I know this seems like a lot of pressure, but to simplify the Internet dating process, we’ve come up with several expert tips on how to ace your cyberdating exam.
Coordinating a first date to make that great impression makes singles nervous. One person may love coffee, where another would rather go hiking. Trying to find a common balance for your first meet-and-greet, especially when geography gets in the way, means a single dater must go with the flow to fill up their date card.
This means you must be easy-going, have several options on where to meet, and not appear too high-maintenance.
Here are two examples of how one date progressed nicely and another went south, fast.
Dater #1. When *Randy decided to make the dinner plans before the theatre date, he came up with a well-executed strategy. It was his homework assignment to select the restaurant and figure out how to coordinate the details. Sure it would have been easy to tell him to park once and just dine at the restaurant in the theatre, but he came up with a more complicated plan and told his date the following:
Unfortunately the restaurant doesn’t have a shuttle to the theatre, but I’ve thought of a plan to minimize the parking issue and maximize our time at dinner.
Try this on…
You drive into downtown and park at the theatre (or wherever you like near there) for about 5:30 PM and call me when you arrive to say where you are. I’ll drive over to pick you up and bring you to my building to park my car; and then we walk just a few blocks to the restaurant. After dinner, we take a taxi to get to the theatre, unfettered with driving and parking while others are arriving, and just walk in. After the event, you take your car out, and drive us a few blocks back to my building; I’ll hop out at the front door on the street safe and sound :-) and you continue straight toward to the highway to get home – real simple. Does this work?
What do you think?
It sounds like an exhausting plan, right? There was nothing simple about it. However, he took great pride in coordinating timing and location and just wanted acknowledgement that his idea would be well-accepted.
The lesson here is the best solution isn’t always the smartest solution when it comes to dating. Sure some women think that they’re smarter and can drive the dating train, but a man wants to be the woman’s hero. He wants to know that she approves of his plans. His efforts to coordinate their dinner date were well thought out. Telling him to change them, especially early on in the dating stage, could possibly backfire. She responded with, “Great plan. I love it! I’ll see you around 5:30pm.”
Dater #3. When *Kathy invited her online date to an outdoor concert, she had tickets for the summertime music festival where they would be picnicking. Her date offered to pick up some wine and food items and they agreed to drive together to the concert. That was, until she called him up and asked him what he would be wearing. When he replied that he would be dressed casually in a Hawaiian shirt, shorts, and sandals, she got furious with him. She told him he wasn’t dressing appropriately for a date and that she hated Hawaiian shirts and shorts. Stunned, because this was a casual outdoor concert in the summer, he thought he’d be dressed perfectly for the occasion. She abruptly canceled the date because he didn’t conform to her perceived dress code and she went alone to the concert. Did he ever call her again? Not in a million years.
At the end of the digital day, when someone plays hard-to-get in the online dating game, the only word the potential date will remember is that you were “hard” to deal with. Don’t make dating difficult. Enjoy the process and go with the flow.
Julie Spira is an Online Dating Expert and was an early adopter of Internet dating. She’s been helping singles on the dating scene with her Irresistible Online Dating Profiles for 20 years and is the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. For more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and sign up for the free Weekly Flirt newsletter.
Finding love online happens for many millions of singles.
Being a safe online dater is something everyone needs to know.
On a recent episode of Dr. Drew on HLN, I gave my tips on how to become a cyber-sleuth so you can date safely on the Internet.
1. Remember to meet in a public place.
2. Tell your friends the screen name of your date and what site you’ve met them on.
3. Call or text your friend to let them know you’re fine during your date.
4. Make Google your friend and type in your date’s email address, phone number
5. Check Facebook to see if your date’s photos match their online dating profile photos. See if you have friends in common.
At the end of the day, there’s nothing more powerful than trusting your intuition. If you’re uncomfortable for any reason, leave. If your date continues to bother you after you’ve decided not to see them again, report them to the online dating site.
Know that millions of singles are falling in love every day from online dating sites.
