Ladies: Are you wondering how to shine online to attract more men? Are you spending time at the makeup counter before going on a date? Do you want to look like a celebrity on the Red Carpet or go with the natural look on a date?
Before you grab that lip plumper, know that online and offline attraction does vary according to the men.
In a recent survey by online dating site Zoosk, 1850 male daters were asked to compare photos of Kim Kardashian, Beyonce, Jessica Simpson, and Jennifer Lawrence, with and without makeup. Then they were asked how they felt about the women they date, with or without the glam. The results and disconnect between their online and offline behaviors will surprise you.
Surprisingly so, the majority of the guys stated that they preferred Jessica Alba, makeup free (77%) as compared to giving the thumbs up for Kim Kardashian, all glammed up. (23%).
While viewing photos of Jennifer Lawrence made up in “American Hustle” as compared to a natural look, Zooskers voted in favor of the natural look (54%) as compared to the American Hustle photo with bright red lipstick (46%).
When asked if Jessica Simpson looked better with or without makeup on, 57% of the men preferred her natural look.
So how does this relate to real life dating and mens thoughts on hair and makeup?
The survey shows that men prefer a natural look with the women they are dating. Fifty-seven percent of men gave the thumbs down to red lipstick and 67% weren’t fond of dark eye shadow.
When it comes to hairstyle, 81% voted for a relaxed and natural look, with only 9% preferring pin-straight hair. Does this mean it’s time to toss out the flat iron?
Now let’s take a digital look at how men select women while viewing thousands of online dating profiles.
Zoosk’s data shows the complete opposite viewpoint to hair and makeup, where men were dramatically selecting women wearing more makeup, more eye shadow, and more lipstick in their photos.
Here are some numbers worth blinking a digital eye to:
- Women who wear eye makeup receive 139% more first messages than women who don’t.
- Men are 65% more likely to want to meet a woman if she wears eye makeup in her profile picture.
- Women who wear lipstick in their profile photo get 119% more first messages than those who don’t.
- Men are 38% more likely to want to meet a woman if she’s wearing lipstick in her profile photo.
- Woman wearing blush receive 24% more first messages than those who don’t.
- Men are 19% more likely to want to meet a woman if she’s wearing blush than if she’s not.
All in all, women who wore some form of makeup received more than three times as many messages as those who didn’t.
It may not be time to dig out your prom or glamour shots, but taking the extra time to look your best in your photos instead of posting the ‘selfie’ from last night’s party might be a wise idea.
After all, you’re auditioning for the job of a lifetime; possible girlfriend or wife.
Ladies, do you prefer a more natural look sans makeup? Do you need help to look your best on a date? I’m here to help you. Find out more here.
Your thoughts and comments are welcome.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and coaches singles on the dating scene to help them find love online and IRL. For more dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt Newsletter.
Together, they’ve launched a new online dating site called MensaMatch.
Singles are always saying that being with someone smart is sexy. The Match Singles in America study found that 80% of singles say they “must have” or find it “very important” to be with someone of the same intelligence level.
On the Match blog, Dr. Helen Fisher, Match’s Chief Scientific Advisor says, “Why do we want a smart partner? Because intelligence is correlated with many benefits, including: higher income; sense of humor; creativity; social skills; coordination; and problem solving. These are sexy. People everywhere gravitate to smart lovers, because an intelligent partner comes with a host of sexy perks.”
Before you jump to take the Mensa test, now through July 6, 2014, you can take the Mensa home practice test for only $1 to see if you might have the chance to qualify to become a member of Mensa. Visit https://www.us.mensa.org/join/mht/ and Use Promo Code MATCHSUMMER14.
If you’re already a member of Mensa, as a Match member, you can now add an elite badge to your profile to express your interest in the High IQ organization. It’s quite possible you’ve already taken the Mensa test while in school, so if you have your scores handy, they can be used to join the MensaMatch. Otherwise, take two hours and after a good night’s sleep try the test on your own.
