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6 Online Dating Mistakes You Must Avoid

onlinedatinglogo 150x150Recently on MensFitness.com, I was asked to chime in on some of the huge mistakes both men and women were making in their online dating profiles. As an online dating expert and one who has studied the industry since its infancy, the list could have easily jumped to 50 items. Meredith Bodgas selected her top 10 favorites for the story, 10 Little Ways to Kill Your Online Dating Game. We were glad to contribute to the story.

1. DON’T include a laundry list of turnoffs in your profile.
No one wants to date a guy who’s too judgmental.  Instead, mention the traits you do want in a girlfriend. You’ll seem way less negative.

2. DON’T Say you want a “drama-free” woman.
It’s a cliché that will not only turn a woman off, but it sends the message that you’ve got excess baggage regarding your ex. Most women will realize you have unresolved issues from past relationships and probably take a pass. Instead, stick to naming the positive qualities you seek in a mate or a date.

3.  DON’T Mention sex in your profile.
Include that, and the ladies may think that you’re looking for a hook up. Worried you’ll wind up with a prude? Don’t. Women know that intimacy’s part of the package if the relationship moves forward.

4. DON’T Start IMing right away.
Many women don’t like receiving IMs from men whose profiles they haven’t read yet. So start the dialogue with an e-mail to give her a chance to check out your details. And hold off on IMing until you’ve exchanged a few e-mails. It’s a digital courtship and you need to know the rules to play the game and win.

5. DON’T Tell a woman she’s hot.
Focusing on the physical makes a woman feel you’re not interested in getting to know the real her. Mention something else you admired about her profile if you want your email to be taken seriously.

6. DON’T Wait too long to ask her out.
I believe you should take your relationship from online to offline after a few e-mails,  otherwise, you’ll end up with a digital pen-pal, which isn’t quite the point of online dating. If there’s chemistry after one phone chat, set a date to meet in person.

Full Story on Men’s Fitness

Do you have an online dating story to share? Share your Success Stories to be featured in our Cyber Love Story of the Week and let us know about your bad dates in our Peril of the Week.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. She creates Irresistible Profiles for singles on the dating scene. For more dating advice, sign up for our Weekly Flirt newsletter, follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert.

 

To Text, or Not to Text – Crazy Dating Texts That Went Viral

guytextmessaging 201x300Dating and humor. It can be a winning combination for those looking for love online, and lethal for those who suffer from a texting anxiety complex.

First we saw the single girl with the cat video which spread across the Internet. We laughed, we shared it, and we really didn’t want to be that girl.

Then we found out about Ashton Kutcher’s online dating video, which was a spoof.

Most of us remember spreadsheet guy, who was totally embarrassed that his date and her friends leaked his private excel spreadsheet with comments about each date to the media.

But the saddest of them all are those who suffer from the crazy texting syndrome. Both men and women are not immune from this new epidemic.

A few stories have been spreading online with screen shots of text messages that will make you cringe. Yes, both men and women get obsessed with sending breakup texts or ones begging their dates to see them again.

Those desperate to love and be loved sometimes can’t always control their digital fingers. They call, they text, they email, they beg, become control freaks, breakup, and in the end they make complete fools of themselves for the rest of the world to see. Even if he or she might be interested in a second date or reconciliation, this behavior chases them away in a New York minute.

Gawker reported on the Fedora Lawyer guy in New York who went to the movies to see The Avengers with a movie date who needed to keep the upper digital hand. His date wasn’t that into him, but she behaved properly on the date, didn’t insult him and let him know she had a nice time, but he wasn’t for her. This is more typical than not, as most singles don’t get to a second date.

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The Fedora was described as passive-aggressive. He decided to rate his date a 5.5 out of 10 and put her down saying it was her loss.

A few months ago, BuzzFeed shared the story of the girl who slept with the guy on a first date. She subsequently sent over 50 messages in 3 days, both begging him to see her and getting angry with him. All they had was one date. Now she has a permanent digital footprint on the Internet of a drama she probably wished she hadn’t been a participant on.

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The point is that we all want to feel love and be loved so badly, that sometimes we act in desperate ways to connect which results in sabotaging any potential with your new crush. Sure we can make fun of these stories. When I wrote The Perils of Cyber-Dating, I wanted to share some humor about my own personal stories that I believed others could relate to. But there comes a time where you need to take the high road, hold your head up and have some dignity and just walk away when it’s over.

