 50-something I copped to in my profile.
(How’s that for evading the answer? Her profile says she’s 51, but she obviously is not comfortable revealing her exact age to me. Should I drop it or press it? Is it too sensitive a topic to expect the truth, even if I myself am truthful? I’ve met women before who’ve revealed they’re as much as 15 years older than the ages they’ve indicated on their dating profiles. And I’m not comfortable or sufficiently evolved enough to date someone who’s 66, even if she is mistaken for her daughter. Thoughts?)
Here’s my take on his dating dilemma.
Women are often very sensitive and about their age and will lie about their age to fit into a search on their Internet dating profiles. Call it a double-standard, but they expect the man to be honest about his age.
Most women won’t even engage in conversation when questioned and will evade the subject. They’ll get offended if you ask what her age is, so I’d say it’s an off-limits subject early on.
When a man used to ask me about my age, I would smile and be coy and say, “It’s not polite to ask a lady her age.” This practice goes back to early etiquette days, long before online dating became part of everyday life for singles. Even my grandmother wouldn’t reveal her true age when asked.
Know that physical attraction and chemistry are important. Either a guy will be attracted to someone’s actual photos or to the woman when he meets her in person, or he won’t. I say you should never judge someone by their age and respect her desire to be private about her age until she is comfortable in sharing it. Many women past the age of 40 believe they need to lie about their age to attract a man. They realize that men are interested in dating younger, at least while searching online.
I think your potential date was being polite and sweet by saying, “I’ll just go with it.” If her photos are recent it should be enough. She obviously wants to continue to communicate with you and tried to set a boundary where it comes to age.
Think about how disappointed you would be if you were really attracted to someone, thought you both had a lot in common, had a friendly banter via email, and a phone call or two. It looked promising until…. you asked her if her age was accurate. She gets upset, cancels the date and you never meet.
Often if you meet someone out at a party or gathering and strike up a conversation, you won’t ask her what her age is, because it doesn’t matter. I’m not promoting lying whatsoever, as I encourage everyone to be honest about their age. If they fudge, I recommend they post something in their profile or at least tell someone on the first date the truth.
My best advice is to drop the age question. You don’t know that she’s 66 and you don’t know that she’s 55. You just know that you might be interested in her and are curious about her real age. If you meet and connect, eventually she’ll tell you the truth about her age. If you’re smitten with her, you won’t mind if it’s 5 years more than you had originally thought. Give her a chance and if you think she’s pretty, let her know. Women love to be flattered and don’t like to feel like their being interviewed or in a deposition.
Do you have a dating and relationship question for Julie Spira? Submit your questions here:
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter and like at on Facebook.
Photo credit: Fotolia
I met my boyfriend on Tinder and we started dating three months ago.
We both agreed to take down our Tinder profiles. Actually it was his idea to do it first and I thought it was a great idea.
We’ve connected on a deep level and are even talking about living together, so I thought everything was great.
Last week, my girlfriend saw his profile on Tinder and it appears he went back on without telling me. He’s been secretive about things lately, complaining that he’s stressed out at work. I’m afraid I’m losing him. What should I do?
GF of Tinder Addict.
Dear GF of TA,
You’re not alone. Tinder is a fun game that singles play on their mobile phones. While it’s a great way to meet someone close by, it’s still a game. I know several couples who have left their Tinder profiles up and just enjoy chatting with others, without the intention of taking it any further.
Let’s start by saying your boyfriend did do something wrong. He rejoined Tinder without telling you. Most likely he knew there would be an eruption like a volcano if he suggested it. He would assume you’d think he was cheating on you, when he was just having fun swiping right and left on Tinder.
Do I know if your relationship is on the way out or not? Of course not. But you’re at a relationship milestone — the three month mark. The honeymoon phase of the newness in your relationship when everything is perfect is changing. The good news is, that you’re still together as a couple and are moving into the next phase. Three months is the time where couples decide do they want to go to the next step, which is beyond the casual stage.
My suggestion is to have a convo with your BF and ask him if he just likes looking at pretty faces. Believe it or not, he might just be viewing girls digitally the way that some guys stare at cute girls at a restaurant. If he says he’d like to see others, then believe him and reactive your profile as well and start dating. If he says he only has eyes for you, let him know how uncomfortable this is making you. Ask him if he can state his relationship status to “in a relationship” and that he’s looking for friends to chat with or take it down completely. If he’s willing to do this, then understand he looks at Tinder the same way as he would look at a video game.