If you’re a tad shy from becoming a member of Mensa, don’t fret. Keep using key words such as intelligent, smart, and educated in your profiles and make sure to list your advanced degrees, should have a diploma to prove it.
If you’re in the 98% of those who crave intelligence without being a Mensa member, to look for smart singles, check out the profiles in these top 20 cities of the smartest singles in the U.S. with the highest percentage of Ivy League graduates.
- Durham, NC
- North Alamos, NM
- Ithaca, NY
- Washington, DC
- Ann Arbor, MI
- Charlottesville, VA
- Santa Fe, NM
- Boulder, CO
- Starkville, MS
- Vernon, TX
- New York, NY
- Oxford, MS
- Boston, MA
- Gainesville, FL
- Las Vegas, NV
- Bridgeport, CT
- Trenton, NJ
- San Jose, CA
- San Francisco, CA
- Taos, NM
Photo credit: Fotolia.com
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s been helping singles find love on the Internet for two decades. For online dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Cyber Dating Expert Weekly Flirt.
Need help with your online dating profile or decoding those cryptic text messages? Find out how our Irresistible Profiles will help you find your dream date.
After spending 20 years in the online dating industry, I know that trying a new dating site can be intimidating. I thought I’d let you know that I recently signed up for a new online dating site, Cupid.com and I wanted to share some of my experiences with you.
While everyone is familiar with Cupid, the God of Love worldwide, perhaps you didn’t know that Cupid is one of the biggest dating sites in the UK.
Cupid has now made its way to the US to match up singles stateside!
Here are a few of my favorite things about Cupid so far:
• New Faces: Since I started using Cupid a few weeks ago, I’ve already seen the site grow extensively. In the LA area I’m seeing and chatting with great guys, and more are joining every single day.
• Exclusive Events: Cupid hosts great events so that you can make the most of your online and social life! This month they are hosting exclusive screenings of sci-fi thriller Coherence in LA on June 19th, along with a fun pre-party so all the singles can mix and mingle. You’re invited to join in on the fun and bring a friend as well! I’ll be on site providing free dating advice for singles looking for love online.
• Mobile Dating App: It’s easy to communicate and flirt with Cupid.com’s mobile app. Download the app here:
P.S. Cupid is offering a $12 rate for one full year of membership for a limited time.
To RSVP for the Coherence film and VIP party, register here.
What: Coherence Film party in Los Angeles
When: June 19th, 5:30pm party followed by 7:30pm Screening
Where: Party: Good Luck Bar and Screening at the Vista Theatre
Cupid.com is hosting this event, so grab a single friend and RSVP to get your name on the list!
Cyber-Dating Expert is a paid Spokesperson for Cupid.com for the #SetLoveFree promotion. All opinions are our own.
Photo credit: Fotolia.com
The reasons why online dating works so well is that that 50% of the 111 million singles in the United States are dating online and that it’s available 24 hours a day. Add in the fact that dating sites have mobile apps, finding love from your cell phone means you can date on the fly. The reason that online dating fails for many is that they aren’t taking a proactive approach to the process. If you just post a few photos, a bio, and who your perfect date should be and wait for someone to find you, your date card won’t be filling up fast.
Singles are obsessed about how people date and how to find decent dates, no matter what city they live in. However, most singles struggling to find love think their city is the worst to find a compatible mate.
A beautiful woman in her 40s who I’ve been coaching thinks online dating takes too long to find a good guy. She was frustrated that she only had two dates in one week and that men weren’t writing to her. Her first date didn’t work out, as he told her before even meeting her that she should take her profile down so they could date exclusively. It was too much too fast, so she realized he wasn’t her guy and they never met. While she liked her second date, he never called her again. Finding two dates in one week, whether they advance to a second date or not is not a bad statistic for online dating. This is actually the normal dating process.
