When it comes to love and romance, that good morning text or smiley face emoticon can make your day. Receiving a text when your date gets home to say he had a great time will help you fall asleep with a smile on your face. Hearing the chime on your phone with a simple, “Sweet dreams” is an almost guarantee that you’ll be dreaming about him.
On the opposite end of the digital spectrum, the absence of a daily text or a change in routine can send many in new relationships and the lovelorn into an unnecessary panic attack. Let’s face it. Women often tend to over-analyze the word count and sentence structure of every text they receive from men. What’s intended to just make sure you have a connection and to keep the momentum going often ends up with a bad reaction of sending a text you wish you hadn’t pushed the send button on, or not sending any reply at all. It’s enough to make you lose sleep at night, grab a pint of ice cream, or dial ten girlfriends to ask them what to do. It’s exhausting and unnecessary. It’s just a text or a way to ping someone to stay in touch, not a relationship measuring stick on whether he’s into you or not.
Most people are so attached to their cell phones that they sleep with them at night or would put them in the shower with them if they were waterproof. Texting can be addicting, but is a great form of digital foreplay.
If the rhythm of your texts has gone awry from your digital crush, here are some of the reasons why and tips on how to stay calm when your phone isn’t chirping or vibrating.
1. He’s Busy. Men are typically goal-oriented and work and projects are at the top of their list. He might be stuck in a meeting all day out of the office and forgot to tell you his schedule. He might be compartmentalizing and getting his tasks done for the day before he starts to think about romance with you. He might be on an airplane without WiFi. The list goes on. If he isn’t texting you, it doesn’t mean you’re not on his mind. Women on the other hand are great at multitasking. They text, talk, tweet, and blow-dry their hair at the same time.
What to do: Take a deep breath. It’s just a text and not a life-threatening illness. Understand he may not even realize the last time he sent you a text. If you’re on his mind, he might think things are fine.
2. He Responds with One Word. Does it upset you when you write a sweet long text and he replies, with, “ok” or “yep” or “nope?” If so, you’re not alone.
What to do: Reply back with a short text. Use an emoticon such as a happy face to acknowledge it. Women tend to be more gabby. Guys who are busy read the text reply quickly and move on. Don’t look at his word-count as a lack of interest. He’s not keeping score, nor should you.
3. He Hasn’t Figured Out Your Relationship Status.If you started out as friends and moved into casual dating, he might not be sure if it’s time to get serious or not. Going steady is a big deal to guys. It means they typically won’t be keeping their options open anymore. Rather than disappearing permanently, his texts might become less frequent while he sorts it out.
What to do: Stop living and judging the health of your new relationship based upon the frequency of texts. Take the time to enjoy the moments you have together and don’t over think or spend your precious time projecting to the future. Allow your relationship to progress at its own pace. Women worry about relationship labels. Men think about how they feel when they are around you and miss you when you’re apart. When he realizes you’re a catch and doesn’t want anyone stealing his girl, he’ll amp it up. Don’t ask him why he hasn’t sent you a text in five days. When you hear from him, be happy and respond to keep the digital dialog going.
4. He has a girlfriend or is involved. Some guys are just flirts by nature. They like to engage in digital conversations with women to boost their egos to keep their options open. If he’s texting you sporadically, but not putting a date on the calendar or changing plans last minute, he just might be setting you up as a back-up girl or might have had a bump on the road with his steady sweetie.
What to do: Ask him. Be blunt and honest. If he can’t schedule something with you on the weekends, but loves to text with you during the week, you should be filling up your date card and keeping your options open. Let him know you’d like to be friends, but don’t allow yourself to get invested in a relationship where you’re just the backup girl. Who really wants to play second fiddle?
5. He always replies a day later. Most of us are attached to our phones, but sometimes the battery life gets depleted, the phone is turned off, someone went to sleep early, family commitments get in the way, or they glanced at your text and decided to reply in the morning. All of these scenarios are natural. However if every text is returned 24 hours later, then realize that he just isn’t that interested in you or is playing hard to get. The digital flow just isn’t happening.
What to do: You can mirror his actions by taking another 24 hours to reply, but it’s just game-playing. Let him know that you enjoy receiving texts from him and the daily banter. If he still doesn’t up the ante, find someone else who can’t wait to see your text or emoticon on his phone.