Dating is a numbers game. Instant chemistry is rare. When you find it, don’t take it for granted. Don’t play texting games or try to manipulate someone to like you or see you again if the feelings aren’t mutual. Let the relationship move at a healthy course and keep the communications open. If someone politely says they’re busy and can’t get together again, don’t let it become an interrogation or deposition. You don’t want to go down in history as being that crazy guy or girl that no one will want to go out with again.

At the end of the digital day, think before you text. Anything you send digitally can and will be shared. There’s always someone else who will find you to be an incredible addition to his or her life. Sometimes the best things in life are worth waiting for.

Don’t Become a Digital Dating Fool while Dating in a Web 2.0 World.

Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and cyber-relations expert. She’s the author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating and The Rules of Netiquette. Connect with Julie on Facebook and Twitter. Join in the conversation on the pages for The Rules of Netiquette and Cyber-Dating Expert and share your online dating stories.

Cyber Love Links – Links to Love, When You’re in the Mood for Love

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As April is winding down, there’s no shortage of Spring Fever in the air. My inbox is filled with emails from happy online daters, so without further digital adieu, here are some of our favorite articles from the web and on Twitter this week.

First up, our moment of gratitude.  Thank our pal Sofi at Yahoo! Shine who included us in her article, Controversial Miss Travel dating site proves there’s no such thing as a free trip. Thank you as well to FOX News in Charlotte for the wonderful interview on online dating safety. We’ll post a link next week.

Over at CNN, Brenna Ehrlich and Andrea Bartz shared some of their favorite online dating sites in Three Niche Dating Sites for Targeted Romance. Their list included SingleFitPeople.com, TasteBuds.com for music enthusiasts and Tawkify, based on Klout scores for social media powerhouses, which we featured last week. On Huffington Post, I featured a story called, Puppy Love: New Online Dating Sites for Dogs. Shouldn’t your puppy find love on the Internet? One out of ten pets do have a Facebook profile. Are you in that percentage?

On Singles Warehouse, our friend Laurel House (@QuickieChick) gave her opinion on who should pay for a first date. Laurel believes in chivalry with the gentleman picking up the tab. What do you think? At Tecca, they posted Geeky Tales: 10  techie marriage proposals that worked. Our favorite pick was Digg employee Matt Van Horn’s “Proposal 2.0 Marry Me Leslie.” Of course, she said yes!

Our friends at YourTango are in the middle of their Online Dating Bootcamp. Our three best online dating tips are scheduled to post on April 29th. Our favorite tip this week was from Janet Ong, 10 Dos and Dont’s Before Meeting Mr. Online In Person.

As always, we wish you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam.

For more online dating advice, sign up for our Weekly Flirt newsletter and like us at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert


Julie Spira is the leading online dating and cyber-relations expert. She’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online

Peril of the Week – The Shark in the Dating Pool

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I received an email on Facebook from a former radio colleague of mine telling me that he was getting divorced at 60. He was petrified about dating after being married for 25 years.  He bought my book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating and joined a boomer online dating site.

Within a week, he submitted his first story for The Peril of the Week.

“I was just putting my toe in the dating water when I met a woman who had already gone off the deep end. “Rita” had a profile that reflected that she was smart, sassy, and had movie star looks. She messaged me about getting together for a glass of wine, and I said to myself “self, why not?” First bad sign for someone like me looking for honesty and trust in a relationship – she arrived looking much older than her picture, which was a glamour shot taken 15 years ago. The years had not been that kind to Rita, with a big weight gain and much sadder eyes.

By her 3rd glass of wine, Rita was getting very loud and in full party mode. By her 5th, she was talking about how great a lover she was, in graphic detail. After her 6th glass, I was able to pry her away from the bar and out to her car. Rita proceeded to pounce, with aggressive kisses and that extra hand women always complain about men having that seems to go right for the privates. I decided I really didn’t want my privates to go public with this woman.

I guess I have matured a little bit since the hormone raging days where I would have hit on her in a second (and probably lasted that long, too). I followed Rita home to make sure she was able to drive OK, and took off, telling her I just wasn’t ready to get intimate with anyone again. I don’t mean to make light of anyone with a drinking problem, but I have decided that coffee dates are better first dates than wine dates. Coffee opens your eyes to what she’s like, while drinking clouds your feelings and potentially your judgment. Note to self: Self, if you are not ready to swim, don’t dive into the deep end of the dating pool.”

The Peril of the Week was contributed by Suddenly Single at 60. Photo credit: Fotolia.