The reason it’s taking her too long to find dates is because she believes it’s improper for a woman to contact a man. She wasn’t using the tools to benefit from the algorithms that the site provided. After one month of online dating, she wondered what she was doing wrong and why it wasn’t working. While she “liked” and “favorited” a few guys she saw on Match, she waited for them to write back to her so she could be pursued in an old-fashioned traditional way.
What she didn’t understand is that everyone’s digital dating behaviors and patterns vary. Some men will only read emails from women and don’t use all of the features of the sites. Others only look at photos. They may not look to see who has viewed them, hot listed them, winked, flirted, or liked their photos. Dating is a two-way street. Men are trained to be the pursuers, but when they get frustrated when they don’t receive responses online from women, they slack off a bit. When women take a passive approach to online dating it simply just doesn’t work.\
Ossa Fisher, Match.com’s SVP of Strategy & Analytics defines this dating type as a “Cherry Picker,” or one who has a hard time finding a date because they put a beautiful profile out there and sit and wait. Even though finding love is a priority, a cherry picker doesn’t take matters into their own hands.
Many dating sites have sophisticated algorithms. When I visited Match.com’s headquarters recently, we talked about their dating algorithms. The only way these algorithms work to help you find a compatible date is to make sure you are an active user of the dating site. Simply put, the more often you log on, the more data the site receives on your likes, dislikes, and communications.
Fisher states the only way to maximize your experience on dating sites is to be truly engaged in the process. She says that compared to Match users who haven’t met someone, those who have met someone sent 30% more likes, favorited 26% more users, and responded to 3-7% more messages. They were clearly engaged in the process.
If the “Cherry Picker” starts writing short emails to five to ten men a day, the results will be dramatic. Men will be flattered to receive her email and many will most likely pursue her. You see guys get frustrated too with the process since they write to so many women who don’t respond. By initiating an email to a guy, you’re not losing your femininity, you’re just showing that you’re confident enough to reach out to a guy.
Modern day dating must include a proactive approach and it’s time to toss the old dating rules out the window. This is no different than looking for your dream job. The digital playground is crowded, but the possibilities are huge and have never been better for singles looking for love online.
At the end of the digital day, online dating is a numbers game. You need to play to win.
Julie Spira is a top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of Internet dating and is the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. Julie creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
I met my boyfriend on Tinder about 6 weeks ago and we decided to date exclusively after three weeks. Neither of us took our Tinder profiles down, but he wasn’t logging on to his and I was still logging on out of curiosity to see who was on Tinder, but not chatting with anyone.
After a week of him giving me grief for having an active Tinder profile, I finally took his down and showed him the screen shot of me doing so. I thought he’d be excited to hear the news, but instead, he decided to keep his profile up.
Now, I’m the unhappy one, as I can’t understand why he’d make me take my profile down while he’s still an active member of Tinder. I’m starting to get frustrated and am wondering if we should break up. Every time I see him staring at his mobile phone, I think he’s looking for another girlfriend. What do you think?
There are a lot of singles who are in relationships who are still attached to their Tinder mobile dating app. Since it’s known as a social discovery app, many people are chatting with potential friends. Even a man recently posted a profile as a golden retriever dog to chat with people. I can understand that since you met on Tinder, that you should both probably have removed your profiles at the same time. It’s not fun being pressured to take your profile down when your boyfriend won’t do the same in return for you. Sure you should have toasted together and pulled the plug on your profiles at the same time, but since that didn’t happen, ask your BF how he would feel if suddenly you put your profile back up on Tinder.
Chances are he won’t be that happy about it, but if he says he doesn’t mind, it might be time to start dating others and reactivate your profile. During this time, you can still date your BF, but let him know you’re no longer exclusive. Which means, I suggest you keep your clothes on until both of you are on the same digital page. While it might seem harsh and hard to turn back the wheel, you’ll know where you stand in your relationship.
Keep me posted. Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
When I received an email from the Daily Mail letting me know that a San Francisco man posed as a 26-year old dog named “Hero” on Tinder, I had to chuckle. After all, a dog is man’s best friend and every girl is looking for her hero.