Remember, communication in relationships is key and everyone these days use their cell phones for calls, texts, tweets, and facebook comments or likes. Let your guy know that staying in touch when you’re apart and that his texts put a smile on your face. Don’t play texting games and punish him by not replying to his texts when he sends them. No one wants to be with someone who is playing too hard to get. Show that you appreciate it when he takes the time to send you a text. Keep those smiley face emoticons in your text replies when you’re happy to hear from him.
At the end of the digital day, texting is just one ingredient in the recipe for love, it’s not the sole defining factor in your relationship.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com, where they create Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene and help daters swipe right on mobile apps such as Tinder. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
On Friday, April 22nd, the world will celebrate Earth Day. The awareness of Earth Day has grown dramatically since it was first started in 1970. Now, we are taking it further and are honoring our earth all week long, so you can continue throughout the weekend.
According to PartyEarth.com, Earth Day is now celebrated by over one billion people in nearly 200 countries around the globe. They have a list of activities you can attend in a variety of cities around the world.
Here are some fun and romantic suggestions on what to do with your date on Earth Week
- Attend a cleanup of local bodies of water in your area.
- Plant a tree in a botanical garden.
- Go to a park and recite nature poems.
- Wear green and brown or Earth Day tee shirts.
- Cook a meal with organically grown vegetables.
- Turn off your cell phone and enjoy the moments together without technology.
- Go to a beach or park and have a picnic with organic wine and organic food.
ABC News has provided a list of freebies and specials for Earth Day here.
Happy Earth Day to you and your loved ones.
How will you be celebrating Earth Day?
It was a joy and pleasure to be a guest on Larry King Now, with guest host Katherine Schwarzenegger on the topic of mobile dating, Tinder, online dating, and dating in the Digital Age.
In the full segment, “Swipe Right: Dating in the Digital Age,” I was joined by Grant Langston from eHarmony, Psychologist Rob Weiss, and Johnny Drubel.
From how many photos to put on your profile to finding love and hooking up, watch Katherine and I discuss the segment below:
Expert Opinion: How to Create Your Best Dating Profile
Full interview: Swipe Right: Dating in the Digital Age
Now that we’ve changed the clocks to daylight savings time, it’s time to think about sunset dates, changing your wardrobe to lighter colors and getting out to smell the digital roses.
It’s springtime and we all know that Spring fever is in the air and many singles are hoping to find love this season, or at least fill their date card.
With this in mind, here are some online dating tips and advice to help ramp up your cyberdating search for the new season.
It’s time to turn up the volume and download a few mobile dating apps and start flirting. By now most of you have either used the hot mobile app Tinder, where you swipe to the right to connect with a potential date, or swipe to the left to send them into Internet heaven. It’s time to join the digital party. We can help you with our Swiping Right service to tweak your Tinder or other mobile dating profile.
Don’t forget the mobile versions of the dating sites you already belong to. If you’re a member of eHarmony, JDate, Match, OkCupid, PlentyOfFish, Zoosk, or other dating sites, make sure to keep the push notifications on so you can find a date in a digital minute.
Log on Twice Daily
Take one hour twice a day and log on to your favorite dating site or scroll through your mobile dating apps. Did you know that just having your profile appearing as online often will raise your visibility in a search to potential dates? Ready, set, log on.
Turn on Chat
Whether you’re on Facebook or are on an Internet dating site, make sure your settings are configured for you to be able to chat with someone IRL. Download Facebook Messenger on your mobile phone if you haven’t done so and start chatting with someone you might have a digital crush on. Every time you hear that chime on your phone or computer, it just might bring a smile to your face.
Cast a Wider Net (and Zip Code)
Not getting much activity in your inbox? Expand your search from 15 miles to 60 or even 200 miles. If you find the one, it’s worth the commute, or even relocating for love. Are you limiting yourself to searching for a narrow age range? Revise your search parameters by 10 years. That’s right, 5 years lower and 5 years higher than what you’ve already been looking for. If you’ve upgraded to Tinder Plus, their new feature allows you to add a new location to search in, so if you’re planning on visiting New York, you can add that location to start getting matched with singles in another city. By the time you arrive, your date card should be filled.
Reorder Your Photos
If you have 3-5 of your favorite photos on your profile and can’t find time to grab a new one from your Facebook page, change the primary photo so your profile looks fresh. When you get the time, add a few more recent shots, wearing something colorful and retire those photos that are 5 years old, or more!