Do you have a dating disaster story to share?

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Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert and the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice and share your online dating stories. Follow Julie on twitter @JulieSpira and like her at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

Dating Advice – Would You Move For Love?

honestybestpolicy 150x150There’s no doubt about it, that online dating allows you to cast a very wide net. You can easily change your zip code to a new city when you’re traveling to meet single men or women to find love online in another city. (Yes, I’ve done this myself).

If you’ve just moved and are the new face in town, chances are you don’t have a social network to rely on. This is where Internet dating can become your best digital friend.

Take for example, our Cyber Love Story couple, Sophie and Greg who met on JDate. Sophie was from Paris. Greg resided in Los Angeles. After 5-months of corresponding online, the two met. They had a whirlwind romance and were married in eight months. Sophie happily relocated to Los Angeles.

On Catholic Match, success couple John and Krystina didn’t let distance get in the way. John had just relocated to Michigan. He had hoped to meet someone close to home, but fell in love with Krystina, who resided in Massachusetts. Eighteen months later, the couple became engaged.

Recently, I was interviewed for an article on Match.com for dating advice magazine, Happen. In the article, Love: Make Your Move on how to find love online and offline when you move to a new city, I provided some tips for those who are willing to widen their search or have just relocated to a new city.

Online Dating Profile Makeover tips

“You should overhaul your online dating profile every few months. This is especially the case when you’re moving to a new city. Add some recent photos and start your ‘About Me’ section with something like, “I’ve just relocated from Chicago and am new in town.”

Offline Dating Strategy

Don’t forget your off-line strategies, says Julie Spira (www.cyberdatingexpert.com), a Los Angeles author, blogger and public speaker. “Introduce yourself to your neighbors and let them know that you’re single,” she suggests. “Find clubs and activities that match your interests and join them.”

Would you move for love? Are you presently in a long-distance relationship with someone you met online?

Your comments are welcome and if you get a moment, follow me on Twitter @JulieSpira and at Facebook.com/JulieSpira 

Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert and coach. She creates irresistible online dating profiles for singles on the dating scene and is the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice and to share your online dating stories.

Cyber Love Story – Elizabeth and Josh

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Cyber Love Story of the Week - Elizabeth and Joshua

I often say that the best things in life are worth waiting for and that you need to be proactive about finding love, both online and offline.

In a heartwarming story, our friends at Match.com have just announced that brunette beauty Elizabeth Kitt, one of the hopefuls in The Bachelor, found love on their online dating site, after her two unsuccessful attempts on national television.

After having her heart broken in both The Bachelor and The Bachelor Pad, Elizabeth found herself alone in her apartment in Los Angeles. She finally decided to take matters into her own digital hands and signed up for a 6-month membership to Match.

“Starting off on Match.com was an immediate thrill,” said Elizabeth. She added,  “I decided to have fun with it and not take each date too seriously. When I got a message from someone who seemed interesting, I immediately set up a time to meet. I went on tons of dates in those 6 months!”

Towards the end of her 6-month subscription, Elizabeth received a message from a guy named Joshua that read, “In case you missed the first one.”  The note jumped out at her because she had, in fact, missed the first message.  After reading his online dating profile and looking at his photos, she sent him a message,  “Let’s meet up! Just tell me when and where, and I’ll be there.”

Elizabeth enjoyed her first date conversation with Joshua.  At the end of the date he asked her how he could get a second date with her. She paused for a minute and asked him, “Well, how many dates have you been on from Match.com?” To her, surprise he told her that she was his very first online date.

When Elizabeth got home, she sent him a text with her dating advice that said, “You will get your second date with me as soon as you have gone on 5 first dates from Match.com. Joshua was up for the challenge and kept Elizabeth posted on the progress of each date.

Both Elizabeth and Joshua continued to date others, but realized after the 5-date challenge that they wanted to be together and had found their soul mates.

Congratulations to Elizabeth and Joshua, our Cyber Love Story of the Week who put their new relationship to the test and won with flying colors.

Do you have an online dating story to share?

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Julie Spira is a leading online dating expert and the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice and to share your online dating stories. Follow Julie on twitter @JulieSpira and like her at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert

Digital Dating – Tips for Long-Distance Love

computerheart 150x121Thinking about expanding your zip code or dusting off your passport while looking for love online? I can tell you from first-hand experience that you need to cast a wide net and brush up on your technology skills.  Mobile phone use and high speed Internet makes it so much easier than in the pre-Internet days where you spent a fortune in long-distance bills and time buying Hallmark cards. Now, a cute e-card, Skype, twitter, and facebook along with your smartphone should keep you digitally connected and happily-in-love.