I’m not saying it’s right and I’d be very unhappy if my boyfriend had an active dating or Tinder profile up while he was spending nights with me. If he refuses to state his relationship status, then you need to decide if you’d like to continue dating him and date others as well.
If he really doesn’t want to lose you, he won’t let his cell phone games get in the way of love. It’s time for some digital housekeeping.
Keep me posted.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
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Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and helps singles find love online and IRL. For more dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, like us on Facebook, and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Tinder is now verifying celebrity profiles and Yahoo – Australia reports that Spears reports that at the debut of her lingerie collection in New York, said admits that finding love in cyberspace is possibly an option.
Later, Spears appeared on the ‘Tonight Show’ with Jimmy Fallon, where the late night talk host added her to the mobile app in a fun skit.
Before introducing Spears, Fallon described her as: “She’s recently single, she sings good jingles, she loves her Pringles and she’s ready to mingle.”
He added, “Here at ‘The Tonight Show,’ we’re all about making love connections, so before the show you did something cool. You let us sign you up for the dating app Tinder,” Fallon continued, stating the profile is indeed real.
“I want to stress, Britney had nothing to do with this. This was our idea. But she has the password now and it is her profile. She can do whatever she wants with it…. If you guys are on Tinder and want to date Britney Spears, just look for her profile and swipe right. That means good.” Spears responded with, “I’m thrilled!”
Celebrities with verified profiles are now swiping right and left on Tinder. Other celebs include Ed Sheeran, Katy Perry, Lilly Allen, Lindsay Lohan, Chelsea Handler, and Bravo’s Andy Cohen, who have created profiles on the hottest mobile dating app.
Watch the video of the ‘Tonight Show’ segment here.
Other celebrities have joined a variety of online dating sites in the pre-Tinder days, including: Sinead O’Connor, Martha Stewart, Matthew Perry, Adele,, Jenny McCarthy, Charlie Sheen, Ricki Lake, Chase Crawford, Carrie Ann Inaba, Cheryl Cole, and the late great Joan Rivers.
At the end of the digital day, logging on for love in cyberspace or from the convenience of your mobile phone when you find yourself single is the easiest way to get back into the dating game.
Photo credit: Yahoo: Australia – Celebs We Wish Were on Tinder
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet having created her first profiles 20 years ago. Today, she helps singles on the dating scene with her Irresistible Profiles programs and to help them find love from the various mobile dating apps. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for more dating advice and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
If you’re busy sending emails to potential dates online and are frustrated with the lack of response, our friends at online dating site Zoosk have come up with some simple suggestions on how to move the process along in their “7-Step Guide to Landing a Date.”
Here’s a recap, along with a cool infographic to help ramp up your Internet dating life so you can meet that special someone offline.
1. Add a date activity to show someone you really do want to go on a date.
In a recent survey of 3000 of their members, Zoosk found that mentioning movies as a favorite activity in you profile and even suggesting a movie date increases your response rate to your email messages by 91%. Yes that’s a big number and one worth viewing film trailers for. Other keywords included the beach (59%) and a park (39%).
2. Send emails in the morning if you’re a man; in the evening if you’re a woman.
Guys will increase their chances of a response by 10% if they send emails between 9am and 10am, while the best time for women to send email messages is between 10pm and 11pm. So ladies, send that flirty email and go to sleep with a smile on your face and avoid sending an email from 2pm – 3pm.
3. Respond within 24 hours.
As for when you should respond to an email, 94% of those surveyed said within 24 hours. I have to agree with this one. Remember when someone is emailing you, they’re sending emails to many others at the same time. Often the squeaky wheel gets the love deal, so playing too hard to get will likely backfire.
4. Focus on what makes you unique.
If you want to stand out in a crowded digital playground, talk about your date’s hair, their gorgeous eyes, fun or geeky glasses, and even their tattoo. Remember to be fun and flirty. Stay away from the sexual comments, which received a digital thumbs down from Zooskers.
One of the biggest challenges I see singles struggling with is what to write in their first email. First impressions do really matter and your email should be more than, “hey.” Here are a few interesting tidbits.
5. Character count matters.
Guys didn’t seem to care how long the first message was from a woman, but 40% of the women did indeed want to see a message that was longer than a full-length tweet of 140 characters.
6. Expect to send 5 emails.
Finally, how long will it take to get to the first date? About half of the singles polled said they send 5 email exchanges before putting his or her name on their date card.
7. Schedule your first date.
If you follow this plan, you should be filling up your date card and taking your relationship offline.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
Are you using any of these tips while looking for love online?
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of online dating and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt Newsletter