Still since Justin Mateen, co-founder of Tinder believes that their mobile app is a social discovery app and not a mobile dating app, I wasn’t surprised that this social experiment was received as a breath of fresh barking air. The responses flooded in from both women and men within a 100-mile radius.
It’s a social networking experience, and people love pets, so it was certainly a way for the profile to stand out among the millions of other profiles that users are swiping right and left to. “Hero” a golden retriever, replied to curious swipers with a “woof woof” and “bark bark” with an occasional wagging of his tail.
After seven days as a male dog, Joe Veix posted that had 206 matches—154 guys and 52 girls. All of his responses were “woof woof” and occasional digital barking. When he switched to a female dog, the comments became a bit riskier.
Tinder is known to be fun and flirty. Like a game, so many people who have downloaded the Tinder mobile app spend hours-and-hours a day swiping right just to strike up a conversation with so many that they may or may not meet IRL.”
Rather than saying, ‘hey’ or ‘what’s up’ the “Hero” puppy profile allowed users of the app to have a bit of fun and laughter while responding to the barks from the dog profile.
Tinder now claims 10 million matches a day and over 800 million swipes a day. Users are logging on for more than 1.5 hours a day. Will the future of Tinder fall into the hands of your four-legged pets?
I think it’s just a matter of time, before we’ll see a viral cat video on Tinder.
Are you dating on Tinder? Your comments are welcome.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the host of Mobile Dating BootCamp and helps singles find love on the Internet and IRL. For more online dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
In the past week, three women have come to me with the same dating dilemma. They’ve met terrific guys online. One on OkCupid, another on Tinder, and one on JDate. All three men are super-successful and are very driven in their careers. They’re the guys who are too busy to be players and truly want to be in a monogamous relationship.
In all three scenarios, the men have asked the woman for exclusivity. Sounds great, right? Well, not exactly.
One woman has been dating a terrific guy, whom she met on Tinder. After six weeks they had the conversation about becoming exclusive. They both projected to the future. The problem is, she’s lower on the totem pole, as his work is a priority. The more she tried to spend time with him and fill his calendar with fun events, the more he pulled away. Eventually, he started spending weekends without her, even though there was no one else he was interested in.
The second woman met a great guy on OkCupid, whom she thinks is her soul mate. They’ve both said they’re in love with each other, but after six months of dating, he still focuses on his work and children on the weekends. The more frustrated she gets with the situation, the more distant he becomes. She sees a future with him, someday. But today, she’s walking on eggshells. What should she do?
The third woman met a fabulous guy on JDate. He told her on the second date that he thought he was falling in love with her and saw her in his future. He wanted to see her every night, until one day when he stopped returning her calls and texts. She’s devastated. She thought he was ‘the one.’
If you can relate to any of these situations, you’re not alone.
All three of these guys were building their castles and were defining their success as a man based upon their career success. While juggling children from a prior marriage, a busy career, and girlfriend, the girlfriend ended up in last place. It wasn’t that these guys weren’t crazy about the women they adored. They would do anything for them… if it was on their schedule. They were doing the pull back and these women were hurting at the sudden change of heart.
Between rebuilding from a divorce, keeping a family together, maintaining a career path to provide for financial success for the women, they couldn’t juggle it all. The more the women pushed to be with them, the more they pulled away. It’s the ever-so-common pull back and it’s gut-wrenchingly painful when it’s happens to you.
Ladies: When guys are in work mode, you’ll probably hear from them less.
There’s no need to stress and think it’s over.
My suggestion to all three of them, and to you if this is happening in your life, was to let them build their castle. Be at their side when it’s convenient for you. Don’t send text messages asking what’s wrong, or you’ll run the risk of pushing him away, period. No guy wants to feel like he’s dating his nagging ex-wife. Also, when a guy starts to fall in love with you, he gets scared. There are a lot of reasons for this. Before they make that commitment that seems to be permanent, they might want to view other profiles of singles on a dating site, even if they have no desire to go out on a date. They may fear never having sex with another woman again. A lot of thoughts go through their minds. As they’re processing all of these emotions, they often pull away.