In a recent interview in the Times-Union, A Modern Twist on Long-Distance Love, I talked about the use of Skype and texting to keep you connected to your loved ones.

Julie Spira, author of “The Perils of Cyber Dating,” says many people look at technology to enhance relationships. Whether you use Skype, iChat or text, technology makes it virtually impossible to be disconnected from the world.

Spira said people must still invest in the relationship, and that relationships held together over distance are big commitments.

Spira advises women to even put on that cute dress and lipstick, the same as they would do face to face.

But Spira cautions that relationships starting out as long distance have a longer honeymoon stage. “Sometimes long-distance relationships give the false illusion you are in a long-distance relationship, but it is a vacation relationship,” Spira said. “Time is so concentrated you only know vacation mode; it is a romantic fantasy.”

Spira said in vacation relationships, you often only see each other for a short period of time, so you usually stay at nice hotels, eat at expensive restaurants and leave the real world behind.

“You don’t talk about issues real couples face, like talking about paying bills and mold in the house,” Spira said. “Vacation couples often have trouble making the transition into real relationships when they move to the same city or household.”

If you feel you’re in a vacation relationship, Spira said to incorporate regular life into the relationship, find boundaries and how to manage them.

“Try and focus on reality and not just romance.”

Are you involved in a long-distance relationship? Are you using video chat on facebook or skype as part of your digital dating regime? Your comments are always welcome and if you get a moment, follow me for dating advice on Twitter @JulieSpira, on facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert and on Google+.

 

First Date Conversations – To Tell, or Not to Tell

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I’m a believer in authenticity when it comes to dating. That means I believe you should tell your correct age, post recent photos, and be recognizable when you meet your date in person.

I also believe you should ration your information flow early on, so I find it disheartening to see dates with promise quickly end with no chance of a second date ever being put on the calendar.

Where am I going with this? Quite simply, you need to be prepared for your date. Before you leave the house, think about what you should and what you shouldn’t talk about. Think about what you’d tell a perspective boss to land your dream job, and what personal information shouldn’t make it to the interview. So without further digital ado, here are some dating tips and conversation topics to tell, and those that should quietly go to sleep with you at night alone.

1st Date Conversation Deal-Breakers Include:

  • The ex-factor – Too much talk about your relationship history.
  • The crazy ex-factor – Yes, every ex-wife or husband and ex-girlfriend or boyfriend were crazy. Can you elaborate? Please don’t.
  • Your divorce – Leave that to the attorneys. Your date isn’t your legal counsel.
  • Your therapist – We won’t give you sympathy on a first date, so leave your emotional problems for your next shrink session.
Conversation Starters Include:
  • How proud you are of your children. Don’t hide them from us. If you’re a great parent, we’d like to know.
  • Where you grew up and who inspired you.
  • Favorite vacation spots and cuisine.
  • Favorite musical acts or concerts you’ve seen or books you’ve read.
Now that you have the short list, I’ll share with you some details about a couple who met on a popular online dating site. Their first date fizzled out fast and made it to the Peril of the Week.

For starters upon meeting, the gentleman proceeded to tell the lady she didn’t look like her photos at all. While that’s a common problem and one of the biggest fears a man has when he’s making a dinner reservation for a blind date, it quite simply wasn’t the case. Her photos posted to her online dating profile were recent and every other man she dated in the past few months had remarked about how much she looked exactly like her photos. Some even said she looked better than her pictures.

This gentleman justified his comment and proceeded to tell her that he was formerly a professional photographer. He was an expert and he was quite certain that she didn’t look like her photos. He then proceeded to say that she was extremely photogenic, but in real life looked very plain. Are you laughing yet? He insulted an attractive woman who he was actually interested in by telling her she was plain.Flattery does go far, s0 why tell a woman on a first date that she looked like a plain Jane? It was simply insulting. Isn’t it better to say nothing and just enjoy the conversation?

Then he started the nervous interrogation about her previous marriage by saying,  “So who ended your marriage? You, or your husband?” Did it matter? No. She had been divorced for almost 10-years. It was old news and not first date conversation material. All that mattered was that her divorce was final and she was available to date. Her reply, with my coaching was “I don’t recall.”

Then he went down memory lane about his past and told her how he did LSD at Woodstock in 1969. Did she really need to know about his drug habit from 40 years ago? No, not really. Was he putting his best foot forward? Not at all.