Julie Spira is a top online dating expert and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. She creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. More more dating advice, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter, sign up for the free Weekly Flirt, and join us on Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
Spira, author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and Editor-in-Chief at CyberDatingExpert.com will be providing free dating advice and critiquing online dating profiles from 12pm – 2pm at booths #A11 and A12.
Known as one of America’s Top relationship experts, Spira has been featured and quoted in ABC News, BBC, CBS News, CNET, Cosmopolitan, E! Entertainment, Elle, FOX, Glamour, Los Angeles Times, Men’s Health, NBC, New York Times, NPR, and Woman’s Day with her expertise in online dating. She was named one of the “Top 10 columnists to follow on Twitter” and ranks in the “Top 10 Most Influential People in Dating” on Klout, a social media measurement site.
Her advice has appeared on numerous dating advice sites including eHarmony, JDate, Match.com, Your Tango, and Zoosk, as well as in her column on Huffington Post. She’s currently writing the film adaptation of “The Perils of Cyber-Dating” and as well as her second book, “The Rules of Netiquette: How to Mind Your Manners on the Web.”
Spira will be signing copies of her bestselling book and will be joined by several other Los Angeles based authors and members of the Women’s National Book Association at Booths A10-A11.
Who: Author, Julie Spira
Where: West Hollywood Book Fair, 647 N. San Vicente Blvd. West Hollywood, CA
When: Sunday, September 30, 2012 Time: 12pm to 2PM (Booth A 11 and A 12)
ABOUT THE PERILS OF CYBER-DATING
“The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online” is a romantic tell-all memoir spanning over 250 online dates in almost 15 years. The book is filled with heartfelt, witty, and hilarious stories. Julie Spira, a pioneer in the Internet industry, became the first on her block to post an online dating profile. You’ll follow her journey as she skillfully navigates the web, hoping to replace what she once thought was the love of her life with a new Internet mate. Combining her fairytale romances and disappointing heartbreaks with her personal “rules of netiquette,” Spira provides priceless knowledge about the most effective ways to date online.
PRAISE FOR THE PERILS OF CYBER-DATING
“Hilariously funny. Singles of all ages need to read this book.” ~ Joan Rivers
“The Perils of Cyber-Dating gives hope to singles that they can successfully meet someone online.” ~ Dr. Pat Allen, bestselling author, “Getting to I Do.”
“It’s like Sex and The City in a Web 2.0 World.” ~ E. Jean Carroll, Elle Magazine
“This book is a must for this generation of singles, both male and female, who are into cyber-dating.” ~ Santa Monica Daily Press
Just like seasons change, so should your online dating profile. Often your user name and headline became stale, and you really don’t want to look like yesterday’s news.You don’t read the same book every day, and your profile should be refreshed to stay current.
While it’s simple to change your photos and upload photos from Facebook on your Match profile, it’s not as easy to change your screen name and headline.
Let’s start with the screen name. Is yours catchy enough? Probably not. When we create irresistible profiles for singles, we spend a lot of time selecting the perfect screen name within the allotted amount of characters. Chances are your favorite screen name or song title has already been taken. When you realize it’s time to freshen it up, follow these simple steps and you’ll have a new name and headline within a few minutes.
Changing Your Screen Name on Match.com
- Log onto Match.com.
- Click on Account in the top right of the blue navigation bar.
- In the drop down menu, click on Settings.
- On the left hand side of the screen, click on Sign Up Information
- Type in your password when prompted to do so.
- Your sign information with your user name, city and other details will appear.
- Click Change Sign Up Information
- A box will appear where you can change your screen name, password, city, and other details.
- Click on the link for your user name and type in a new desired name.
If you’ve changed cities or moved across town, these same instructions will help you appear in the correct zip code. Or go ahead and be adventurous and change your zip code the week before you go on a trip to another city. It’s always wise to cast a wide net.
You may be happy with your screen name, but what if your headline isn’t very captivating? Your best bet is to change your headline to reflect a refreshed version of you. Make it fun or funny, but change it around a bit and you’ll be surprised at the results.
Changing Your Headline on Match.com
- Log onto Match.com.