I know it doesn’t seem right. If he’s crazy about you, he should want to be with you, right? Women are built to multitask. It’s in their DNA. Men are most often single focused, and when they’re in career mode, they’re thinking about work and closing the next deal or hoping to get a raise. When they’re with their kids, they’re in parent mode. When they’re with you, they’ll adore every moment of being with you.
Understand that you’re not playing a game. You’re just letting the man lead, which is in their DNA. If you ever feel that your needs aren’t being met at all, then by all means, have a conversation about it, but don’t beat it to death or give ultimatums. It’s your decision to stay in any relationship. Men will come and go as rubber bands and often they’ll just need the space to be in their caves from time-to-time. It’s really OK, if they come back to you. In time, your relationship will develop into a groove and you won’t have to worry if he forgets to send you a good morning text. Perhaps he’s just busy. It doesn’t mean you’re not on his mind. Give him his space and if you truly are ‘the one,’ he’ll return without even realizing he’s been gone.
Have you experienced the pull-back in a relationship? Your comments are welcome.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and the founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She was an early adopter of online dating and has been helping singles find love online for 20 years. For more dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Photo credit: Fotolia
There’s good news for daters to make it easier to find love from their mobile phones. Today Match.com released their long-awaited and very user-friendly Match 3.0 for iPhone users. The message is very clear. The success of finding love online is all in the hands of your mobile phone.
What’s New in Match 3.0?
The Match 3.0 mobile differs from their previous mobile app, as it no longer emulates the desktop version of the online dating site. The new app now includes a “Discover” page, where you’ll find two new features, “Stream” and “Mixer. The “Stream” feature allows you to scroll through many profiles with multiple photos of the daters based on location. You’ll see a familiar style as each profile has a cover photo, which reminds you of Facebook. You can easily send a message to the person who captures your eye as you scroll down through a stream of potential matches. There are also multiple places for you to upload photos directly on the app.
The new “Mixer” will look familiar to mobile dating users, as it may remind you of Tinder. Users can view a single profile and now swipe left to take a pass or swipe right to give your potential date the thumbs up to start communicating. The swipe-effect is now becoming a prominent feature for many mobile dating apps.
Match reports that over 55% of their members are using their mobile app to send emails, with 50% of their signups come from mobile. As a result, for the first time, they’re allowing users to sign up on the mobile phone, as compared to using the desktop version. They’ve now prominently displayed their membership fees along with the features for those ready to pull out their credit card to pay.
At the end of the digital day, we’re living in a swiping world when it comes to finding love on your mobile phone.
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and founder of CyberDatingExpert.com. She was an early adopter of the Internet and creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. Julie is the host of Mobile Dating BootCamp and Online Dating BootCamp.
This entry for The Peril of the Week comes from Amanda, a 27-year old native New Yorker who’s living with her parents in Long Island.
We’ve talked a lot about men and women who say they’re single, when in fact, their relationship status is, “Separated, divorce pending.” Amanda’s been dating online and thought she met a great guy with “Jerry.” Can you relate?
Read about Amanda’s dating dilemma and feel free to share yours as well.
My mother always told me I should try dating a man with children. They can commit and you like to cook…She said. (That’s the same logic behind dating a man in prison right? They can commit to hard time and I can bake them pies?) I decided to scope out the single daddy-scene and met ‘Jerry,’ a self described bachelor, father, financier and as I would learn later problem drinker. I arrived at the Jade hotel for dinner wearing leather Prada heels, (which I should have done a lap in beforehand) Paige denim jeans (that made my legs look like stilts), and a sheer blouse which my mother kindly says indicates ?an obvious padded bra.? I may not have Victoria Beckham?s body or budget but I promise you one thing, I am workin’ it.