Finally, he told her how crazy his ex-wife was and that she was bi-polar. As he started to talk about her manic-depression episodes, fortunately the alarm went off on her BlackBerry to let her know that the 2-hours in the parking meter had run out. She had 5 minutes to leave in order to avoid getting a parking ticket.

She gracefully thanked him for dinner and received a text message the next day telling her he had a great time and wanted to get together again. Remember, it’s a first date, not a therapy session. You may be nervous. After a few drinks, you might feel comfortable revealing all, but you’re making a first impression on someone you might spend the rest of your life with. If you think you shouldn’t tell a prospective boss about your days of doing LSD and bi-polar spouse to land your dream job, then you shouldn’t do the same with a woman or man you’re interested in dating.

Can you relate to this dating dilemma? Comments are welcome and we’d love it if you’d like us at facebook.com/cyberdatingexpert and at twitter.com/juliespira

Julie Spira is the bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice and to learn how to create an irresistible online dating profile.

Online Dating – Is Honesty the Best Policy?

honestybestpolicy 150x150I recently attended a swanky party in Beverly Hills and met a lovely single woman who said she had to talk to me about her online dating profile. Naturally, I was ready to hear what her secret was.

She boasted about how she had written the most creative and best profile of anyone on Match.com. She went into great details about how she listed everything that was unacceptable in a man and that if he had any of these personality traits, they shouldn’t bother writing to her.

After listening to her enthusiasm about a profile filled with negativity, I asked the million dollar question, “Did you lie about your age?” Her response was an immediate yes. She claimed, as many singles do, that she looked so much younger than her real age and took six years off her age to fit into a search. When I asked her how long she had been looking for love online, she responded that she hadn’t been in a relationship for six years.

Obviously her personal digital marketing plan wasn’t working. She had never been married and was almost 60 years old. She agreed to a critique and was ready for some dating tips.

Sure, she went to one of the top dermatologists in town. Sure, she wore designer labels and dressed to impress the women who would recognize them. At the end of the day, she was inauthentic and still single.

I offered to critique her profile and made some subtle changes. She listed her dream life, one where she wanted a man to financially support her and proudly claimed she was high maintenance. It wasn’t the life she was living yet, and her inbox wasn’t filled with male suitors ready to sign up. She stated in her first sentence that she was great looking. Men are visual. They will decide upon viewing your profile photo if they are attracted to you or not. Stating it in the first sentence appeared conceited to most men who viewed her photo and most of them moved on.

I share these true stories with you because authenticity is sexy. Being authentic translates to being confident and happy. Where you are now is just fine. Keep your dreams, but portray yourself in your profile as approachable, realistic and human. I encourage all of you who feel you need to lie in your profile about your age, weight, or financial status to toss that belief out the digital window. You are just perfect, the way you are. It’s time for some truth-in-advertising and for you to really find love online.

Julie Spira is an online dating expert and author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com. Like her at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert for dating advice and follow her at Twitter.com/JulieSpira

Dating with Discounts – Dating Dos and Don’ts

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Groupon, Living Social, and a myriad of deal-of the day sites have sprouted up like wild-fire. It’s too tempting not to look at a deal in your city. So what’s a dater to do when the options are presented to him, but he wants to make a good first impression when he meets his online date?

I was asked a series of questions on the subject in relation to the New York Post article, Discount Dating, and as a coupon-cutter myself, have some strong thoughts on dating with discounts. If you follow these rules of netiquette for dating in a web 2.0 world, you’ll be on your way to a second or third date.

1. Should you tell your date if you’re using a discount? Or should you keep the Groupon in your pocket a secret? Why or why not?

If you’re meeting someone for the first time, bragging about your two-for-one discount won’t make you look good. She’ll think your entire courtship will be done on frequent flyer miles. It’s best to just hand the coupon to the server when you place your order. Your date will notice and will appreciate your tact and desire to impress her while staying on a budget.

2. If you do tell your date, when should you let them know? Before the date or during the date?

If your discount-dating offer is for a very specific menu item or activity, you’ll need to share that with your date at the time you sit down to order or meet. There’s no point in saying in advance, “I’d love to have a date with you and I’ll be using a discount coupon.” You’ll run the risk of her turning you down as your frugal ways won’t be filled with sex-appeal.