- Click on Profile in the top blue navigation bar.
- In the drop down menu, click on View/Edit.
- To the right of your primary photo, you’ll see a white box with some text typed in it. This is where you’re headline appears.
- Delete the text and replace it with something new and fresh.
- Click Submit for Approval and you’re done.
At the end of the digital day, remember that online dating is a numbers game. You need to play to win and having a stale profile in today’s social media friendly environment is something you should avoid.
For more information on our Irresistible Profiles program, click here.
For 20% off Match.com, click here
Julie Spira is an online dating expert, bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating, and Editor-in-Chief at CyberDatingExpert.com. For dating advice, sign up for our Weekly Flirt newsletter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
Nine single daters are using 6 mobile dating apps, as online dating and mobile dating expert Julie Spira helps them find love from their mobile phone. Meet our contestants and cheer them on.
Dating in your 30s and 40s often means dating men with kids and vice versa. The exact time to introduce your children to your new boyfriend or girlfriend is still up for debate. What’s absolutely not appropriate is bringing your child along when meeting a potential suitor for the first time.
In this Peril of the Week story, a woman agreed to go on a dinner date with a man she met online. When she arrived, the woman was shocked that her date had brought his six-year-old daughter, whom he had never mentioned nor made any indication of having a child on his profile, with him on their first date. Apparently, it was his weekend to have her. Why he didn’t reschedule, or, better yet, hire a babysitter, she never found out. But the girl proved to be a royal pain in the behind.
While deciding what to order, his daughter wanted to get a burrito, but her dad reminded her that she didn’t like the burrito last time and suggested she get the fish tacos instead. Well that didn’t go over smoothly. The little girl threw a whiny fit until she got what she wanted and ordered the burrito. Of course, when the burrito came it wasn’t what she wanted. Instead, she wanted her father’s date’s tacos. Wanting to eat the tacos instead of the burrito, she assumes she must have given her date some sort of look because the man yelled, “Just give her the damn tacos!”
At a complete loss of what to do, the woman felt like she had to give his daughter her tacos. Since she was really looking forward to the fish tacos, she placed a second order and sat there watching her date and his daughter chow down without her (which is just so rude in it of itself). By the time her tacos arrived, they were both done eating and the daughter was ready to go.
Finally, when the check came, her date asked for the second order of tacos to be on a separate bill, paid his portion and left her sitting there to finish her meal alone along with the check. Thankfully, the waiter seemed to understand her predicament and told her that her tacos were on the house.
Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert and the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice and to share your online dating stories. Follow Julie on twitter @JulieSpira and like her at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
Our friends at OkCupid have announced OkCupid Locals, a mobile dating app on iOS and Android to help you meet compatible singles more quickly than ever.
With OkCupid locals, you’ll find a blend of a Twitter-like broadcast feature, FourSquare location based feature, and data from the online dating site’s 8-million members.
From connecting at a sports bar to meeting up at a happy hour, simply broadcast your dating intentions and the digital genie will grant your wish with a list of compatible matches closeby.
A service like this will help avoid the weeks and weeks of emailing back-and-forth that many online dating site members feel frustrated with.
There’s no reason to stay dateless in your city anymore.
Are using mobile dating applications or location-based services to meet other singles? Comments and thoughts are always welcome and if you get a moment, follow me @JulieSpira on Twitter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert
Julie Spira is an online dating expert and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice and to learn how to create an irresistible online dating profile.
Looking for love online this summer? We’re thrilled to announce the Cyber-Dating Expert Summer Love promotion where we’ve teamed up with Match to provide one lucky winner with a signature Irresistible Dating Profile from online dating expert Julie Spira, along with a 3-month free membership to Match.com.
To participate in the contest, participants are requested to LIKE the Cyber-Dating Expert facebook page at facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and post their funniest or worst dating story ever on the facebook wall.
Five additional winners will be selected and will receive an autographed copy of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Think about your funniest Internet date and share it with us on Facebook for your chance to win.
*Contestants must be 18 years of age or older and reside in the United States. No profanity will be accepted and inappropriate wall posts will be removed with the contestant disqualified. The contest starts on June 20, 2011 and ends on July 3, 2011. Winners will be selected by Cyber-Dating Expert, LLC. and announced on July 5, 2011 on Facebook and Twitter.
In this week’s Where’s Julie column, I’m happy to say that I’m home curled up by the fire busy confirming Valentine’s appearances for the next two weeks. However, in between snowstorms, I had the opportunity to spend a few days in New York City, where I appeared on NBC News to talk about my new book, The Rules of Netiquette: How to Mind Your Manners on the Web. The segment was called Netiquette: Minding Your Virtual Manners. I hope you can take a moment to view the video. Comments are always welcome. Even Pope Benedict embraced netiquette for social networking last week.
The Rules of Netiquette was originally the title of a chapter in my first book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online, inspired in part when an ex-fiance ended the engagement via email. Yes, that was a netiquette no-no.
While in New York, I had the chance to sip cappuccino with She Knows columnist and author, Jamie Beckman, whose book is featured this month in the Cyber-Dating Expert Reading Room. I also met with the GenConnect group to go over the final details of my Valentine’s live chat scheduled for February 3, 2011 at 3:30pm/Pacific time. The subject will be “For Lovers and Lovers in Waiting.” I’ll be posting details on how you can participate in the live chat on Monday, so get your relationship questions ready.
On Friday, our friends at eHarmony posted my article 5 Reasons She Won’t Call You Back on their site and sent it out to 5 million people on their eHarmony Advice newsletter. The last I looked, there were 76 comments so feel free to chime in. Needless to say, I’ve been busy working on irresistible profiles throughout the weekend for those looking for love online or at least a date before Valentine’s.
Valentine’s is around the corner, and I’ve gone on record as saying, “Valentine’s to a woman is like the Super Bowl to men.” With that in mind, we’ll be posting several articles to help you leading up to Valentine’s Day, regardless of your love stage. For now, take a look at my recent post, Valentine’s Etiquette: Dos and Don’ts for Your Valentine.
Stay tuned for my Valentine’s special offer for Irresistible Profiles for a limited time on February 1st – 6th. I’ll also be posting some special free offers from some of the online dating sites next week which are worth signing up for which will appear in the Weekly Flirt.
New Year’s resolutions are still a hot topic during the first week of the year. Whether to make them, keep them, or revise them, when it comes to relationship resolutions, they should be at the top of your list.
In a recent article on Woman’s Day, I was interviewed on ways to help you and your partner have a better 2011. If you’re in a relationship, this article is for you. If you’re single and a member of an online dating site, you will benefit from these 7 resolutions while on the dating scene.
Be more understanding of your partner’s faults.
So, you’d like to switch off that nagging gene and let the little things slide (such as socks on the floor)? Good idea! “No man wants a partner who nags him, and no woman wants to be that type of woman,” says Julie Spira, dating/romance coach and author ofThe Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.
How to make it stick: Every time you’re about to let loose with a “You always/You never [fill in the blank],” stop yourself and ask, is it worth the argument? Instead, sit down with your partner and make a list of things that you’ll agree to nudge each other about, like paying bills on time or getting the car inspected, and agree to let the rest go.
Find Happiness Outside Your Relationship.
Sure, you want to lean on your lover when times are tough, but when you’re too needy, it can be a turnoff. “We’re all more appealing when we have our own lives and are confident and feeling good about ourselves,” says Spira.
How to make it stick: Think of things that used to make you happy that you don’t do as much anymore, such as taking art lessons, practicing piano or even just seeing movies your partner doesn’t enjoy—and do them. Make dates with your girlfriends, join the softball team at work, whatever. “Live your life as though it’s not wrapped around his,” suggests Spira. Having interests and experiences that have nothing to do with each other means you have more to bring to the relationship
Other resolutions include increase gratitude for your partner; be a better listener, show more interest in your partner’s life work and interests; and institute a date night.
For the full article and how to make your resolutions stick, visit Woman’s Day