Jerry was shockingly better looking in person. (Contrary to most dates where the photo sent online looks like George Clooney and you end up meeting his 3rd cousin, a Japanese sumo wrestler.) ‘Jerry’ and I were instantly attracted to one another and we immediately delved deep into conversation. He whipped out his iPhone, displaying a gallery of pictures, his heart melting each time he spoke of his gorgeous children. This quickly switched to talk of his ‘ex’ wife who I could have easily mistaken for Cruella Deville.
‘Jerry,’ a well-known financial executive, traveled often which made me realize a relationship would be impossible. (Why didn’t this occur to me beforehand? Well that would indicate a trace of commonsense yes? ) As our meal progressed, I noticed ‘Jerry’s’ story regarding his ‘situation’ began to crumble.
Although I don’t drink, I do prefer my dates to consume copious amounts of liquor. I find it acts as a form of Sodium Thiopental (Pentothal), commonly referred to as ‘truth serum.’ At the opening of the date, ‘Jerry’s’ story began with, ‘my ex wife and I are divorced and I live in the city.’ Two drinks later, I sleep in the basement of our home. (I asked if he would care for some dessert wine.)
‘Jerry’s divorce turned out to be in litigation and nowhere near final. I was afraid what I would find out if I offered him some SAKE! Was he really a woman? My friend ‘Demi’ told me something very smart once. “It’s very easy for a man to remove a ring. Who knows how many men say they are divorced that we have dated?” Seven glasses of wine later and it was time for the check. ‘Jerry’ pulled out his black card and handed it to the waitress. “I’m sorry sir, it’s declined!” she SHOUTED! I was actually under the impression that black cards had an unlimited spending limit but did someone not pay their bill? He looked as if he had seen a dead relative (shocked) and handed the server another card.
Here is a tip to all men: Call your credit card company before going to dinner and be sure to conjure up a convincing story. Even if it is a lie learn your lines.
Read more of Amanda’s shenanigans at theyoungandthefearless.com
Do you have a dating disaster story to share?
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and founder of Cyber-Dating Expert. She creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
While it’s normal to log on and read your emails and search for others until you’re exclusive, it’s often painful when your new love interest hasn’t taken his or her profile down.
Just because they haven’t unplugged their profile, doesn’t mean they’re looking for someone else to put in rotation on the dating docket.
Trina wrote to me saying she knew she had met ‘the one.’ Her new guy told her on the second date that he was crazy about her and started talking about the future. He wanted to see her all the time and everything was moving in a normal direction except, his profile was still active. This caused Trina great stress and as a result, she started logging on under a different user name over-and-over again to see when the last time he had signed in. For Trina, it became a downward spiral that she couldn’t stop.
I told Trina, before she started sabotaging her relationship by becoming a cyber-sleuth, she needed to know that there are many reasons why his profile is still active.
1. He might be too busy with work to take it down
2. He might be curious as to who has written to him, but isn’t responding
3. He might be too busy juggling his children
4. He might realize her profile is still up
The bottom line is, a man often doesn’t see taking his profile down as a priority if he’s courting a woman and behaving like a boyfriend. It falls into the category of digital housekeeping. Instead, this guy was keeping his family and work commitments in order, while trying to court Trina. She receives daily text messages and phone calls from her new guy. From where I stand, he was showing her by his actions, that he wanted her to be his girlfriend.
If this story sounds familiar, I urge you to stop peeking at his profile. Stop obsessing what he’s doing when he’s not with you. When a man is juggling, work, joint-custody of children, and his career, he’s got a full and justifiable plate.
The best thing you can do during this in-between period is to stop logging on. Keep yourself busy and be the confident beautiful woman you are. In time, both of you will know when it’s time to have the profile unplugging conversation, but do you really think he’d like to know you’ve been spying on him?
If you have a burning dating question, send them to CyberDatingExpert.com/contact
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace or wherever you may roam.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more online dating advice follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.