View and Hotlist Profiles
Some people just don’t like writing emails or making the first contact. If you’re a bit shy about initiating contact, view profiles of those you might be interested in and check out your suggested matches. Chances are they’ll see that you’ve viewed them and will contact you if they’re interested in you. Take it one step further and rate them with 5 stars or put them on your hotlist. Often they’ll be notified, will be flattered, and you just might put a date on your calendar.
If you still need some help to make your profile stand out from the rest, contact us about our Irresistible Profiles to help you find your dream date.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.
Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She was an early adopter of online dating and has been helping singles find love on the Internet for 20 years. For more dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, join us for #DateChat on Thursdays at 5p/PT, 8p/ET, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter, and visit our Facebook page.
Photo credit: Fotolia.com
To get into the spirit of St. Patrick’s Day, you don’t need to be Irish. If you practice these expert dating and flirting skills, you’ll likely have a date on your calendar before the day is over, or will at least enjoy the time together with the object of your affection.
1. Send a text message the the person you’ve had a crush on to say “Happy St. Patrick’s Day. Even if they aren’t Irish, chances are they’ll reply to you.
2. Log onto an online dating site or mobile dating app and change your profile photo to wearing something green. Do the same on Facebook and change the first line of your profile to say, “Happy St. Patrick’s Day” or “Kiss me if you’re Irish.” Start swiping right in the morning to find a date by the afternoon.
3. If you have a date on the calendar, pick up a green carnation for him or her. Although receiving carnations might appear tacky on Valentine’s Day, a month later it’s fine. It’s worth a chuckle or two and shows your date that you took the time to think of them.
4. Grab some friends and go to your local watering hole. You don’t need to drink green beer, or anything green for that matter to get into the spirit. While standing in line, comment on someone’s outfit who has caught your attention. Guys should wear a green tie. Ladies, compliment him on it, even if it’s the tackiest thing you’ve seen all month. It’s the kind of day where approaching others isn’t just accepted, it’s expected.
5. Pick up a a flashing green button that says, “Kiss me if you’re Irish.” Chances are you’ll get at least a smile, if not a peck on the cheek.
6. Speaking of smiling, a smile is contagious and everyone wants to be around someone who appears to be happy. Practice the 5-second stare while smiling at someone you would like to meet. It’s the cue for them to come over and wish you a Happy St. Patrick’s Day. Who knows where the conversation will lead?
7. Start snapping photos on your SmartPhone and post them to Facebook and your Instagram account. Compliment the guy with the tacky green tee shirt and take his photo. It will help get the conversation started. Chances are he’ll want to see his digital photo and may even ask you to take another one. You’ll be engaging in no time, or possibly even more.
8. Put a green bandana on your dog’s collar and go to the local dog park. There’s a reason it’s called puppy love and it’s a great conversation starter.
9. Go to a St. Patrick’s Day parade in your local city. Everyone loves a parade and it will give you an excuse to start a conversation with those you end up bundled up with.
10. If the festivities are too much for you and you’d prefer avoiding crowds, go to a sushi bar or your favorite Japanese restaurant and sip on some hot green tea and order green-tea ice cream for dessert.
11. Set up a coffee date and order the green tea Frappuccino at Starbucks or meet at an ice cream shop and grab a mint-chocolate ice cream cone.
12. If you have a sweet tooth, bake some chocolate cupcakes and decorate them with green frosting. Bring a few for your date to nibble on. If you’re not the best in the kitchen, stop by your local bakery or sprinkles cupcakes store and select some luscious items all wrapped up and ready to go.
Keep in mind St. Patrick’s Day is the perfect time to practice the art of flirting. Go ahead and wear that flashing green button to draw attention to yourself. If you are not one to visit a local pub, go to a public place and wear green and start smiling. You have permission to do it all.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating. She’s the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com and host of #DateChat on Thursdays at 8p/ET on Twitter. For online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, on Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and sign up for the Free Weekly Flirt Newsletter.
In this week’s Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert column, a reader has a huge dilemma. Her partner thinks she’s looking for other options on Tinder, when she knows she hasn’t been using the mobile app. Did she get busted or did technology get the worst of the situation?
We moved into a house together and we met via Tinder.
He received a message from his friend saying he saw my Tinder account saying that I was active three days ago. It was a shock to my partner and myself as the day I was ‘supposedly’ on Tinder was the day I spent four hours driving around and moving into the new house and the rest of the day I had a dead mobile phone due to using all the battery on the GPS.