3. If you feel using discounts on a date is tacky, should you speak up? Or suffer in silence?

There’s nothing wrong with using discounts on a date as long as they aren’t the focus of your conversation. Saying, “Hey baby, do you want to go on a discount date with me?” or “I’ve got this great coupon” won’t impress her if you’re on a first or second date. If you’ve been dating for a while, you should feel comfortable in suggesting an outing that involves a discounted item or Groupon offering. Dating can be expensive and if you’re looking to impress your date, going for more than coffee may result in you getting a second date with the object of your affection.

4. What type of discount is best to use (a discount for an unusual activity like rockclimbing or shooting range lessons — or a more traditional date like 50% off dinner?)

Activity discounts are never looked down upon as cheap. The tricky part is grabbing your discount during a limited time period while hoping that your date will want to go rock climbing or white water rafting.  There is something unique about activity dates where a woman will look the other way when the coupon is presented.

5. Is using Groupon OK for a first or second date?

Using Groupon on a first date for dining is just a step above asking someone to split an appetizer when you thought you were meeting for a full meal on your date. It can be awkward with someone you have just met.

You have a split-second to make a bad impression on a first date. I recommend saving the Groupon or deal-of-the-day offer for future dates once you’re more comfortable with each other. The only way Groupon is acceptable on a first date is when you go to a restaurant with a pre-paid purchase towards your meal. If you buy $50 worth of food at a great restaurant for $25 and it goes towards your total meal value, it’s no different than using a gift card that you might have received as a present. It’s best to downplay the use of Groupon or a deal-of-the-day coupon in front of your date early on in the relationship. If you’re worried you might make a bad impression by using Groupon or a deal-of-the day discount, or your deal requires that your date order a specific entrée, save your deal for future dates when you’ve gotten to know her better, or use your offer on your Guys’ Night Out.

6. What about using a  Groupon discount for all of your first three or four dates with someone?

Using a Groupon type service on all of your first few dates will backfire on you. She may be the Coupon Queen at the grocery store, but dating a Coupon King just isn’t very sexy. He’ll come across as cheap instead of someone who’s smart about money.

7. Are there different do’s and don’t for men and women regarding these discounts? IS it OK for women to suggest using the discount?

There are so many stereotypes as it relates to dating and digital dating has it’s own set of rules. Women who use coupons are looked upon favorably by men.  A guy will think she’ll be considerate about how to spend his money and that dating her won’t break his bank. Unfortunately, the opposite is true as it relates to men. A woman will look at a discount guy as cheap early on in the relationship. It’s best for a man not to suggest a discount on a first or second date. Bragging about his recent Groupon acquisitions just isn’t sexy to a woman.

8. Who should pay (man or woman) if a discount is used? The person who does the asking? The person who finds the coupon? Should it be split if the coupon is giving you 50% off?

Generally, men pay on the first date and most dates with or without a coupon. If the woman has purchased a Groupon or deal-of-the day coupon, it’s her way of offering to pay or at least contribute the value of the coupon towards the meal. Asking to split the cost of the Groupon or coupon is like asking someone to go Dutch treat. It’s a netiquette no-no.

8. Any other do’s and don’ts you advise when it comes to discount dating?

Discount Dating Do’s:

Do let your guy take the lead. If he suggests a discount dating event, feel free to suggest one for a future date.

Do expect to pay for your deal-of-the day or Groupon meal or activity if you purchased it on your own. Asking to be reimbursed is a netiquette no-no.

Do find plays or activities of interest to you and your date using deal-of-the-day or Groupon type specials.

Do downplay your Groupon or discount if it comes up while submitting it to the server. Make your date think she’s worth every moment and every cent.

Discount Dating Don’ts:

Don’t make every date a discount date. Select a restaurant or venue within your budget and vary it up.

Don’t make the subject of discount dating at the top of your list. It goes hand-in-hand with talking about your ex, and that breaks the rules of netiquette for dating.

Don’t take inventory of all of your Groupon purchases while on a date. Even at 50% off, it can add up and you’ll appear to have a spending problem.

Don’t complain to your date that they are cheap if they are using a discount dating offer. Dating can be expensive and if he wants to take you somewhere other than a coffee shop, appreciate his efforts to impress you and act like a lady.

Are you using discount coupons while dating? We’d like to hear your thoughts and comments.

Julie Spira is an online dating, social media, and netiquette expert. She’s the bestselling author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and The Rules of Netiquette: How to Mind Your Manners on the Web.  Follow her on Twitter @JulieSpira. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com. Like her at Facebook.com/cyberdatingexpert

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