Is there any type of way that my Tinder profile could say I was active when I wasn’t using it as it is quite hard to prove that I was not on it?
The Tinder app was uninstalled on my phone months ago and I have not downloaded it recently, so I am wondering if there is any way that something could have happened to make it ‘active’ when I had not used it? My partner and I had had a few fights last week but as I explained to him when we have arguments I straight away confront him and try to sort it out on the spot so we sort it out and don’t have to be angry or upset. He believes me because he knows that is what I do and that I’m not the type of person to go and download a dating app due to a few small fights. So I am in need of some help with explaining how my profile was active when I wasn’t using it. I know I didn’t go on it and he also believes me but we do both think it suspicious that my tinder account says it was active 3 days ago.
I’m sorry for your Tinder dilemma, but am glad to hear you met someone special on their mobile app.
Having a partner think you’re looking for options when you’re moving forward in your relationship can make anyone feel uncomfortable.
Often mobile apps run in the background on different mobile phones.
As I don’t work for Tinder, I don’t know exactly what happened in your case.
If you removed the app from your phone, it’s still considered an active app and you will appear in searches as a potential match.
The only way for you not to to appear in a search, is if you completely deactivate your Tinder profile. Removing it from your phone just isn’t enough.
Remember, if you permanently delete your account, all of your matches and communications will disappear. In this case, it’s probably a good thing.
I think both of you should go through this exercise together in an effort to move forward in good faith.
1. Download the Tinder app again on your phone.
2. Open the app and click on the gear in the upper left hand corner.
3. Click on “App settings.”
4. Scroll down and click “Delete Account.”
5. You’ll see a message that will say “Account successfully deleted.”
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
Do you have a question for Cyber-Dating Expert Julie Spira? Send your questions to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and helps singles by creating their Irresistible Profiles. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter for online dating and mobile dating advice and join in the conversation for #DateChat on Thursdays at 5p/PT, 8p/ET.
Need help with Tinder? Check out our Swiping Right service to maximize your Tinder profile and experience.
It’s with great enthusiasm to announce that my friend Serena Ehrlich, known to most of you as @Serena on Twitter, will be co-hosting #DateChat on Thursday, March 5th at 5p/PT, 8p/ET.
This week’s topic will be Starting over Online: What to do when you’re newly single. How do you navigate online dating, not get frustrated with Tinder, OkCupid, and find quality dates online. We’ll be talking about the best dates, worst dates, and how to get noticed online.
We’ll also be talking about the new Tinder Plus: The Premium service just launched by Tinder for $9.99/month.
We know everyone is swiping left and right on Tinder, but are they really meeting up IRL? How can Tinder be successful now that they plan to monetize their app with ads for free users, while allowing paid users to go back and find that swipe made in error to the left and cast a wider net by allowing users to search in other cities and countries?
Meet our Co-host: Serena
Serena Ehrlich, Director of Social and Evolving Media, is responsible for Business Wire’s internal and external content marketing, ranging from PR programming to social media updates to content development and amplification. With more than 20 years of experience in the content distribution industry, Serena understands both sides of the content and news industry – from creating compelling content that activates audiences, to understanding how distribution can amplify and impact news results.
A 1991 graduate of Brandeis University, Serena is also the membership chair of the international Social Media Club and is a past board member of the Dallas and Los Angeles local NIRI (National Investor Relations Institute) boards of directors.
How to join us for #DateChat
It’s easy to join us for #DateChat. You can just search for the keyword of #DateChat on Twitter, hootsuite, tweetdeck or other social media management software, or take it a step further and go to TweetChat.com or Nurph.com and type in the hashtag of #DateChat. Both TweetChat and Nurph will show you the entire conversation of #DateChat users without having to type in the hashtag on each tweet. Make sure you’re also following @Serena and @JulieSpira.
Last week, we had a great conversation on #DateChat with guest host @StephanSpeaks. Here are some highlights for your viewing pleasure.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com and host of #DateChat every Thursday on Twitter at 5p/PT, 8p/ET. Julie was an early adopter of online dating, having created her first profile over 20 years ago. Today she helps singles on the dating scene with Irresistible Profiles for dating sites and helps them swipe right every day on Tinder.
We’ve heard about the upcoming launch of Tinder Plus for months now and it’s finally launching, as reported in TechCrunch. So far, it’s been tested in the UK, Brazil, and Germany.
So what will the difference be for Tinder users and are YOU willing to pay $9.99 a month if you’re under 30 and $19.99 for if you’re 30 and over, for the added bonus of being able to rewind your last swipe if you accidentally swiped left instead of right? Will you start receiving limited matches with the free version? Some of these questions are unknown, but here’s what we do know for now.
The new Tinder Plus has some added features including:
1. Rewind - Have you ever swiped so fast that you swiped left on a profile and have had swipe-regret? I hear from men all the time frustrated with the lost profile. Now you can get that digital crush back with the hopes of finding a mutual match.
2. Change your location – Great if you’d like to connect with people before you travel. The free version is location-based, so you’ll have to arrive at your location to date on the fly. You can also expand your radius and cast a wider net.
3. Advertising free – Since Tinder Plus will be advertising free, you can assume the standard Tinder app will be filled with ads before you know it. This is their way of monetizing their millions of users on both the free app and Tinder Plus for a fee.
4. Unlimited Likes – You can like profiles, photos, and more to add to your swiping fun. After all, it is a game.
Tinder is expected to be an in-app experience, so you won’t have to download another version of Tinder Plus to upgrade your service.
Other free sites such as OkCupid offer a premium service called A List, which allows you to browse anonymously, get read receipts for emails, and change your user name, among other features.
RELATED: SWIPING RIGHT FOR LOVE
Here’s a fun video to watch about some expected features. The question is, will Tinder still be fun and easy to use? Will you pay $9.99 a month or more to change your experience or will you stay on the free version?
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and mobile dating expert. She’s the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com and host of #DateChat on Twitter on Thursdays at 5pm/PT, 8pm/ET. Julie helps singles find love online and from the convenience of their mobile phones. For more information on our Swiping Right program to help you find love on Tinder, click here.
Follow @JulieSpira on Tinder
It was an emotionally charged fun digital conversation on #DateChat with our guest host and relationship expert Stephan Labossiere @StephanSpeaks. We reached almost 25 million timeline deliveries with over a 1.2 million reach.
Our topic was digital cheating. Whether it’s flirty text messages, chatting on Facebook, or swiping on Tinder, what defines emotional cheating online?
Some who were with us on #DateChat felt that you should share passwords with your significant other. Others have felt betrayed by someone they were dating when they found suggestive text messages. Some feel flirting is fine, as long as you don’t take it offline.
Where do you cross the line between casual flirting and something that could damage your relationship?
Our Storify below highlights some of the tweets.
Join us next Thursday, March 5, 2015 at 5pm/PT, 8p/ET for #DateChat with guest host Serena Ehrlich @Serena.
Our topic will be starting over online. We’ll be talking about becoming newly single and the challenges of using online dating sites. Please do join us!
Join us for another fun and exciting #DateChat on Thursday, February 26, 2015 at 5p/PT, 8p/ET as we tackle the subject of digital cheating and relationships. Is flirting on Facebook or Twitter considered emotional cheating?
Just what is emotional cheating and how can you use social media to enhance your relationship without crossing the line?
This week our guest host is my friend Stephan Lobossiere, a man who’s on a mission to make relationships happier and more fulfilling. Make sure you follow him on Twitter @StephanSpeaks before #DateChat begins.
Stephan is a certified relationship coach, speaker and author. He’ll be giving away copies of his book, God Where is my Boaz? to two lucky #DateChat participants.
Stephan seizes every opportunity to help both men and women overcome the challenges that hinder their relationships. From understanding the opposite sex, to navigating the paths and avoiding the pitfalls of relationships and self-growth, Stephan’s relationship advice and insight helps countless individuals achieve an authentically amazing life. Stephan empowers millions to take charge of the difficult situations standing in the way of the life and love they seek and to make impactful changes on a daily basis and we’re thrilled to have his input on this week’s #DateChat.
With an international following of singles and couples alike, the name Stephan Labossiere is synonymous with breaking down relationship barriers, pushing past common facades, and exposing the truth. It is this understanding of REAL relationships that he brings to everyone he encounters.
Stephan’s a busy guy and we’re thrilled to have one hour of his time on #DateChat on February 26, 2015 at 5p/PT, 8p/ET. Make sure to tell your friends!
Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter